Lookin' that gift horse in the mouth....

August 14, 2008 8:43 PM

Crouching Homeowner, Hidden Giftgiver: What do I do (and what would you do?) about an unknown person who continues to leave free items in my front garden after I've asked them not to? Tantalizing Details Inside!

So MeFis,

This is an odd one. About once a month I would come home and find 'free' items in my front garden of my cute little home. Occasionally I would move these items in front of the neighbor's apartment building, but stopped, because it occured to me the individuals doing this might not live there, and I was passing the buck, or the bagel, as it were.

So, I began throwing them out, because at times no one would take the items - particularly the food. A few days ago I left a very polite note asking them not to leave items on my garden, and stating I'd be happy to talk with them about it.

The next day when I came home, the note was gone. The next day, there were shoes, paper and a backpack. Today, a bag with something in it, though I don't know what because I just tossed it out.

I know nothing about this person/people, except from the lovely handwriting (once a note was left with the items stating that they were free) and the items themselves, the person seems to at least be college age, and probably female.

As an aside, I'm sort of surprised at myself. I thought I'd be pissed, but I'm not. There are other things going on in my life right now that have made me highly sympathetic to unstable and petty people, sort of a recognition that things aren't usually okay between you and the universe when you feel you've got to respond to gentleness with hostility.

I do feel a little disappointed, actually. I'd like to think that my neighborhood is a homey, warm community, and this is just a datapoint against that.

So, MeFi community, I turn to you. What, if anything, is to be done about this? Notes don't seem to work, so what would you do? Another note? Crouch down and wait to spring out on them from behind my pink flowered bush? Just keep tossing til they stop? Love to hear thoughts.

Thanks!.....

Anitanita

posted by anitanita to human relations (23 comments total)

Do you have any reason to believe these items are meant to be gifts for you? Is there some sort of meeting point in front of your house (a bus stop, a post office box) that might make someone think it would be a good place to leave free things for strangers?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:50 PM on August 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

motion sensor sprinklers in your garden.
posted by nadawi at 8:51 PM on August 14, 2008 [5 favorites]

I'd like to think that my neighborhood is a homey, warm community, and this is just a datapoint against that.

I thought I understood your post until about this point. You think they're leaving free things there as an act of hostility? I'm completely puzzled so I figure I've misunderstood something. It sounds to me like they're trying to be nice and can't get it through their head to stop.

Can you clarify what's going on?
posted by Nattie at 8:52 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hi Nattie,

I see your point. I think what I am confused by is why someone would continue to leave items (at a greater rate), after I asked them not to. It seems sort of mean spirited to me.
posted by anitanita at 8:55 PM on August 14, 2008

I just dont see why your being so gruff about it. Sure, if i were just bagels maybe, but this is kinda cool. Leave something else for that "person" and stop being a little irrational about this.
This coincides with your comment,

I'd like to think that my neighborhood is a homey, warm community, and this is just a datapoint against that.

be "homey and warm" back...I wish something like this would happen in the "community" where I am at here. Unless there is a real threat or something that is making you so ugly towards this individual I would recommend lightening up and enjoying this for a but...who knows where these kinda things lead.
posted by TeachTheDead at 8:56 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

nadawi and parmanparman - you made me laugh. Thank you!
posted by anitanita at 8:56 PM on August 14, 2008

I don't quite understand your train of thought here. You say:

I do feel a little disappointed, actually. I'd like to think that my neighborhood is a homey, warm community, and this is just a datapoint against that.

But this kind of weird, quirky stuff is the sort of thing I would expect to find in a homey, warm community. One of the best places I ever lived was a quirky, warm urban neighborhood and it was the kind of place where weird, inexplicable things occasionally happened.
posted by jayder at 8:56 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Nice to the point of being creepy. Generous to the point of being weird.

I'm not sure if I'd be disturbed or just pissed that they ignored my note... I suppose you could hang out one day to see if you could catch them. You could also set up a web cam to snap a photo every minute or so - you might catch them that way and either recognize them or at least be able to tell more about them.

No, scratch all that. You need to go around and systematically talk to your neighbors about the issue. Maybe they know who is doing it. Maybe it's crazy 'ole Glenda from down the way who has done this for years and is harmless. If anything it'll give you a chance to meet your neighbors...
posted by wfrgms at 8:59 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

I guess it depends on whether you think it's possible that the note didn't get there, or if it was insufficiently blunt. Otherwise, I would try leaving them where they are. Assuming someone is leaving them there on purpose, AND that they saw your note, they are either convinced that they're doing you good or trying to mess with your head, and in either event they're imagining your possession of the goods. You ignore it, you interfere. If you can bear to ignore them for a bit, try it.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:59 PM on August 14, 2008

TeachTheDead,

You do have a good point-my intention isn't to be gruff- The concern is the food. The entice mean, healthy size-ish raccoons about at night.
posted by anitanita at 9:00 PM on August 14, 2008

The note explaining the stuff was free implies "free to any taker", which implies the stuff isn't being left specifically for you.

The leaver thinks that the area in front of your home is some sort of communal area. Are you sure it's not municipal property of some sort? If it's not, can make it less open, e.g. by putting some container plants or garden statuary there?
posted by orthogonality at 9:02 PM on August 14, 2008

Ooh - container plants are a good idea orthogonality, as it talkin' to the neighbors, wfrgms. And Clyde Mnestra, you have a good point. Perhaps no response is the best response.
posted by anitanita at 9:05 PM on August 14, 2008

Save all the non-food items until you have enough for a yard sale. Use the proceeds to buy hotdogs, chips, and sodas and have a cookout for everyone in your neighborhood.

Food I would either compost or take to a soup kitchen.
posted by jschu at 9:08 PM on August 14, 2008

Right now the giver has a few data points: you don't like their stuff out there but whenever they place free stuff there, it disappears like magic!

I would talk to the neighbors in a relaxed kind of way, but also simply move the stuff off your garden and onto the front sidewalk and leave it there. In the Bay area (where I live) leaving "Free" stuff is frequent in areas of Oakland and Berkeley, but most people leave it on the front sidewalk where it gets picked up by the trash people after a while. It will also effectively point out to your elf that:

a) You don't want the stuff and you don't want it in your garden
b) No one wants their stuff. It's just sitting there, day after day

I'd also put out a second note. After all, the first might have been mislaid or taken by someone other than your elf. No need to be any less gentle in your note, but I'd be direct and use simple language. There are some very sweet, very generous older ladies in my neighborhood who I could see doing just what your elf is, and they speak very limited english.
posted by arnicae at 9:21 PM on August 14, 2008

Unless the food is appropriately stored, I would not regift it. Who knows how it's been tampered with. I vote for cactus plants in pots around your yard to add a degree of difficulty.
posted by b33j at 9:21 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Set up a webcam to find out who it is.
posted by kenchie at 9:27 PM on August 14, 2008

As a bored teenager my friends (and sometimes I) did a similar thing... we called them "stealth missions". This usually resulted in us leaving plastic knomes, traffic pylons, or other treasures on someone's lawn. We picked our "victims" based on geography - usually a corner lot or ones with lots of shrubs for "cover". At the time it seemed harmless and fun. As an adult I recently ran into one of our "victims" and came clean about everything (we had friends in common and met at a party). Apparently he was concerned/shocked and very relieved to finally have an answer to this mystery. I never considered how strange it was for the people who's lawn decorations we moved and who received our gifts. It was silly I'm-16-just- learned-to-drive-and-am-stuck-in-a-small-ish-town activity. 10 years later all parties involved had a great laugh!! I know if we had been spotted we never would have gone back - consider motion sensor lights or sprinkler. Oh, and consider buying some funny junk that you can leave on your lawn with a sign saying "free". It only seems fair to return the gift.
posted by saradarlin at 9:29 PM on August 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

"I began throwing them out, because at times no one would take the items"
So at one time or sometimes the items go away - sounds again like people this is a drop zone for free stuff.
Why not just put up a yard sign that says "please do not leave things in my yard."
posted by Lesser Shrew at 9:34 PM on August 14, 2008

Before you decide what to do, I think you need to find out who it is. And you already have some good advice on how to do that. I think the webcam would be a great idea, except make it go faster than 1 minute intervals. 1 minute can be a long time if someone is trying to be fast and sneaky.

If it's connected with any sort of legal activity, talk to the police.

If it's kids having some fun, then either get them to stop or tell them to e more creative. That one depends on how well you like who's doing it.

If they're leaving them for you specifically, figure out why and if you still want the stuff set up a time/place that makes the droppings safer.

If they're meant for someone else, then let the person know that they're delivering to the wrong address. If you're feeling really nice, figure out where that right address is so you can tell them where to go.
posted by theichibun at 9:38 PM on August 14, 2008

Did you recently move in? Was the house vacant before? That might explain why someone (or ones) assume it's OK to leave stuff lying around. They may think the house is still vacant.

I moved into an old house (during my school years) and one day as I was settling in, puttering around the yard, on my way into the house. I caught a very upset looking frat boy, getting out of his car, on the way up my walk with a load of laundry in his hands.

My washer and dryer were on a porch that had not been kept locked by the landlord, he was using it as his free laundromat. When he made eye contact with me and came to the realization that someone lived there he made the "oh shit" face and turned right around.

A friend of mine has a lovely, well maintained flower garden along the side walk next to her house. Regularly people will come by and help themselves to flowers. (because apparently if it's growing in the ground, it's free).

Short version? People are jerks. You've been nice already. You are not obligated to continue to be nice.

If you rent the home, consider talking to your property manager about taking some action.

If it were me, I'd take the day off and spend it on the front porch with a couple of good books and confront whoever was doing this. A very simple, strong "what do you think you're doing?" will probably be enough.
posted by device55 at 9:51 PM on August 14, 2008

I would put a small trash can in the garden -- like a kitchen catcher -- and put a sign on it that reads "Please deposit your 'gifts' here; it will save me the trouble."
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 1:11 AM on August 15, 2008

My opinion? Use a webcam to snap pictures of the offending party, go to your local police, and ask for some help aganist this stalker. If you can ID the person by name, you can get a temporary restraining order. I'm sure that a good talking-to by the local constabulary will clear all this right up. :)
posted by Citrus at 8:37 AM on August 15, 2008

Do you have any homeless people in the area? It may be that they are gathering free stuff from around the neighborhood and then storing it at your place to pick up later. I used to have a little alley behind my apartment, and you wouldn't believe the stuff that was stored back there sometimes on a daily basis.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:22 AM on August 15, 2008