SWF in AA
November 2, 2021 2:11 PM Subscribe
Tell me about living in Ann Arbor as a single woman in my mid 30s.
I've lived in the Northeast US, mostly in big cities, my whole life. I have a fairly unique (i.e. really amazing) job opportunity that would require moving to Ann Arbor, MI for the next 3-4 years (or longer, but 3-4 minimum). I am also an unpartnered heterosexual Jewish (non-observant) woman in my mid 30s.
Thus far everyone I've been able to connect with in my social network to learn about living in Ann Arbor has been someone who lived there when they were much younger, or has a partner +/- kids already, or is originally from the area. I am scared of moving to a place where I have no preexisting social ties, where I might feel like a cultural outcast, and where it might be even harder to find a partner than it's been in big cities. The most encouraging advice I've gotten thus far is "Hey, you ever know, people get divorced!" which is... not reassuring. So I'm coming to the Green for hopefully more firsthand and nuanced perspectives.
What would it be like to move to Ann Arbor? Are most people in their 30s settled down into their domestic lives? Would it be hard to make friends? What about dating? Any and all perspectives are appreciated.
I've lived in the Northeast US, mostly in big cities, my whole life. I have a fairly unique (i.e. really amazing) job opportunity that would require moving to Ann Arbor, MI for the next 3-4 years (or longer, but 3-4 minimum). I am also an unpartnered heterosexual Jewish (non-observant) woman in my mid 30s.
Thus far everyone I've been able to connect with in my social network to learn about living in Ann Arbor has been someone who lived there when they were much younger, or has a partner +/- kids already, or is originally from the area. I am scared of moving to a place where I have no preexisting social ties, where I might feel like a cultural outcast, and where it might be even harder to find a partner than it's been in big cities. The most encouraging advice I've gotten thus far is "Hey, you ever know, people get divorced!" which is... not reassuring. So I'm coming to the Green for hopefully more firsthand and nuanced perspectives.
What would it be like to move to Ann Arbor? Are most people in their 30s settled down into their domestic lives? Would it be hard to make friends? What about dating? Any and all perspectives are appreciated.
As an Ohio State alumnus, I'm obligated to warn you about the terrible football team and its obnoxious fans. :) But the rest of the city is nice. I mean it. I really like AA.
The thing about Ann Arbor (and other college towns like it) is that, because of the university (or rather, universities - can't forget EMU), a pretty significant percentage of its residents are actually highly educated people in their mid-30s without children, many of whom are unpartnered, and even more of whom are only there temporarily. And more arrive every year! It's not a small "how do you make friends here? go to kindergarten! haha" town. I would actually bet that AA has comparatively much fewer of the never-lived-more-than-five-miles-from-where-they-were-born types than almost all of the comparably-sized cities in the country.
And because there are institutions, social life can be much more structured than just going out to a bar and trying to make conversation with randos. Like, if you're into, like, French New Wave cinema, there is very likely an organized group of people that regularly screen French New Wave films. You don't have to hunt for people who are into what you're into - you just show up to their predetermined gatherings. A lot of these people will be younger, but there are a ton of grad students, faculty, and staff, and those people have hobbies too.
I'm making this sound easier than it is. I haven't had much success making friends post-college in any city I've lived in, big or small, close to where I grew up or not. Being social is hard everywhere. But it's less hard in a place like AA.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:39 PM on November 2, 2021 [9 favorites]
The thing about Ann Arbor (and other college towns like it) is that, because of the university (or rather, universities - can't forget EMU), a pretty significant percentage of its residents are actually highly educated people in their mid-30s without children, many of whom are unpartnered, and even more of whom are only there temporarily. And more arrive every year! It's not a small "how do you make friends here? go to kindergarten! haha" town. I would actually bet that AA has comparatively much fewer of the never-lived-more-than-five-miles-from-where-they-were-born types than almost all of the comparably-sized cities in the country.
And because there are institutions, social life can be much more structured than just going out to a bar and trying to make conversation with randos. Like, if you're into, like, French New Wave cinema, there is very likely an organized group of people that regularly screen French New Wave films. You don't have to hunt for people who are into what you're into - you just show up to their predetermined gatherings. A lot of these people will be younger, but there are a ton of grad students, faculty, and staff, and those people have hobbies too.
I'm making this sound easier than it is. I haven't had much success making friends post-college in any city I've lived in, big or small, close to where I grew up or not. Being social is hard everywhere. But it's less hard in a place like AA.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:39 PM on November 2, 2021 [9 favorites]
I will say it can be a little weird/socially limiting living in a smaller city where most of the single/mobile population is affiliated with one or two big institutions with which you're not, even if you otherwise share demographic characteristics. I like Ann Arbor a lot, but, assuming you're not studying/working at UMich, you will have to put yourself out there socially. That's hardly the same as being destined to be an outcast, though. The older you get, the harder it is to form social ties generally, I think.
posted by praemunire at 3:11 PM on November 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 3:11 PM on November 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
I live in AA now but am much older than you - my kids are closer to your age. That said, I think AA is a pretty good place to build community. Usual stuff about joining groups will help. The Ann Arbor Observer has a local calendar which is one way to find people and activities. It's a pretty vibrant town with a fair amount going on and given UM and EMU a lot of grad students - many of whom will be in your age range. Feel free to PM me with specific questions and I'm happy to meet up or connect you with some folks if you do come.
We haven't had a mefi meetup in ages so if you move might be incentive.
posted by leslies at 4:56 AM on November 3, 2021
We haven't had a mefi meetup in ages so if you move might be incentive.
posted by leslies at 4:56 AM on November 3, 2021
I also live in AA now and am older than you are.
The pandemic is going to complicate things. I still see people out and about when I drive past downtown, but most of the people I know still aren't comfortable going to the Y. Our case load is high right now (check Washtenaw County Health Department for info on that), but people are good about masks.
I know someone closer to your age who said AA was great in his twenties when he was in school, but awful in his thirties when he wasn't. A lot of stuff revolves around the university. The Observer, mentioned by leslies, also runs an annual issue with lists of clubs and classes - you can search their website for info on that. And you could check out Meetup to see if there are active clubs that interest you. I'm wondering what you know about what would be your workplace culture. I met most of my friends here through work (non-university nonprofit). One of the clubs I tried to get involved with just felt very closed off for me - I never got over feeling awkward and out of place there - but I've had better luck with others.
I personally really love college towns, and Ann Arbor has all that's good and bad about them. It has often felt very pretentious to me though - Ann Arbor is very impressed with itself, and I find that annoying. I really hate the "only in Ann Arbor" phrase - but I think a lot of cities use that.
I also think making friends can be very unpredictable. You don't need to meet hundreds of single people and potential partners - you just need to meet a few that you click with. And that could totally work here.
(Winters can be kind of a drag, not because of the cold so much, but because of the lack of sun. I was warned about that when I moved there and was sure it was the kind of thing I wouldn't notice - I definitely noticed. One of my kids says she could never live her again because of it.)
Also, free feel to MeMail me with questions. I'd consider a meetup - I'm immunocompromised though, so I'm very cautious.
posted by FencingGal at 6:03 AM on November 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
The pandemic is going to complicate things. I still see people out and about when I drive past downtown, but most of the people I know still aren't comfortable going to the Y. Our case load is high right now (check Washtenaw County Health Department for info on that), but people are good about masks.
I know someone closer to your age who said AA was great in his twenties when he was in school, but awful in his thirties when he wasn't. A lot of stuff revolves around the university. The Observer, mentioned by leslies, also runs an annual issue with lists of clubs and classes - you can search their website for info on that. And you could check out Meetup to see if there are active clubs that interest you. I'm wondering what you know about what would be your workplace culture. I met most of my friends here through work (non-university nonprofit). One of the clubs I tried to get involved with just felt very closed off for me - I never got over feeling awkward and out of place there - but I've had better luck with others.
I personally really love college towns, and Ann Arbor has all that's good and bad about them. It has often felt very pretentious to me though - Ann Arbor is very impressed with itself, and I find that annoying. I really hate the "only in Ann Arbor" phrase - but I think a lot of cities use that.
I also think making friends can be very unpredictable. You don't need to meet hundreds of single people and potential partners - you just need to meet a few that you click with. And that could totally work here.
(Winters can be kind of a drag, not because of the cold so much, but because of the lack of sun. I was warned about that when I moved there and was sure it was the kind of thing I wouldn't notice - I definitely noticed. One of my kids says she could never live her again because of it.)
Also, free feel to MeMail me with questions. I'd consider a meetup - I'm immunocompromised though, so I'm very cautious.
posted by FencingGal at 6:03 AM on November 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
I also spent a chunk of my twenties in A2 in grad school and for a handful of years after. I honestly hated it at first, but ended up deeply loving it. All of the cautions listed above are true -- it is very gray and cloudy (I was also warned in advance about that), cold, pretty pretentious, in love with itself, and very centered around UM. I grew up in small-town Appalachia, so landing in a very progressive city full of people wearing Patagonia and drinking organic coffee was a huge adjustment. All that said, I think that the city is pretty great. Plenty of things to do and see, a nice cultural scene, great food, gorgeous natural areas nearby, Great Lakes and Detroit in easy driving distance. I joke now that I absorbed Ann Arbor after living there, but there's some real truth to that. While I've moved across state now (Kalamazoo-area), I've been in Michigan over 20 years now and will forever have a soft spot for Ann Arbor. I met my husband and some of my lifelong friends there. It's a good place to land.
posted by hessie at 7:03 AM on November 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by hessie at 7:03 AM on November 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
FWIW, Detroit is about a 45 minute drive, and alternatives to driving exist but are scarce. Compared to large cities in the Northeast, Southeast Michigan is probably more spread-out and car dependent. (But I may be unusual in thinking of 45 minutes as more than I usually want to drive for fun on a regular basis.)
Also, 50ish male, so I can't answer your question directly. The intersection with your demographic, Ann Arbor, and Metafilter membership, is probably small. Broadening the question to, say, midwestern college towns, might get some more responses. You might also try r/AnnArbor.
posted by bfields at 8:40 AM on November 3, 2021
Also, 50ish male, so I can't answer your question directly. The intersection with your demographic, Ann Arbor, and Metafilter membership, is probably small. Broadening the question to, say, midwestern college towns, might get some more responses. You might also try r/AnnArbor.
posted by bfields at 8:40 AM on November 3, 2021
If anything, A2 had more than it's share of 30-ish singles, for to all the MD and PhD students who put other things on hold to finish their educations.
posted by Ausamor at 9:55 AM on November 3, 2021
posted by Ausamor at 9:55 AM on November 3, 2021
Note that the 45 minute drive time is to downtown Detroit. You can get to some of the western suburbs (and the airport) in under a half an hour. Ann Arbor is also only about an hour from both Toledo (fairly big city) and Lansing (another big university and the state capital).
Also note that 33% of people in the Boston and New York metro areas commute more than 40 minutes each way, so depending on where in the Northeast you're coming from, these drives may not be all that unusual for you.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:04 PM on November 3, 2021
Also note that 33% of people in the Boston and New York metro areas commute more than 40 minutes each way, so depending on where in the Northeast you're coming from, these drives may not be all that unusual for you.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:04 PM on November 3, 2021
« Older elderly parents challenges Alzheimer's | So uh, who pays for your eye-related medical care? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
Detroit has also been popping off, and natural areas in MI aren't far. It's an incredible, albeit very small place. Do it!
posted by firstdaffodils at 2:21 PM on November 2, 2021