Wait; the Gazillionaire is Related to Us?
December 3, 2017 8:09 AM Subscribe
While doing genealogical research for a family holiday gift, I discovered that I'm related to one of the world's wealthiest people (like, top 3 richest people in the world).* It would be cool as hell to meet them and even begin a relationship with them and their family. I have a lot of respect for them and it would be so cool to somehow get to know them. Also, my adult kids are losing their minds in excitement.
Question: do I do this? How do I do this? Is this a very stupid idea? I am not going to ask them for money or a job or anything. Just more like, "Hey cuz, congrats and I'm your cuz and if you're ever in my neck of the woods, the kids and I would love to hang out."
I also assume because of their high profile, getting hold of them will be challenging. I recognize this may not be easy, so any hints in that direction would help.
*Before any skeptics jump in, it is a definite relationship and we are absolutely 100% related.
Question: do I do this? How do I do this? Is this a very stupid idea? I am not going to ask them for money or a job or anything. Just more like, "Hey cuz, congrats and I'm your cuz and if you're ever in my neck of the woods, the kids and I would love to hang out."
I also assume because of their high profile, getting hold of them will be challenging. I recognize this may not be easy, so any hints in that direction would help.
*Before any skeptics jump in, it is a definite relationship and we are absolutely 100% related.
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
I am not going to ask them for money or a job or anything.
They are going to have to approach any contact from you as though you are.
posted by kapers at 8:25 AM on December 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
They are going to have to approach any contact from you as though you are.
posted by kapers at 8:25 AM on December 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
How close is this relationship? If it’s more distant than second cousin, I wouldn’t do anything. Actually, I wouldn’t do anything if it were more distant than sibling. Wealthy people probably have a lot of relatives coming out of the woods. Even if your motives are completely pure, how would they know that?
But presumably, if this person is interested in finding distant family, he/she would have the resources to do it.
posted by FencingGal at 8:25 AM on December 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
But presumably, if this person is interested in finding distant family, he/she would have the resources to do it.
posted by FencingGal at 8:25 AM on December 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
If "related to" means long-lost first cousin, aunt/uncle, or other very similar close connection, then you'd probably have better luck reaching out to Wealthy Person's siblings, parents (if living), or the closest relative you have in common -- if they want a relationship with you and your family, it gets you closer up the chain to having an actual conversation.
If it's third-cousins or twice-removed or Hey, we share some DNA, you could send an email to them via their business and hope for the best, but right now it seems like you're gold digging even if you aren't - what do you and your family have to offer this person that any reasonably together admirer of theirs doesn't?
posted by Mchelly at 8:26 AM on December 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
If it's third-cousins or twice-removed or Hey, we share some DNA, you could send an email to them via their business and hope for the best, but right now it seems like you're gold digging even if you aren't - what do you and your family have to offer this person that any reasonably together admirer of theirs doesn't?
posted by Mchelly at 8:26 AM on December 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
Are you planning on contacting all of the strangers you’ve found out you’re related to? If not, I respectfully suggest that you refrain from doing so. Teaching your children that people with money and fame are *so special* is not an ideal value to encourage.
posted by Aha moment at 8:26 AM on December 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by Aha moment at 8:26 AM on December 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
I think it depends how close you are. If you share a parent or grandparent, they may be interested. Other than that I cannot imagine someone starting a relationship based on a minute amount of shared DNA. I've seen dozens of people attempt relationships with half-siblings, parents, and first cousins (due to DNA research) and the success rate isn't very good.
There must be other people you now realize are related to you - are you contacting them all?
posted by beccaj at 8:28 AM on December 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
There must be other people you now realize are related to you - are you contacting them all?
posted by beccaj at 8:28 AM on December 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
Even if you aren’t planning to ask for money, it sure sounds like you’re hoping for it. I can’t think of any other reason your adult kids would be “losing their minds.” If it sounds that way to me, it certainly will to your wealthy relative. Would you be contacting this person if he/she weren’t rich?
posted by FencingGal at 8:32 AM on December 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 8:32 AM on December 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
As stated above, they'll assume you want money, and the odds of making friends are slim. So you've got two options, neither of which makes you a friend: (1) leave them alone, (2) actually try to cash in.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:39 AM on December 3, 2017
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:39 AM on December 3, 2017
Let's imagine that in addition to being really rich, they are also really smart and interesting and cool. Some really rich people are that rich because they are geniuses. If it's one of these types of individuals, it seems to me that you have more of a logical reason for wanting to get to know them. It would be profoundly cool to be related to, say, Bill Gates because that dude is smart. Sure, he is also rich, but he's known and smart. So I understand why your kids might be super excited, and that it's probably not just the wealth factor that makes them excited.
That said, I imagine that they are exceedingly used to people coming out of the woodwork who want things. Even if you don't want their wealth, you want their time. I am basically a nobody, myself, but I have a pretty busy career and I have a lot of people who want to talk to me as part of my job. And I will tell you, the people who come out of the woodwork and who contact me after a few years of not speaking just because they want my time, because me giving them my time is a signal that they are valuable... there are a lot of those people that pop up in my life, constantly. And these people make me really, really sad. They make me feel used. They don't add to my life when they pop in. They take from me, even if I don't give them any time: they add a psychic weight to my life. And to stress: I am not really a person who has any money or weight in the world, but I have a coveted job. I can't imagine how many people are popping up in this actually famous and rich person's life, but I bet it is a LOT.
I recognize your username and I know that you are a very kind and thoughtful human, and so I know that you do not intend to take from someone's life. I also really don't think you're interested in this because of the money -- I think there's another thing about this person that makes them "cool." This story makes a fabulous piece of family lore, and I encourage you all to geek out on it as much as you want. But I also don't think you should contact the person. Maybe instead try building relationships with some of the other people you have identified as relatives, because if this person is also wicked smart and fascinating and cool, chances are that you are and some of your currently-unknown-to-you relatives are, too.
posted by sockermom at 8:50 AM on December 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
That said, I imagine that they are exceedingly used to people coming out of the woodwork who want things. Even if you don't want their wealth, you want their time. I am basically a nobody, myself, but I have a pretty busy career and I have a lot of people who want to talk to me as part of my job. And I will tell you, the people who come out of the woodwork and who contact me after a few years of not speaking just because they want my time, because me giving them my time is a signal that they are valuable... there are a lot of those people that pop up in my life, constantly. And these people make me really, really sad. They make me feel used. They don't add to my life when they pop in. They take from me, even if I don't give them any time: they add a psychic weight to my life. And to stress: I am not really a person who has any money or weight in the world, but I have a coveted job. I can't imagine how many people are popping up in this actually famous and rich person's life, but I bet it is a LOT.
I recognize your username and I know that you are a very kind and thoughtful human, and so I know that you do not intend to take from someone's life. I also really don't think you're interested in this because of the money -- I think there's another thing about this person that makes them "cool." This story makes a fabulous piece of family lore, and I encourage you all to geek out on it as much as you want. But I also don't think you should contact the person. Maybe instead try building relationships with some of the other people you have identified as relatives, because if this person is also wicked smart and fascinating and cool, chances are that you are and some of your currently-unknown-to-you relatives are, too.
posted by sockermom at 8:50 AM on December 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by gyusan at 8:19 AM on December 3, 2017