I don't feel prepared to go on a trip
February 18, 2018 11:43 AM
In three months I'll be going on a trip with some friends. I'm probably the most sedentary and shut-in person I know. I'd love to be able to get to know the place I'm going as much as possible but I fear I'll be physically and mentally exhausted after a couple of days (and it's a month-long trip). What can I do to prepare myself?
You don't say where, but I think a good approach will be to put your expectations in check. My wife and I travel, and from friends visiting and watching other travelers it's clear that the folks having the best time are the ones not dwelling on how different it is back home.
At home, in a little town on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, like you, I rarely leave our little house and 1/2 acre. But we live in Amsterdam for three months every year and when I'm there I can't stay in the house. What I see at home as daily social challenges become thrilling new experiences. I'm constantly stimulated, whereas at home it's all rather plain.
So on your trip, stay positive. Stay engaged and enticed by your surroundings. There will be points when you'll want a little personal time. I think there's nothing wrong, better in fact, to share your feelings with your companions. Just say: "Hey guys, I'd really like a little time to myself. I'm going to do a little exploring on my own." Don't try to hide your feelings.
posted by humboldt32 at 11:59 AM on February 18, 2018
At home, in a little town on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, like you, I rarely leave our little house and 1/2 acre. But we live in Amsterdam for three months every year and when I'm there I can't stay in the house. What I see at home as daily social challenges become thrilling new experiences. I'm constantly stimulated, whereas at home it's all rather plain.
So on your trip, stay positive. Stay engaged and enticed by your surroundings. There will be points when you'll want a little personal time. I think there's nothing wrong, better in fact, to share your feelings with your companions. Just say: "Hey guys, I'd really like a little time to myself. I'm going to do a little exploring on my own." Don't try to hide your feelings.
posted by humboldt32 at 11:59 AM on February 18, 2018
Ah good points about walking. You have three months. Walk several times a week and work up to every day if you can.
posted by humboldt32 at 12:00 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by humboldt32 at 12:00 PM on February 18, 2018
Sounds like you may be a little nervous about the expectation (real or not) of having to be sociable for a whole month. That's understandable - many people need regular alone time to recharge, physically and mentally. I'd maybe gently say to your friends that you may need a few days of downtime to yourseld throughout the trip, and see how they react. Most people in my experience are happy with this as they need it too. Also, there's no shame in saying 'I'm going to sleep in tomorrow morning - but I'll see you in town at X time'. It's your holiday, and you can do whatever you want.
posted by starstarstar at 12:44 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by starstarstar at 12:44 PM on February 18, 2018
When I have planned family trips I generally stick to only planning an organized activity like a walking tour or museum visit for 1/2 the day and the other half is left open for people to do something together or on their own. That way no one is on the hook for walking around all day long or being with people for 10+ hours straight. That second half of the day can be as active or as chill as you want and are up for.
Some of my best travel experiences have involved finding a quiet spot to just relax, read, people-watch and enjoy the surroundings. I've spent hours at a cat cafe in Tokyo, chilled a bar in Paris and talked to the locals, sat on a bench in a park in Sienna and chatted with an old man, found some awesome bakery and gorged on yummy treats, played board games at a game lounge in Hong Kong.
I would spend some time on the internet researching cool places where you could just soak in some of the local vibe and culture. That way if your traveling companions want to hike up a mountain you can excuse yourself and have something cool to do. I've used Time Out, Atlas Obscura, and....wait for it...Ask.Metafilter to get good suggestions for places to eat and visit for past travels.
Also, order a bunch of different shoes from Zappos and walk around your living room. Finding a good pair of walking shoes is critical for any extended travel!
posted by brookeb at 12:51 PM on February 18, 2018
Some of my best travel experiences have involved finding a quiet spot to just relax, read, people-watch and enjoy the surroundings. I've spent hours at a cat cafe in Tokyo, chilled a bar in Paris and talked to the locals, sat on a bench in a park in Sienna and chatted with an old man, found some awesome bakery and gorged on yummy treats, played board games at a game lounge in Hong Kong.
I would spend some time on the internet researching cool places where you could just soak in some of the local vibe and culture. That way if your traveling companions want to hike up a mountain you can excuse yourself and have something cool to do. I've used Time Out, Atlas Obscura, and....wait for it...Ask.Metafilter to get good suggestions for places to eat and visit for past travels.
Also, order a bunch of different shoes from Zappos and walk around your living room. Finding a good pair of walking shoes is critical for any extended travel!
posted by brookeb at 12:51 PM on February 18, 2018
I would talk to your friends about what sorts of things they enjoy doing, as a way of getting some expectation management in place. I love exploring a place on my own or in small groups on foot, I love people-watching, I hate shopping and tours, I’m okay with a museum or two, I’m not that interested in night life or anything with a hour-long line, I enjoy but am super intimidated by local restaurants. So if I was going to travel for a month with friends, I’d probably plan to split up after dinner if they wanted to go out in the evening, but would get an early start on my own, explore the neighborhood, and circle back with some interesting pastries when they were up and ready to go to a museum. For a bunch of grownups it should be 100% okay to do some things on your own, but I’d make sure they were on the same page.
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:52 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:52 PM on February 18, 2018
I would get a sheet of paper and sit down one evening with a computer researching things YOU would like to do or see in place (specialty museums? street food? boat trips? art exhibitions or cultural events on while you're there?) let yourself get a little excited about all these amazing things happening in place that align with your interests.
then on another evening, sit down with your piece of paper and google maps and try to get a sense of where everything is, and in relation to your hotel. write a new version of your piece of paper with things grouped roughly by area.
take the piece of paper with you in your bag. every time there's indecision about what to do or you have an afternoon off or you're already in an area and want to do something else nearby or you're not sure whether you want to join in an activity - here's a list of things you know you want to do and you can't do at home. see if there's any of your priorities that match with your friends'. if you don't make it to everything on your list that's totally fine! but you've set your own agenda for the trip, and you can pursue it at your leisure. basically you've narrowed your options to make things less overwhelming. it might also help give you the freedom to say no to things your friends want to do if they're not things you will enjoy, AND the freedom to say yes to new experiences if you find you have the spoons that day.
posted by trotzdem_kunst at 1:05 PM on February 18, 2018
then on another evening, sit down with your piece of paper and google maps and try to get a sense of where everything is, and in relation to your hotel. write a new version of your piece of paper with things grouped roughly by area.
take the piece of paper with you in your bag. every time there's indecision about what to do or you have an afternoon off or you're already in an area and want to do something else nearby or you're not sure whether you want to join in an activity - here's a list of things you know you want to do and you can't do at home. see if there's any of your priorities that match with your friends'. if you don't make it to everything on your list that's totally fine! but you've set your own agenda for the trip, and you can pursue it at your leisure. basically you've narrowed your options to make things less overwhelming. it might also help give you the freedom to say no to things your friends want to do if they're not things you will enjoy, AND the freedom to say yes to new experiences if you find you have the spoons that day.
posted by trotzdem_kunst at 1:05 PM on February 18, 2018
Take a few day/overnight trips in your area, it will absolutely help prepare you for a longer one.
posted by mikek at 1:25 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by mikek at 1:25 PM on February 18, 2018
Plan the two key ingredients of any rewarding trip:
1. Time and accommodations for pleasant sleep;
2. Distractions that will truly engage you, some of them with built-in sitting-down and/or eating.
I admit that I’m often more energized than drained by travel, but sometimes fatigue catches up to me even in the middle of a long-awaited pleasure vacation. The best antidotes I know are structure and diversion — and the structure must include blocks of “unstructured” time — “we have two hours this afternoon that will be spent in the bath, the bed, or the beach, and I refuse to decide which until I get there.”
If you’ll be in a vehicle for long stretches and can pick your own soundtrack, make the playlist upbeat.
Also, caffeine, if you depend on it in daily life. Make sure your lodging offers a coffeemaker, or stop in town to pick up a new tea you’ve meant to try. Coffee is such a part of my ordinary day that I’ve become terrible at planning for it when my schedule is disrupted. Often, when I’m exhausted by an unfamiliar environment full of strangers, it’s because I forgot about this vital nutrient.
And wherever you’re going, be there. I find that “screen time” on trips messes with my circadian rhythms — daytime movies make me conk out, playing with my phone at night keeps me awake.
posted by armeowda at 1:41 PM on February 18, 2018
1. Time and accommodations for pleasant sleep;
2. Distractions that will truly engage you, some of them with built-in sitting-down and/or eating.
I admit that I’m often more energized than drained by travel, but sometimes fatigue catches up to me even in the middle of a long-awaited pleasure vacation. The best antidotes I know are structure and diversion — and the structure must include blocks of “unstructured” time — “we have two hours this afternoon that will be spent in the bath, the bed, or the beach, and I refuse to decide which until I get there.”
If you’ll be in a vehicle for long stretches and can pick your own soundtrack, make the playlist upbeat.
Also, caffeine, if you depend on it in daily life. Make sure your lodging offers a coffeemaker, or stop in town to pick up a new tea you’ve meant to try. Coffee is such a part of my ordinary day that I’ve become terrible at planning for it when my schedule is disrupted. Often, when I’m exhausted by an unfamiliar environment full of strangers, it’s because I forgot about this vital nutrient.
And wherever you’re going, be there. I find that “screen time” on trips messes with my circadian rhythms — daytime movies make me conk out, playing with my phone at night keeps me awake.
posted by armeowda at 1:41 PM on February 18, 2018
Oh, and +1 to the recommendation about walking. (Or if you’re a bit of a masochist, you could start Couch to 5K now, so walking around will feel like a rest by comparison.)
posted by armeowda at 1:44 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by armeowda at 1:44 PM on February 18, 2018
Travelling with friends also does not mean you have to spend all your time together. It is ok to sit out some things or go off on your own at times. So absolutely have a few conversations about what you all like to do and how you’ll deal with people having different needs regarding downtime and alone time and so on.
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:47 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:47 PM on February 18, 2018
I’m sure your friends are nice people. Let them know today that there are going to be times that you need to stay inside and read a book and that it’s nothing against them and that you will not need to be talked into going out. They’ll understand!
posted by ftm at 1:57 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by ftm at 1:57 PM on February 18, 2018
Don't expect to need it to be stupendous. Don't feel pressured to "live up to" the opportunity. If you go and mostly lay low, keeping your senses keen and curious, nature will take its course and you'll absorb the certain buzzy frame-change travel provides, even if you don't do anything you're going to come back and rave and gloat about. IOW, moderate expectations (and explain to your companions that you may have lower ambition). And, per your first reply, yes, start walking ASAP. Definitely commit to doing that.
OTOH, that said, the antidote for depression is DOING STUFF....even stuff that rubs you the wrong way. Action! So it might not be the worst thing in the world to pretend to hop up and match your friends item-for-itinerary-item, drafting on their logistics and momentum. If so, you may be surprised how easily you fall into a new pacing. Depression is just a stuckedness, and it feeds on itself by removing taste for dynamic action, hence the vicious circle. So it might be good to have momentum to draft on, a new environment to feed on, and a burst of unfamiliarity to help propel you out of old, stale patterns.
So there are two approaches, each of which will hopefully make the trip a more viable prospect. I'd recommend the second, but the first directly answers your question.
posted by Quisp Lover at 3:02 PM on February 18, 2018
OTOH, that said, the antidote for depression is DOING STUFF....even stuff that rubs you the wrong way. Action! So it might not be the worst thing in the world to pretend to hop up and match your friends item-for-itinerary-item, drafting on their logistics and momentum. If so, you may be surprised how easily you fall into a new pacing. Depression is just a stuckedness, and it feeds on itself by removing taste for dynamic action, hence the vicious circle. So it might be good to have momentum to draft on, a new environment to feed on, and a burst of unfamiliarity to help propel you out of old, stale patterns.
So there are two approaches, each of which will hopefully make the trip a more viable prospect. I'd recommend the second, but the first directly answers your question.
posted by Quisp Lover at 3:02 PM on February 18, 2018
The three fallacies to avoid:
I need to see all the things! Fact - there is no external board scoring you for crossing sights off of your list; seeing two things you have time and energy to enjoy in a day is better than seeing four things, exhausted and harried.
I need to stay with my friends! Fact - you can spend time by yourself, savouring a park or a cafe while your friends are off doing things. Technology makes splitting up and meeting up easier than ever; plan on ensuring phone service. You spending half the time with your friends having time to recharge so you're having a good time is better than you spending the whole time together as a shut down, pissed-off grouch.
I'm a bad person for not seeing X! Fact - no score board (see above); seeing what you can see is a valuable experience, and no two people have the same experience of the same place. I've always found that low-key idle time is the way to really get to know a place, as opposed to the way to get to know the queue for the three famous places.
To prepare: Start walking; take a prep trip on your own; talk with your friends to set expectations.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 3:27 PM on February 18, 2018
I need to see all the things! Fact - there is no external board scoring you for crossing sights off of your list; seeing two things you have time and energy to enjoy in a day is better than seeing four things, exhausted and harried.
I need to stay with my friends! Fact - you can spend time by yourself, savouring a park or a cafe while your friends are off doing things. Technology makes splitting up and meeting up easier than ever; plan on ensuring phone service. You spending half the time with your friends having time to recharge so you're having a good time is better than you spending the whole time together as a shut down, pissed-off grouch.
I'm a bad person for not seeing X! Fact - no score board (see above); seeing what you can see is a valuable experience, and no two people have the same experience of the same place. I've always found that low-key idle time is the way to really get to know a place, as opposed to the way to get to know the queue for the three famous places.
To prepare: Start walking; take a prep trip on your own; talk with your friends to set expectations.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 3:27 PM on February 18, 2018
I have a one activity per day rule while traveling. No matter what everyone else is doing, I only ever commit myself to one activity per day. One visit to a new place, one meal out, one tour of something. If I want to do more than one thing on the day of, I'm allowed to, but I don't allow myself to commit in advance to more than one thing per day. That way, I don't get overwhelmed, and I have plenty of time to be by myself and just enjoy being in a new place, and I have time to do other things as they come up if I want to. I can end every day not feeling like I wasted it, because I did something that day. But I also feel when I'm on vacation like I'm actually on vacation, rather than like I'm frantic or overwhelmed.
posted by decathecting at 8:06 PM on February 18, 2018
posted by decathecting at 8:06 PM on February 18, 2018
I think part of it is mental and the attitude you have going in. I remember going on trips where I was too stubborn about what I wanted to do or other people were and it just caused unnecessary tension, looking back on them now. I'm a more experienced traveler and now I am much happier to roll with the punches. You'll always hit a point where people want to do different things, but I've learned it just isn't that hard to keep your mouth shut and go with the group, even if you're bored, tired or hungry. Everything is an experience, and you will be back home in your own bed before you know it. So go with the flow and live in the moment.
That said, if there comes a day on the trip where you don't feel up to it, tell your friends you're not feeling well so you're going to stay and sleep it off and they should go do what they want without worrying about you. You always have that option and you shouldn't worry for a second about it if you need it.
As far as physically, that's a real thing to think about, but you'll be fine. I took a trip not long ago where I wasn't used to walking as much as I did and I got some killer plantar fasciitis type pain. I had to try to find a pharmacy that sold shoe inserts to cushion my heels, which was a fun adventure in a foreign land. Bring comfortable walking shoes - not just the shoes you look coolest in, which was my mistake. Now I always pack my sole inserts in case. I also always pack painkillers too, which I also forgot on that trip and ended up needing. And I also pack snack bars, so I don't get sapped of energy or hangry (so hungry you get angry) if the group isn't ready to eat yet and it's been a while.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:28 PM on February 18, 2018
That said, if there comes a day on the trip where you don't feel up to it, tell your friends you're not feeling well so you're going to stay and sleep it off and they should go do what they want without worrying about you. You always have that option and you shouldn't worry for a second about it if you need it.
As far as physically, that's a real thing to think about, but you'll be fine. I took a trip not long ago where I wasn't used to walking as much as I did and I got some killer plantar fasciitis type pain. I had to try to find a pharmacy that sold shoe inserts to cushion my heels, which was a fun adventure in a foreign land. Bring comfortable walking shoes - not just the shoes you look coolest in, which was my mistake. Now I always pack my sole inserts in case. I also always pack painkillers too, which I also forgot on that trip and ended up needing. And I also pack snack bars, so I don't get sapped of energy or hangry (so hungry you get angry) if the group isn't ready to eat yet and it's been a while.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:28 PM on February 18, 2018
I'm going to speak in generalizations because I don't know much about where you're going, what has been planned for you, whether you're staying in one place or moving around a lot....
I think building in a few days where everyone is left to their own devices for most of the day, and then you all check in at night over dinner or drinks, may be wise. That way, you're not all in each others' pocket and getting on each others' nerves, but you also each have the wherewithal to do what you each want to do; for you, that may just be chilling out at a cafe and peoplewatching all day, while your more active friends can go climb all the steps in a skyscraper or whatever.
Also, one of my BFFs and I traveled for a couple days together, and she talked me into a hop-on, hop-off bus tour one day. I usually avoid those like the damn plague becuase I'm a little more "indie", but I went along for her sake- and this ended up being a really good idea, because it let us hit up some of the sights that everyone was expecting me to see, but it also let me blow off getting off and looking at it if I didn't want to; we were more ambitious at the start of the day, but by days' end we were all "eh, lemme just take a picture out the window and call it good." And that actually suited me just fine.
If you're sedentary, I'd do some walking around on the weekends. Not like you have to walk ten miles or whatever, but: maybe if there's any walking tours in your neighborhood, sign up for a few of those. Those will be paced about like what any tours you'd be taking on the trip would be, and you'd be getting acclimated - and you'll learn things about your own neighborhood too.
It's also absolutely fine to have chill-out days while you're traveling. That same BFF came to visit me for a week in New York once (she lives in Ireland), and one night she said all she wanted to do was order takeout and watch trash TV and "take our ease". We ended up ordering Chinese takeout (and she was impressed the delivery guy brought it up to my 4th floor apartment), we both got way into a cooking show on the Food Network and it was a blast. And even on my solo trips, there's always a day when I'm like "you know what, I'm just getting a TV dinner and reading tonight" and that's fine. "Vacation" doesn't always have to be fine dining - sometimes learning about the more mundane elements of life in the places you travel, like "holy shit the grocery stores in Paris have a guy juicing orange juice on demand", can be fascinating.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:58 AM on February 19, 2018
I think building in a few days where everyone is left to their own devices for most of the day, and then you all check in at night over dinner or drinks, may be wise. That way, you're not all in each others' pocket and getting on each others' nerves, but you also each have the wherewithal to do what you each want to do; for you, that may just be chilling out at a cafe and peoplewatching all day, while your more active friends can go climb all the steps in a skyscraper or whatever.
Also, one of my BFFs and I traveled for a couple days together, and she talked me into a hop-on, hop-off bus tour one day. I usually avoid those like the damn plague becuase I'm a little more "indie", but I went along for her sake- and this ended up being a really good idea, because it let us hit up some of the sights that everyone was expecting me to see, but it also let me blow off getting off and looking at it if I didn't want to; we were more ambitious at the start of the day, but by days' end we were all "eh, lemme just take a picture out the window and call it good." And that actually suited me just fine.
If you're sedentary, I'd do some walking around on the weekends. Not like you have to walk ten miles or whatever, but: maybe if there's any walking tours in your neighborhood, sign up for a few of those. Those will be paced about like what any tours you'd be taking on the trip would be, and you'd be getting acclimated - and you'll learn things about your own neighborhood too.
It's also absolutely fine to have chill-out days while you're traveling. That same BFF came to visit me for a week in New York once (she lives in Ireland), and one night she said all she wanted to do was order takeout and watch trash TV and "take our ease". We ended up ordering Chinese takeout (and she was impressed the delivery guy brought it up to my 4th floor apartment), we both got way into a cooking show on the Food Network and it was a blast. And even on my solo trips, there's always a day when I'm like "you know what, I'm just getting a TV dinner and reading tonight" and that's fine. "Vacation" doesn't always have to be fine dining - sometimes learning about the more mundane elements of life in the places you travel, like "holy shit the grocery stores in Paris have a guy juicing orange juice on demand", can be fascinating.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:58 AM on February 19, 2018
If you are going for a month, you need to pace yourself. There isn't any reason to do multiple activities and restaurants every single day. You can do one per day, and then spend the rest of the day relaxing. Make it one of your goals in the first few days to find some chill-out places: a beach, a park with benches, a coffee shop, etc. When the group is ready to go and do too much, you just go explore a new chill-out place for a few hours and relax. If they find something really interesting, you can make a plan to go there next week.
posted by CathyG at 12:59 PM on February 19, 2018
posted by CathyG at 12:59 PM on February 19, 2018
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posted by loveandhappiness at 11:54 AM on February 18, 2018