Good gift baskets make good neighbors
March 18, 2022 5:40 AM
Help me craft the best new-neighbor gift basket (degree of difficulty: I'm an idiot)
What are some nice items to put in a gift basket to say, "Hi, new neighbors that we don't know well, but really like! "Remember That VERY Dumb Thing I did yesterday? That Thing that happened because, well, people are people, and something we do really dumb things? I know you said it's fine, and with utter class and grace, calmed my anxiety and assured us that all is well, and generally showed what an awesome person you are (and how lucky we are that you're our neighbors). YOU ARE AMAZING. Truly. But we remain filled with remorse at the dumbness of The Thing and want to express our gratitude at your awesomeness."
These classy, nice, liberal neighbors are in their 60's, retired, like gardening and travel, no pets or kids at home, and are not drinkers/foodies, in a decent-sized midwestern US city. We don't know much more about them yet. What are some useful, yet unexpected/delightful things that can fill a gift basket to say how much we appreciate and value them?
What are some nice items to put in a gift basket to say, "Hi, new neighbors that we don't know well, but really like! "Remember That VERY Dumb Thing I did yesterday? That Thing that happened because, well, people are people, and something we do really dumb things? I know you said it's fine, and with utter class and grace, calmed my anxiety and assured us that all is well, and generally showed what an awesome person you are (and how lucky we are that you're our neighbors). YOU ARE AMAZING. Truly. But we remain filled with remorse at the dumbness of The Thing and want to express our gratitude at your awesomeness."
These classy, nice, liberal neighbors are in their 60's, retired, like gardening and travel, no pets or kids at home, and are not drinkers/foodies, in a decent-sized midwestern US city. We don't know much more about them yet. What are some useful, yet unexpected/delightful things that can fill a gift basket to say how much we appreciate and value them?
Items don't say things, words say things. If they've already handled you doing something really bad to them with grace and class, please don't put them in a position where they now have to thank you for reminding them of the dumb thing you did.
Send them a letter and actually express those sentiments in your own words. But don't focus on how the thing you did was just dumb because sometimes people do dumb things, because you seem to be absolving yourself of responsibility, and that's not really something you get to do if you harmed them.
Also, if your dumb thing caused property damage, pay to have it fixed promptly and without complaint.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:10 AM on March 18, 2022
Send them a letter and actually express those sentiments in your own words. But don't focus on how the thing you did was just dumb because sometimes people do dumb things, because you seem to be absolving yourself of responsibility, and that's not really something you get to do if you harmed them.
Also, if your dumb thing caused property damage, pay to have it fixed promptly and without complaint.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:10 AM on March 18, 2022
I would say a nice house plant with a personal message. I wouldn't do anything more elaborate and just keep the message short and sweet. The best "gift" is to just be a good neighbor.
posted by jraz at 6:13 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by jraz at 6:13 AM on March 18, 2022
If you are the sort of person who bakes things, nothing says “I put some personal effort into doing a nice thing for you” like a batch of cookies or muffins or whatever you make well. But only if that’s the sort of thing you do, and only if you have no reason to expect dietary limitations. (Not foodies, you said, but still everyone eats something.)
posted by LizardBreath at 6:18 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by LizardBreath at 6:18 AM on March 18, 2022
Without the details on the mistake, it's hard to know what might be appropriate to do with these neighbors. But if you have apologized and they seem to have let the issue go and there is nothing monetary to compensate, I would just leave it and them alone. I think overdoing it with gifts and notes could alienate if you've gotten off on the wrong foot. (But again, I don't know what happened.)
Just find genuine ways to be friendly (wave, ask how they are settling in etc.) from here on out and hopefully you'll have a nice neighborly relationship.
posted by fies at 6:19 AM on March 18, 2022
Just find genuine ways to be friendly (wave, ask how they are settling in etc.) from here on out and hopefully you'll have a nice neighborly relationship.
posted by fies at 6:19 AM on March 18, 2022
I'm not even a plant person and if a neighbor brought me even a very small plant of goodwill I would be delighted.
posted by phunniemee at 7:53 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by phunniemee at 7:53 AM on March 18, 2022
If you go the plant route, maybe something that is intended to sit on the table and then be thrown out afterwards, like fresh cut, or those hyacinth bulbs in a pot, so they don't feel obligated to plant it in a part of their yard you can see it to show they appreciate it.
Alternatively, maybe just save up your good feelings and make them 4th of July cookies or something later that isn't directly tied to the mistake.
posted by bluesky78987 at 9:37 AM on March 18, 2022
Alternatively, maybe just save up your good feelings and make them 4th of July cookies or something later that isn't directly tied to the mistake.
posted by bluesky78987 at 9:37 AM on March 18, 2022
Yeah overkill on apologies just ends up making people feel super awkward. Sounds like you already apologized profusely enough, so I would just work at continuing to show goodwill as neighbors by not doing the dumb thing again and doing what others above suggested--strategically showing neighborly thoughtfulness by sharing cookies on holidays or offering to shovel their driveway in the winter or offering to take in their mail when they are on vacation or whatever.
posted by greta simone at 9:48 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by greta simone at 9:48 AM on March 18, 2022
it's Spring; a plant that can be enjoyed as is and optionally replanted, like daffodils or tulips.
posted by theora55 at 10:09 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by theora55 at 10:09 AM on March 18, 2022
I would do fresh flowers. Maybe in their own vase if they haven’t unpacked yet. If you’re on a budget, thrift shops always have nice simple vases and you can trim corner store flowers to fit, to make $15 flowers look like $50 flowers.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:58 AM on March 18, 2022
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:58 AM on March 18, 2022
Sounds like the plant/flowers are a goer (I feel like cut flowers put less onus on them to keep something alive?), but just to nth - dial back on the level of apology. It’s super-awkward/tiring to have someone prostrate themselves at your feet in repeated self-recrimination and self-flaggelation for something that honestly hasn’t bothered you much. No massive gift basket and lengthy apology. Give them a small gift with a short thanks for being so understanding and move on, don’t make them manage your feelings. And be kind to yourself! Every single one of us does dumb things.
posted by penguin pie at 1:02 PM on March 18, 2022
posted by penguin pie at 1:02 PM on March 18, 2022
In case this helps, there is a trick for apologetic anxious folks to avoid making others uncomfortable and it also helps damp down your own anxiety. Make it about them and thank them for their help and/or kindness, instead of making it about you and apologizing. You have to make a bit of a mindset shift to make it sincere and something they will feel good hearing, though, not just "thank you so much for not minding how worthlessly dumb I am". What are you trying to get across to them / what do you want them to think of you in response?
I say this so vaguely because I can't tell if you did something like drive your car through their garage door or cut down a tree that fell on their house (apology letter + money, specific relevant help), or like assuming the mom is a stay at home parent or saying something else inconsiderate or giving charcuterie to a vegetarian (just be extra kind/thoughtful and learn what you can to not make the mistake again, maybe send a culturally thoughtful gift to show acceptance and interest in doing better), or like trying to climb their fence to retrieve your runaway cat instead of ringing the bell (just be extra kind and work on being more open to ask for help).
posted by Lady Li at 3:41 PM on March 18, 2022
I say this so vaguely because I can't tell if you did something like drive your car through their garage door or cut down a tree that fell on their house (apology letter + money, specific relevant help), or like assuming the mom is a stay at home parent or saying something else inconsiderate or giving charcuterie to a vegetarian (just be extra kind/thoughtful and learn what you can to not make the mistake again, maybe send a culturally thoughtful gift to show acceptance and interest in doing better), or like trying to climb their fence to retrieve your runaway cat instead of ringing the bell (just be extra kind and work on being more open to ask for help).
posted by Lady Li at 3:41 PM on March 18, 2022
"I know you said it's fine.... But..."
The best thing you can do for people you respect is to take them at their word, and not put them in a position where they need to soothe your anxiety on top of forgiving whatever the original offense was.
posted by headnsouth at 4:08 PM on March 18, 2022
The best thing you can do for people you respect is to take them at their word, and not put them in a position where they need to soothe your anxiety on top of forgiving whatever the original offense was.
posted by headnsouth at 4:08 PM on March 18, 2022
Lady Li's comment reminded me of this excellent webpage showing "If You Want to say, "Thank you", don't say "Sorry".
"Thank you" focus on the good things that the other person that you appreciate, "Sorry" makes it all about you and focuses on the negative. If you decide that you still want to do something, make sure you are saying "thank you".
posted by metahawk at 12:10 AM on March 19, 2022
"Thank you" focus on the good things that the other person that you appreciate, "Sorry" makes it all about you and focuses on the negative. If you decide that you still want to do something, make sure you are saying "thank you".
posted by metahawk at 12:10 AM on March 19, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by rd45 at 5:58 AM on March 18, 2022