Third Day on Job - Problematic Recommendation Request

July 20, 2016 4:41 AM

My wife is on the third day of her job, and has to give a diplomatic but honest response regarding someone who applied to the company and may or may not have listed her as a reference.

Someone my wife knows applied to her new company, where she started Monday. Because they share a similar professional background (or because the person listed her as a contact - unknown at this point) the head of that division (i.e. VIP) emailed her to ask "if she knows Contact."

She has to reply, but she does not want to endorse that person, who has problematic communication issues and would not be a fit, among other things.

But how can she communicate that on her third day without sounding like a judgmental person, which she is not?

posted by glaucon to Work & Money (15 answers total)

"I am aware of this person but am not in a position to endorse."
posted by kariebookish at 4:46 AM on July 20, 2016

"I would respectfully encourage [management] to consider carefully whether [applicant's] communication style and [reasons] would be a good cultural fit for our organization."

FWIW, I like kariebookish's answer better, but thought I'd offer another option.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 4:50 AM on July 20, 2016

"I do, we worked together at Salt Mine Incorporated. Can I ask why?"
"Because they listed you as a reference."
"Hmm, I wish he'd asked me first. I'm afraid I'm not comfortable serving as a reference for him."

She can make it clear without being super explicit. If VP asks for more detail, then she should feel free to provide an example of how this person failed to communicate that, say, Morton Salt was unimpressed with their techniques or whatever.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:02 AM on July 20, 2016

+1 to kariebookish. Abstaining from offering an opinion will speak volumes.
posted by AaRdVarK at 5:02 AM on July 20, 2016

I would not abstain from responding, even though, as suggested, doing so tells them something.

Your wife is now on her new employer's team and should fully be a part of it. Discussing a prospective hire is different when you're on the inside than when you're on the outside (third-party reference).

If you are asked for a reference as a third party, it is standard to be circumspect, or to decline, if you are not willing to fully endorse the person.

When you're inside the company doing the hiring, you should be open and honest about what you know (so long as you are not disclosing anything that's under some kind of NDA with a former employer). Probably best to do this in person, not email, and to request confidentiality. This approach will score more points for your wife than somehow abstaining.
posted by beagle at 5:56 AM on July 20, 2016

Yes, if this person is someone the company does not want to hire, your wife should not inflict that person upon them by withholding information. She should be professional about it - no "he's a flaming asshole and his cats are ugly", but "I would have concerns about X and Y and think he would not be a good fit with this company because Z and Q." Agreed that this conversation should be verbal and confidential. Her tone and body language will go a long way towards showing that she is not vindictive, but is primarily concerned with the successful operations of the new team. This is not the same as being an outside reference.
posted by telepanda at 7:42 AM on July 20, 2016

I use chesty_a_arthur's script: "[Person] and I [worked at the same company/went to the same school/know each other socially], but I'm afraid I am not comfortable serving as a reference."

But basically, you acknowledge the context in which you know the person (you don't want to brand him as a liar because you do know the person) and then say that you can't really serve as a reference. If pressed, you can either just repeat yourself, or if you have a legitimate out (you only know the person socially, you have not worked together in several years, you never supervised the person), you can offer that.
posted by crush-onastick at 7:44 AM on July 20, 2016

I would answer exactly the question as asked, and no more. So if the question is as you've put here, I would simply say "Yes, I do" and leave it at that.
posted by lyssabee at 8:52 AM on July 20, 2016

I agree, she needs to be on her company's team here, but she needs to be professional.

Start with just saying that yes, you do know him, with a little bit of context. "I've been on a couple of panels with him at conferences," or "We worked together on the X task force," or "I know him by reputation, but we haven't really interacted much." Then if the hiring people ask more, you can give polite but truthful answers. "I've always found him a little frustrating to work with because of Y and Z."

Don't say anything about not being comfortable serving as a reference - no one asked you to be a reference!
posted by mskyle at 8:59 AM on July 20, 2016

mskyle has a point about not answering questions that haven't been asked, but I think it makes sense to plan ahead about how to answer questions that may very likely be asked.

As an alternative to saying you're not comfortable giving a reference, you could say, "If you hire this person I will quit that day." Then if asked why, say, "I don't want to say, because anything I could say would sound hysterical and vindictive if you haven't worked with him."
posted by Bruce H. at 9:54 AM on July 20, 2016

As an alternative to saying you're not comfortable giving a reference, you could say, "If you hire this person I will quit that day." Then if asked why, say, "I don't want to say, because anything I could say would sound hysterical and vindictive if you haven't worked with him."

What? That's maybe the response if the company was considering hiring her stalker or something equivalent (and even then you should say why you would feel forced to quit), but otherwise that would be bizarrely reactive and uncommunicative to boot. I would strongly advise not following this advice.
posted by vegartanipla at 10:10 AM on July 20, 2016

Yes, your wife shouldn't answer a question that hasn't been asked. She should reply with something neutral and helpful, like "yes I know him/her" with a sentence or two about the context, as mskyle said. And then add something like "Let me know if there's anything I can be helpful with. I'd be happy to drop by and have a quick chat if [person] gets far enough along in the process that you want that."

Basically if this division head is any good, your wife's reticence, along with the implication that the candidate may not progress to finalist stage, along with the implication that she'd prefer a verbal conversation to a written one, should speak volumes. At this stage, anything other than strong enthusiasm should be easily parsed as the opposite.

If she's directly asked, she should say something like "He/she is probably not somebody that I would super-enthusiastically recommend," or "If it were me, I probably wouldn't hire him/her. I'm sure we can do better." Understated is better than overstated.

But, if she hears the candidate has progressed to finalist stage, she should proactively go to the division head and have a verbal conversation. Even then though, she doesn't need to have chapter and verse proving the candidate is horrible. It should be more of a "word to the wise" conversation, saying that she wouldn't recommend him or her and thinks the company would regret the hire. If she's directly asked, she can say more.
posted by Susan PG at 10:51 AM on July 20, 2016

Just stepping in to 2nd vegartanipla's comment.

"If you hire this person I will quit that day" sounds bizarrely dramatic -- even if this was a person who at one point in my life had come at me with a gun or knife, I would not say "...will quit that day" -- I would say "I would not be able to share a work environment with him -- in 1994, he chased me with a knife in his hand," and I would only say that if I had something on paper to back it up...

"I don't want to say, because anything I could say would sound hysterical and vindictive if you haven't worked with him." Just no. She should not use gendered language ("hysteria..."). She should not outright refuse to answer reasonable workplace questions.

I agree with both "not in a position to endorse" and also behaving as though she is indeed on New Company's team, but, not to the point of casual histrionics about the person. It doesn't even sound like either of those (dislikes him to the point where she would quit, would sound vindictive if discussing his communication problems) are remotely accurate. Even if they were somehow spot on, the phrasing would be inappropriate even for a young teen working a fast-food job.
posted by kmennie at 12:05 PM on July 20, 2016

I agree with the suggestion to be super reserved and start with something like, "I do know this person, why do you ask?" However, I would strongly urge her to do this by phone rather than email. Even if it takes some phone tag with the department head and/or their assistant. In email, it's easy to come across as both judgmental and unhelpful (being negative about the applicant and being weirdly coy about why). Plus, you're putting it in writing, which could end badly. Responding with a short phone conversation allows her to express her confusion, politely decline to be a reference, and maintain a level of warmth that email just can't convey. Her new coworkers and leadership (probably) don't just want cold professionalism. They (probably) want colleagues who display professionalism and social intelligence. A phone call lets her do both.
posted by Meg_Murry at 12:56 PM on July 20, 2016

I would reply with a short email saying "yes, I do know her. I'll give you a call to discuss." And do all followups by phone, not email, if possible, because it is not impossible that even if she gives a negative reference that the person might get hired anyway.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:07 PM on July 20, 2016