Foolish decision led me to a world of pain
February 29, 2016 9:09 AM Subscribe
Few months back, I got romantically involved with my flatmate. He has now met someone else and is totally smitten. I get to see them fall in love in my own house. 2 months still left on the lease so moving out now is not an option if I don't want to lose a lot of money. How to endure?
It was supposed to be just a fling but I ended up quite liking him. I knew logically that a relationship with him wouldn't work. He went on a long holiday and after he got back, anything romantic has stopped happening. We never talked about it at all and it was pretty clear: the fling has run its course and now it's back to regular flatmates.
I was actually fine with that. But then he met this girl. Right away he thought she was "the one". They spend every spare moment together and kiss/cuddle constantly. I also can hear them every time they have sex in his room about 5 meters from me. When she is not here, he slips her into every conversation. How amazing her personality is, how he has never felt this way. He even shows me pictures of them kissing and doing other coupely things. I have now taken on a friend/confidante role.
To make it worse, he is the perfect flatmate otherwise. Clean, considerate, generous with money and other favors. It would have been a flatmate jackpot unless for what I feel is my unreasonable jealousy. I have tried to manage my emotions, but it is clear it's not working. Like once, the thought of being near them was so unbearable that I rented a hotel room for 1 night just to get away from it all. Often I try hard to fight back tears when he goes on and on of how awesome she is.
Two months are left before I am free. How can I best cope without feeling so hurt by it all? It would also be weird if I started avoiding him suddenly because we developed a close friendship. What does hive mind think?
It was supposed to be just a fling but I ended up quite liking him. I knew logically that a relationship with him wouldn't work. He went on a long holiday and after he got back, anything romantic has stopped happening. We never talked about it at all and it was pretty clear: the fling has run its course and now it's back to regular flatmates.
I was actually fine with that. But then he met this girl. Right away he thought she was "the one". They spend every spare moment together and kiss/cuddle constantly. I also can hear them every time they have sex in his room about 5 meters from me. When she is not here, he slips her into every conversation. How amazing her personality is, how he has never felt this way. He even shows me pictures of them kissing and doing other coupely things. I have now taken on a friend/confidante role.
To make it worse, he is the perfect flatmate otherwise. Clean, considerate, generous with money and other favors. It would have been a flatmate jackpot unless for what I feel is my unreasonable jealousy. I have tried to manage my emotions, but it is clear it's not working. Like once, the thought of being near them was so unbearable that I rented a hotel room for 1 night just to get away from it all. Often I try hard to fight back tears when he goes on and on of how awesome she is.
Two months are left before I am free. How can I best cope without feeling so hurt by it all? It would also be weird if I started avoiding him suddenly because we developed a close friendship. What does hive mind think?
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is a problematic use of a spare account based on previous conversations we've had with you about such stuff. -- cortex
Tell him you're happy that he's in a good relationship, but you can't be his confidante in romantic matters, because it's too awkward. Don't discuss it; don't get drawn into a conversation about Your Feelings; keep it matter-of-fact and simple and general.
Then move out in two months, and thank God it didn't have to be ten.
posted by praemunire at 9:18 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Then move out in two months, and thank God it didn't have to be ten.
posted by praemunire at 9:18 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's not at all considerate that he is rubbing his new relationship in your face. Ask him to refrain from sharing this information with you, and to have the noisy sex at her place. And develop better communication skills around sexual relationships, because it sounds like you both should have talked this through before and after anything happened.
posted by Scram at 9:19 AM on February 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Scram at 9:19 AM on February 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Be out of the house as often as you can. Who cares if it's weird? It doesn't matter what they think.
You'll be out of there in two months; hang on to that thought and spend as much time as possible elsewhere.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:20 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
You'll be out of there in two months; hang on to that thought and spend as much time as possible elsewhere.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:20 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure how much money you would lose, but for the sake of your sanity it may be money well spent.
You could also communicate your feelings to him. It's the path I would recommend but I understand how difficult it would be.
posted by FallowKing at 9:22 AM on February 29, 2016
You could also communicate your feelings to him. It's the path I would recommend but I understand how difficult it would be.
posted by FallowKing at 9:22 AM on February 29, 2016
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posted by lizbunny at 9:17 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]