I just want to stop overeating.
December 14, 2018 11:47 AM Subscribe
I have dieted and regained weight my whole life. Now in my 50s my BED is getting worse. I thought it would have resolved by now. What do you say to yourself to get in control?
I have gained and lost 20 to 30 pounds about five times. It sucks. I thought I was in a great place for a few years. I was eating lowish carb, high vegetable, good unprocessed food. Then... I started eating candy one day and I have gained back 20 pounds in less than a year.
I am in therapy. I have had 3 eating disorder coaches. That made it worse, for some reason.
I am usually fine all day (eat enough but not too much) but start grazing after dinner. Even when I KNOW I don't want it. I just think "one piece of this or that won't hurt" until one turns into seven.
The thing is, I want to lose weight, so of course there is some deprivation involved and that triggers bingeing. But I try to get enough protein and fat so I won't be starving. Still, it makes me binge. I know some people will think just do not diet, but I do NOT want to just decide to stay at this overweight weight. I really want to lose weight (my doctor told me to and I want to do it) without increasing my binges.
I try not to keep junk food in the house but others in my family do have it, and I eat it. They will not stop buying it so the suggestion to ask my family not to have chips or cookies is not going to work. Besides it doesn't matter. If there are no cookies in the house I will quickly bake them or eat oatmeal or spoons of peanut butter after dinner.
I know all the physical things. What I need to know is how do people stop lying to themselves when they have a desire to overeat. I need psychological tips here not diet tips. I know i could drink water, make a rule about not entering the kitchen after dinner, drink tea, call a friend, take a bath or a walk. But I don't do those things, I eat. I break the rules I make for myself. I'm facing health problems because of this and I still do it! (Prediabetic.) I can't fit into any of my clothes. I am not obese but I am uncomfortable.
Were you ever like this? How did you find a way to get in control of your eating?
I have gained and lost 20 to 30 pounds about five times. It sucks. I thought I was in a great place for a few years. I was eating lowish carb, high vegetable, good unprocessed food. Then... I started eating candy one day and I have gained back 20 pounds in less than a year.
I am in therapy. I have had 3 eating disorder coaches. That made it worse, for some reason.
I am usually fine all day (eat enough but not too much) but start grazing after dinner. Even when I KNOW I don't want it. I just think "one piece of this or that won't hurt" until one turns into seven.
The thing is, I want to lose weight, so of course there is some deprivation involved and that triggers bingeing. But I try to get enough protein and fat so I won't be starving. Still, it makes me binge. I know some people will think just do not diet, but I do NOT want to just decide to stay at this overweight weight. I really want to lose weight (my doctor told me to and I want to do it) without increasing my binges.
I try not to keep junk food in the house but others in my family do have it, and I eat it. They will not stop buying it so the suggestion to ask my family not to have chips or cookies is not going to work. Besides it doesn't matter. If there are no cookies in the house I will quickly bake them or eat oatmeal or spoons of peanut butter after dinner.
I know all the physical things. What I need to know is how do people stop lying to themselves when they have a desire to overeat. I need psychological tips here not diet tips. I know i could drink water, make a rule about not entering the kitchen after dinner, drink tea, call a friend, take a bath or a walk. But I don't do those things, I eat. I break the rules I make for myself. I'm facing health problems because of this and I still do it! (Prediabetic.) I can't fit into any of my clothes. I am not obese but I am uncomfortable.
Were you ever like this? How did you find a way to get in control of your eating?
Free will only exists up to a point. You may have passed that point.
How overweight are you? Once you have been obese for long enough, your metabolism may have changed to the point where food craving will never go away. Should that be the case, it's time for drugs or surgery. No one can withstand a lifetime of craving.
The only other thing I can suggest is to find something that pleases you besides eating, and do that a whole lot. For me it is martial arts, exercise, and meditation, not because they burn calories or cut craving but just because they feel good. Substitution works better than elimination.
posted by ckridge at 12:06 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
How overweight are you? Once you have been obese for long enough, your metabolism may have changed to the point where food craving will never go away. Should that be the case, it's time for drugs or surgery. No one can withstand a lifetime of craving.
The only other thing I can suggest is to find something that pleases you besides eating, and do that a whole lot. For me it is martial arts, exercise, and meditation, not because they burn calories or cut craving but just because they feel good. Substitution works better than elimination.
posted by ckridge at 12:06 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I also have this problem. Seconding the book Brain over binge. Also this behavior is largely carb driven for me. I know you said you've eaten low carb. Have you tried making low carb sweet treats to substitute for the regular stuff? Me mail me if you want some ideas. This has fixed the problem for me largely. I can eat a reasonable amount of sweets that are sweetened with erythritol but if it's real sugar or carbs forget it.
posted by whistle pig at 12:11 PM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by whistle pig at 12:11 PM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
I lost 40 pounds and kept it off, more or less, through a combination of a low-carb diet and LOTS of exercise. The low-carb diet is the only one that ever really worked for me, because it doesn't involve set portions or weird foods, and it's easy to avoid "bad" foods simply by not stocking them (no bread in my pantry, for example). As whistle pig noted, there ARE low-carb sweets. I buy Atkins bars and eat one each day, and enjoy low-carb fruits like cantaloupe and berries, but other things work too. I pretty much had to say goodbye to pasta, rice, potatoes and bread, but I can live with that. The diet is relatively easy to stick to, even when dining out, and from a cooking point of view it's not very demanding.
Nevertheless, I cheat on the diet more than I should, and that's where the exercise comes in. Getting at least an hour of aerobic exercise each day (I aim for 10 hours per week) burns fat directly but also improves your metabolism. I don't like to exercise (and have NEVER gotten that satisfying feeling that all the books say one gets after a month or so), but I get through it by watching videos on a treadmill. If the weather's nice, I do some of my walks outside, usually about 4 miles. I figure the time is just time I would have spent vegging out and watching TV (and GAINING weight), so it's no real loss to my schedule.
I have found by experience that neither of these is enough by itself, but the two together (exercise plus diet) work well and allow some flexibility (offset extra carbs with extra exercise, offset neglected exercise with stricter diet). My main measure of success has been my Hemoglobin A1C number, which has gone down from 7.something to 5.something, and stayed down (my doctor has been ecstatic). If you're pre-diabetic, this should be very motivating.
posted by ubiquity at 12:37 PM on December 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
Nevertheless, I cheat on the diet more than I should, and that's where the exercise comes in. Getting at least an hour of aerobic exercise each day (I aim for 10 hours per week) burns fat directly but also improves your metabolism. I don't like to exercise (and have NEVER gotten that satisfying feeling that all the books say one gets after a month or so), but I get through it by watching videos on a treadmill. If the weather's nice, I do some of my walks outside, usually about 4 miles. I figure the time is just time I would have spent vegging out and watching TV (and GAINING weight), so it's no real loss to my schedule.
I have found by experience that neither of these is enough by itself, but the two together (exercise plus diet) work well and allow some flexibility (offset extra carbs with extra exercise, offset neglected exercise with stricter diet). My main measure of success has been my Hemoglobin A1C number, which has gone down from 7.something to 5.something, and stayed down (my doctor has been ecstatic). If you're pre-diabetic, this should be very motivating.
posted by ubiquity at 12:37 PM on December 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
I try not to keep junk food in the house but others in my family do have it, and I eat it. They will not stop buying it so the suggestion to ask my family not to have chips or cookies is not going to work. Besides it doesn't matter. If there are no cookies in the house I will quickly bake them or eat oatmeal or spoons of peanut butter after dinner.
I was going to write a whole thing about research about willpower, but apparently that thinking is on its way out. I do wonder how much you've worked with your family on the sweets issue. Maybe they can buy sweets you don't like as much, or keep them someplace you won't see them? It's okay to ask your household members to make some changes that will support you.
In the bigger picture, though, I wonder if, instead of trying to fight a bad habit, you need to find a way to make it a good habit? You like to have some sort of treat at night. Maybe you need to substitute in some other kind of treat. Perhaps a cup of milky tea while sitting in a comfortable chair. And maybe you take a moment to journal about the day and how you are feeling. That late night eating is filling some sort of need, and you're fighting with yourself. If you try to ritualize something good for you (a walk after dinner, maybe?), then you can scratch that itch and feel good about it.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:40 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I was going to write a whole thing about research about willpower, but apparently that thinking is on its way out. I do wonder how much you've worked with your family on the sweets issue. Maybe they can buy sweets you don't like as much, or keep them someplace you won't see them? It's okay to ask your household members to make some changes that will support you.
In the bigger picture, though, I wonder if, instead of trying to fight a bad habit, you need to find a way to make it a good habit? You like to have some sort of treat at night. Maybe you need to substitute in some other kind of treat. Perhaps a cup of milky tea while sitting in a comfortable chair. And maybe you take a moment to journal about the day and how you are feeling. That late night eating is filling some sort of need, and you're fighting with yourself. If you try to ritualize something good for you (a walk after dinner, maybe?), then you can scratch that itch and feel good about it.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:40 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
Best answer: >"one piece of this or that won't hurt"
I sometimes remind myself that one piece of this or that also won't address the craving for food. Nor will a hundred pieces of this or that. No matter how many pieces of whatever-it-is you eat, you'll still want another piece just as much as you did before having the first one.
But honestly, this only works for me in concert with not having a house full of cookies. If I were you I'd be revisiting the question of why a family member's desire to have some cookies takes priority over your desire to not have diabetes. But if that's not the answer you want, you're stuck with the other.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:41 PM on December 14, 2018 [13 favorites]
I sometimes remind myself that one piece of this or that also won't address the craving for food. Nor will a hundred pieces of this or that. No matter how many pieces of whatever-it-is you eat, you'll still want another piece just as much as you did before having the first one.
But honestly, this only works for me in concert with not having a house full of cookies. If I were you I'd be revisiting the question of why a family member's desire to have some cookies takes priority over your desire to not have diabetes. But if that's not the answer you want, you're stuck with the other.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:41 PM on December 14, 2018 [13 favorites]
This my not apply to you, but if you have a very analytical mindset about things, the Hacker's Diet (more generically Calories In Calories Out, or CICO) helped my wife and I lose a combined ~90 pounds over a year or so.
In theory, you can eat whatever you want, just in moderation. In practice, we have found that it makes you more mindful of what you are putting in your body. When you log everything you eat, it makes you think twice about what is "worth it". Initially, it's all about the number of calories; "if I eat this fun size bag of M&Ms, that's only 110 calories!" But eventually, you start wanting to make healthier choices because you realize when you "eat like an asshole" (as we call it), you feel bad both physically and mentally. Ultimately, for us, it has been easier to be mindful of what and how much we are eating instead of prohibiting specific things. We have also found that the extra reinforcement of logging what you are eating helps prevent (or at least limit) binge eating.
Again, this approach won't work for everyone, but I hope you can find something that does work for you. Good luck!
posted by hankscorpio83 at 12:55 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
In theory, you can eat whatever you want, just in moderation. In practice, we have found that it makes you more mindful of what you are putting in your body. When you log everything you eat, it makes you think twice about what is "worth it". Initially, it's all about the number of calories; "if I eat this fun size bag of M&Ms, that's only 110 calories!" But eventually, you start wanting to make healthier choices because you realize when you "eat like an asshole" (as we call it), you feel bad both physically and mentally. Ultimately, for us, it has been easier to be mindful of what and how much we are eating instead of prohibiting specific things. We have also found that the extra reinforcement of logging what you are eating helps prevent (or at least limit) binge eating.
Again, this approach won't work for everyone, but I hope you can find something that does work for you. Good luck!
posted by hankscorpio83 at 12:55 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
There's a book called Changing for Good that is not specifically about dieting, but is about, basically, how to be different than you are now, and the ways that sustainable change actually happens in those people who achieve it, since it's fairly rare. It's not like what food you eat doesn't matter at all, but a huge part of the picture is how you integrate the new things you're doing into your picture of yourself as a person, and that requires a longer-term view than just figuring out what metric you're going to use to measure your progress.
posted by Sequence at 12:59 PM on December 14, 2018
posted by Sequence at 12:59 PM on December 14, 2018
I often say to myself that the feeling of hunger is also the feeling of fat burning so that keeps me away from the food when I’m hungry.
I also have a daily calorie budget and using MyFitnessPal I know for example that a single piece of Ferrero rocher is 74 calories so it is bad value in my calorie budget.
I just also wanted to say I feel your pain - I fell off the wagon this week cos we had food at work- so give yourself some credit it sounds like you are doing this in a difficult environment!!
posted by EatMyHat at 1:15 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I also have a daily calorie budget and using MyFitnessPal I know for example that a single piece of Ferrero rocher is 74 calories so it is bad value in my calorie budget.
I just also wanted to say I feel your pain - I fell off the wagon this week cos we had food at work- so give yourself some credit it sounds like you are doing this in a difficult environment!!
posted by EatMyHat at 1:15 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I spent at least 10-15 years of my life dieting and had the same sort of fluctuations - pounds gained, pounds lost. I have now spent the last few years at a very healthy weight that fluctuations maybe 1-2 lbs (even over the holidays). Just sharing what works for *me* which I wish I knew the secret for everyone, I could be a billionaire.
What didn't work for me:
1. Counting calories - I have learned my body's natural eating habits do not work well with this. Some days I'll have a huge appetite other days not so much despite exercise. Trying to keep a consistent calorie count made me eat when I wasn't hungry and suffer when I was. Also when I set my count too low (i.e. 1200-1500 calories daily for me), I found it difficult to find food options or I started avoiding social situations or doing crazy things like not eating all day so I can party (which doesn't always end well).
2. Master Cleanse - I tried this a few times and you do lose weight, but it immediately comes back on if not more when you get off. I don't know a fad diet that this yo-yo didn't occur.
3. Exercising incessantly - this ties together with calorie-counting. So you splurged the day before and so running a few miles the next day will help balance that out? Exercising too much was stressing out my body, and an odd side effect from it - I started stress-eating after.
What did work for me:
1. SLOWLY working on improving my metabolism - when I was sick of fad dieting (was causing me to miss social occasions or being miserable eating things I love) I just decided to stop everything - no more calorie counting, no more guilt exercise, a few relatively low-impact things (listed below). It took a year, and I am still adjusting to it.
- Low carb / next to no sugar: I used to be a sugar feign but consciously cutting it out I started to lose my appetite for it. I'll eat sweets on occasion now but don't crave them. Same for breads - bagels, muffins, anything dense... I'd almost rather go without if that's the only option.
- Daily low-impact lifestyle activities: mine is walking about an hour a day (either at once or 30 mins at lunch, 30 mins in the evening). When the weather is bad I'll do exercise videos indoors that involve dancing (Richard Simmons). I honestly do this daily - it's good for my mind to get out and process one's thoughts in nature or good way to catch up with a friend or listen to a podcast or even do daily errands.
- Never eat until I am full - I have learned that point when I eat just enough (even if that means ordering an appetite or getting portions to go). Often time the fullness doesn't hit until later.
- Frontload my meals - I hardly ever eat after 7pm. This has also helped me sleep better.
- Switched my alcohol preferences - this may not apply to you but switching from beer / wine for every drink to things like vodka tonics, or whiskey soda water I lost a lot of weight in my mid-section.
- Allowing myself some naughty food a few times a week - I know my psychology that if I'm too strict on what I eat that it leads to binging.
Again, to each their own. You may also consider seeing a nutritionist. I did this a few years ago and discovered I have a very high metabolic rate for protein / fat (and this was genetic). This is what started me on a lower carb route.
Best of luck! Again, it took me a LONG time to get to a good place. If it's worth it to you, stick it out for the long haul.
posted by hillabeans at 1:29 PM on December 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
What didn't work for me:
1. Counting calories - I have learned my body's natural eating habits do not work well with this. Some days I'll have a huge appetite other days not so much despite exercise. Trying to keep a consistent calorie count made me eat when I wasn't hungry and suffer when I was. Also when I set my count too low (i.e. 1200-1500 calories daily for me), I found it difficult to find food options or I started avoiding social situations or doing crazy things like not eating all day so I can party (which doesn't always end well).
2. Master Cleanse - I tried this a few times and you do lose weight, but it immediately comes back on if not more when you get off. I don't know a fad diet that this yo-yo didn't occur.
3. Exercising incessantly - this ties together with calorie-counting. So you splurged the day before and so running a few miles the next day will help balance that out? Exercising too much was stressing out my body, and an odd side effect from it - I started stress-eating after.
What did work for me:
1. SLOWLY working on improving my metabolism - when I was sick of fad dieting (was causing me to miss social occasions or being miserable eating things I love) I just decided to stop everything - no more calorie counting, no more guilt exercise, a few relatively low-impact things (listed below). It took a year, and I am still adjusting to it.
- Low carb / next to no sugar: I used to be a sugar feign but consciously cutting it out I started to lose my appetite for it. I'll eat sweets on occasion now but don't crave them. Same for breads - bagels, muffins, anything dense... I'd almost rather go without if that's the only option.
- Daily low-impact lifestyle activities: mine is walking about an hour a day (either at once or 30 mins at lunch, 30 mins in the evening). When the weather is bad I'll do exercise videos indoors that involve dancing (Richard Simmons). I honestly do this daily - it's good for my mind to get out and process one's thoughts in nature or good way to catch up with a friend or listen to a podcast or even do daily errands.
- Never eat until I am full - I have learned that point when I eat just enough (even if that means ordering an appetite or getting portions to go). Often time the fullness doesn't hit until later.
- Frontload my meals - I hardly ever eat after 7pm. This has also helped me sleep better.
- Switched my alcohol preferences - this may not apply to you but switching from beer / wine for every drink to things like vodka tonics, or whiskey soda water I lost a lot of weight in my mid-section.
- Allowing myself some naughty food a few times a week - I know my psychology that if I'm too strict on what I eat that it leads to binging.
Again, to each their own. You may also consider seeing a nutritionist. I did this a few years ago and discovered I have a very high metabolic rate for protein / fat (and this was genetic). This is what started me on a lower carb route.
Best of luck! Again, it took me a LONG time to get to a good place. If it's worth it to you, stick it out for the long haul.
posted by hillabeans at 1:29 PM on December 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
But eventually, you start wanting to make healthier choices because you realize when you "eat like an asshole" (as we call it), you feel bad both physically and mentally.
I'm going to agree with this, and the larger points from that comment.
Once year my work does a company wide effort to spend an entire month entering all food into an app called LoseIt. I don't even try to eat healthier, but just seeing exactly how whatever I'm doing affects my calorie total causes me to make better choices. So, when I think to myself "some Oreos might be nice", I see exactly how they impact my calorie goal for the day and (hopefully, hah!) I'll decide that perhaps one Oreo is good enough.
It's a lot easier to prevent"until one turns into seven" situations when you have to enter in items 2-7 into an app that's telling you that you used up your calories for the day.
Just to give some insight on how just paying attention works for me: My work typically does the tracking in February, and even though I didn't do much biking/running that month, I lost more weight paying attention that I've done in the current last 30 days, and I've run ~80miles during that time. Hell, I was actually moving during February, so I was even eating out a decent amount.
Of course, it's possible to just ignore blasting past the limit. But, I think it's easier to stick to limit that's in writing (at least in an app) rather than the limit of "don't eat too much" in your head.
posted by sideshow at 2:39 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm going to agree with this, and the larger points from that comment.
Once year my work does a company wide effort to spend an entire month entering all food into an app called LoseIt. I don't even try to eat healthier, but just seeing exactly how whatever I'm doing affects my calorie total causes me to make better choices. So, when I think to myself "some Oreos might be nice", I see exactly how they impact my calorie goal for the day and (hopefully, hah!) I'll decide that perhaps one Oreo is good enough.
It's a lot easier to prevent"until one turns into seven" situations when you have to enter in items 2-7 into an app that's telling you that you used up your calories for the day.
Just to give some insight on how just paying attention works for me: My work typically does the tracking in February, and even though I didn't do much biking/running that month, I lost more weight paying attention that I've done in the current last 30 days, and I've run ~80miles during that time. Hell, I was actually moving during February, so I was even eating out a decent amount.
Of course, it's possible to just ignore blasting past the limit. But, I think it's easier to stick to limit that's in writing (at least in an app) rather than the limit of "don't eat too much" in your head.
posted by sideshow at 2:39 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Second that your family’s support is important here...
A spoonful of peanut butter, a bowl of oatmeal, or even a bar of 80% cocoa chocolate is just not going to tip most people into a binge the way a tub of ice cream or a bag of Doritos would. Junk food - which I’m going to talk about as food that’s high in calories and low in nutritional value on its own (usually with loads of sugar and low-quality fats, limited fibre, protein or micronutrients) is designed by food scientists to hijack our evolutionary legacy apparatuses for maximizing energy and make our taste buds super responsive to that stuff. Then marketers package it in misleading ways so that nutritional info is functionally distorted, and promote it in devious ways, to maximize profit. Some people, whose ancestors were wicked awesome survivors - who are good at maximizing calories - are extra vulnerable to this stuff, and have fewer opportunities for movement woven through the day than their ancestors.
For us (I go to town on chips), it really does just make sense to cut out temptation and make life easier on ourselves.
Stock and fill up on higher-nutrition, lower-calorie food (higher protein, fibre, good fats, and micronutrients). Old school food. Meat or other protein, dairy, beans/legumes, other veg, nuts, fruit, grainy carbs, root veg. Limit high-cal beverages. Shoot for 25 grams of fibre a day and as much protein as you like. That stuff will keep you full.
And really try to work with your family on just getting rid of or at least reducing the real temptations kept in the house. Out of sight, out of mind, and if you’ve got beans and chicken and asparagus in you, there’s not going to be as much of an appetite for cookies. (Occasional, reasonable, single-serve portions outside of the house, at a place you have to sit down to eat, was my rule. Maybe for you guys it could be a weekly or biweekly family visit to a great cafe or bakery. So they’re still getting what they want, and you’re getting what you need. (I honestly don’t think it’s kind or fair of them to prioritize their wants over your actual health needs.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:48 PM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
A spoonful of peanut butter, a bowl of oatmeal, or even a bar of 80% cocoa chocolate is just not going to tip most people into a binge the way a tub of ice cream or a bag of Doritos would. Junk food - which I’m going to talk about as food that’s high in calories and low in nutritional value on its own (usually with loads of sugar and low-quality fats, limited fibre, protein or micronutrients) is designed by food scientists to hijack our evolutionary legacy apparatuses for maximizing energy and make our taste buds super responsive to that stuff. Then marketers package it in misleading ways so that nutritional info is functionally distorted, and promote it in devious ways, to maximize profit. Some people, whose ancestors were wicked awesome survivors - who are good at maximizing calories - are extra vulnerable to this stuff, and have fewer opportunities for movement woven through the day than their ancestors.
For us (I go to town on chips), it really does just make sense to cut out temptation and make life easier on ourselves.
Stock and fill up on higher-nutrition, lower-calorie food (higher protein, fibre, good fats, and micronutrients). Old school food. Meat or other protein, dairy, beans/legumes, other veg, nuts, fruit, grainy carbs, root veg. Limit high-cal beverages. Shoot for 25 grams of fibre a day and as much protein as you like. That stuff will keep you full.
And really try to work with your family on just getting rid of or at least reducing the real temptations kept in the house. Out of sight, out of mind, and if you’ve got beans and chicken and asparagus in you, there’s not going to be as much of an appetite for cookies. (Occasional, reasonable, single-serve portions outside of the house, at a place you have to sit down to eat, was my rule. Maybe for you guys it could be a weekly or biweekly family visit to a great cafe or bakery. So they’re still getting what they want, and you’re getting what you need. (I honestly don’t think it’s kind or fair of them to prioritize their wants over your actual health needs.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:48 PM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Maybe a compromise with your family? They can have cookies and chips and whatever, but they go into a locked box with a padlock (either a number code or keys) that you can't access, preferably within a closet or pantry. Agreeing with others that it's so hard to eat better when others are eating stuff that triggers you to overeat and it's better for you not to have access to it, even if it's in your house.
posted by permiechickie at 5:36 PM on December 14, 2018
posted by permiechickie at 5:36 PM on December 14, 2018
Binges are not binges; they are your body's way of telling you that you need more energy. It is a normal, physiological survival response to energy deficit. You can be in energy deficit even if you are overweight or obese on the BMI chart. Your body doesn't care where it sits on that chart -- it cares only about survival.
I think you need to go through a period of time where you confront and get rid of your food rules.... even if this means eating a few bags of chips or going through a few jars of peanut butter or more, I think you need to teach your brain and your body that there is no "good" or "bad" food-- food is just food. If you keep thinking that certain foods are off-limits or should be associated with "guilt", or, on the other side of the coin, a sense of purity or righteousness, you're just letting food control you.
I know you cite health concerns as reasons to want to lose weight, and that is totally legitimate. But, I think that almost every form of disordered eating has a mental component to it, and there is no physical health without mental health. Focusing on weight and even on diabetes prevention early on in BED recovery may make it more challenging to do the initial work of creating a steady, even-keeled eating pattern.
In the long run, you'll eat less if you eat one or two cookies whenever you fancy (even if it's every day) as opposed to nervously drawing all these limitations on what you can and cannot eat, and then finishing an entire box of cookies on Saturday night.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 5:57 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I think you need to go through a period of time where you confront and get rid of your food rules.... even if this means eating a few bags of chips or going through a few jars of peanut butter or more, I think you need to teach your brain and your body that there is no "good" or "bad" food-- food is just food. If you keep thinking that certain foods are off-limits or should be associated with "guilt", or, on the other side of the coin, a sense of purity or righteousness, you're just letting food control you.
I know you cite health concerns as reasons to want to lose weight, and that is totally legitimate. But, I think that almost every form of disordered eating has a mental component to it, and there is no physical health without mental health. Focusing on weight and even on diabetes prevention early on in BED recovery may make it more challenging to do the initial work of creating a steady, even-keeled eating pattern.
In the long run, you'll eat less if you eat one or two cookies whenever you fancy (even if it's every day) as opposed to nervously drawing all these limitations on what you can and cannot eat, and then finishing an entire box of cookies on Saturday night.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 5:57 PM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
If you know evenings are the hardest, can you get out of the house and doing something else (anything else)? Some sort of hobby or activity that isn’t food-adjacent so you just don’t have the option to eat? (Long walk in the woods?) I feel you!
posted by bighappyhairydog at 6:00 PM on December 14, 2018
posted by bighappyhairydog at 6:00 PM on December 14, 2018
Best answer: For me (a true binger, recovered bulimic), it’s not so much what I say to myself but how I say it. With acceptance, nonjudgement, calm logic, kindness, and resignation, I do have to talk to myself—sometimes even out loud—and just tell the truth. “I want to binge right now but I can get through it.” “It’s a craving, it’s strong but it’s just a craving, and I can have some in an hour if I go for a walk right now.” “Unfortunately, I am not in any condition to just have one cookie at the moment.” Sometimes I have to ask myself if I’m okay, if I’m hungry, what’s going on. If I feel lonely or sad or bored, I identify the emotion and move on. “I’m lonely and it sucks but bingeing will make me feel worse, and the loneliness will pass.”
I hope this isn’t too close to diet advice, but tracking is essential for me. As soon as I stop tracking I start bingeing. Tracking is just another way to tell myself the truth. The truth has been an effective disruption to my urges, because in order to binge I have to deny the truth about what I’m doing to myself,.
Good luck. This is an extreme struggle and very difficult for outsiders to understand.
posted by kapers at 7:40 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I hope this isn’t too close to diet advice, but tracking is essential for me. As soon as I stop tracking I start bingeing. Tracking is just another way to tell myself the truth. The truth has been an effective disruption to my urges, because in order to binge I have to deny the truth about what I’m doing to myself,.
Good luck. This is an extreme struggle and very difficult for outsiders to understand.
posted by kapers at 7:40 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Here's an approach for working with your tricky thoughts (from CBT's Judith Beck):
https://psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1031/why-dont-diets-work-cbts-judith-beck-has-the-answer
posted by koselig at 1:10 AM on December 15, 2018
https://psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1031/why-dont-diets-work-cbts-judith-beck-has-the-answer
posted by koselig at 1:10 AM on December 15, 2018
I found therapy really helpful for binge eating, but it seems that it's not helping you, or not enough. I had to accept myself at my highest weight in order to be successful in dieting. Sounds paradoxical but it was true for me.
I have a good friend who was helped a great deal by Overeater's Anonymous. I don't have personal experience with their program, but it looks like you can get a lot of info on their site.
posted by tuesdayschild at 12:09 PM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
I have a good friend who was helped a great deal by Overeater's Anonymous. I don't have personal experience with their program, but it looks like you can get a lot of info on their site.
posted by tuesdayschild at 12:09 PM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Lots of good suggestions here.
Mine would be to look at what you're feeling when you want that extra food. I tend to graze when I'm bored, avoiding something or feeling lonely. When I stop and ask myself what I'm feeling and am conscious of it, it helps in some way to realize that I'm using the food to fill that space.
As a friend once said about her drinking habit: "I just want to feel different than I am" and that's kind of my deal as well. Don't like what I'm feeling, food makes me feel better, so I choose that.
By asking myself what's going on inside and identifying it, I can find other things to do to alleviate / process those feelings. It doesn't always work but the extra step of asking myself and offering kindness about it has made a big difference.
Sending you good wishes.
posted by Mysticalchick at 2:05 PM on December 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Mine would be to look at what you're feeling when you want that extra food. I tend to graze when I'm bored, avoiding something or feeling lonely. When I stop and ask myself what I'm feeling and am conscious of it, it helps in some way to realize that I'm using the food to fill that space.
As a friend once said about her drinking habit: "I just want to feel different than I am" and that's kind of my deal as well. Don't like what I'm feeling, food makes me feel better, so I choose that.
By asking myself what's going on inside and identifying it, I can find other things to do to alleviate / process those feelings. It doesn't always work but the extra step of asking myself and offering kindness about it has made a big difference.
Sending you good wishes.
posted by Mysticalchick at 2:05 PM on December 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Have you come across The Fat Nutritionist? She's very HAES-based, so not so much focused on losing weight, but she's great on intuitive eating and ways to gradually rewire your feelings and behaviours about food, and how you might be able to reduce the need to binge.
Good luck, I know this stuff is hard.
posted by BlueNorther at 7:21 PM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Good luck, I know this stuff is hard.
posted by BlueNorther at 7:21 PM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Recovered bulimic here. Things that helped me:
Feminism, particularly Fat is a Feminist Issue and The Beauty Myth. I don't know if these have aged well; this was in the early 90s. I initially gained a few pounds but it felt not too bad as I learned to shift some of my self-loathing onto the society that taught it to me.
Exercise, not for its calorie burning, but for its reminder that it takes a lot of effort to burn off those little nibbles. Also for its positive effects on my mood, and for helping me to identify as a healthy person who takes care of herself.
Imagining myself eating the thing I'm craving. I just pause and imagine the sensation, taste, chewiness of the food. Usually this is enough to sort of break the connection my brain is trying to make between eating something and feeling soothed. It's almost like I'm actually eating the food and realising it doesn't make me feel better.
Pausing - this involves bargaining with myself to wait a set amount of time to see if the craving passes. Sometimes I do 5 minutes, sometimes 10 or 20. This usually works. This works by putting distance between craving and reward, breaking the connection.
Cooking - taking the time to make myself nice meals that I look forward to and to savour them when I eat. I don't do any mindful eating stuff, but I do focus intently on the first bite and it kind of breaks the impulse to just slam the whole meal into my face and go looking for more. I've noticed that bingeing (at least with meals) is sometimes triggered by eating something I don't really like that much, as though eating big mouthfuls really fast makes it taste better, and that eating even more of it will give me that pleasure/soothing I'm after.
posted by Frenchy67 at 6:02 AM on December 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
Feminism, particularly Fat is a Feminist Issue and The Beauty Myth. I don't know if these have aged well; this was in the early 90s. I initially gained a few pounds but it felt not too bad as I learned to shift some of my self-loathing onto the society that taught it to me.
Exercise, not for its calorie burning, but for its reminder that it takes a lot of effort to burn off those little nibbles. Also for its positive effects on my mood, and for helping me to identify as a healthy person who takes care of herself.
Imagining myself eating the thing I'm craving. I just pause and imagine the sensation, taste, chewiness of the food. Usually this is enough to sort of break the connection my brain is trying to make between eating something and feeling soothed. It's almost like I'm actually eating the food and realising it doesn't make me feel better.
Pausing - this involves bargaining with myself to wait a set amount of time to see if the craving passes. Sometimes I do 5 minutes, sometimes 10 or 20. This usually works. This works by putting distance between craving and reward, breaking the connection.
Cooking - taking the time to make myself nice meals that I look forward to and to savour them when I eat. I don't do any mindful eating stuff, but I do focus intently on the first bite and it kind of breaks the impulse to just slam the whole meal into my face and go looking for more. I've noticed that bingeing (at least with meals) is sometimes triggered by eating something I don't really like that much, as though eating big mouthfuls really fast makes it taste better, and that eating even more of it will give me that pleasure/soothing I'm after.
posted by Frenchy67 at 6:02 AM on December 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
Agnostic here... I returned to Overeaters Anonymous recently and it's been super helpful. You'll hear regularly from people who are struggling in similar ways, and many have long-term abstinence from compulsive food behaviors.
There are phone and online meetings available every day of the week if you can't get to an in-person meeting. Many of the callers are willing to help out newcomers.
Most importantly, OA puts heavy emphasis on practical, no-woo tools like an eating plan, working with a nutritionist if necessary, journaling, and reaching out for support.
TBH the God talk gets on my nerves, but abstinence is worth the annoyance of listening to it. And the OA publication, the Lifeline, has quite a few stories available online from agnostics and atheists.
Feel free to message me if you like.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 7:28 AM on December 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
There are phone and online meetings available every day of the week if you can't get to an in-person meeting. Many of the callers are willing to help out newcomers.
Most importantly, OA puts heavy emphasis on practical, no-woo tools like an eating plan, working with a nutritionist if necessary, journaling, and reaching out for support.
TBH the God talk gets on my nerves, but abstinence is worth the annoyance of listening to it. And the OA publication, the Lifeline, has quite a few stories available online from agnostics and atheists.
Feel free to message me if you like.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 7:28 AM on December 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
Like sideshow and kapers, I've found that tracking just helps me make mental shifts. Like, recognizing that one cookie won't kill me, but if I have one every day (because I'm probably going to tell myself the same thing tomorrow, and the next day), that's ... 65 calories times 7, so ... wow ... 455 calories, so suddenly that's like 500 calories worth of cookies. Which is not insignificant.
I've also had good luck with replacing habits, rather than trying to stop them.
Charles Duhigg wrote a book called The Power of Habit. His website has some excerpts from the book, including a flowchart for changing a habit, a section on how habits work (and how to change them), and a guide to changing habits.
Basically, the flowchart says to
(1) identify the cue - what's prompting you to graze, or binge?
(2) identify the reward - what are you getting out of it? and then
(3) substitute a different reward and routine.
So what is prompting you to eat in the evenings (you say you really don't want it)? Are you bored? Tired? Want the feeling of doing something nice for yourself, treating yourself? Are you actually hungry? Asking yourself what you most want will help you find a good replacement activity. (If you really are actually hungry, you might want to identify some satisfying foods that you can eat, like executive_dysfuncti0n described. If it's more wanting to do something nice for yourself, you might be able to find another way to really treat yourself, or if you're tired, you might try a little nap, or even just sitting quietly somewhere cozy and comfortable.)
The key is not to say "I'm not going to do x," it's to say, "when I feel like doing x, I'm going to do y instead - and then I'm going to reward myself with z." Gentle, loving redirection seems to work better to change habits.
posted by kristi at 5:34 PM on December 18, 2018 [2 favorites]
I've also had good luck with replacing habits, rather than trying to stop them.
Charles Duhigg wrote a book called The Power of Habit. His website has some excerpts from the book, including a flowchart for changing a habit, a section on how habits work (and how to change them), and a guide to changing habits.
Basically, the flowchart says to
(1) identify the cue - what's prompting you to graze, or binge?
(2) identify the reward - what are you getting out of it? and then
(3) substitute a different reward and routine.
So what is prompting you to eat in the evenings (you say you really don't want it)? Are you bored? Tired? Want the feeling of doing something nice for yourself, treating yourself? Are you actually hungry? Asking yourself what you most want will help you find a good replacement activity. (If you really are actually hungry, you might want to identify some satisfying foods that you can eat, like executive_dysfuncti0n described. If it's more wanting to do something nice for yourself, you might be able to find another way to really treat yourself, or if you're tired, you might try a little nap, or even just sitting quietly somewhere cozy and comfortable.)
The key is not to say "I'm not going to do x," it's to say, "when I feel like doing x, I'm going to do y instead - and then I'm going to reward myself with z." Gentle, loving redirection seems to work better to change habits.
posted by kristi at 5:34 PM on December 18, 2018 [2 favorites]
The brain is the organ which uses the most glucose. It is in charge. I treat a sudden desire for sweets as a thirst for water, because dehydration raises blood density that is everything, fats in the blood too. I decided that drinking water helps keep the receptor sites for insulin, more receptive, open for the flow of nutrients and all sorts of other metabolic functions including the immune system. Pre diabetes goes away with sufficient water, exercise, and limiting added sugar. I noticed I could not keep losing weight if I had sugar in my coffee. I start my day with an exercise set, I have coffee or tea and a grapefruit, then I go walk 2-4 miles on 100 caloeies. I have a reasonable breakfast after. I eat a couple of servings of high fiber carbs,(whole grain) per day, I have two or three high fiber veggies per day brussels sprouts, raw ground beets with balsamic vinegar, yellow squash, steam3d cabbage, spinach raw, or cooked into soup. I eat feta, chicken, black beans, eggs, or pork in chili verde, vanilla soy milk, for protein. I keep pumpkin seeds, organic marinara, organic pasta, old fashioned oatmeal around. I keep flour around I will bake sometimes low sweet whole grain tiny cake, no icing. I want a nurturing relationship with my self that lets me also ennoy good health. I have had syndrome x or pre diabetes, and higher blood pressure, but I don't now. The water thing is important, keeping your hematocrit down as a marker for hydration is important. When your blood sugars are up, the platelets get sugar coated and that is what does the damage to capillaries, nerves, and causes inflammation in the blood vessels, so water up, added sugar down, all carbs, high fiber whole grain, make sure the food you most consistently eat has vegetables and protein, try to consume the very most of your food, in an 8 hour window, rest your digestive system for 16 hours daily, except for water. If you need a late snack, make sure it is really good, you love it, arrange it on a plate, enjoy it, always remind your self, you are eating, when you are eating. Don't hurry, however much you do or don't eat, give it as a gift to all of your self.
posted by Oyéah at 8:29 PM on March 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 8:29 PM on March 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
Candy. God damn. I wish I could firebomb candy off the face of the earth forever. This exact thing happened to me, and I'm now at a point where it's hard to get up off the floor. Obviously it's going to kill me. But meanwhile, YUM, CANDY! Damn all candy.
My advice--and I hope I'll take that advice soon, myself--go to war. Deploy to the front, by which I mean, get out of there for a week. Demand that the candy-buyers finance a week's stay in a hotel near a store where they sell salad greens. Eat no sugar/flour/yadda, and do youtube exercise videos every day. Then return with your taste for candy and co. vanquished, return to eating as you ate when you lived without the extra 20 pounds, and don't eat candy or its evil little friends ever again. (If you mix up a batch of cookies the first night back, deploy again ASAP and this time do two weeks. You just have to stay away from it long enough to lose the yen. The trouble is, that's so hard. Because candy. Damn. Candy. To helllll.)
posted by Don Pepino at 9:25 AM on March 21, 2019
My advice--and I hope I'll take that advice soon, myself--go to war. Deploy to the front, by which I mean, get out of there for a week. Demand that the candy-buyers finance a week's stay in a hotel near a store where they sell salad greens. Eat no sugar/flour/yadda, and do youtube exercise videos every day. Then return with your taste for candy and co. vanquished, return to eating as you ate when you lived without the extra 20 pounds, and don't eat candy or its evil little friends ever again. (If you mix up a batch of cookies the first night back, deploy again ASAP and this time do two weeks. You just have to stay away from it long enough to lose the yen. The trouble is, that's so hard. Because candy. Damn. Candy. To helllll.)
posted by Don Pepino at 9:25 AM on March 21, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
Don't buy the audiobook though, the narrator is absolutely awful. The book itself though i found useful on my journey.
posted by PardonMyFrench at 12:00 PM on December 14, 2018 [7 favorites]