I don't drink...or do I?

June 1, 2017 8:21 PM

Dating seems to require drinking and/or bars. I don't mind bars, but I don't drink. What can I order?

I don't drink. I've had enough experiences where alcohol made me sick (a near immediate chills, dizziness, and nausea type of sick) that I don't bother trying anymore.

My problem is that dates always want to "get a drink". Yes, sometimes we do other things on a first date, but this seems to be a go-to, and I don't want to NOT be able to ever go on a bar on a first or second date.

Unfortunately, I'm also picky in a bunch of other ways when it comes to drinks in general. What, if anything, can I order at a bar that fits these qualifications?
-no alcohol
-no carbonation
-no caffeine
-ideally not a warm beverage like tea

posted by violetish to Food & Drink (34 answers total)

Cranberry juice?
posted by ferret branca at 8:25 PM on June 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

I would say iced tea, but you said no caffeine. Lemonade? Juice? Water?
posted by clawsoon at 8:31 PM on June 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

If you go to the kind of places that serve fancy cocktails, bartenders are often willing to make virgin versions of the drinks. Just be sure to ask what the ingredients are to make sure you like them. Or you could ask for water with any combination of lemon or lime, muddled fruit, mint or bitters.
posted by prewar lemonade at 8:32 PM on June 1, 2017 [9 favorites]

Virgin Bloody Mary
Virgin Collins
Soda and bitters
Shirley Temple
posted by Ideefixe at 8:33 PM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Best answer: You can almost always order a regular fruit juice - orange and cranberry are must haves for almost any bar. You can ask for it on ice or not, cut with water (you can say "mineral water" to ensure that it isn't fizzy) or not. Most bars also make a mean iced tea, and though regular black tea is caffeinated plenty of places will do mint or white or have decaf tea they brew to order for you.

A lot of bars with larger menus or diverse clientele will have whole sections of their cocktail menu with non-alcoholic options, sometimes called "mocktails". A lot of them will be made with tonic water or gingerale but you can usually find one or two that aren't, and you can ask for different things since they are made to order. It might be a good idea in your situation to scope out a bunch of places and find a couple go-to places to suggest to dates who want to get a drink, so you have the control in that situation.
posted by Mizu at 8:33 PM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yep, your options here are fruit juices, tomato juice (yeah yeah, it's a fruit), water, and virgin cocktails. Some virgin cocktails will contain something carbonated, so be sure to ask if you go that route.

(If you order water with stuff muddled in it, please remember to tip.)
posted by sevensnowflakes at 8:46 PM on June 1, 2017 [9 favorites]

Best answer: almost any bar that isn't a complete dive will be able to accommodate your needs here. if you have any advance notice to visit or want to cultivate a place you can take a date to, that would be helpful. just show up when it's not packed for happy hour or whatever and tell the bartender your limitations, and if you have preferences about sweet/tart/taste stuff. when you find something you like, make sure you can order it on your own (know the ingredients and aprox measures) so you don't have to depend on a particular drink label that might not work in other places. you can even tell them you don't want to call attention to not having any liquor in your drink if you are around a bit at that place. if you tip appropriately, bartenders don't care other than to give you good service.

if you just show up a random bar you can still explain this without too much problem as long as it's not super busy but it might take a little bit of time and call attention to a detail you might like to gloss over.

good luck. (and an extra emphasis on tipping well. not the time to skimp.)
posted by lescour at 8:53 PM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm just making these up, but here are some ideas:


spring water with grenadine and a twist of lime

cranberry juice with a twist of lime

apple juice with bitters and lemon over ice

vanilla milkshake

tomato juice with a piece of celery
posted by amtho at 8:56 PM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

You can always ask for still water with lime, orange, or a cherry.

(Or, I mean, an olive, but oh god no.)
posted by Lyn Never at 8:56 PM on June 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Arnold Palmer: iced tea + lemonade.
posted by limeonaire at 9:03 PM on June 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

Cranberry and grapefruit juice.
posted by MexicanYenta at 10:16 PM on June 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Pineapple juice.

There is de-alcoholized wine, which isn't totally alcohol-free but apparently has to have less than 0.5% alcohol. But I don't know how common it is in bars.

Bitters are alcoholic. They wouldn't add much alcohol to a drink, but I don't see why you'd want them.
posted by John Cohen at 12:19 AM on June 2, 2017

You sound like me! I order lemonade. I don't even drink much of it but every bar has it, so it's an easy default.
posted by tchemgrrl at 3:16 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

Two shots of apple juice, in a rocks glass, with an ice cube.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:36 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've ordered milk in a bar before.

"Getting a drink" is one of two default social situations. The other is "getting coffee". Try to steer your dates in that direction instead. Coffee shops will probably be easier for you. My wife and I met "for coffee" 5.5 years ago, although neither of us ordered coffee then, and neither of us has ever ordered it in subsequent trips.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:02 AM on June 2, 2017 [5 favorites]

Just tell them you don't drink. There are lots of places to go for first dates, and if a bar is the only thing someone can think of, it's probably a bad sign for you. They'll find someplace else to go, most likely.
posted by empath at 4:42 AM on June 2, 2017 [5 favorites]

As a mostly non-drinker who loves a nice cocktail bar, I will add that you might want to mention to your prospective dates that you won't be drinking. A surprising number of people seem to be made uncomfortable when I order just a Diet Coke or water.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:49 AM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]

Club soda with a twist of lime can be refreshing.

I agree that orange, grapefruit, or cranberry juice will be on hand as mixers. Cola and ginger ale likely will be too (possibly served from the same spigot as the club soda).
posted by Gelatin at 5:41 AM on June 2, 2017

Most bars have a selection sodas and juices that are used as mixers, so it should be easy to order a non-alcoholic beverage. On the rare occasions when I've found myself in a bar but did not want to drink, I've usually ordered a ginger ale - but that's carbonated so you'll probably want to stick with juice.

That said, I agree with the others who have suggested meeting for coffee instead. Coffee shops will always have non-caffeinated drinks and nobody will think it's strange if you don't order coffee. I think the atmosphere in a coffee shop is probably better for a non-drinker, too.
posted by breakin' the law at 5:58 AM on June 2, 2017

I also don't like to drink alcohol, so I tell dates I'm happy for them to enjoy a drink but will pick something else off the menu. I try to steer dates towards pubs or places with food, and I usually order dessert instead of a drink, the price is usually about the same.

I'm in Canada where "casears" are really popular (which is similar to a bloody mary but better), that's my go-to if I'm in a bar and there's not much else but juice or pop.
posted by lafemma at 6:41 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

My go to is soda water with a couple splashes of bitters. Yes the bitters have alcohol but the amount in two splashes in vanishingly small.
posted by Lutoslawski at 6:42 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Lots of good suggestions here, but I want to mention something that you probably already know, but just in case: in my experience (I had a girlfriend who was in AA but liked to hang out in bars) bartenders have absolutely no problem with nondrinkers and are happy to make whatever nonalcoholic beverage you want. (Though of course they're especially happy if you tip well, as noted above.)
posted by languagehat at 7:34 AM on June 2, 2017

I had a friend who loved to go to bars but not to drink and was fond of ordering a Water Martini with a Twist (essentially water in a martini glass with a little lemon). The bartenders and her dates thought it was cute.

When I'm not feeling like a drink with any real alcohol, the bitters and soda water with a lime is a great go-to. Unsure of the scientific truth of this but bitters are an old tyme remedy for digestive issues.
posted by *s at 8:54 AM on June 2, 2017

I'm mostly you in my drink preferences. I like water + grapefruit juice + bitters. It's not too sweet, not fizzy, has only a teensy bit of alcohol, and has a complicated enough flavor to feel like an adult beverage. I think a creative bartender could rise to the challenge, though: "Can you mix me something interesting without alcohol, caffeine, or carbonation?"
posted by the_blizz at 9:14 AM on June 2, 2017

I often will get a mix or orange and cranberry juice with a splash of grenadine. It's got that fancy cocktail look but without the alcohol (and with no carbonation).
posted by Lady Li at 9:28 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is dependent on taste, but I've been a fan of water with a couple of shakes of bitters thrown in.
posted by Hactar at 9:58 AM on June 2, 2017

Best answer: Non-alcoholic, non-carbonated ingredients behind a good bar will include fruit juices, syrups, and some bitters. They may include shrubs or even switchel. Some bars may make their own sodas, and if you're lucky you may find that they have the syrups they use for those sodas available for other uses (like making you a non-carbonated version of those sodas).

More interesting syrups you might find behind a bar may include raspberry, passionfruit, orgeat (made from almonds), and any number of syrups made from less refined (or unrefined) sugars like cane syrup or demerara. A serious cocktail bartender should be able to improvise with syrups, juices, and maybe a shrub, to come up with something for you. As the_blizz says above, sit at the bar and ask (you can try asking a server at a table, but even if you do a good bartender will come out to you and interview you to find out what will and won't work). FWIW a bar that specializes in tiki drinks will have more ingredients to play with than a regular cocktail bar, and a regular cocktail bar will have more than a dive. Don't do this at a dive.

Side note on alcohol in bitters: as has been pointed out above, many cocktail bitters contain alcohol, but not all do, and you'd have to check the labels. By their nature bitters would typically be used only in small amounts. You may or may not be able to stomach the trace amount of alcohol you'd get from a couple dashes. For example, Angostura bitters are 44.7% alcohol by volume, and when I measured my dashes they averaged 36 dashes to an ounce. If I made a drink with two dashes of Angostura, that would mean about .025 ounces of alcohol would be present in the drink (put another way, since that's about the same proof as many bourbons or vodkas, two dashes of Angostura is roughly equivalent to 1/18 ounce of hard liquor). How do you do with medicines that contain alcohol, like cough syrup? What about vanilla extract?
posted by fedward at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

Just tell them you don't drink. There are lots of places to go for first dates, and if a bar is the only thing someone can think of, it's probably a bad sign for you. They'll find someplace else to go, most likely.

Yes, this. It's default rather than meaning ala how are you. I frequently suggest grabbing a drink, even if I rarely drink. My non alcoholic needs are less stringent than yours though.
Just a note on the above suggestions from folks, shirley temple and club soda are both carbonated
posted by TravellingCari at 11:07 AM on June 2, 2017

I've dated people who don't drink. Usually they say up front "I don't drink can we do x or y instead." It's never been a problem for me, provided their suggestions are in line with my comfort level for meeting a stranger for the first time.
posted by bunderful at 12:04 PM on June 2, 2017

Response by poster: Thanks all! Lots of great ideas here. I will talk to some bartenders and look more into these suggestions. And I will for sure tip very very well!
posted by violetish at 1:15 PM on June 2, 2017

I think these are great suggestions, but I also think it's perfectly fine to steer things toward "coffee" rather than "alcoholic drinks." Most coffee shops are going to have a wider selection of non-alcoholic beverages, and/or you can order water + a pastry or other food item.
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:29 PM on June 2, 2017

There are also a lot of 'brewery/cafe' combos opening near me, recently, you might want to look into someplace like that.
posted by empath at 1:42 PM on June 2, 2017

Best answer: I have the same problem--drinking ANYTHING with alcohol gives me an instant hangover. If you're steering clear of soda, there's a wide array of smoothies, juices and virgin cocktails you can have.

Also, I know you mentioned no hot beverages, but there is a such thing as ICED hot chocolate (Dunkin Donuts sells it, and I'm sure you can find it elsewhere), which contains no caffeine that I am aware of.
posted by Delia at 4:49 PM on June 2, 2017

My go-to when I was pregnant was Rose's lime juice and sparkling water. I imagine it would be fine in still water as well. (And good with a dash of angostura bitters, for sure.)
posted by leahwrenn at 4:51 PM on June 2, 2017