How much to spend?

December 16, 2005 10:31 AM

How much would you spend on presents for someone you've been dating 3 months?

This is the first time I've had to buy presents for a SO (or anyone, really) so I have no idea what is appropriate. I know "it's the thought that counts," but I don't want to shaft him or the opposite. Just looking for a ballpark figure.

posted by groar to Shopping (30 answers total)

Well, to me it's the sweet/cool/fun factors of the gift that matter more (one of the best presents I ever got was a 3-dollar Goodwill find), but if forced to come up with a dollar figure I'd say anywhere from 50-100 bucks. Assuming you're an adult with a full-time job, anyway; much less in other circumstances.
posted by JanetLand at 10:36 AM on December 16, 2005

eh, I think you're asking the wrong question. Why does it matter what the price tag is?
posted by xmutex at 10:37 AM on December 16, 2005

I think it depends on so much -- your income, his income, how much y'all spend when you go out together, how much you usually spend on gifts for other people, how serious the relationship is. Is he more like "close-ish friend" or "member of the family"? Are you both poor students, or flush with cash? Does he often use gifts to show affection, have you bought small tokens in the past, or are monetary displays a generally bit more subdued in your relationship?
posted by occhiblu at 10:40 AM on December 16, 2005

eh, I think you're asking the wrong question. Why does it matter what the price tag is?

because you don't want to spend too much and make them feel weird, and you don't want to spend too little and look cheap. Yeah, in a perfect world no-one would give a fuck, but good luck putting aside the years of american reciprocity encultration.

That said, after three months, $50-100 bucks is pretty good ballpark if you're both making say, a reasonably standard college grad's salary. If they make less than you do, don't spend too much. If you're old people, maybe a nice dinner and a present? I don't know.
posted by fishfucker at 10:43 AM on December 16, 2005

$25.
posted by hamster at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2005

I've lived with my girlfriend for 4 years and we have $100 limits, but we aren't big on christmas, fwiw. $25-50 sounds suitable.
posted by prostyle at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2005

$17.50, not including tax.
posted by Dr. Wu at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2005

50 bucks.
posted by puke & cry at 10:52 AM on December 16, 2005

I think a great early-SO gift lets the person know you've learned something about them that other might not know or see, and signals to them that you're serious about them. Cost can be a signal, but so can many other things.

I gave a gift once of a box with twelve envelopes, each of which had a date on it, one per month for the next year. Each envelope contained two tickets to some event (theater, ballet, opera) which I thought she'd like. She got to open the envelope on the day marked. The gift was expensive, but I don't think it went over well (just) because of that. I think it was more that I'd found things I thought she'd like, and that I was thinking about the next year with her.

Your relationship is probably a little early yet for that particular gift, but maybe it inspires other ideas. Some books you could trade off reading together? A book about the national parks with a "Choose one and let's go" inscription? A photo album with some early shots of your relationship placed in the front, and blank pages with a "Let's fill these in" post-it in the back?

Personally at least, I think those gifts (which vary hugely in price) say more than the price tag. But, that said, since you asked, I'd spend at least $50. :)
posted by precipice at 10:53 AM on December 16, 2005

When I was dating my husband, his birthday cropped up right at that 3 month mark. It's a tricky time, starting to get serious, maybe, but not wanting to presume too much.

I spent around $50, on a hard to find cd that I knew he wanted, and a book about Kubrick. I still think that's a good ballpark figure.
posted by gaspode at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2005

I gave a gift once of a box with twelve envelopes, each of which had a date on it, one per month for the next year.

holy crap that is a great idea.
posted by fishfucker at 10:56 AM on December 16, 2005

if he cares so much about how much you spent (over or under), dump him immediately.
posted by grafholic at 11:03 AM on December 16, 2005

$50.00 is about right. I sort of use the Amazon.com free-shipping mark -- $25.00 gets you free shipping but you're typically not going to spend exactly $25.00. $30.00 therefore makes a good Amazon.com gift certificate, and I can typically find something that is appropriate for about that much in a store.
posted by Medieval Maven at 11:04 AM on December 16, 2005

fishfucker: thanks! My uncle stole it and used it with my aunt very successfully, too.
posted by precipice at 11:04 AM on December 16, 2005

I gave a gift once of a box with twelve envelopes, each of which had a date on it, one per month for the next year.

That is a fantastic idea. I am modifying it slightly, and stealing it.

I can see easy ways to reduce up-front expense as well, by adding seasonal specific activities that aren't pre-purchased (skiing, sailing, etc) for some of the items.
posted by I Love Tacos at 11:10 AM on December 16, 2005

And come on, grafholic, groar is trying to be thoughtful and appropriate, this clearly isn't a reflection on her boyfriend.

that's exactly my point. if she spends so much of her time trying to give him the best gift she can think of (not just what she ends up giving but also considering about where they are in the relationship and how much she should spend not to make it awkward) and IF he ends up being awkward in the end, then i'd think the guy's pretty insensitive and cares too much about what appears rather than what it truly means.
posted by grafholic at 11:18 AM on December 16, 2005

I once dated a girl who's family was very well-off, beyond the middle class lifestyle I was used to. We were both outdoors people and had planned to go backpacking at the end of the summer, so I bought her a very expensive hiking pack for her birthday. This was around the 3 month mark. I was broke for nearly a month afterwards, and wasn't able to afford the nice pack I wanted (settled for a slightly less awesome one). The idea wasn't to fit in with her well-off family or impress her with an expensive gift, rather I thought of a practical gift that was costly. I had convinced myself she was "the one," so my judgement was shot; I just heedlessly bought the damn thing. She was pissed... I'd obviously spent more than I could afford. Things ended terribly a few months later, and I'm pretty sure she either mothballed the pack or just threw it out/ donated it and asked for a new one.

I actually don't regret it, I learned a valuable lesson and I have to laugh when I think about that gift/ relationship.
posted by Derive the Hamiltonian of... at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2005

Another "$50 sounds about right" vote here (assuming that you're not a starving college or grad student) at this stage. My bf's birthday fell around our 2-month mark, and I got him a book and a dvd, which came to about $50 together.
posted by scody at 11:49 AM on December 16, 2005

I gave a gift once of a box with twelve envelopes, each of which had a date on it, one per month for the next year. Each envelope contained two tickets to some event (theater, ballet, opera) which I thought she'd like. She got to open the envelope on the day marked. The gift was expensive, but I don't think it went over well (just) because of that. I think it was more that I'd found things I thought she'd like, and that I was thinking about the next year with her.

This would be a very romantic gift, I think, if you were already dating for a year. But 3 months into a relationship, making more than vague, dreamy plans for events a year in advance would seem incredibly creepy and presumptuous to me.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:13 PM on December 16, 2005

Yeah, it depends on a lot of other things you didn't specify. But to answer your question, How much would I spend on a girlfriend after three months? Probably about $150, maybe $200.
posted by cribcage at 12:15 PM on December 16, 2005

Yep. At the three month point, going over the top with something that suggests long-term commitment might not be good.

I think that thoughtful matters a lot more than expense. Most can browse a shop for 30 minutes and find a good $50 gift, it's a lot harder to spend an afternoon scrounging through resell shops to find that $5 collector's item he loved as a kid.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:27 PM on December 16, 2005

I'm in this same position (aprox. 2 month relationship) this year and, yeah, what everyone else said. I'm giving 3 or 4 gifts that add up to about $50.
posted by MsMolly at 12:35 PM on December 16, 2005

jacquilynne: This would be a very romantic gift, I think, if you were already dating for a year. But 3 months into a relationship, making more than vague, dreamy plans for events a year in advance would seem incredibly creepy and presumptuous to me.

That's right. Which is why my next sentence was: Your relationship is probably a little early yet for that particular gift, but maybe it inspires other ideas.
posted by precipice at 12:39 PM on December 16, 2005

Think about what level of gift expenditure would make you feel uncomfortable, and use that as your guide. And get a really good card.
posted by theora55 at 12:52 PM on December 16, 2005

My Christmas gift for the BF of 5 months is adding up to about $50, but it's like 3-4 little things I know he likes. I debated getting him an electric shaver (~$100+) but I did what theora55 suggested and realized I would not feel comfortable receiving something like that from him.
posted by like_neon at 1:36 PM on December 16, 2005

I'm with the $50 crowd. Maybe up to $100 if you can afford it and find something great. But as Derive suggested... don't get a $100 item that can be purchased for $25.

I once spent about $40 on someone I'd been dating for a couple months. Got him a couple trinkets with his favorite college team's logo. He seem impressed with my thoughtfullness, then never called again. His loss, I say! :)
posted by clh at 3:48 PM on December 16, 2005

That's right. Which is why my next sentence was: Your relationship is probably a little early yet for that particular gift, but maybe it inspires other ideas.

Ah, yeah, missed, that, sorry. I was reading from the bottom up, and read the comments about the fantastic idea, so scrolled back to look for it to see what it was. I didn't actually read your whole post, just the bit about the envelopes.

It did prompt an amusing conversation in the office today, though, and in case anyone cares, we've agreed that the rule of thumb for advance relationship planning is "No more in advance than the length of your relationship to the point of planning, until you're engaged." So, if you've been going out three months, experience gifts might be booked for up to three months out. That makes precipice's gift a perfect one for the first anniversary of your first date, apparently.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:54 PM on December 16, 2005

I feel that, rather than the time period, it depends on the intensity/quality of the relationship. Go with your gut.
posted by Radio7 at 5:44 PM on December 16, 2005

Someone did a mathematical analysis...

From USA Today:
If you want to win the object of your affection, an extravagant gift that has no resale value is the way to go.

That's not the opinion of a battle-weary veteran of the dating scene. It's the conclusion of a mathematical model created by Peter Sozou at University College London.

I love that game theory.

--
posted by INFOHAZARD at 9:20 AM on December 17, 2005

I'm going to say 30 dollars, but I am apparently way cheaper/poorer than the average Mefite(I'm leaning towards poorer. Sob sob). I'm spending more than 50 for the first time ever this year, and we've been together for 3.
posted by Juliet Banana at 4:44 PM on December 17, 2005