Sitting on the same side? Yay or nay, I ask you?

February 4, 2006 6:13 PM

Is it creepy to sit on the same side of a table with your significant person that you're dining with?
posted by adampsyche to Human Relations (52 answers total)

Only if you were not invited.
posted by mzurer at 6:15 PM on February 4, 2006

Sitting across the table is more conducive to conversation, isn't it?
posted by gimonca at 6:15 PM on February 4, 2006

There is an old saying that the key to a long marriage is to sit next to your partner and not across from them. The theory being your less likely to get bored not always staring at the same face.

Personally, I like to mix it up.
posted by terrapin at 6:25 PM on February 4, 2006

Assuming you're not dining with a group and it's just the two of you: Creepy? No (unless you're on a first date or don't know each other super-well yet, in which case, step back a little). Awkward? Possibly (unless you're dining at the bar or a similar setting where there's only one "side" where you can sit).

Why would you think it's creepy?
posted by Gator at 6:29 PM on February 4, 2006

I remember reading a while back that (in general) women prefer to sit side-by-side, while men prefer to be across the table from their date.

On the first few dates, I would be creeped out if a guy sidled up next to me. However, after becoming his "significant", I like the closeness sometimes. And seeing a couple sharing the same side of a booth in a restaurant always makes me smile.
posted by ArsncHeart at 6:34 PM on February 4, 2006

It isn't as creepy as sitting on the same side of the table as someone who isn't your SO.
posted by pwb503 at 6:37 PM on February 4, 2006

Same side as SO is fine, not creepy. You get to look out on whatever is in front of you and share a view, plus share closeness. Even if he and I are the only ones at the table, it's fine. I'd sit next to a close friend even if we're the only ones at the table, though I usually don't, and wouldn't with an acquaintance.
posted by lorrer at 6:50 PM on February 4, 2006

It feels slightly odd to me when it's a booth, but not when it's chairs. I think I feels werid because I think other people are looking at us and thinking that we're weird.

Wasn't this on Seinfeld?
posted by lalalana at 6:57 PM on February 4, 2006

Totally creepy. I much prefer to see the person I'm having a conversation with. In the case of an SO, it's much easier to stare longingly into her eyes, etc.

I can't stand seeing couples seated side by side by themselves. It's all I can do to keep myself from going over there and giving them what for.

My old man gets this way when he sees teenagers wearing their baseball caps indoors. I suppose we're both sticks-in-the-mud in our own ways.
posted by aladfar at 7:03 PM on February 4, 2006

Not creepy, but a little strange. It's as if you're not really there to eat or talk (since those are more comfortably done in some other seating arrangement), but rather to cuddle. Can't you kids wait until you find a bedroom? :)

Sarah and Joseph are having dinner.
Joseph: Sarah, come sit next to me.
Sarah: Aww...
Joseph: I'm tired of looking at you.
posted by epimorph at 7:23 PM on February 4, 2006

I think only adorable elderly couples can get away with this; otherwise, it just looks weird, and in the case of a booth, makes the dude (Who usually sits aisle-side) look possessive.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:26 PM on February 4, 2006

Not creepy, exactly, but it sometimes strikes me as being needy or clingy or codependent. Being across the table acknowledges each person's independence, while being on the same side makes it seem sorta like you want to merge or blur into one blobby couply entity.

I like sitting across the table because it's easier to look at the person, easier to talk to the person, and you have more elbow room to gesticulate. But that's just personal preference. Holding hands across the table is nice too.
posted by speicus at 7:30 PM on February 4, 2006

For some reason, it feels unbalanced - not mentally, just like the table is not balanced with one person on each side. I had a lover that would do this and it made me slightly squirmy whenever he did. I felt like everyone else in the restaurant was staring at us!
posted by Melinika at 7:34 PM on February 4, 2006

A couple sitting side-by-side for dinner in a restaurant is quite common in Latin cultures. Usually this is done in a less formal restaurant. I saw this often in France or Italy.

Sometimes (not often, but sometimes) my SO and I will sit this way in a restaurant here in Vancouver. No one looks at us askance - aladfar surely you jest!
posted by seawallrunner at 7:39 PM on February 4, 2006

Sushi bar?
posted by fixedgear at 7:43 PM on February 4, 2006

I had no idea anyone would possibly think this was weird. The things you learn on AskMe. Then again, my SO and I also read when wee go out to dinner, so I may just be a savage.
posted by dame at 7:47 PM on February 4, 2006

I guess the important thing is whether the person you're sitting next to thinks it's creepy or not. If they do, then, you know, you shouldn't do it. 'Cause you're creeping them out. Otherwise, go for it and screw the rubberneckers.
posted by Gator at 7:50 PM on February 4, 2006

I initially thought you meant at dinner parties. I can't STAND the new custom of couples sitting with each other. That's so wrong. But not as wrong as sitting on the same side when it's just two of you.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:11 PM on February 4, 2006

I do jest, but only a little. It's one of those things that really does bother me, but not so much that I can't deal with it. It's similar to couples who speak to each other with pet names and baby-talk all the time (I think that was in the same Seinfeld episode?).

All this aside, I do think the corner arrangement can be nice. When two people are seated at a table usually meant for four, right angle seating offers a nice medium of face to face contact and the ability to rub knees together.
posted by aladfar at 8:12 PM on February 4, 2006

I don't think it's odd when other people do it, but I never could. I'd feel like we were about to watch a movie or something.

I remember reading something, somewhere (some crackpot thing no doubt) about how couples should sit side by side because sitting opposite from each other is "combative" because you have the table in between you, like you are opponents or something. Sounds like crap to me, but whatever.
posted by gaspode at 8:14 PM on February 4, 2006

I think it's sweet.
posted by iconomy at 8:17 PM on February 4, 2006

My husband and I usually sit this way. It has never occurred to me that it might be perceived as creepy or weird. Huh.
posted by Uccellina at 8:27 PM on February 4, 2006

Seems a bit odd to me. But I don't sit across from my SO. I sit adjacent to him.
posted by acoutu at 8:36 PM on February 4, 2006

Yeah, creepy? Weird? Seriously? Sitting beside your SO? How is that even an issue, particularly for onlookers? If you asked if it was creepy for couples to sit across from each other, I'd have the same reaction: huh?

My husband and I prefer to sit next to each other. This has never interfered with eating or conversation.
posted by moira at 8:42 PM on February 4, 2006

I'm a fan of 90 degree angles at restaurants. It manages intimiacy while avoiding any semblance of awkwardness. Also, I have an amazing profile.
posted by allen.spaulding at 8:48 PM on February 4, 2006

Funny thing ... I just saw The French Connection today for the first time (great movie, BTW) and there's a scene where two men sit side-by-side at a swanky New York restaurant. Moreover, it appears that there are several tables in this restaurant that are designed precisely for this seating arrangement. I wonder if this were more common in the late 60s, early 70s, when the movie was made (1971).
posted by frogan at 8:48 PM on February 4, 2006

I think it's awkward, unless you're sitting in a restaurant where you are able to sit side by side, against a wall, where you can look out on the rest of the crowd. It seems to work well at those tables that are booth on one side and chairs on the other. More natural that way.
posted by kdern at 8:48 PM on February 4, 2006

I don't think it's awkward or creepy to sit side-by-side with your partner. Asking this question, however, is weird.
posted by The Monkey at 8:54 PM on February 4, 2006

I hadn't thought of the 90 degree thing. For some reason I was imagining this was in a booth. If it's at a table I might even prefer sitting next to someone on adjacent sides of te table. If it's a booth, sitting on the same side would be weird. Unless there was another couple sitting across from us. But see, my preferences are so specific that I can't imagine etching it in stone as something other people ought to follow. Do what feels right.
posted by speicus at 8:57 PM on February 4, 2006

I'd never do it but that's because I find asymmetry uncomfortable.
posted by hopeless romantique at 8:58 PM on February 4, 2006

Nope.

Why are you looking at my table anyway?
posted by sohcahtoa at 9:05 PM on February 4, 2006

Creepy? No. But lots of waitresses I know have remarked that it's weird, and that it tends to be indicative of weird customers — odd requests, low tips, etc.
posted by cribcage at 9:14 PM on February 4, 2006

Side-by-side is symmetric; just around a different axis. (90 degrees is symmetric, too!)
posted by speedo at 9:16 PM on February 4, 2006

My husband and I always sit on the same side of the booth or table. I couldn't imagine it any other way
posted by mabelcolby at 9:20 PM on February 4, 2006

I always thought it was weird until my ex did it once. Then it suddenly became cute. Now when I see couples sitting together, I smile.
posted by youcancallmeal at 9:30 PM on February 4, 2006

Bing!
posted by poweredbybeard at 9:38 PM on February 4, 2006

I find it awkward, personally, but I can't say it's particularly creepy. Once, at a very expensive restaurant, I was seated at a side by side table with my (now) wife a number of years ago, and they were taken aback when I requested to be moved to a facing table.
posted by Caviar at 9:44 PM on February 4, 2006

My husband and I mix it up. I never thought it was weird and when I see people doing it I smile.
posted by sugarfish at 9:52 PM on February 4, 2006

Sushi bar?

Yeah, I was thinking lunch counter. Folks sit side-by-side all the time and are able to converse/eat/whatever just fine. So what's wrong with doing it at a table or booth? Does furniture shape hold priority over a bit of human closeness?

Using the extra space to spread out the meal in front of you and sit side by side doesn't seem weird at all. The fact that it's unusual just adds to the sweetness.
posted by mediareport at 10:15 PM on February 4, 2006

Just my opinion of course, but if we're talking four people at a table, then I think side-by-side makes sense.

That is: one couple on one side of the table and the other couple on the other side. If both guys (assuming it was four heteros, of course) sat across from their SOs, then I think there would be the potential for a sort of subtle boys-vs-girls quality to the meal. Nothing you could really put your finger on, just the possibility of one side ganging up on the other in some small way. More practically, boys tend to be bigger; girls tend to be smaller. Best to stagger them.

If we're talking about two people eating alone on the same side of a booth, then I have to say that my first thought upon encountering this is usually more along the lines of "Bit precious, don't you think?" than "OMFG how adorable!"
posted by Ian A.T. at 12:27 AM on February 5, 2006

i ate at a restaurant once where they had a square table against a wall. sitting on the table, resting against the wall, was a large mirror. i was sitting next to my friend, and looking across the table at her. wonders never cease.
posted by twirlypen at 1:44 AM on February 5, 2006

Huh. The things you learn on AskMe. I always assumed women liked this, and I never suspected that any of them would question it.

My god I love this place.
posted by Dunwitty at 1:49 AM on February 5, 2006

Response by poster: FYI: I asked because this was the topic of a dinner dispute, and I naturally said, "I'll ask a bunch of Web strangers!"

I don't find it weird at all, she does. Oh, well. Worse things have happened.
posted by adampsyche at 6:26 AM on February 5, 2006

makes the dude (Who usually sits aisle-side) look possessive

That about nailed it. Yeah, are you gonna cut my meat up for me, too? Yick.
posted by mimi at 6:30 AM on February 5, 2006

This thread reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in years. I once dated a woman who cared quite deeply about these issues. Whenever there were three people at a table/booth and two had to be side-by-side, she insisted on sitting by herself. As a fairly small person, she always got cramped into the middle of carseats, booths, etc, her whole life. The luxury to be the one person who didn't have to share a booth was very important to her. It was adorable.

So I guess there's no catch-all answer, but if you have style in the first place it probably doesn't matter.
posted by allen.spaulding at 8:44 AM on February 5, 2006

For my wife and I, it depends whether we're with others. If we're with others, we usually sit side-by-side, 'cause that way it's easier to visit with the others. I'm not there to visit with my wife!
posted by five fresh fish at 8:54 AM on February 5, 2006

Sitting side by side is common in Belgian cafes. It's also how you sit for lunch at Taillevent, the world's greatest restaurant. It gives the couple a front-row seat on the performance of the amazing waitstaff.
posted by sixpack at 9:45 AM on February 5, 2006

I've always found it creepy. It's like the couple just can't stand to not be touching even for 30 minutes. Comes across as a little pathetic. I've done it once on a first date when she slid in beside me. I felt amazingly silly and it was our last date.

If you're 11 or 91 you get a pass. Otherwise...you're creepy.
posted by justgary at 9:48 AM on February 5, 2006

Count me in on the slightly creepy side if there are just two people dining together. I had a boyfriend who insisted on sitting next to me and it drove me crazy: I don't want to have to crane my neck to look at my dinner partner.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:59 AM on February 5, 2006

It appears that the Wall Street Journal tackled the controversial issue of same-siding on February 11, 2005. Unfortunately I don't have a subscription, so I can't tell you what their research shows on the subject.

Me, I like my elbow room.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:13 AM on February 5, 2006

It's weird. The wife feels the same way. We prefer to sit in a way that we can gaze at each other.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:13 PM on February 5, 2006

I prefer 90 degree seating with my partner. He isn't always easy to hear/understand (little bit of mumbling, little bit of non-native English, and a good helping of deep voice). Only time I ever did the side-by-side thing was in situations where there was a view we wanted to share.

French Connection/Fancy restaurant: I once ate at a Lawrey's, and they were set up this way, so you could view the meat wagon when it rolled by, to select your slab of beef. Wonder if that was what was shown? I recall Lawrey's being in both LA and Chicago.
posted by Goofyy at 2:59 AM on February 7, 2006