Talking sex when in a relationship?
May 20, 2016 3:49 PM
Just wanted to survey the crowd...do you think it's inappropriate to talk about sex with friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship?
I am a 28 year old heterosexual female. It's always been in my personality to talk openly about sex with friends, both male and female, of all sexual orientations, since high school before I had ever even had sex. I don't think I do it to get attention, (unconsciously that might be the case, who knows?), but it's more that I have sex on my mind a lot, being a human and all, and I think it's fun to explore it. I enjoy it because it's a topic that everyone has something to say about and I think reveals things about people's personalities, and I am friends with people who are similar in that way, very open. I don't talk about specific things about specific people - except to my best friend because, come on - but more generally, and not direct or personal (nothing like"If I were [blowing/kissing/having sex with you..." etc.). I honestly don't feel that it is being discussed in a flirtatious way, but like, informationally and from a point of fascination with other people's perspectives.
I talk about this with female friends, but I also feel comfortable discussing this with male friends who I am close to, (I have maybe two or three) because it's interesting to get the other side's perspective. However, I am in a monogamous relationship now with a man I seriously see a future with. The other night I went out for drinks with my (male) friend and the conversation turned to sex. I am used to being single, and have not had a real relationship in years, so this felt natural to me. Later on, I wondered if I had crossed a boundary.
So, I just wanted to survey you all - do you think it is inappropriate to discuss sex in this way with my male friends if I am in a serious relationship? And if it is not in a group setting? From an ethical standpoint, is this something I should discuss with my boyfriend? Or is it something that is separately part of my friendships that he doesn't need to know about? Would that be a red flag? Should I just stop because it is not fitting for a "serious" girlfriend? Also, to be clear, I don't discuss our sex life...again, just generally.
I know this may seem like a silly question, but I just am really new to having a serious, adult relationship and wanted to get a feel for others' opinions about this.
I am a 28 year old heterosexual female. It's always been in my personality to talk openly about sex with friends, both male and female, of all sexual orientations, since high school before I had ever even had sex. I don't think I do it to get attention, (unconsciously that might be the case, who knows?), but it's more that I have sex on my mind a lot, being a human and all, and I think it's fun to explore it. I enjoy it because it's a topic that everyone has something to say about and I think reveals things about people's personalities, and I am friends with people who are similar in that way, very open. I don't talk about specific things about specific people - except to my best friend because, come on - but more generally, and not direct or personal (nothing like"If I were [blowing/kissing/having sex with you..." etc.). I honestly don't feel that it is being discussed in a flirtatious way, but like, informationally and from a point of fascination with other people's perspectives.
I talk about this with female friends, but I also feel comfortable discussing this with male friends who I am close to, (I have maybe two or three) because it's interesting to get the other side's perspective. However, I am in a monogamous relationship now with a man I seriously see a future with. The other night I went out for drinks with my (male) friend and the conversation turned to sex. I am used to being single, and have not had a real relationship in years, so this felt natural to me. Later on, I wondered if I had crossed a boundary.
So, I just wanted to survey you all - do you think it is inappropriate to discuss sex in this way with my male friends if I am in a serious relationship? And if it is not in a group setting? From an ethical standpoint, is this something I should discuss with my boyfriend? Or is it something that is separately part of my friendships that he doesn't need to know about? Would that be a red flag? Should I just stop because it is not fitting for a "serious" girlfriend? Also, to be clear, I don't discuss our sex life...again, just generally.
I know this may seem like a silly question, but I just am really new to having a serious, adult relationship and wanted to get a feel for others' opinions about this.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, this is pretty much chatfilter. -- LobsterMitten
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