How to stay strong and optimistic when you are lonely, tired, stressed?
November 22, 2016 6:34 AM Subscribe
I'm back to my fellow metas to help me through this hump I am in. My prior questions lay the foundation for my background and current situation... I have continued to maintain seperation from my ex, the father of my daughter (16 months old), going on 5 months now. It hasn't been easy, and it is getting harder as the holidays approach, watching all my friends coupled up, feeling the stress and lonliness set in as the cold weather approaches...I can't seem to find the joy in life and holidays other than in my daughter, how can you turn this lonliness, stress and exhaustion into something positive to keep me on the right path versus chosing the path of least resistance?
I have become very pessimistic, my daughter doesn't see this side of me it is usually after she goes to sleep and after we have spent quality time together.
My ex is still knocking on our door, wanting to come back, and offering help when I allow it- and that help is invaluable at a time in my life where I am working full time and rushing around to try to get everything done, and not rely on him because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or me to become dependent on anyone other than myself and friends/family. I am exhausted most of the time, after she goes to sleep, I am lonely, I don't have much time for anything and it is hard to continue with my decision to be seperate when I so desperately could use him right now, to help me around the house, to be there to talk to me, or watch a movie, or just hang out and have contact and just the help and joy of raising a daughter. When something is right in your grasp that would make your life easier but you are denying it, I am feeling a sense of dissonance if that makes sense- is this a normal experience? It sounds silly. But, how can I be sure that these are just fleeting feelings and not something more realizing that maybe I do need or want this man in my life, and not just lonliness? I wish I could say he has just disappeared, or doesn't offer help, but he hasn't and he's always there if I need him, but I just chose not to rely on him. How can I keep closing the door on something I so could use and would make my life easier at this moment in my life? For 3-4 months of our initial seperation, I felt fine, because he had backed off a bit although still attempting to tell me he wanted his family back, he had backed off due to meeting another woman and creating a new life full of friends and traveling to see family. Now that the dust has settled and he relized he wasn't behaving as a father or as a man of integrity, he is beginning to settle and "see things clearer," and is trying to show me he is changing and wants what I want. It's so much easier to stay strong when someone is behaving to prove unworthiness, but how baout when someone is behaving the ways in which you desired, and instead of caving to lonliness and ease of life, how can you push yourself through these feelings?
I have become very pessimistic, my daughter doesn't see this side of me it is usually after she goes to sleep and after we have spent quality time together.
My ex is still knocking on our door, wanting to come back, and offering help when I allow it- and that help is invaluable at a time in my life where I am working full time and rushing around to try to get everything done, and not rely on him because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or me to become dependent on anyone other than myself and friends/family. I am exhausted most of the time, after she goes to sleep, I am lonely, I don't have much time for anything and it is hard to continue with my decision to be seperate when I so desperately could use him right now, to help me around the house, to be there to talk to me, or watch a movie, or just hang out and have contact and just the help and joy of raising a daughter. When something is right in your grasp that would make your life easier but you are denying it, I am feeling a sense of dissonance if that makes sense- is this a normal experience? It sounds silly. But, how can I be sure that these are just fleeting feelings and not something more realizing that maybe I do need or want this man in my life, and not just lonliness? I wish I could say he has just disappeared, or doesn't offer help, but he hasn't and he's always there if I need him, but I just chose not to rely on him. How can I keep closing the door on something I so could use and would make my life easier at this moment in my life? For 3-4 months of our initial seperation, I felt fine, because he had backed off a bit although still attempting to tell me he wanted his family back, he had backed off due to meeting another woman and creating a new life full of friends and traveling to see family. Now that the dust has settled and he relized he wasn't behaving as a father or as a man of integrity, he is beginning to settle and "see things clearer," and is trying to show me he is changing and wants what I want. It's so much easier to stay strong when someone is behaving to prove unworthiness, but how baout when someone is behaving the ways in which you desired, and instead of caving to lonliness and ease of life, how can you push yourself through these feelings?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm sorry you're going through this, but asking frequent questions for general support isn't what AskMe's for. This is really something you need ongoing individual contact for, with a therapist or other person who can really support you. If you're needing encouragement today, re-read some of the answers you've gotten on previous threads. -- LobsterMitten
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