Help me be compassionate
October 29, 2018 11:53 PM Subscribe
A colleague of mine recently lost a baby and has been given six months leave to deal with the grief. Whilst I feel sorry for her and understand she is going through a difficult time, I am struggling to feel enough compassion because six months seems like an awfully long time to have off work.
Our enterprise agreement says that for a bereavement of an immediate family member you get two days paid leave. I know I sound like a bad person for saying this but why does my colleague need six months off when people who lose a parent would only get two days? After all losing a baby is hard but you can always try again (she is young enough) and she never knew that baby, whereas with a parent you have known them your whole life (for most people) and there is no way to get another one.
What am I missing here?
Our enterprise agreement says that for a bereavement of an immediate family member you get two days paid leave. I know I sound like a bad person for saying this but why does my colleague need six months off when people who lose a parent would only get two days? After all losing a baby is hard but you can always try again (she is young enough) and she never knew that baby, whereas with a parent you have known them your whole life (for most people) and there is no way to get another one.
What am I missing here?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, but this is less a request for education than an argument for your point of view, posted in a really offensive way, and will not go well at all. -- taz
What am I missing here?
I mean, like, basic human empathy?
The policy your company has on paper is heartless, I agree. Someone with the power to add some flexibility has been kind to your colleague, who is going through a very tough time. It doesn’t have *anything* to do with you and I am sure your colleague would prefer to be in your shoes and blithely headed to work every day.
I would not, under any circumstances, discuss this with anyone at work if I were you, because your resentment is going to come through and it is...not a good look. Telling this woman or anyone associated with her that she could just quick have another one to replace it will not endear you to anyone, and if that is honestly the way you might feel or act around her I would, very seriously, look for another job where you have more concrete concerns in the day-to-day, and might like the people you work with more.
posted by charmedimsure at 12:04 AM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
I mean, like, basic human empathy?
The policy your company has on paper is heartless, I agree. Someone with the power to add some flexibility has been kind to your colleague, who is going through a very tough time. It doesn’t have *anything* to do with you and I am sure your colleague would prefer to be in your shoes and blithely headed to work every day.
I would not, under any circumstances, discuss this with anyone at work if I were you, because your resentment is going to come through and it is...not a good look. Telling this woman or anyone associated with her that she could just quick have another one to replace it will not endear you to anyone, and if that is honestly the way you might feel or act around her I would, very seriously, look for another job where you have more concrete concerns in the day-to-day, and might like the people you work with more.
posted by charmedimsure at 12:04 AM on October 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
After that, the fact that you can't understand why the death of a person that your coworker was literally making inside her (after you have no idea how much trying or previous early miscarriages) might be a little upsetting then I suggest you do some reading on the grief many people feel from miscarriages, because your purposeful lack of compassion here (not just not understanding, shrugging, and allowing her to live her life, but loudly and publicly not understanding) is fairly shocking.
posted by brainmouse at 12:00 AM on October 30, 2018 [2 favorites]