Dating in a Foreign Country While Gay

March 12, 2016 3:55 AM

I've really been enjoying living in China, but I've been wanting to get out of the house and go on dates. I would love advice on dating across language and culture barriers, especially for LGBT people.

A low-down on the dating norms of Chinese lesbians would be appreciated. As would specific cultural references I should learn, I need all the help I can get.

Is there a specific app that everyone uses, or is it all just WeChat? I've installed LesPark, but I'm not sure I'm using it effectively.

posted by Trifling to Society & Culture (2 answers total)

Where in China are you? If you're in one of the first or second-tier cities, there should be an active LGBT community or communities although it'd be hard to find out where they are unless you know people. There should be gay bars even in smaller cities.

If you're in a more remote place or are in a big city but don't know of any gay bars or areas like that, WeChat is really useful. I'd write in your signature that you are"les" or "lala" and want to meet people. If you go to the "people near me function" you can search by gender, and people can search you and probably will add you- be sure to have a clear photo (if you're comfortable).

I'm a woman who lived in China and did not date women when I was there. However I was able to meet men to date easily through WeChat, a dating website, and just by talking to people when out, since most Chinese people are very curious about "foreigners".

If you don't speak Chinese, English Corners can be a good way to meet people too.

Wish I had more specific advice. I did notice that lesbians in China seemed to be more into "gender roles" (one part of a couple being the "man"). Also, it's marriage (heterosexual) is a huge social pressure and unfortunately most lesbians will have pressure to marry man eventually.

Look up the work of Li Yinhe, an awesome progressive Chinese sociologist who has studied sexuality in China for years and is very pro-LBGTQ. Her writings and articles will give good insight into cultural, political and historical background of sexuality in China. Recently she revealed that she was partnered with a trans man.
posted by bearette at 10:50 AM on March 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

There are a few lesbian bars in the city listed in your profile, but I don't know enough about them to recommend any one in particular. In addition to WeChat, you could also try Momo (not LGBTQ-specific) and LesDo.

Seconding that gender roles are very much a thing. In my experience, lesbians are much more widely accepted than gay men, but are often seen as "just going through a phase" -- especially the more feminine-presenting ones.
posted by bradf at 6:44 PM on March 12, 2016