What's the best way to deal with something you don't like doing?
May 23, 2019 6:15 PM Subscribe
So at work I have to learn this new technology, I don't particularly care for it and I don't really see what the big deal with it is. To perfectly honest this technology looks like crap and to me it seems to be like the sort of thing someone with very little intelligence would use. I will get it done regardless because they trusted me to do it and I'll do it well too.
Nonetheless, it annoys me when my bosses seem to want to make me think this thing is this awesome thing everybody wants to use and I hate having to hear it day in and day out. Yeah I get they love it, I'll help them out, but I don't care for it, they should stop trying to get me to like it, because eveb after this is done I won't like it.
One of my bosses keeps talking about how much money and work there is in learning this tech. The other one keeps telling me about how it's super cool, it's not, at least not for me.
I mean I've made it clear I will do it and I will help them out as best as I can but I would rather be doing something else. I don't understand why they need to keep trying to convince me to like it.
I also don't want to go off on a rant and tell them about what I think about this "precious" software.
So what can I do? I mean I'll do it and I'll put my best into it but I'd wish they would stop trying to make me like it. I don't like it and I won't like it afterwards. I already know what this software is like and it bores. That is just how it is, I don't need to be hearing ten times over every day about how "cool" and "great" it is.
Nonetheless, it annoys me when my bosses seem to want to make me think this thing is this awesome thing everybody wants to use and I hate having to hear it day in and day out. Yeah I get they love it, I'll help them out, but I don't care for it, they should stop trying to get me to like it, because eveb after this is done I won't like it.
One of my bosses keeps talking about how much money and work there is in learning this tech. The other one keeps telling me about how it's super cool, it's not, at least not for me.
I mean I've made it clear I will do it and I will help them out as best as I can but I would rather be doing something else. I don't understand why they need to keep trying to convince me to like it.
I also don't want to go off on a rant and tell them about what I think about this "precious" software.
So what can I do? I mean I'll do it and I'll put my best into it but I'd wish they would stop trying to make me like it. I don't like it and I won't like it afterwards. I already know what this software is like and it bores. That is just how it is, I don't need to be hearing ten times over every day about how "cool" and "great" it is.
Maybe if you specified the technology, and why exactly you don’t like it, people could give you concrete answers?
posted by suedehead at 6:49 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by suedehead at 6:49 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: One way to look at this is that your manager is telling you about your company’s values and priorities, and giving you the opportunity to understand and align your efforts with those priorities in a way that will create opportunities for you.
Look at the organizational incentives above and around the tech, whether or not the tech itself is interesting. Maybe what they’re really saying is, this is a way you could get a promotion.
True and that seems to be it. I shall keep that in mind.
Maybe if you specified the technology, and why exactly you don’t like it, people could give you concrete answers?
For what purpose? That does not really matter, it's no different as if I were assigned to bring the coffee. This software is irrelevant what matters is that I don't like it.
posted by Braxis at 7:00 PM on May 23, 2019
Look at the organizational incentives above and around the tech, whether or not the tech itself is interesting. Maybe what they’re really saying is, this is a way you could get a promotion.
True and that seems to be it. I shall keep that in mind.
Maybe if you specified the technology, and why exactly you don’t like it, people could give you concrete answers?
For what purpose? That does not really matter, it's no different as if I were assigned to bring the coffee. This software is irrelevant what matters is that I don't like it.
posted by Braxis at 7:00 PM on May 23, 2019
I agree that the identity of the software is immaterial: the thing you actually don't want to do is to like the software, and this is something you perceive you have to do because management vocally expresses their like for the software.
But do you really have to like the software? Do you have to agree with management?
posted by batter_my_heart at 7:06 PM on May 23, 2019
But do you really have to like the software? Do you have to agree with management?
posted by batter_my_heart at 7:06 PM on May 23, 2019
My life has been filled with working situations like these.
One of the technologies I was sold on the most was Microsoft's SharePoint. I'm not sure I have words for how bad this software is. There was some other MS database software I was trained on that eventually brought the company to its knees.
My experience is that you're gut reaction is probably correct. This software probably sucks. In fact, it may be worse than you think. If your experience is anywhere near mine you will spend years tied to this thing having to develop all kinds of work arounds and kludges and it will not be worth it.
Give it a chance, but if you see the writing on the wall be prepared to leave. It is not worth the pain. That said, wait and see, give it a chance, but trust your instincts.
posted by xammerboy at 7:09 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
One of the technologies I was sold on the most was Microsoft's SharePoint. I'm not sure I have words for how bad this software is. There was some other MS database software I was trained on that eventually brought the company to its knees.
My experience is that you're gut reaction is probably correct. This software probably sucks. In fact, it may be worse than you think. If your experience is anywhere near mine you will spend years tied to this thing having to develop all kinds of work arounds and kludges and it will not be worth it.
Give it a chance, but if you see the writing on the wall be prepared to leave. It is not worth the pain. That said, wait and see, give it a chance, but trust your instincts.
posted by xammerboy at 7:09 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
Perhaps relevant:
Sometimes it helps me to uncouple my ego from whatever system I'm dealing with and take an attitude of radical acceptance. Yes, it's far from ideal; yes it's frustrating; yes people will vent at me about how much it sucks and I can say is "can't argue with you, what's the specific problem and what do you need from me?"
posted by bunderful at 7:12 PM on May 23, 2019 [24 favorites]
Sometimes it helps me to uncouple my ego from whatever system I'm dealing with and take an attitude of radical acceptance. Yes, it's far from ideal; yes it's frustrating; yes people will vent at me about how much it sucks and I can say is "can't argue with you, what's the specific problem and what do you need from me?"
posted by bunderful at 7:12 PM on May 23, 2019 [24 favorites]
I've been thinking lately about how the only thing really holding me back at work is my inability to act. Half of everyone's job is being an actor and doing a performance. A typical actor on stage is up there pretending to feel sad and saying the things this imaginary sad person would say. At work at your job you're pretending to like this software and you have to say the things that a person who likes the software would say. I have to remind myself of this all the time. I'm pretending to care about ___ and say the things someone who cares about __ would say. I'm pretending that I know where this button or that button should go because I'm pretending to be someone who cares about where this button or that button should go.
posted by bleep at 7:26 PM on May 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by bleep at 7:26 PM on May 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
How long have you been there? Can you suck it up long enough that people start to care about your opinion when you voice it?
posted by unknowncommand at 7:27 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by unknowncommand at 7:27 PM on May 23, 2019
I don't really see what the big deal with it is. To perfectly honest this technology looks like crap and to me it seems to be like the sort of thing someone with very little intelligence would use.
This sounds to me like you don't see what problem this technology is trying to solve, and also feel like this tech is beneath you or not intended for someone as smart as you. It is possible your bosses are trying to get you up to speed on the ways this new thing is improving your company's situation. I am extremely unimpressed with the "little intelligence" bit, as it feels like an argument for complexity and inaccessibility - like you don't think it should be easy to do this task.
It sounds like whatever you were using for this task before was better for you - but it might have been unspeakably worse for other parts of the company.
I don't think you have to like this thing, but I am not a fan of contempt culture in tech - stuff like "oh, only garbage people would like this obvious piece of junk, which was glued together by drunk clowns." I feel like you have got to stop doing that thing, immediately, to avoid burning bridges with the people around you who like this thing. Even if you're like 99.9% sure it was assembled by intoxicated circus performers using only the contents of the DIY slime aisle in the craft store, it's possible the only other option was discovered growing in what was meant to be yogurt in an Instagram influencer's Instant Pot, and no one benefits from you raining on the new thing enthusiasts' parade, least of all you.
posted by bagel at 7:31 PM on May 23, 2019 [54 favorites]
This sounds to me like you don't see what problem this technology is trying to solve, and also feel like this tech is beneath you or not intended for someone as smart as you. It is possible your bosses are trying to get you up to speed on the ways this new thing is improving your company's situation. I am extremely unimpressed with the "little intelligence" bit, as it feels like an argument for complexity and inaccessibility - like you don't think it should be easy to do this task.
It sounds like whatever you were using for this task before was better for you - but it might have been unspeakably worse for other parts of the company.
I don't think you have to like this thing, but I am not a fan of contempt culture in tech - stuff like "oh, only garbage people would like this obvious piece of junk, which was glued together by drunk clowns." I feel like you have got to stop doing that thing, immediately, to avoid burning bridges with the people around you who like this thing. Even if you're like 99.9% sure it was assembled by intoxicated circus performers using only the contents of the DIY slime aisle in the craft store, it's possible the only other option was discovered growing in what was meant to be yogurt in an Instagram influencer's Instant Pot, and no one benefits from you raining on the new thing enthusiasts' parade, least of all you.
posted by bagel at 7:31 PM on May 23, 2019 [54 favorites]
Employers don't want grudging acceptance, they want enthusiastic cooperation. You don't have to actually like the software, but you do have to fake it at least a little bit.
You can fight decisions you don't like but eventually they become final and then you need to appear to get on board.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:34 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
You can fight decisions you don't like but eventually they become final and then you need to appear to get on board.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:34 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
So at work I have to learn this new technology, I don't particularly care for it and I don't really see what the big deal with it is. To perfectly honest this technology looks like crap and to me it seems to be like the sort of thing someone with very little intelligence would use.
One of the things that I found almost impossible to understand as a young programmer was the degree to which people who are not me give zero fucks about the technical elegance of the systems their employers insist that they use.
This attitude is the reason why I am not writing this comment from the bridge of my own yacht, as so many of those who applied themselves more seriously to the study of COBOL than I was ever able to stomach would now be easily able to do.
Get clear in your own mind what it is that you actually want to walk away with when you leave the tech life behind. Until you have, listening to bagel is the right way to keep your options open.
posted by flabdablet at 7:39 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
One of the things that I found almost impossible to understand as a young programmer was the degree to which people who are not me give zero fucks about the technical elegance of the systems their employers insist that they use.
This attitude is the reason why I am not writing this comment from the bridge of my own yacht, as so many of those who applied themselves more seriously to the study of COBOL than I was ever able to stomach would now be easily able to do.
Get clear in your own mind what it is that you actually want to walk away with when you leave the tech life behind. Until you have, listening to bagel is the right way to keep your options open.
posted by flabdablet at 7:39 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
It’s a job. They call it work for a reason. Very few
people love what they do and how they do it all the time. You’re getting paid to do a job with a specific tool. And part of that job also includes not decreasing the moral and therefore productivity of the team around you as you do the job. You can get the work done if that’s what you’ve committed to do without having to be all excited about it, but you need to smile and nod and be polite to the people who are. And then decide if this is the job you want to keep or not.
posted by cgg at 7:40 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
people love what they do and how they do it all the time. You’re getting paid to do a job with a specific tool. And part of that job also includes not decreasing the moral and therefore productivity of the team around you as you do the job. You can get the work done if that’s what you’ve committed to do without having to be all excited about it, but you need to smile and nod and be polite to the people who are. And then decide if this is the job you want to keep or not.
posted by cgg at 7:40 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
One way to get value out of being a smart person required to work with tech that you know perfectly well is shitty is to use your deep understanding of why it's shitty to anticipate its failure modes.
It's perfectly feasible to make a career out of being the one who always has a nice workaround all neatly packaged and ready to deploy as the by-design failures built deep into whatever shit the boss has been glad-handed into embracing this year begin to cost the company serious money.
You might even find that what you originally conceived of as a bizarre Rube Goldberg machine constructed from so many of your workarounds that the original garbage fire of bad tech can no longer get any oxygen will solve similar problems for other organizations that also got glad-handed into committing to the shit nugget at its core, at which point your company can hire its own marketroids to glad-hand everybody else into paying them big bucks for your shit tech. At this point, you will reach enlightenment.
posted by flabdablet at 7:52 PM on May 23, 2019 [9 favorites]
It's perfectly feasible to make a career out of being the one who always has a nice workaround all neatly packaged and ready to deploy as the by-design failures built deep into whatever shit the boss has been glad-handed into embracing this year begin to cost the company serious money.
You might even find that what you originally conceived of as a bizarre Rube Goldberg machine constructed from so many of your workarounds that the original garbage fire of bad tech can no longer get any oxygen will solve similar problems for other organizations that also got glad-handed into committing to the shit nugget at its core, at which point your company can hire its own marketroids to glad-hand everybody else into paying them big bucks for your shit tech. At this point, you will reach enlightenment.
posted by flabdablet at 7:52 PM on May 23, 2019 [9 favorites]
Here is one weird trick for you.
First, a story. When I moved into a new apartment, I found myself getting annoyed at all the random sounds from neighbors - subwoofers, footsteps, etc. I have sharp hearing. I was very annoyed.
So I made a decision. Whenever I got annoyed by sound, that was my cue to practice music. (Note: As far as I know, it's not audible to neighbors, but certainly not intended as payback.) This made the annoying random occurrence into a built-in reminder for doing something that builds long-term joy. The more it happened, the better my skills got.
In your situation, you could pick a long-term project, either at work or a hobby. Any time you're required to invest more time and energy into Loathsome Software, that's now your built-in reminder and permission to invest the next quantum of money, time, or energy in Beloved Project. Might work; give it a try.
posted by dum spiro spero at 7:58 PM on May 23, 2019 [13 favorites]
First, a story. When I moved into a new apartment, I found myself getting annoyed at all the random sounds from neighbors - subwoofers, footsteps, etc. I have sharp hearing. I was very annoyed.
So I made a decision. Whenever I got annoyed by sound, that was my cue to practice music. (Note: As far as I know, it's not audible to neighbors, but certainly not intended as payback.) This made the annoying random occurrence into a built-in reminder for doing something that builds long-term joy. The more it happened, the better my skills got.
In your situation, you could pick a long-term project, either at work or a hobby. Any time you're required to invest more time and energy into Loathsome Software, that's now your built-in reminder and permission to invest the next quantum of money, time, or energy in Beloved Project. Might work; give it a try.
posted by dum spiro spero at 7:58 PM on May 23, 2019 [13 favorites]
Best answer: People are more important than the technology, maybe try focusing on that.
posted by nikaspark at 8:05 PM on May 23, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by nikaspark at 8:05 PM on May 23, 2019 [10 favorites]
My guess is that your bosses sense your reluctance, and thus keep overselling it to you. Once you start portraying how much you like the software, or at least stop grumbling about it, they'll stop pushing it so hard.
Another trick is to imagine that maybe they, too, hate this software, and they're trying to sell it to themselves. You could then start overselling it yourself to help them out.
posted by hydra77 at 8:49 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Another trick is to imagine that maybe they, too, hate this software, and they're trying to sell it to themselves. You could then start overselling it yourself to help them out.
posted by hydra77 at 8:49 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
They are trying to get a reaction out of you (maybe one of gratitude or excitement). If you can’t fake that attitude about the new technology (and believe me, I get how you feel), can you reframe this to give them that reaction in a different way? For example, can you be grateful and excited that the company is willing to invest in new technology and train you in it? Every time you hear the pitch about this amazing new tech you can say something like “it’s awesome to be at a company that’s so open to improving software and keeping in touch with new products. Thank you for being willing to change and adapt so quickly.” Maybe you can even build on that by suggesting they check out other new products (not replacements for the new software but something unrelated).
posted by sallybrown at 9:11 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sallybrown at 9:11 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
This software is irrelevant what matters is that I don't like it.
My place of business has openings that result in offers of "write down how much you want in the blank space" per year, for the person that really knows the specific technology that's required for the role. Wouldn't you say its relevant to get some advice on how correct your bosses are about how lucrative the technology is? You might find you its easier to suck it up for a few years if you could turn it into a $400k job in 5 years.
posted by sideshow at 9:20 PM on May 23, 2019
My place of business has openings that result in offers of "write down how much you want in the blank space" per year, for the person that really knows the specific technology that's required for the role. Wouldn't you say its relevant to get some advice on how correct your bosses are about how lucrative the technology is? You might find you its easier to suck it up for a few years if you could turn it into a $400k job in 5 years.
posted by sideshow at 9:20 PM on May 23, 2019
So, gently, if your boss is asking you to use a tool or use a product as part of your job, that IS the job. You don’t get to say things like “sure, I’ll help them out”. They’re not actually asking you for a favor, you know? They pay you, it is your job.
And to give you a perspective from management, I lead people working with software and my biggest headaches are the people who constantly moan about how they’re too smart for this or that software or process (spoiler: they’re not, it’s masking fear or laziness or aversion to change) how it’s beneath them, how they’ll do it but they won’t like it. And then I have to diplomatically remind them they’re not 5, this is a work tool not broccoli you don’t want to eat, and if you’re so smart, show me by correctly using this %#$& software, which by the way for Reasons is something we’re all stuck with so can we just make the best of it?! Truly, I have never fired someone for making mistakes, or being slow to learn something—but it gets very hard to want to continue employing folks who have an attitude of entitlement and superiority and who refuse to even *try* to learn.
Good luck; I know it’s hard to do these things. Maybe you can make it better for you by approaching the software with an open mind, committing to learning it thoroughly, looking for ways you can either improve it or the way your company works with it, or, when you’ve done these things, maybe writing an open-source alternative that your company and others could adopt.
posted by stellaluna at 10:02 PM on May 23, 2019 [20 favorites]
And to give you a perspective from management, I lead people working with software and my biggest headaches are the people who constantly moan about how they’re too smart for this or that software or process (spoiler: they’re not, it’s masking fear or laziness or aversion to change) how it’s beneath them, how they’ll do it but they won’t like it. And then I have to diplomatically remind them they’re not 5, this is a work tool not broccoli you don’t want to eat, and if you’re so smart, show me by correctly using this %#$& software, which by the way for Reasons is something we’re all stuck with so can we just make the best of it?! Truly, I have never fired someone for making mistakes, or being slow to learn something—but it gets very hard to want to continue employing folks who have an attitude of entitlement and superiority and who refuse to even *try* to learn.
Good luck; I know it’s hard to do these things. Maybe you can make it better for you by approaching the software with an open mind, committing to learning it thoroughly, looking for ways you can either improve it or the way your company works with it, or, when you’ve done these things, maybe writing an open-source alternative that your company and others could adopt.
posted by stellaluna at 10:02 PM on May 23, 2019 [20 favorites]
I can't tell if your management really loves this stuff or not--it seems possible they're stuck trying to make the best of it too--but for whatever reason, they've introduced change and need to make to manage the outcomes, whether it's technical problems or morale problems. It sounds like you could be sending signals that you're not enthused, and they are overinterpreting that to mean they have a morale problem they need to fix with very few options. I think I hear you saying there wouldn't be an issue if they left you alone, but from their POV, ranting about the tech may just confirm their suspicions. If you're not up for praising some aspect of the tech you can kind of see working out well, maybe try deflecting comments about the tech into conversations about how you've been thinking about other issues or what you did over the weekend or whatever.
posted by Wobbuffet at 10:06 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by Wobbuffet at 10:06 PM on May 23, 2019
I kind of want to elaborate on the "this thing versus something worse" dynamic because I feel like it's easy to underestimate the sheer number of technical problems for which only ugly and truly hideous solutions exist. It is very plausible that no elegant tool is available that satisfies the regulatory, insurance, financial, or other non-negotiable requirements for whatever your company does this task with. As a rule, people don't buy, roll out, and train employees in technologies that they think are worse than the alternatives.
posted by bagel at 10:11 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by bagel at 10:11 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: I'm looking at your question history, and by doing that, I see that you're fairly early in your job history.
So, here's the unfortunate bit: you don't get to make the kind of call you're talking about making here. You have an agreement with your employer in which you do your job, and you do what they tell you to do (within legally proscribed boundaries), and in return they give you a paycheck, and likely also pay the employer portion of your healthcare premium. You have a choice to void that contract by giving your notice, if you want.
But here's something that most people subconsciously feel, until the day they get fired -- you're not entitled to a job. I used to have a subconscious maxim in my head: "The world owes me a place where I can go to exchange my labor for money that lets me have a bed to sleep in and food to put in my mouth."
Then, about 9-10 years ago, I got laid off during the Great Recession and spent about 19 months looking for work. I survived only thanks to the unemployment benefit extensions at the time, and even despite that, I was a month away from having to move back to my parents' house. Many people have worse stories than that, even today.
It is extremely difficult to find a job where you don't have to subjugate to someone else your beliefs as to what's the best way of doing things. Even CEOs and presidents often report to boards of directors or meetings of shareholders. Even if you go and strike out on your own as freelance, you'll find yourself at customers' whims.
You're going to be asked to do very, very stupid things. You are getting paid to do that. You are also going to need to learn how to develop what can most charitably be called a "work persona". This work persona does not have to be your real self, but it is a version of you.
There is a difference between being subservient and being subordinate.
I am sorry if the wording of this is harsh, but with this and some of your earlier job-related questions, you seem to be consistently putting across at your employers a spirit of "I am too good for this" -- and that is perhaps the most certain way that you can destroy your work reputation.
posted by WCityMike at 8:46 PM on May 23 [mark as best answer]
[2 favorites +] [!]
My guess is that your bosses sense your reluctance, and thus keep overselling it to you. Once you start portraying how much you like the software, or at least stop grumbling about it, they'll stop pushing it so hard.
Another trick is to imagine that maybe they, too, hate this software, and they're trying to sell it to themselves. You could then start overselling it yourself to help them out.
You're not being harsh, at least not for me. Even if you were I have bigger respect for people who are willing to lay out things as they are rather than sugar coating them and lying to make others feel better.
The CTO in my company describes himself as an a-hole. I don't see it that way to be honest, and even if he thinks himself an a-hole I would rather have that than some polite dude who says a lot but in the end does nothing. I respect my CTO he's the kind of dude who's worth following. I guess what another person said is true, I should focus on the people not this crap technology. The fact is that I will not stop thinking that this is a crap technology and that it is worthless, nothing will ever change that, and absolutely nothing my bosses say will make my outlook shift. I will do my best because I care about the company and so far they have allowed me to exploit my potential to the greatest. So it's crap, yeah but I will put up with it, because it's worth it and I think at the end of the day someone who does what they don't like and do it well anyway, is more valuable than some yesman who does whatever is asked of him.
I understand what you're saying about contracts and all that stuff, but none of that will ever compel me to surrender my individuality, to stop expressing my opinions or to point out what I think is wrong in a company. If that makes me go through hard times then so be it. I am not in this for the money, I'm in it for the knowledge and for whatever gets me the skills to create a business of my own. As long as those parameters are met I will continue to do my best wherever I am.
I know it is arrogant, it is foolhardy and impulsive but that is who I am and nothing and no company will ever change that. This company is different though, and they make putting up with the unpleasantness worth it. As a matter of fact they encourage these attitudes, they allow people to be this way and I think more than anything that is what creates true professionals.
In short, to hell with it, I may not like it but I will put up with it and I will find the way to get it done. If my bosses want to hear that I like it, well I won't tell them I do, but I will explain to them what I have learned and how to use it. Despite my resistance to using this thing, they put me in this position because they know I'm the one who can do it best.
posted by Braxis at 10:26 PM on May 23, 2019
So, here's the unfortunate bit: you don't get to make the kind of call you're talking about making here. You have an agreement with your employer in which you do your job, and you do what they tell you to do (within legally proscribed boundaries), and in return they give you a paycheck, and likely also pay the employer portion of your healthcare premium. You have a choice to void that contract by giving your notice, if you want.
But here's something that most people subconsciously feel, until the day they get fired -- you're not entitled to a job. I used to have a subconscious maxim in my head: "The world owes me a place where I can go to exchange my labor for money that lets me have a bed to sleep in and food to put in my mouth."
Then, about 9-10 years ago, I got laid off during the Great Recession and spent about 19 months looking for work. I survived only thanks to the unemployment benefit extensions at the time, and even despite that, I was a month away from having to move back to my parents' house. Many people have worse stories than that, even today.
It is extremely difficult to find a job where you don't have to subjugate to someone else your beliefs as to what's the best way of doing things. Even CEOs and presidents often report to boards of directors or meetings of shareholders. Even if you go and strike out on your own as freelance, you'll find yourself at customers' whims.
You're going to be asked to do very, very stupid things. You are getting paid to do that. You are also going to need to learn how to develop what can most charitably be called a "work persona". This work persona does not have to be your real self, but it is a version of you.
There is a difference between being subservient and being subordinate.
I am sorry if the wording of this is harsh, but with this and some of your earlier job-related questions, you seem to be consistently putting across at your employers a spirit of "I am too good for this" -- and that is perhaps the most certain way that you can destroy your work reputation.
posted by WCityMike at 8:46 PM on May 23 [mark as best answer]
[2 favorites +] [!]
My guess is that your bosses sense your reluctance, and thus keep overselling it to you. Once you start portraying how much you like the software, or at least stop grumbling about it, they'll stop pushing it so hard.
Another trick is to imagine that maybe they, too, hate this software, and they're trying to sell it to themselves. You could then start overselling it yourself to help them out.
You're not being harsh, at least not for me. Even if you were I have bigger respect for people who are willing to lay out things as they are rather than sugar coating them and lying to make others feel better.
The CTO in my company describes himself as an a-hole. I don't see it that way to be honest, and even if he thinks himself an a-hole I would rather have that than some polite dude who says a lot but in the end does nothing. I respect my CTO he's the kind of dude who's worth following. I guess what another person said is true, I should focus on the people not this crap technology. The fact is that I will not stop thinking that this is a crap technology and that it is worthless, nothing will ever change that, and absolutely nothing my bosses say will make my outlook shift. I will do my best because I care about the company and so far they have allowed me to exploit my potential to the greatest. So it's crap, yeah but I will put up with it, because it's worth it and I think at the end of the day someone who does what they don't like and do it well anyway, is more valuable than some yesman who does whatever is asked of him.
I understand what you're saying about contracts and all that stuff, but none of that will ever compel me to surrender my individuality, to stop expressing my opinions or to point out what I think is wrong in a company. If that makes me go through hard times then so be it. I am not in this for the money, I'm in it for the knowledge and for whatever gets me the skills to create a business of my own. As long as those parameters are met I will continue to do my best wherever I am.
I know it is arrogant, it is foolhardy and impulsive but that is who I am and nothing and no company will ever change that. This company is different though, and they make putting up with the unpleasantness worth it. As a matter of fact they encourage these attitudes, they allow people to be this way and I think more than anything that is what creates true professionals.
In short, to hell with it, I may not like it but I will put up with it and I will find the way to get it done. If my bosses want to hear that I like it, well I won't tell them I do, but I will explain to them what I have learned and how to use it. Despite my resistance to using this thing, they put me in this position because they know I'm the one who can do it best.
posted by Braxis at 10:26 PM on May 23, 2019
A valuable nugget to hold in your mind: IT PAYS THE SAME. That time you spend at work doing something that goes nowhere near the edge of your intelligence and potential? Same $$$ (or $$$$$, wherever you put yourself in the big line of $s) as the stuff that puts you in a blissful flow state.
You can also try rewarding yourself on a physical level. Every time someone in your company tells you how great the software is, eat an M&M. Mmmmm, pellets. It won't make you like it, but it might make you laugh. Making a bingo card for The Dumb Things People Say About This Crappy Annoying Software could also be fun.
-- Signed, someone who has been paid $$$ to shovel snow, because that's what the job needed at that moment.
posted by inexorably_forward at 11:34 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
You can also try rewarding yourself on a physical level. Every time someone in your company tells you how great the software is, eat an M&M. Mmmmm, pellets. It won't make you like it, but it might make you laugh. Making a bingo card for The Dumb Things People Say About This Crappy Annoying Software could also be fun.
-- Signed, someone who has been paid $$$ to shovel snow, because that's what the job needed at that moment.
posted by inexorably_forward at 11:34 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
You remind me of me when I got my first adult job. I was super annoyed at all their dopey ways of doing things and I would not demonstrate enthusiasm and after a year I left at their request because in hindsight, I was a jerk to work with.
I am seeing the same with you. You asked what's the best way to deal with something you don't like doing, the hive mind has responded that you should put your head down and do your job because nobody owes you a living, and you respond:
I know it is arrogant, it is foolhardy and impulsive but that is who I am and nothing and no company will ever change that.
You're not listening to us. Did you want us to affirm that indeed, you are smarter than everyone there and should continue being openly annoyed?
Pretty much all jobs suck to some extent and it's best to accept that and not rail against the suckiness. Working with others also requires a certain amount of social savviness, otherwise you will find yourself being let go throughout your life because you're just a pain in the ass to work with, and as that reputation travels with you via recommendations, you're going to be struggling for income.
My suggestion is to be arrogant, foolhardy and impulsive on your own time. At work, remember that nobody likes a whiner (even if the whiner is right) and never, EVER be lulled into a false sense of they encourage these attitudes, they allow people to be this way and I think more than anything that is what creates true professionals.
On some level, you're pissing them off and it's this type of thing that gets people fired.
I don't need to be hearing ten times over every day about how "cool" and "great" it is.
Yes, you do. That's literally why you're bring paid. Remember that. Also, remember you could easily be replaced by someone who nods and agrees with them, then goes home and laughs at how dumb they are.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 2:54 AM on May 24, 2019 [16 favorites]
I am seeing the same with you. You asked what's the best way to deal with something you don't like doing, the hive mind has responded that you should put your head down and do your job because nobody owes you a living, and you respond:
I know it is arrogant, it is foolhardy and impulsive but that is who I am and nothing and no company will ever change that.
You're not listening to us. Did you want us to affirm that indeed, you are smarter than everyone there and should continue being openly annoyed?
Pretty much all jobs suck to some extent and it's best to accept that and not rail against the suckiness. Working with others also requires a certain amount of social savviness, otherwise you will find yourself being let go throughout your life because you're just a pain in the ass to work with, and as that reputation travels with you via recommendations, you're going to be struggling for income.
My suggestion is to be arrogant, foolhardy and impulsive on your own time. At work, remember that nobody likes a whiner (even if the whiner is right) and never, EVER be lulled into a false sense of they encourage these attitudes, they allow people to be this way and I think more than anything that is what creates true professionals.
On some level, you're pissing them off and it's this type of thing that gets people fired.
I don't need to be hearing ten times over every day about how "cool" and "great" it is.
Yes, you do. That's literally why you're bring paid. Remember that. Also, remember you could easily be replaced by someone who nods and agrees with them, then goes home and laughs at how dumb they are.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 2:54 AM on May 24, 2019 [16 favorites]
1. Your bosses love it
2. You think only people with little intelligence would use it
Therefore,
3. you think your bosses are stupid.
They are picking up on this. No matter how your company culture values challenging and questioning, this is not good.
What can you do? Stop condescending and try to understand their point of view. (Note I said understand not agree with. )
When someone starts to rave about a feature, ask; "Why do you say that?" Or "What specifically do you like about that?"
Then really listen to their answer, without judging whether they are right or wrong or stupid. Your goal is to learn more about them.
posted by evilmomlady at 3:18 AM on May 24, 2019 [7 favorites]
2. You think only people with little intelligence would use it
Therefore,
3. you think your bosses are stupid.
They are picking up on this. No matter how your company culture values challenging and questioning, this is not good.
What can you do? Stop condescending and try to understand their point of view. (Note I said understand not agree with. )
When someone starts to rave about a feature, ask; "Why do you say that?" Or "What specifically do you like about that?"
Then really listen to their answer, without judging whether they are right or wrong or stupid. Your goal is to learn more about them.
posted by evilmomlady at 3:18 AM on May 24, 2019 [7 favorites]
Nowhere in your post or replies do I see a mention that you have proposed an alternative, better solution to your managers, nor that you even can come up with one. You're just railing how the software they asked you to work with is stupid. This is why it might come across as being negative and whiny rather than constructive and helpful. It's quite okay to have strong opinions on things, but you need to approach it from the perspective of arguing *for* the best solution, rather than complaining *against* a bad one. If you end up with the solution you have not preferred, you can still have strong opinions how to make it most useful in the circumstances, and argue strongly for that.
And then don't dwell on stuff you don't like, but move your attention to building stuff that you do like and that contributes to the company. It's easier to let this stuff go if you are busy with your own good projects.
posted by Ender's Friend at 6:40 AM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
And then don't dwell on stuff you don't like, but move your attention to building stuff that you do like and that contributes to the company. It's easier to let this stuff go if you are busy with your own good projects.
posted by Ender's Friend at 6:40 AM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
This software is solving a problem for somebody. Maybe it's a really mundane problem like "It's half as good as the alternative but costs 1/8 as much and that's where our budget is at right now, so that's the solution we're going with," but there's some reason it was chosen and some problem it's solving. If you don't know what that is, then you don't have the full picture of what's going on and you definitely shouldn't "rant" about it, and you should dial back the disdain it sounds like you are absolutely radiating from every pore.
If everyone is telling you repeatedly how good it is, that's most likely because you are dragging your feet about doing the thing it is your job to do, and making it clear what your attitude about it is, in addition to not having a full understanding of the situation. Quite possibly if you just settle in and do the work without the attitude, people will settle down and stop trying to sell you on the thing. You don't have to pretend to like it, but if you want them to leave you alone you can perhaps find one reasonable thing about it to praise, and/or offer up a possible solution for a gap that you see, to break out of the "I hate thing; managers try to sell me on thing" cycle you seem to be in.
You may know this already, but some newer employees don't, so just in case: good managers do not want yes-men who just mindlessly do whatever, but they also don't want no-men who are just negative constantly without ever trying to improve things. The way to impress a good manager is to note gaps and problems but, for most problems you bring up, to be prepared with a realistic solution, and to discuss the pros/cons of that solution. Better yet, you should have a couple of alternatives and be prepared to say "here's what I think we should do, but if you prefer, X would be another way to go." You can go a long way and get a good reputation and more interesting opportunities by being someone who comes up with solutions to the things they don't like.
"Scrap this software system" probably isn't a realistic solution. "I see X gap, and I propose we try Y workaround within the system or Z process outside of the system" is a solution. "I see X gap, can we reach out to our peers using this system and see what they're doing about it?" is a solution. "I see X gap, and I'd like to do some feedback sessions with our end users to see if there's something we could be doing differently to avoid this issue" is a solution.
posted by Stacey at 6:46 AM on May 24, 2019 [3 favorites]
If everyone is telling you repeatedly how good it is, that's most likely because you are dragging your feet about doing the thing it is your job to do, and making it clear what your attitude about it is, in addition to not having a full understanding of the situation. Quite possibly if you just settle in and do the work without the attitude, people will settle down and stop trying to sell you on the thing. You don't have to pretend to like it, but if you want them to leave you alone you can perhaps find one reasonable thing about it to praise, and/or offer up a possible solution for a gap that you see, to break out of the "I hate thing; managers try to sell me on thing" cycle you seem to be in.
You may know this already, but some newer employees don't, so just in case: good managers do not want yes-men who just mindlessly do whatever, but they also don't want no-men who are just negative constantly without ever trying to improve things. The way to impress a good manager is to note gaps and problems but, for most problems you bring up, to be prepared with a realistic solution, and to discuss the pros/cons of that solution. Better yet, you should have a couple of alternatives and be prepared to say "here's what I think we should do, but if you prefer, X would be another way to go." You can go a long way and get a good reputation and more interesting opportunities by being someone who comes up with solutions to the things they don't like.
"Scrap this software system" probably isn't a realistic solution. "I see X gap, and I propose we try Y workaround within the system or Z process outside of the system" is a solution. "I see X gap, can we reach out to our peers using this system and see what they're doing about it?" is a solution. "I see X gap, and I'd like to do some feedback sessions with our end users to see if there's something we could be doing differently to avoid this issue" is a solution.
posted by Stacey at 6:46 AM on May 24, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: I think there is a misunderstanding here. I'm not sure about what exactly everyone thinks I'm doing. My opinion of this software has only been expressed around here. I haven't gone around ranting and raving about how I think it sucks and I don't like it.
I've said I would prefer to do something else, and for the record they asked me to tell them honestly if I had any interest in learning about this new thing. So I did, I told them I wasn't really all that excited about it, that if they really needed me there then I'd do my best in there but that in general I would prefer to be doing something else.
I think some of you have this idea that I'm going around the office ranting to my bosses and complaining about it to everyone. That's definitely not happening.
As for, "they're paying you", yeah that's great and everything but if pay is all I wanted then I would have stayed at my old job, they paid more and I did less. Pay is irrelevant to me, it's nice and everything but I'm probably the cheapest employee in that company because my interest is in learning not in getting paid a lot. I don't know if I said it before, but I am not there to get paid, I took the job because it was a good place to learn a lot and more than just about software. In part the reason I don't like learning this new thing is because I don't think learning about it will benefit me personally and that's what matters to me the most. Not the money, or the position or being a higher up at anything.
posted by Braxis at 7:39 AM on May 24, 2019
I've said I would prefer to do something else, and for the record they asked me to tell them honestly if I had any interest in learning about this new thing. So I did, I told them I wasn't really all that excited about it, that if they really needed me there then I'd do my best in there but that in general I would prefer to be doing something else.
I think some of you have this idea that I'm going around the office ranting to my bosses and complaining about it to everyone. That's definitely not happening.
As for, "they're paying you", yeah that's great and everything but if pay is all I wanted then I would have stayed at my old job, they paid more and I did less. Pay is irrelevant to me, it's nice and everything but I'm probably the cheapest employee in that company because my interest is in learning not in getting paid a lot. I don't know if I said it before, but I am not there to get paid, I took the job because it was a good place to learn a lot and more than just about software. In part the reason I don't like learning this new thing is because I don't think learning about it will benefit me personally and that's what matters to me the most. Not the money, or the position or being a higher up at anything.
posted by Braxis at 7:39 AM on May 24, 2019
If you're so focused on learning, why aren't you learning 1) why the system was chosen, 2) what the various trade-offs were, 3) what you can do to integrate this into the way you do your job?
I'm often in charge of implementing and training people on new systems. If someone complains, but is a quick learner and doesn't push back on the *necessity* of learning, it goes fine. If someone tries to second-guess the purpose or choice of software - which I basically never am involved in choosing - we're in a larger argument about whether they have as clear a vision of the business needs as I do.
Seriously, what does it matter that you're 'too smart' for this software? The contempt for even the idea of the software comes through very clearly in your question, and since it's less about the software than it is about (seemingly) most of the other people at your company, I bet that contempt isn't nearly as well hidden as you think it is.
I generally feel the same way as you about a ton of things! I like having my own fiefdom where I can develop my own systems for things. The second I'm interacting with the rest of my company, though, a totally different hat gets put on, where I'm trying to get ensure that I'm not causing problems for other people with my insistence on doing things my way. That, I think, is what you have to learn here - that you are, well and truly, a cog in a machine at work, and your goal there is, within limits, to meet the needs of the workplace.
That's what I think people are getting at here with their comments about your negativity. It probably matters less whether or not you're being too blunt with your boss, but you've definitely framed things in your head to make it impossible to view this as anything other than "Something I don't like doing, which is for idiots". It's pretty hard to enjoy something like that! It's a lot easier to engage with "This is something I don't like doing; I'm doing it because X, Y, and Z".
posted by sagc at 7:58 AM on May 24, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm often in charge of implementing and training people on new systems. If someone complains, but is a quick learner and doesn't push back on the *necessity* of learning, it goes fine. If someone tries to second-guess the purpose or choice of software - which I basically never am involved in choosing - we're in a larger argument about whether they have as clear a vision of the business needs as I do.
Seriously, what does it matter that you're 'too smart' for this software? The contempt for even the idea of the software comes through very clearly in your question, and since it's less about the software than it is about (seemingly) most of the other people at your company, I bet that contempt isn't nearly as well hidden as you think it is.
I generally feel the same way as you about a ton of things! I like having my own fiefdom where I can develop my own systems for things. The second I'm interacting with the rest of my company, though, a totally different hat gets put on, where I'm trying to get ensure that I'm not causing problems for other people with my insistence on doing things my way. That, I think, is what you have to learn here - that you are, well and truly, a cog in a machine at work, and your goal there is, within limits, to meet the needs of the workplace.
That's what I think people are getting at here with their comments about your negativity. It probably matters less whether or not you're being too blunt with your boss, but you've definitely framed things in your head to make it impossible to view this as anything other than "Something I don't like doing, which is for idiots". It's pretty hard to enjoy something like that! It's a lot easier to engage with "This is something I don't like doing; I'm doing it because X, Y, and Z".
posted by sagc at 7:58 AM on May 24, 2019 [3 favorites]
I am not there to get paid, I took the job because it was a good place to learn a lot
In this case, you do not actually understand what jobs are and this is your real problem.
A job is a thing where despite whatever promises are made to you or what you think the prevailing culture is, you are there to keep your head down, do whatever your managers say, do it politely, and do it to the best of your ability.
That is literally what a job IS. That's the contract.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:16 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
In this case, you do not actually understand what jobs are and this is your real problem.
A job is a thing where despite whatever promises are made to you or what you think the prevailing culture is, you are there to keep your head down, do whatever your managers say, do it politely, and do it to the best of your ability.
That is literally what a job IS. That's the contract.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:16 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
I will take a slightly different tack and say this: at least part of the problem here is that you have committed, in your own mind, to disliking this thing. Like, you don't just dislike it, you are ruminating on how you dislike it, stuck in a mental pattern that isn't helping you or anyone else. (And I'm sure the ongoing enthusiasm from your bosses is fueling this, because you feel the need to mentally push back when you hear them praise it.)
Imagine if you were able to just think "yeah, this technology sucks and I'd rather I wasn't using it. Oh well." and then get on with it, without dwelling on your dislike of it over and over again? If you were able to hear your bosses say "this tech will change everything!" and just do a little mental eyeroll and dismiss it from your mind?
My recommendation would be to just try thinking this way, as an exercise, for a little while. When you find yourself dwelling on how this software is SO dumb and you hate it SO much and why won't your bosses just STOP talking about it... just realize you're doing it, take a moment, and then try to dismiss it from your mind and think about something else.
I promise, I'm speaking from experience on this.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:27 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
Imagine if you were able to just think "yeah, this technology sucks and I'd rather I wasn't using it. Oh well." and then get on with it, without dwelling on your dislike of it over and over again? If you were able to hear your bosses say "this tech will change everything!" and just do a little mental eyeroll and dismiss it from your mind?
My recommendation would be to just try thinking this way, as an exercise, for a little while. When you find yourself dwelling on how this software is SO dumb and you hate it SO much and why won't your bosses just STOP talking about it... just realize you're doing it, take a moment, and then try to dismiss it from your mind and think about something else.
I promise, I'm speaking from experience on this.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:27 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
There's a lot of advice here that can be summed up as: suck it up, jobs suck, your job is to pretend to like it. The problem is that there's a real risk to becoming the SharePoint or Cobol or MS Access person for the company. It's what you will do day in and day out, and you're trying your career to being an expert in that thing. That's a real risk.
There are parts of every job, even great ones, that suck. You can be in a situation where you need to suck it up at a job where everything sucks. But would I advise someone to go down a path where every part of their job is going to suck ongoing and maybe pigeon hole them into doing it for life? Of course not!
Your managers either truly think they are doing you a favor, are asking you to do something soul sucking but want to sell it as doing you a favor, or very possibly are setting you up to be the point person for this technology ongoing. If the latter is the case, be clear eyed about it and be prepared to walk away.
posted by xammerboy at 10:25 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
There are parts of every job, even great ones, that suck. You can be in a situation where you need to suck it up at a job where everything sucks. But would I advise someone to go down a path where every part of their job is going to suck ongoing and maybe pigeon hole them into doing it for life? Of course not!
Your managers either truly think they are doing you a favor, are asking you to do something soul sucking but want to sell it as doing you a favor, or very possibly are setting you up to be the point person for this technology ongoing. If the latter is the case, be clear eyed about it and be prepared to walk away.
posted by xammerboy at 10:25 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I think you are fine as a person and I think your attitude is good. I myself think everyone is approximately equal and that my work is enough; I don't feel the need to grovel. This is a totally fine way to be. The general result is win some/lose some. Some bosses really value this; others don't, whatever.
One thing that tends to happen is that people find this...self-possession and independence to be intimidating, they end up trying to seek your approval (which it seems like is happening here). This is a warning sign, though, because if you don't give it at some point they will feel rejected and it will really damage your relationship with them.
(My guess is that they suspect that you are right and are maybe a little embarrassed? Does it help to think of this as helping them by allowing them to save face a little? Do you respond better if you think of this as a kindness thing vs. a power struggle?)
So, it seems like you generally like these people and what you are telling me shows that this situation is bothering them. Whether it's logical for it to bother them, or whether it stems from their own insecurities, the behavior you describe from them indicates that you are pushing their buttons. This may be silly! You have just told them truthfully that you are fine! They should be able to tolerate you disagreeing! But from what you are saying, they are having ongoing issues with it. That is why they keep bringing it up.
I know it would be great if everyone were as secure as you and I are. You are probably thinking, like I would think, "so what? someone disagrees with you? big deal? get over it." But you know, people are not all like that. Not everyone is strong in all the same ways.
Anyway, all psychoanalysis aside, you want them to stop bringing it up, the solution is literally to proactively go to them and tell them one positive thing about it. You can find one thing. I believe this. It can be fairly stupid. "You know, I was just thinking that it is easier in [program Y] to do [thing X]." That's it.
Or, if that is too much for you, then I would just think of something you can compliment them for and then compliment them for it. Even better is to compliment them behind their back to someone else who will probably tell them. This makes people like and trust you; it is just as important to be blunt about what people do right as it is to be blunt about what they do wrong.
Okay, I hope this is helpful. I am extremely sympathetic to your position here, and like I said, it is probably better for you to be your own boss in the long run because of your personality. But you will still need to have clients and a good reputation, and how you get it is by being kind to people and helping them deal with their own insecurities/weak spots a little bit.
I see, well I shall keep this in mind.
I'm not on the autism spectrum, been tested for it and nothing has ever come up.
It's my personality, I'm not a very empathetic person and I am very direct with these things. I have never considered that my bosses are being insecure or that they're failing to convey their message properly. In short there has apparently been a miscommunication from their part. I don't know about them, but had I miscommunicated I would have admitted my mistake. Most people don't do this.
When it comes to work, I try to leave the personal nonsense behind and I try to focus on getting things done, being as efficient as possible and not giving a damn about politics, who's feelings are being hurt or what's happening with x or y. That is me, but other people are not this way, unfortunately.
I probably need to keep this in mind more often.
posted by Braxis at 10:32 AM on May 24, 2019
One thing that tends to happen is that people find this...self-possession and independence to be intimidating, they end up trying to seek your approval (which it seems like is happening here). This is a warning sign, though, because if you don't give it at some point they will feel rejected and it will really damage your relationship with them.
(My guess is that they suspect that you are right and are maybe a little embarrassed? Does it help to think of this as helping them by allowing them to save face a little? Do you respond better if you think of this as a kindness thing vs. a power struggle?)
So, it seems like you generally like these people and what you are telling me shows that this situation is bothering them. Whether it's logical for it to bother them, or whether it stems from their own insecurities, the behavior you describe from them indicates that you are pushing their buttons. This may be silly! You have just told them truthfully that you are fine! They should be able to tolerate you disagreeing! But from what you are saying, they are having ongoing issues with it. That is why they keep bringing it up.
I know it would be great if everyone were as secure as you and I are. You are probably thinking, like I would think, "so what? someone disagrees with you? big deal? get over it." But you know, people are not all like that. Not everyone is strong in all the same ways.
Anyway, all psychoanalysis aside, you want them to stop bringing it up, the solution is literally to proactively go to them and tell them one positive thing about it. You can find one thing. I believe this. It can be fairly stupid. "You know, I was just thinking that it is easier in [program Y] to do [thing X]." That's it.
Or, if that is too much for you, then I would just think of something you can compliment them for and then compliment them for it. Even better is to compliment them behind their back to someone else who will probably tell them. This makes people like and trust you; it is just as important to be blunt about what people do right as it is to be blunt about what they do wrong.
Okay, I hope this is helpful. I am extremely sympathetic to your position here, and like I said, it is probably better for you to be your own boss in the long run because of your personality. But you will still need to have clients and a good reputation, and how you get it is by being kind to people and helping them deal with their own insecurities/weak spots a little bit.
I see, well I shall keep this in mind.
I'm not on the autism spectrum, been tested for it and nothing has ever come up.
It's my personality, I'm not a very empathetic person and I am very direct with these things. I have never considered that my bosses are being insecure or that they're failing to convey their message properly. In short there has apparently been a miscommunication from their part. I don't know about them, but had I miscommunicated I would have admitted my mistake. Most people don't do this.
When it comes to work, I try to leave the personal nonsense behind and I try to focus on getting things done, being as efficient as possible and not giving a damn about politics, who's feelings are being hurt or what's happening with x or y. That is me, but other people are not this way, unfortunately.
I probably need to keep this in mind more often.
posted by Braxis at 10:32 AM on May 24, 2019
When it comes to work, I try to leave the personal nonsense behind and I try to focus on getting things done, being as efficient as possible and not giving a damn about politics, who's feelings are being hurt or what's happening with x or y. That is me, but other people are not this way, unfortunately.
In my experience, not caring whose feelings are being hurt is rarely the most efficient way possible to get things done.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:42 PM on May 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
In my experience, not caring whose feelings are being hurt is rarely the most efficient way possible to get things done.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:42 PM on May 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
who's feelings are being hurt or what's happening with x or y. That is me, but other people are not this way, unfortunately.
Caring about whether they hurt other people or impact other projects in the organization is not unfortunate. Emotional intelligence is a skill. So is big picture thinking. They are very important skills, sometimes far more necessary for success than technical expertise.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:56 PM on May 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
Caring about whether they hurt other people or impact other projects in the organization is not unfortunate. Emotional intelligence is a skill. So is big picture thinking. They are very important skills, sometimes far more necessary for success than technical expertise.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:56 PM on May 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
Best answer: What's the best way to deal with something you don't like doing?
1. As someone above suggested, make it about the individuals not the software. When they tell you 10 times a day about how much they like it, try to adopt an open mind and a sense of curiosity. Have you asked them why they like it or what makes it cool in a sincere way? But maybe they have already told you that. Or maybe you just cannot make yourself care why they like it.
2. So maybe try to gamify learning this thing you loathe. Here's one way (about your life but you could use the same framework for learning the new software).
Another way might be to challenge yourself to find one single thing about the software that seems useful from the perspective of the people who like it or in terms of the mission of your company.
Or make learning the software more challenging, interesting, or gamelike by giving yourself a time limit to learn different aspects of it.
3. If you search the green for ADHD questions, you will find lots of advice for how to help motivate yourself that can be useful to people who do not have ADHD. Small rewards, for example, is a classic, evidence-based way of helping yourself do something you don't want to do. Do the nasty thing, give yourself a reward. Repeat.
4. Care less. This is sincere advice. I used to tie myself into internal knots because I cared so much that it really bothered me when managers made decisions that appeared like huge mistakes. My workload got a thousand times easier when I realized that I did not get to make those decisions and caring that much about the outcome of X just slowed me down. YMMV.
I'd wish they would stop trying to make me like it.
I wish they would, too. It is super annoying when people want you to like something they like. It is also super human. It is possible you are radiating hostility toward the software. It is possible that they are insecure and worried you will do a shitty job if you don't love the software as much as they do. It is possible that something else entirely is going on. I have no idea.
Here's the main thing: For the most part, in general, we cannot control other people. Ask is filled with many many many examples of people asking, How can I make this person stop doing X annoying thing? And the answer, almost inevitably, is that you cannot. You can quit the job or you can excuse yourself to go pee or something if somebody does a 15-minutes monologue but in general you can't stop these folks from expressing their enthusiasm for the software. They get to be enthusiastic even if it is annoying.
But that's another opportunity to gamify things. You can track literally how many times the different people who praise the software do so and smile and nod (or not) and then go listen to a great song (if you can do that at your job) or something else after to reward yourself for putting up with that annoyance.
Life, including work, is a lot easier if one learns how to reframe annoyances that you cannot control to make them more manageable. That is not always possible but sometimes it is. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:29 PM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
1. As someone above suggested, make it about the individuals not the software. When they tell you 10 times a day about how much they like it, try to adopt an open mind and a sense of curiosity. Have you asked them why they like it or what makes it cool in a sincere way? But maybe they have already told you that. Or maybe you just cannot make yourself care why they like it.
2. So maybe try to gamify learning this thing you loathe. Here's one way (about your life but you could use the same framework for learning the new software).
Another way might be to challenge yourself to find one single thing about the software that seems useful from the perspective of the people who like it or in terms of the mission of your company.
Or make learning the software more challenging, interesting, or gamelike by giving yourself a time limit to learn different aspects of it.
3. If you search the green for ADHD questions, you will find lots of advice for how to help motivate yourself that can be useful to people who do not have ADHD. Small rewards, for example, is a classic, evidence-based way of helping yourself do something you don't want to do. Do the nasty thing, give yourself a reward. Repeat.
4. Care less. This is sincere advice. I used to tie myself into internal knots because I cared so much that it really bothered me when managers made decisions that appeared like huge mistakes. My workload got a thousand times easier when I realized that I did not get to make those decisions and caring that much about the outcome of X just slowed me down. YMMV.
I'd wish they would stop trying to make me like it.
I wish they would, too. It is super annoying when people want you to like something they like. It is also super human. It is possible you are radiating hostility toward the software. It is possible that they are insecure and worried you will do a shitty job if you don't love the software as much as they do. It is possible that something else entirely is going on. I have no idea.
Here's the main thing: For the most part, in general, we cannot control other people. Ask is filled with many many many examples of people asking, How can I make this person stop doing X annoying thing? And the answer, almost inevitably, is that you cannot. You can quit the job or you can excuse yourself to go pee or something if somebody does a 15-minutes monologue but in general you can't stop these folks from expressing their enthusiasm for the software. They get to be enthusiastic even if it is annoying.
But that's another opportunity to gamify things. You can track literally how many times the different people who praise the software do so and smile and nod (or not) and then go listen to a great song (if you can do that at your job) or something else after to reward yourself for putting up with that annoyance.
Life, including work, is a lot easier if one learns how to reframe annoyances that you cannot control to make them more manageable. That is not always possible but sometimes it is. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:29 PM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Radiating hostility? I don't know, I'm probably doing that. I haven't gone on some rant about why I think it's terrible but I have on occassion expressed that I do not care for it. They asked me about it and told me to answer honestly, so I did.
I think I will just care less. To be honest stressing out about this nonsense isn't worth the hassle. The next time they start talking about how great it is I'm just going to leave the room and focus on something else.
posted by Braxis at 6:01 PM on May 24, 2019
I think I will just care less. To be honest stressing out about this nonsense isn't worth the hassle. The next time they start talking about how great it is I'm just going to leave the room and focus on something else.
posted by Braxis at 6:01 PM on May 24, 2019
You should care way way less. They aren’t paying you to like the software. They are paying you to act like you like the software. I don’t think you understand that these are not the same.
Management will always be out of touch. Let them blow the latest and greatest idea or technology or KPI up your ass. Go home and forget about it. That’s how you survive the war of work.
posted by pintapicasso at 7:42 PM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
Management will always be out of touch. Let them blow the latest and greatest idea or technology or KPI up your ass. Go home and forget about it. That’s how you survive the war of work.
posted by pintapicasso at 7:42 PM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
To be honest stressing out about this nonsense isn't worth the hassle. The next time they start talking about how great it is I'm just going to leave the room and focus on something else.
Flouncing out of a room in disgust is great if you're a Real Housewife but in the actual world of work it comes off as bizarre.
You're completely ignoring the middle road and the advice given here. This isn't an either/or situation. You don't need to stress out and you certainly don't need to leave the room a la Drunken Ramona Singer.
The middle road is smiling, nodding, doing your job, internally not really caring all that much, then clocking out and having a great life. You asked the best way to deal with this; that IS the best way.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 7:00 AM on May 25, 2019 [5 favorites]
Flouncing out of a room in disgust is great if you're a Real Housewife but in the actual world of work it comes off as bizarre.
You're completely ignoring the middle road and the advice given here. This isn't an either/or situation. You don't need to stress out and you certainly don't need to leave the room a la Drunken Ramona Singer.
The middle road is smiling, nodding, doing your job, internally not really caring all that much, then clocking out and having a great life. You asked the best way to deal with this; that IS the best way.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 7:00 AM on May 25, 2019 [5 favorites]
> This software is irrelevant what matters is that I don't like it.
For the purpose of attempting to respond to your question, it would help to know what this “mystery technology” is. But oh well.
> and for the record they asked me to tell them honestly if
> I had any interest in learning about this new thing.
Something of an aside: bosses will often ask an employee first, thus giving the employee the illusion of choice. If the employee responds “I would prefer not”, the choice aspect will disappear and you’ll simply be told to do something.
Here’s a thing to ponder: does the boss themself use this technology that they want you to love? If the answer is “no”, then that’s a bit of a red flag.
You may benefit from reading this.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:34 AM on May 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
For the purpose of attempting to respond to your question, it would help to know what this “mystery technology” is. But oh well.
> and for the record they asked me to tell them honestly if
> I had any interest in learning about this new thing.
Something of an aside: bosses will often ask an employee first, thus giving the employee the illusion of choice. If the employee responds “I would prefer not”, the choice aspect will disappear and you’ll simply be told to do something.
Here’s a thing to ponder: does the boss themself use this technology that they want you to love? If the answer is “no”, then that’s a bit of a red flag.
You may benefit from reading this.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:34 AM on May 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
Mod note: One deleted. OP, Ask Metafilter is not for carrying on a back and forth discussion or debate with answerers. Just ask your question and use what advice seems helpful to you, if you wish; that's it. If you are posting a complaint or rant in the form of a question, and you don't actually want suggestions or advice, you are misusing the site.
posted by taz (staff) at 1:58 AM on May 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 1:58 AM on May 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
One way to look at this is that your manager is telling you about your company’s values and priorities, and giving you the opportunity to understand and align your efforts with those priorities in a way that will create opportunities for you.
Look at the organizational incentives above and around the tech, whether or not the tech itself is interesting. Maybe what they’re really saying is, this is a way you could get a promotion.
posted by mhoye at 6:37 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]