Bedtime Rituals
April 25, 2016 9:10 AM
I've been having some sleep problems and recently saw a specialist. Among other things, he recommended creating a nightly bedtime ritual that takes about 30 minutes or so and helps me wind down. I would be appreciative if you would share your own most calming routines, best practices, good suggestions for getting into the right mental space for sleep?
My general pattern is to work on projects until late, then noodle around online or watch TV shows until I'm tired, then crash. That's not working, but I'm afraid of being bored. Constraints: no snacks, no alcohol, no loud sounds, no screens.
My general pattern is to work on projects until late, then noodle around online or watch TV shows until I'm tired, then crash. That's not working, but I'm afraid of being bored. Constraints: no snacks, no alcohol, no loud sounds, no screens.
I have found that TV is a big problem for me at night time but spoken work audio is great at helping me get to sleep. I wind down with some iPad time then a podcast to go to sleep. I like all the How Stuff Works podcasts for this. I used to have a hard time getting to sleep this method has worked well for me for the last few years.
posted by jmsta at 9:15 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by jmsta at 9:15 AM on April 25, 2016
Minimal light: turn most of your household lights off, leaving just enough dim lights on to be able to see what you are doing.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:20 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:20 AM on April 25, 2016
Not for everyone but if you're lucky enough to have a willing partner reading out loud and/or being read to in bed can be nice. Has to be a genre that won't keep you too interested to be able to sleep. People also do this with audiobooks/podcasts but again, key is to pick a genre or subject or whatever that is categorically different from your "awake time" reading so it creates its own ritual "bedtime" space in your head.
posted by Wretch729 at 9:21 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by Wretch729 at 9:21 AM on April 25, 2016
Big deal for me is getting offline and offscreen for 45 minutes or so at least. I literally only touch my phone to turn the sound off, no other phone interactions not even "good" ones. I have a Bedtime Book which I read until I am feeling too muzzy to keep reading. Sometimes this is five minutes and sometimes it's an hour. If I really can't sleep I have a few medicine options (benadryl, benzos, sleeping pills if it's awful) but most of the time I can get to sleep without it. There are a few meditation apps that have specific "now it is sleep time" meditations which I sometimes find helpful if I'm not able to quiet my mind on my own. The big thing that helped me was really the no screen thing and aiming for a quiet mind. That is, even the "good thoughts" that I was thinking thinking thinking, needed to just be set aside til tomorrow. I'd try to think of things that were more prosaic ("how do I want my hair cut" or "remember walking around my childhood home") as my counting sheep equivalent to knock out all of my automatic "let's make a to do list for tomorrow!" thoughts.
posted by jessamyn at 9:27 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by jessamyn at 9:27 AM on April 25, 2016
I've found a really hot shower or bath is helpful for me, as well as a few minutes of RELAXING yoga poses (i.e. nothing intense/power-y...stuff like child's pose and cat/cow). I also do a little bit of journaling right before bed - I have one of those line-a-day journals where you can just write a sentence or two, and it helps me mentally close the book on the day without having to commit lots of time (I probably spend 30 seconds to a minute per day on this).
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:31 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:31 AM on April 25, 2016
Actual TV is not great for me, though a couple of nights a week my husband and I get in bed and watch one of our Soothing Shows (currently, and for the next several years if we actually watch all the episodes from Series 12 on, is the British show "Escape To The Country", which is like House Hunters except with zero drama, rage, impending divorces, or especially strong opinions. At best, someone has feelings about exposed beams, or is slightly disappointed by the lack of an en suite bathroom.) on a tablet. This is done after all ablutions are performed, so whoever passes out last just has to move the lap desk and the iPad and turn off the light.
When we don't do that, my husband listens to an audiobook and I read. I don't really like laying down with stuff in my ears and don't want to bother him, but sometimes I put on the Sleep With Me podcast turned down very low on the nightstand right by my head. I've never made it more than 15 minutes.
The whole routine is pretty much: turn off all the house lights, refill the dogs' water bowls, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, get in bed, watch/read/listen to a thing, go to sleep. It's about the last 70 minutes of the day.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:32 AM on April 25, 2016
When we don't do that, my husband listens to an audiobook and I read. I don't really like laying down with stuff in my ears and don't want to bother him, but sometimes I put on the Sleep With Me podcast turned down very low on the nightstand right by my head. I've never made it more than 15 minutes.
The whole routine is pretty much: turn off all the house lights, refill the dogs' water bowls, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, get in bed, watch/read/listen to a thing, go to sleep. It's about the last 70 minutes of the day.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:32 AM on April 25, 2016
I suffer from insomnia too, and this is my ritual before bed:
Firstly, I stop drinking caffeine in the afternoon.
1. About 1 hour before bed I shut off all devices, smartphone, tablet, and turn off the TV. This is super important to not being over-stimulated before bed, for me.
2. If I need to, either warm shower or warm bath. Otherwise bed-time grooming.
3. Change into especially comfy cozy feeling pajamas; make sure my bed is also comfy, clean, etc.
3. I have a warm drink, either a unsweetened herbal tea like chamomile or a sleepytime tea, or sometimes I'll have warm milk with a dash of nutmeg and honey. (If I decide to have the milk I brush my teeth just before getting into bed).
4. If I'm still not feeling tired at all, I'll take a melatonin pill at this point; it's now about 30 mins before bed. This works for me, but really all it does is makes me a bit drowsy.
5. Curl up in bed and read until I start feeling a bit drowsy and the words blur a bit, then I curl up and usually fall asleep.
BUT-- If I don't start getting sleepy within 30 mins, I stop reading and turn out the light and lay in the dark for a while. If I'm still not quite there, I'll meditate in the dark using breathing techniques, and if this doesn't work either, I'll do a tense-muscle type meditation-- whereby you go through your muscle groups bit by bit and tense tightly and release, until you feel the tension drain from your body.
About 9 times out of 10 this works, but I personally really have to push myself to stop browsing online, etc. I think this is the biggest factor for me.
posted by Dimes at 9:33 AM on April 25, 2016
Firstly, I stop drinking caffeine in the afternoon.
1. About 1 hour before bed I shut off all devices, smartphone, tablet, and turn off the TV. This is super important to not being over-stimulated before bed, for me.
2. If I need to, either warm shower or warm bath. Otherwise bed-time grooming.
3. Change into especially comfy cozy feeling pajamas; make sure my bed is also comfy, clean, etc.
3. I have a warm drink, either a unsweetened herbal tea like chamomile or a sleepytime tea, or sometimes I'll have warm milk with a dash of nutmeg and honey. (If I decide to have the milk I brush my teeth just before getting into bed).
4. If I'm still not feeling tired at all, I'll take a melatonin pill at this point; it's now about 30 mins before bed. This works for me, but really all it does is makes me a bit drowsy.
5. Curl up in bed and read until I start feeling a bit drowsy and the words blur a bit, then I curl up and usually fall asleep.
BUT-- If I don't start getting sleepy within 30 mins, I stop reading and turn out the light and lay in the dark for a while. If I'm still not quite there, I'll meditate in the dark using breathing techniques, and if this doesn't work either, I'll do a tense-muscle type meditation-- whereby you go through your muscle groups bit by bit and tense tightly and release, until you feel the tension drain from your body.
About 9 times out of 10 this works, but I personally really have to push myself to stop browsing online, etc. I think this is the biggest factor for me.
posted by Dimes at 9:33 AM on April 25, 2016
I switched to showering/bathing at night recently, and I do feel like I've been sleeping better. I've been using lavender products at night, and when I shower I crank up the heat as hot as I can stand it and spend a fair amount of time just standing there, trying to get to the point where I'm thinking of nothing. This Ask has a bunch of great suggestions from people of relaxing bath products.
So, my routine is something like: realize it's about 30 mins before bedtime, feed cats, empty litter boxes, brush teeth, fix bed (we are bad about making it in the morning, and I'm picky about having sheets that are at least kind of organized, and if I let Mr. Motion get in the bed before me he'll just plop down and it will be all messed up), plug in phone (beside bed), shower (if I'm having a bath, I'll start it filling before I feed the cats), towel off, climb into bed.
It doesn't work for me, but as suggested, podcasts/audiobooks do work for some people. The Sleep With Me podcast was created exactly for that purpose.
Another thing that doesn't quite work for me on a nightly basis, but might be good for you at least to kick your body into sleep-gear is a long meditative body scan. Track 3 on the audio accompaniment for the Mindful Way Workbook is a 40 minute Body Scan Exercise. It's intended to be used in the context of the book, but the audio tracks will guide you through what you need. I find it very hard to stay awake through the whole scan, even if I do it mid-day. It will feel very silly when you start (who cares that much about their big toe?!), but stick with it.
I'm afraid of being bored
Finally, I think you should try challenging that fear. What's so bad about being bored? Especially at night when you should be sleeping. For me, one of the reasons why I have trouble sleeping is racing thoughts, and finding a way to still my mind before I actually try sleeping is key. Maybe it's the same for you, but if you don't give your brain the chance to truly rest, you won't know. You're gonna get some awesome suggestions in here -- pick a couple-or-three that you think might work for you, and try them for a week, maybe give yourself permission to give up on any given night if something isn't working in say, 30 mins.
posted by sparklemotion at 9:34 AM on April 25, 2016
So, my routine is something like: realize it's about 30 mins before bedtime, feed cats, empty litter boxes, brush teeth, fix bed (we are bad about making it in the morning, and I'm picky about having sheets that are at least kind of organized, and if I let Mr. Motion get in the bed before me he'll just plop down and it will be all messed up), plug in phone (beside bed), shower (if I'm having a bath, I'll start it filling before I feed the cats), towel off, climb into bed.
It doesn't work for me, but as suggested, podcasts/audiobooks do work for some people. The Sleep With Me podcast was created exactly for that purpose.
Another thing that doesn't quite work for me on a nightly basis, but might be good for you at least to kick your body into sleep-gear is a long meditative body scan. Track 3 on the audio accompaniment for the Mindful Way Workbook is a 40 minute Body Scan Exercise. It's intended to be used in the context of the book, but the audio tracks will guide you through what you need. I find it very hard to stay awake through the whole scan, even if I do it mid-day. It will feel very silly when you start (who cares that much about their big toe?!), but stick with it.
I'm afraid of being bored
Finally, I think you should try challenging that fear. What's so bad about being bored? Especially at night when you should be sleeping. For me, one of the reasons why I have trouble sleeping is racing thoughts, and finding a way to still my mind before I actually try sleeping is key. Maybe it's the same for you, but if you don't give your brain the chance to truly rest, you won't know. You're gonna get some awesome suggestions in here -- pick a couple-or-three that you think might work for you, and try them for a week, maybe give yourself permission to give up on any given night if something isn't working in say, 30 mins.
posted by sparklemotion at 9:34 AM on April 25, 2016
A few other things that aren't bedtime but have really helped (and I say this as someone with sleep problems that border on phobias sometimes)
- no caffeine after 5
- exercise like it's sleep medicine that you take earlier in the day (i.e. get some exercise, always, even if it's just a few walks around the block)
- find your good sleeping temperature (for me it's cold room, warm blankets)
- keep lighting as low as you can and have that be your "it's sleep time" cue
- develop a routine so that your body gets used to "OK, lights low, jammas on, temp lowered, good smelling mosturizer on, I'm reading, ok sleep is next on the list"
- have a plan if you are not sleeping that isn't just "give up and turn on the ipad" Maybe you are hungry or sore or something, in which case eat or take advil and try again
- if you have a fidgety partner, make them sleep somewhere else (or you sleep somewhere else) while you work on this
posted by jessamyn at 9:49 AM on April 25, 2016
- no caffeine after 5
- exercise like it's sleep medicine that you take earlier in the day (i.e. get some exercise, always, even if it's just a few walks around the block)
- find your good sleeping temperature (for me it's cold room, warm blankets)
- keep lighting as low as you can and have that be your "it's sleep time" cue
- develop a routine so that your body gets used to "OK, lights low, jammas on, temp lowered, good smelling mosturizer on, I'm reading, ok sleep is next on the list"
- have a plan if you are not sleeping that isn't just "give up and turn on the ipad" Maybe you are hungry or sore or something, in which case eat or take advil and try again
- if you have a fidgety partner, make them sleep somewhere else (or you sleep somewhere else) while you work on this
posted by jessamyn at 9:49 AM on April 25, 2016
I don't have insomnia necessarily, but I've always been someone that can't just get into bed and go right to sleep.
For me it's a two-part solution:
1) My bedroom has no electronic distractions. No TV, no phone, no iPad, etc. I don't even charge my phone in my bedroom.
2) I read in bed for a while before I go to sleep. This necessitates "going to bed" earlier than I actually want to be asleep. So, if I want to be asleep by 11, I might go brush my teeth, take the dog out, etc. at 9:45, be in bed by 10, and read for 30-45 minutes and lights out by 10:45 at the latest. I only read fiction, too.
posted by Automocar at 9:52 AM on April 25, 2016
For me it's a two-part solution:
1) My bedroom has no electronic distractions. No TV, no phone, no iPad, etc. I don't even charge my phone in my bedroom.
2) I read in bed for a while before I go to sleep. This necessitates "going to bed" earlier than I actually want to be asleep. So, if I want to be asleep by 11, I might go brush my teeth, take the dog out, etc. at 9:45, be in bed by 10, and read for 30-45 minutes and lights out by 10:45 at the latest. I only read fiction, too.
posted by Automocar at 9:52 AM on April 25, 2016
Taking a bath right before bed is critical for me. It's a ritual that signals the end of the day - I'm taking off my clothes, getting clean, soaking in cozy warm water, and I usually read by candlelight to slow down my brain at the same time.
posted by joan_holloway at 9:56 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by joan_holloway at 9:56 AM on April 25, 2016
One thing I've done that's helped a lot is to lay out my clothes for the next day with a little note to my future morning self, a quote or drawing or something. It's a way of caring for myself and is definitely a little ritual. Best of all then you have clothes ready and a cute little surprise when you wake.
posted by zutalors! at 9:58 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by zutalors! at 9:58 AM on April 25, 2016
I suffered from sleep problems for years. My solution: dark as possible in the bedroom - blackout shades on the window and no lights except for the alarm clock (red numbers, not blue). No tv, no phone, no ipad, etc. in the bedroom. No coffee after 5 (tea doesn't bother me in moderation). Avoid bright lights in the house as much as possible for the hour or so before I go to bed. And I always read before falling asleep by a dim and diffuse bedside light (I cover it with a sheer cloth) to shift my brain down into sleeping gear. If I don't read, I will take forever to fall asleep and not sleep well. Even if I end up going to bed really late, say 2 a.m., I still keep to my ritual of reading for at least 10 or 15 minutes before turning out the light.
posted by fimbulvetr at 10:09 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by fimbulvetr at 10:09 AM on April 25, 2016
I listen to audiobooks on a sleep timer (15 minutes usually does the trick for me, but the audiobook apps I use--Librivox and Audible--let you set whatever time you want). I choose books I've already read, preferably books I've read many times and find pleasant and comforting; that way I'm not motivated to stay up to find out what happens next, because I already know. A good reader voice is also important, and I turn the volume down to barely hearable. I find that having something outside my thoughts to concentrate on is very helpful.
posted by snorkmaiden at 10:10 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by snorkmaiden at 10:10 AM on April 25, 2016
My pre-bed routine is mostly tidying-related. I tidy up the kitchen - repatriate all glasses to the kitchen, make sure all dishes are washed or in the dishwasher, or empty the dishwasher if I ran it right after dinner, maybe wipe down countertops. I try to get anything that needs to be in the recycling bin or the trash or the laundry hamper into its appropriate place. I like to fold the throw blanket on the couch, make sure all the chairs are tucked under their desks and tables, stuff like that. I might put out clothes for the next day if I'm feeling ambitious.
Then I do the personal hygiene section of the pre-bed routine (toothbrush, floss, wash face, shower if indicated).
Sometimes I read in bed, or if I'm very tired I will skip that and just talk with my partner for a little while. Then we turn off the light and turn on the sound machine, and we go to sleep. He falls asleep instantly, I like to listen to an audiobook for a half-hour or so (I fall asleep while I'm listening). I listen to the same handful of audiobooks (once in a while I slip in a podcast) over and over again. It's engaging enough to stop me from thinking about other things or dwelling on being bored, but not so engaging it keeps me awake.
posted by mskyle at 10:15 AM on April 25, 2016
Then I do the personal hygiene section of the pre-bed routine (toothbrush, floss, wash face, shower if indicated).
Sometimes I read in bed, or if I'm very tired I will skip that and just talk with my partner for a little while. Then we turn off the light and turn on the sound machine, and we go to sleep. He falls asleep instantly, I like to listen to an audiobook for a half-hour or so (I fall asleep while I'm listening). I listen to the same handful of audiobooks (once in a while I slip in a podcast) over and over again. It's engaging enough to stop me from thinking about other things or dwelling on being bored, but not so engaging it keeps me awake.
posted by mskyle at 10:15 AM on April 25, 2016
Reading is a good idea.
Also, the playlist that I assembled after I asked this question is f'in magic. On my iTunes menu I have named it "Auditory Ambien".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:18 AM on April 25, 2016
Also, the playlist that I assembled after I asked this question is f'in magic. On my iTunes menu I have named it "Auditory Ambien".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:18 AM on April 25, 2016
My perfect bedtime setup:
* No caffeine. If I'm really desperate it's not so bad before 8am, after that it's guaranteed to interfere with my sleep. Sob.
* No dark chocolate after about 5pm
* Exercise a couple of hours before bed
* Blackout curtains and blinds
* Same bedtime and wake time every day including weekends (I drift by about an hour at the weekends now, but it works better if I don't)
Specifically in the last 30 minutes:
* Be getting out of a warm bath about 30 mins before
* Dim lights
* Do bedtime stuff - clean teeth/hair down/clothes ready for morning/chance to remember last minute stuff
* 10 mins reading
* If I'm not ready to sleep, listen to a progressive relaxation or a 10 minute guided meditation
They key thing is that if I start feeling overwhelmingly sleepy I skip the rest of the steps and go to sleep. Recognising that sleepy feeling and acting on it really helps.
posted by kadia_a at 10:18 AM on April 25, 2016
* No caffeine. If I'm really desperate it's not so bad before 8am, after that it's guaranteed to interfere with my sleep. Sob.
* No dark chocolate after about 5pm
* Exercise a couple of hours before bed
* Blackout curtains and blinds
* Same bedtime and wake time every day including weekends (I drift by about an hour at the weekends now, but it works better if I don't)
Specifically in the last 30 minutes:
* Be getting out of a warm bath about 30 mins before
* Dim lights
* Do bedtime stuff - clean teeth/hair down/clothes ready for morning/chance to remember last minute stuff
* 10 mins reading
* If I'm not ready to sleep, listen to a progressive relaxation or a 10 minute guided meditation
They key thing is that if I start feeling overwhelmingly sleepy I skip the rest of the steps and go to sleep. Recognising that sleepy feeling and acting on it really helps.
posted by kadia_a at 10:18 AM on April 25, 2016
Do you have a cat? My cat, Rupert, is an important part of the "Time for Bed" ritual and I think he gives off contagious sleepy vibes. After we get in bed, we call him (if he hasn't already shown up while we were doing evening ablutions). He arrives and launches into his very specific nuzzle routine before beginning a bath and finally spinning around a few times and making a nest between us; it would be bad if he wanted to sleep athwart me. There's something so peaceful about communing with the kitty at the end of the day, feeling his fur, having a few head butts and petting him in the way he likes best. And the purring. It's very soothing and, like I said, he gives off sleepy vibes.
posted by carmicha at 10:31 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by carmicha at 10:31 AM on April 25, 2016
I have tested this and, for me, any screen time within an hour of bedtime makes it much harder for me to sleep. Which sucks for any number of reasons. I'm about to plug a timer into my TV to make sure it it loses power at 9 pm because I'm so tempted to watch shows that start at 9 but my bedtime is 10 pm because of work. I also read before bed and keep the room as dark as I can. It was difficult to wean myself off of TV, my laptop, and my phone for an hour before bed. But it makes a huge difference to my ability to sleep. Try saying good-night to your devices an hour before bed as part of your evening ritual and see what happens. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 11:10 AM on April 25, 2016
posted by Bella Donna at 11:10 AM on April 25, 2016
Thorough nightly hygiene routine while listening to podcasts. Brush my teeth, floss, wash my face, apply assorted skin care products (exfoliant, eye cream, moisturizer, etc), do some plucking of eyebrows, etc. This takes me about 20 minutes and gets me in the "it's time for bed" zone. If I tidy or start getting ready for the morning, I can get too caught up in "might as well do this next thing too," and suddenly I've spent 30 minutes cleaning. If post-hygiene routine I'm still not feeling bed time, I just keep listening to whatever podcast to its conclusion or finish the next one. Podcasts admittedly involve screens, but you don't have to be looking at the screen.
Also have you tried f.lux for your computer/tablet? I use it more for eyestrain reasons than for sleep hygiene, but the increasingly orange tint the later it gets certainly encourages me to get my ass off the internet and go the fuck to sleep.
posted by yasaman at 11:27 AM on April 25, 2016
Also have you tried f.lux for your computer/tablet? I use it more for eyestrain reasons than for sleep hygiene, but the increasingly orange tint the later it gets certainly encourages me to get my ass off the internet and go the fuck to sleep.
posted by yasaman at 11:27 AM on April 25, 2016
I like the tidying answer above in addition to my usual self-care related rituals. It helps me to get to sleep if I know that tomorrow-morning me will appreciate the things I did before bed (whether or not she got enough sleep). I might make sure a lunch is packed, moisturize, do a few stretches, get my outfit for tomorrow set in my head.
I used to do a little meditation when I got into bed that was modeled on prayers, where I'd think through all the things I could be grateful for in the day I'd just had, then think of things I might want to change in the future (ways I'd been unkind to myself or others). Now I tend to skip ahead to the mindfulness meditation and focus on breath, and that's helpful, too.
posted by ldthomps at 11:29 AM on April 25, 2016
I used to do a little meditation when I got into bed that was modeled on prayers, where I'd think through all the things I could be grateful for in the day I'd just had, then think of things I might want to change in the future (ways I'd been unkind to myself or others). Now I tend to skip ahead to the mindfulness meditation and focus on breath, and that's helpful, too.
posted by ldthomps at 11:29 AM on April 25, 2016
These are both sort of sideline to your question, but if my evening is busy, I try to structure it where I do dishes (or, less optimally, fold laundry) while listening to podcasts in the later part of the evening. It helps me wind down better than TV.
Also, I use pretty low lighting in my home - three way lamps and diffuse lighting, including a side sconce type thing in my kitchen by the sink. I am astonished at how bright some people keep their homes with horrible overhead lighting and hotspots throughout the house.
posted by vunder at 11:31 AM on April 25, 2016
Also, I use pretty low lighting in my home - three way lamps and diffuse lighting, including a side sconce type thing in my kitchen by the sink. I am astonished at how bright some people keep their homes with horrible overhead lighting and hotspots throughout the house.
posted by vunder at 11:31 AM on April 25, 2016
Oh, yeah, the tidying thing is weirdly magical for me. It can't be like a big labor-intensive thing, but like wipe down the bathroom sink after brushing and gather up any cruft around the nightstand (I always take a small difficult-to-topple half glass of water to bed, and sometimes the next night I forget and bring a new one, etc etc), as part of my "turn off all the lights and check the locks on the doors" final circuit around the house.
WHICH I JUST REALIZED my mom did every night as her ramp-down. Still does. Has always done. That final circuit very much says "bedtime" to me.
And I also realized that there are a lot of people who light their homes like they need to do surgery in every room, but we are a house full of beige/taupe/black lampshades and low-watt bulbs, and even the bathrooms have warm lighting and night-lights. As the night wears on in our house it gets very cozy-lit. I'm a big fan.
If I can't get my brain to settle in once I'm in bed with the light off, sometimes I do a mental exercise where I imagine the absolute perfect bed/sleeping conditions for that moment. It lightly occupies the mind but is still totally sleep-focused, and often will fade any little discomforts and tensions to make it easier to fall asleep.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:45 AM on April 25, 2016
WHICH I JUST REALIZED my mom did every night as her ramp-down. Still does. Has always done. That final circuit very much says "bedtime" to me.
And I also realized that there are a lot of people who light their homes like they need to do surgery in every room, but we are a house full of beige/taupe/black lampshades and low-watt bulbs, and even the bathrooms have warm lighting and night-lights. As the night wears on in our house it gets very cozy-lit. I'm a big fan.
If I can't get my brain to settle in once I'm in bed with the light off, sometimes I do a mental exercise where I imagine the absolute perfect bed/sleeping conditions for that moment. It lightly occupies the mind but is still totally sleep-focused, and often will fade any little discomforts and tensions to make it easier to fall asleep.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:45 AM on April 25, 2016
If you're a to do list person, writing tomorrow's to do list just before bed can help you avoid fixating on it while trying to drift off. Also, pack your lunch before retiring. And maybe set out your clothes for tomorrow if that's a thing for you. General prep tasks that streamline your morning can put you in a more relaxed state at bedtime.
posted by klarck at 1:00 PM on April 25, 2016
posted by klarck at 1:00 PM on April 25, 2016
My friend burns a little palo santo every night- it comes as little finger-sized chunks of wood that you light, then let smoulder (it seems to burn itself out quickly, like in under 2 minutes). I really dislike incense or most artificial fragrance air freshener type scents, and I am not a spiritual or ritualistic person at all... and yet, I love palo santo. It smells amazing- herbal, woody, citrusy, campfirey, fresh, timeless, and it's somehow very very relaxing.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:10 PM on April 25, 2016
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:10 PM on April 25, 2016
On the theme of tidying is getting ready for the next day. Choosing your clothes, pre-positioning your work stuff, if any, etc. Maybe setting up for breakfast.
posted by SemiSalt at 2:26 PM on April 25, 2016
posted by SemiSalt at 2:26 PM on April 25, 2016
A cup or two (or four, some nights) of Yogi Bedtime Tea and then a hot shower. On some nights, I'll eat a bowl of oatmeal with walnuts, with the bedtime tea. The oatmeal gives me good dreams and walnuts are supposed to help with sleep. I dump chocolate chips over the top of it because I'm a bad girl. I allow myself one simple, repetitive task after my shower, usually candy crush which is bad because of screen time but, it helps me. I've also started taking 2 5-HTP capsules at night.
posted by myselfasme at 3:01 PM on April 25, 2016
posted by myselfasme at 3:01 PM on April 25, 2016
Seconding all the recommendations for some combination of light yoga + dark room + warm shower + soothing beverage, but also wanted to ask: Have you ever tried ASMR vids on YouTube?
It's basically people talking very quietly and making a variety of quiet noises that are supposed to be soothing and to make you feel tingly. Some of the vids include soothing, repetitive visuals, like a woman's hair being brushed, or rocks being pushed around in a Zen garden, and some are specifically tailored to help you sleep and can include guided visualizations. Others might include very quiet role playing scenarios, like you're getting a haircut or somesuch.
If the light from the screen bothers you, just turn the brightness down until the screen is completely black. This is also useful if you decide to listen to podcasts while you're winding down at night. If you do want to have the screen activated, use f.lux (as yasaman indicated above).
posted by the thought-fox at 3:54 PM on April 25, 2016
It's basically people talking very quietly and making a variety of quiet noises that are supposed to be soothing and to make you feel tingly. Some of the vids include soothing, repetitive visuals, like a woman's hair being brushed, or rocks being pushed around in a Zen garden, and some are specifically tailored to help you sleep and can include guided visualizations. Others might include very quiet role playing scenarios, like you're getting a haircut or somesuch.
If the light from the screen bothers you, just turn the brightness down until the screen is completely black. This is also useful if you decide to listen to podcasts while you're winding down at night. If you do want to have the screen activated, use f.lux (as yasaman indicated above).
posted by the thought-fox at 3:54 PM on April 25, 2016
I have picked up a hygiene routine that includes pampering of my face based on the Korean beauty regimen. Here is a sample:
drink a full glass of water or drink a large amount of green tea (caffeine is not enough to keep me up)
brush hair and put up so it is out of the way for the rest of the routine
full oral care routine including brushing, flossing and rinsing
multi-step facial routine including, two step cleanse, toner/refresher/emulsion, serum, rich moisturizers designed to work with the night healing process such as, CeraVe or Mizon snail cream
take care of the hands with a cleanse, serum and rich moisturizer
Now, if I am really overly open to organizing and need to burn more time then I will be pre-position my clothes and gear for the next day, but really I am in bed.
This routine can be shortened or lengthened at need but it is good because it preps you to have more time for yourself in the morning.
posted by jadepearl at 4:57 PM on April 25, 2016
Now, if I am really overly open to organizing and need to burn more time then I will be pre-position my clothes and gear for the next day, but really I am in bed.
This routine can be shortened or lengthened at need but it is good because it preps you to have more time for yourself in the morning.
posted by jadepearl at 4:57 PM on April 25, 2016
This is why we have books, right? I mean, I've just always assumed that this is what books are for, and the fact that you can also read them at other times of the day is just a nice bonus. Especially books that are not too scary or thrilling or engrossing, but are just sort of funny and interesting. I like short stories for this, or maybe some popular fiction. You can even use a magazine in a pinch.
60 minutes before bed, you turn off the TV, put on some soft music, and tidy the house a little (putting out the trash, loading the dishwasher, laying out tomorrow's clothes, etc.) and check to make sure all the doors are locked and whatever else you need to do to make the house ready for the night. Then you wash your face and brush your teeth and put on your pajamas. Then you turn off the music and turn off all the lights in the house except the one right next to your bed, which you have purposefully selected to be bright enough to read by, but soft enough that it doesn't light up the whole room or keep you awake. (If you are a real bedtime ninja, that light is plugged into a timer that turns it off automatically about a half hour after whenever you're hoping to fall asleep.) Then you get into bed with your book, get cozy, and read until you fall asleep.
And that is how bedtime works. (In theory, of course. In practice, it's 10 pm, and I'm fully dressed with all the lights on and a home improvement project that I still want to finish tonight strewn all over my living room floor. But at some point, I will get my book and go to bed.)
posted by decathecting at 7:03 PM on April 25, 2016
60 minutes before bed, you turn off the TV, put on some soft music, and tidy the house a little (putting out the trash, loading the dishwasher, laying out tomorrow's clothes, etc.) and check to make sure all the doors are locked and whatever else you need to do to make the house ready for the night. Then you wash your face and brush your teeth and put on your pajamas. Then you turn off the music and turn off all the lights in the house except the one right next to your bed, which you have purposefully selected to be bright enough to read by, but soft enough that it doesn't light up the whole room or keep you awake. (If you are a real bedtime ninja, that light is plugged into a timer that turns it off automatically about a half hour after whenever you're hoping to fall asleep.) Then you get into bed with your book, get cozy, and read until you fall asleep.
And that is how bedtime works. (In theory, of course. In practice, it's 10 pm, and I'm fully dressed with all the lights on and a home improvement project that I still want to finish tonight strewn all over my living room floor. But at some point, I will get my book and go to bed.)
posted by decathecting at 7:03 PM on April 25, 2016
Reading for about a half-hour is my bedtime ritual, too, but I actually prefer a super-engrossing long book, because then I look forward to getting to read it, and because I get anxious that I'll run out of reading material if it's too short.
I've also found that washing and moisturizing my face and taking out my contacts when I get home from work helps me go to bed earlier, because I was apparently (unconsciously) delaying going to bed because it felt like there was a long list of things I needed to do first (brush teeth, floss teeth, wash face, moisturize face), and so my procrastination system was kicking in and keeping me goofing around online. Cutting down that list means that actually going to bed doesn't feel like such a big chore.
posted by lazuli at 7:12 PM on April 25, 2016
I've also found that washing and moisturizing my face and taking out my contacts when I get home from work helps me go to bed earlier, because I was apparently (unconsciously) delaying going to bed because it felt like there was a long list of things I needed to do first (brush teeth, floss teeth, wash face, moisturize face), and so my procrastination system was kicking in and keeping me goofing around online. Cutting down that list means that actually going to bed doesn't feel like such a big chore.
posted by lazuli at 7:12 PM on April 25, 2016
These are amazing tips. I'm going through and noting ideas I think will work really well for me - tea, short journaling, and yoga are great ideas. The self-care regimens of skin care and teeth and such are also things I could stand to give more of their due time. I do already read in bed - every night - which is great to fall asleep with; what I need to work on are all the things that happen pre-lying-down-in-bed that get me in the frame of mind where lying down is a prepared-for and looked-forward-to thing. So, I need kind of a sequence that starts at 10:00 and that I move through repeatedly which finds me ending up in bed by 11 with a book or magazine. I'm finding a lot of great options here and I thank everyone for sharing generously. Not only are your specific recommendations helpful, but just realizing that having such rituals is common and normal and something a lot of people do helps me realize it's been very much missing in my life and is one of those life skills I could build, and need to learn from others. Thanks.
posted by Miko at 7:33 PM on April 25, 2016
posted by Miko at 7:33 PM on April 25, 2016
In addition to the excellent suggestions above, here's another one for when you are actually in bed with lights out:
You know those awareness / relaxation exercises, where you draw your attention to parts of your body, one by one, ensuring they are relaxed?
Try that, but in addition to relaxing, be aware also of the connection between your body (parts) and the bed & bedding.
Feel, for example, where your hip is squishing down into the mattress. Feel the mattress, and note how warm, comfy and good it is. Your hip is relaxed and it is not only sinking into that perfect place in the mattress; it is actually melting in. It is so relaxed, it is supremely heavy, melting, and you are becoming one with the most awesomely comforting and warm place in your life. The covers are equally embracing, and equally tranquil & soothing. They are infinitely gentle, but also of a warm solidness that melds perfectly with your body and the mattress.
Breathe in through your head, and allow the breath to settle into & warm the part of the body you are contemplating. Or if it's a hot night, your breath can be cooling; it doesn't matter. Then try breathing "out" through that part and allow this to infuse that area of the mattress or covers with that same feeling of easy, familiar, warm & comforting safety, which is simultaneously dense and heavy but light, airy and without either need, lack or effort.
Try starting from your toes. If you even get as far as your hip you'll be having a great old time of just appreciating one of life's best possible moments on the cusp between wakefulness and sleep, but normally I don't even make it as far as the thigh.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:52 AM on April 26, 2016
You know those awareness / relaxation exercises, where you draw your attention to parts of your body, one by one, ensuring they are relaxed?
Try that, but in addition to relaxing, be aware also of the connection between your body (parts) and the bed & bedding.
Feel, for example, where your hip is squishing down into the mattress. Feel the mattress, and note how warm, comfy and good it is. Your hip is relaxed and it is not only sinking into that perfect place in the mattress; it is actually melting in. It is so relaxed, it is supremely heavy, melting, and you are becoming one with the most awesomely comforting and warm place in your life. The covers are equally embracing, and equally tranquil & soothing. They are infinitely gentle, but also of a warm solidness that melds perfectly with your body and the mattress.
Breathe in through your head, and allow the breath to settle into & warm the part of the body you are contemplating. Or if it's a hot night, your breath can be cooling; it doesn't matter. Then try breathing "out" through that part and allow this to infuse that area of the mattress or covers with that same feeling of easy, familiar, warm & comforting safety, which is simultaneously dense and heavy but light, airy and without either need, lack or effort.
Try starting from your toes. If you even get as far as your hip you'll be having a great old time of just appreciating one of life's best possible moments on the cusp between wakefulness and sleep, but normally I don't even make it as far as the thigh.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:52 AM on April 26, 2016
Somewhat unrelated and late, but I recently did a nutrition challenge and learned that paying attention to my sugar intake had a drastic, hugely beneficial impact on my sleep. I thought it was caffeine, but no! Sugar is hiding in everything, so keep that in mind.
posted by blazingunicorn at 1:15 PM on April 26, 2016
posted by blazingunicorn at 1:15 PM on April 26, 2016
The Headspace app on Android/IOS teaches mindfulness/meditation, and the 10-minute version is both free and my go-to lately.
posted by talldean at 8:49 AM on April 27, 2016
posted by talldean at 8:49 AM on April 27, 2016
Me too, just seconding that. I love Headspace, started it about 2 months ago and it's the only similar app I've kept with. I feel like it's really built perfectly to create new habits.
posted by Miko at 9:45 AM on April 27, 2016
posted by Miko at 9:45 AM on April 27, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:13 AM on April 25, 2016