Is it okay for a friend to have sex with your ex?
January 3, 2017 9:25 AM
In what situations would it be okay and not okay? Does it matter if it was a mutual break up or if said friend is the one who gets dumped by the ex? What if the friend still has an emotional attachment to their ex? Et cetera.
Here's my situation...
A few years ago, my wife and I separated, and on one weekend, I was in the process of moving her belongings out of my apartment.
We were married for less than two years. We eventually went through the divorce process a few years later since the state requires married couples to wait one year before filing for divorce and I was extremely busy with school to do much of anything else.
A close friend of mine, a male around the same age as me (mid 20's at the time), heard from me (maybe a week or two before moving day) that my wife and I are separating. He and I were there (along with the wife, father-in-law, and her step-sister) to help move my wife's belongings out of the apartment (under the supervision of a police officer). Before she left the apartment, she yelled "fuck you" to my friend and also stated that he had contacted her pretty much immediately after he knew about our separation.
So to clarify, he contacted her for sex even before we got her stuff out of my place. He denied the accusation, and at the time I believed my friend over my wife that had cheated on me at least once. I thought to myself, "he is a good friend and we help each other out all the time. It's extremely unlikely that he would pull something like this that would jeopardize our friendship."
Fast forward a month from that incident, and said friend would bring up my ex-wife during conversation sometimes. "Man your wife was such a hot piece of ass", or "It's a shame that you don't get to fuck her anymore dude". I would usually roll my eyes to those comments and never really gave it much thought... until today.
Hopefully I explained my situation enough, but I am willing to answer any relevant questions (as long as they don't reveal any personal information).
Here's my situation...
A few years ago, my wife and I separated, and on one weekend, I was in the process of moving her belongings out of my apartment.
We were married for less than two years. We eventually went through the divorce process a few years later since the state requires married couples to wait one year before filing for divorce and I was extremely busy with school to do much of anything else.
A close friend of mine, a male around the same age as me (mid 20's at the time), heard from me (maybe a week or two before moving day) that my wife and I are separating. He and I were there (along with the wife, father-in-law, and her step-sister) to help move my wife's belongings out of the apartment (under the supervision of a police officer). Before she left the apartment, she yelled "fuck you" to my friend and also stated that he had contacted her pretty much immediately after he knew about our separation.
So to clarify, he contacted her for sex even before we got her stuff out of my place. He denied the accusation, and at the time I believed my friend over my wife that had cheated on me at least once. I thought to myself, "he is a good friend and we help each other out all the time. It's extremely unlikely that he would pull something like this that would jeopardize our friendship."
Fast forward a month from that incident, and said friend would bring up my ex-wife during conversation sometimes. "Man your wife was such a hot piece of ass", or "It's a shame that you don't get to fuck her anymore dude". I would usually roll my eyes to those comments and never really gave it much thought... until today.
Hopefully I explained my situation enough, but I am willing to answer any relevant questions (as long as they don't reveal any personal information).
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, this doesn't work as an AskMe question; the actual question you've asked is chatfilter, and it's not clear exactly what the situation with your friend is. -- LobsterMitten
Your question is moot because this guy is not your friend. Stop being friends with him, he clearly doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings.
posted by phunniemee at 9:30 AM on January 3, 2017
posted by phunniemee at 9:30 AM on January 3, 2017
The answer to your stated question is "it depends". The main consideration is to be considerate of your feelings and her feelings.
The answer to the question "is my friend being a jerk" is yes. The main consideration is to be considerate of your feelings and her feelings. He wasn't being considerate at all, and isn't being so now.
posted by amtho at 9:30 AM on January 3, 2017
The answer to the question "is my friend being a jerk" is yes. The main consideration is to be considerate of your feelings and her feelings. He wasn't being considerate at all, and isn't being so now.
posted by amtho at 9:30 AM on January 3, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:30 AM on January 3, 2017