Junk to jazz
January 30, 2019 5:14 AM Subscribe
Help me get my sex life back after genital surgery gone wrong.
I had a series of genital surgeries. The last one, a few years ago, went badly. If 0 is "can't get wet/hard" and 100 is "nothing down there is even recognizable," I'm at least a 50. Some bits are numb, some are in the wrong place, and some aren't there at all anymore. None of the ways I used to have genital sex still work: either they're not mechanically possible or they no longer feel good.
For a while, I gave up on having sex using my genitals. I've still got hands and a mouth and they work great. But I'd like to go back to having sex that feels good physically, and maybe even sex that gets me off — something my partner is also super supportive of. And that means figuring my genital situation out.
And I'm just... stumped.
Things I know in theory: "Try masturbating," "Try using a vibrator," "Relax," "Fantasize," "Don't focus on having an orgasm." Okay. Even at my most relaxed, even armed with my trusty Hitachi, even with fantasies or porn that did it for me before, even trying my best to set aside any goals, poking around down there is somewhere between "sticking a finger in my ear" and "washing my [previous] junk in the shower" — sometimes annoying, sometimes low-key pleasant, sometimes even a tingle or two, but just never all that compelling.
I'm sure some of this is psychological. I find the look-and-feel of things down there humiliating and disgusting. It makes me feel like less of a person. Yes, this is not great, and yes, I'm in therapy.
If you've come back from something like this, and managed to rebuild a sex life that isn't just about getting your partner off, what besides therapy helped?
(For private comments: snarfleblorf@gmail.com)
I had a series of genital surgeries. The last one, a few years ago, went badly. If 0 is "can't get wet/hard" and 100 is "nothing down there is even recognizable," I'm at least a 50. Some bits are numb, some are in the wrong place, and some aren't there at all anymore. None of the ways I used to have genital sex still work: either they're not mechanically possible or they no longer feel good.
For a while, I gave up on having sex using my genitals. I've still got hands and a mouth and they work great. But I'd like to go back to having sex that feels good physically, and maybe even sex that gets me off — something my partner is also super supportive of. And that means figuring my genital situation out.
And I'm just... stumped.
Things I know in theory: "Try masturbating," "Try using a vibrator," "Relax," "Fantasize," "Don't focus on having an orgasm." Okay. Even at my most relaxed, even armed with my trusty Hitachi, even with fantasies or porn that did it for me before, even trying my best to set aside any goals, poking around down there is somewhere between "sticking a finger in my ear" and "washing my [previous] junk in the shower" — sometimes annoying, sometimes low-key pleasant, sometimes even a tingle or two, but just never all that compelling.
I'm sure some of this is psychological. I find the look-and-feel of things down there humiliating and disgusting. It makes me feel like less of a person. Yes, this is not great, and yes, I'm in therapy.
If you've come back from something like this, and managed to rebuild a sex life that isn't just about getting your partner off, what besides therapy helped?
(For private comments: snarfleblorf@gmail.com)
This post was deleted for the following reason: double -- taz
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