Is it normal to be still grieving this relationship?
January 29, 2018 1:49 AM Subscribe
It's been just over a year yet I'm still hurt, upset and depressed about my break up. Is this normal and am I handling it in the right way?
Brief outline of previous relationship (and some of you would have read my story before and advised me)
We finally broke up a year ago and we were together 7 years but she broke up with me around 4 times during the relationship for reasons I still don’t really understand and probably never will though I’ve come to the conclusion that she probably never really loved me. I haven’t had any contact with her in a year and I have no intention of reaching out to her. However, despite all this I still really miss her and think of her all the time. I loved her…I still do.
I don’t feel I’m in a good place at the moment and have got in touch with some counsellors. I did visit a counsellor a few months ago and didn’t really like her. Plus I’m not sure I can really afford regular therapy as it’s not cheap.
I think I’ve developed some unhealthy habits and behavioural patterns over the last year that are maybe not helping me move on.
I’ve been online dating and have probably been on a hundred dates!
Yes you’ve read that correctly. I thought it would be a distraction and help me move on. I wonder if it’s made things worse? I haven’t used anybody and the vast majority of these dates have simply been one off coffee dates. There have been a couple of very short flings but I have tried to be very honest and upfront with all my dates. I’ve become a bit obsessed with the whole thing and find myself constantly updating my photos and fretting over them if I don’t get what I perceive to be enough matches.
I’ve also become obsessed with reading about relationships and break ups and how people deal with them. At first this acted as a crutch but it’s become habitual now and I wonder if it just keeps me thinking about my break up.
On a positive note I have cut down on booze (I wasn't that big a drinker anyway), cycled from Lands End to John O’Groats and have got a cat. And in some ways at least with the dating I’m trying to move on.
I think my previous relationship really knocked my confidence and self esteem and I beat myself up for still having feelings for this person in spite of this.
Any advice as to how I should move forward?
Brief outline of previous relationship (and some of you would have read my story before and advised me)
We finally broke up a year ago and we were together 7 years but she broke up with me around 4 times during the relationship for reasons I still don’t really understand and probably never will though I’ve come to the conclusion that she probably never really loved me. I haven’t had any contact with her in a year and I have no intention of reaching out to her. However, despite all this I still really miss her and think of her all the time. I loved her…I still do.
I don’t feel I’m in a good place at the moment and have got in touch with some counsellors. I did visit a counsellor a few months ago and didn’t really like her. Plus I’m not sure I can really afford regular therapy as it’s not cheap.
I think I’ve developed some unhealthy habits and behavioural patterns over the last year that are maybe not helping me move on.
I’ve been online dating and have probably been on a hundred dates!
Yes you’ve read that correctly. I thought it would be a distraction and help me move on. I wonder if it’s made things worse? I haven’t used anybody and the vast majority of these dates have simply been one off coffee dates. There have been a couple of very short flings but I have tried to be very honest and upfront with all my dates. I’ve become a bit obsessed with the whole thing and find myself constantly updating my photos and fretting over them if I don’t get what I perceive to be enough matches.
I’ve also become obsessed with reading about relationships and break ups and how people deal with them. At first this acted as a crutch but it’s become habitual now and I wonder if it just keeps me thinking about my break up.
On a positive note I have cut down on booze (I wasn't that big a drinker anyway), cycled from Lands End to John O’Groats and have got a cat. And in some ways at least with the dating I’m trying to move on.
I think my previous relationship really knocked my confidence and self esteem and I beat myself up for still having feelings for this person in spite of this.
Any advice as to how I should move forward?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, but as we've said many times before, you cannot keep asking the same question -- taz
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