I need some advice mentoring kids
August 9, 2015 3:32 AM
I'm a public school teacher and the school has implemented a new mentoring program. Each teacher has been given a list of about 15 kids to personally mentor. How should I approach this?
The kids on my list include both exceptionally well performing students, students who struggle with home life/behavioral issues, and kids with special needs.
All of the kids are between 11 and 15 in age. The problem is, a couple of them are in my classes but most are not. All that I know about them are some vague details about interests that sometimes turn out to be not so accurate (ex. I was told one student loves history but he explicitly told me that he hates it and I could tell he was serious).
Now, I've worked in education, after school clubs, and summer camps for several years. So this is not completely new to me and I seem to be good with kids (I'm young and a lot of look up to me for some reason).
Anyway, I want to really do this well but I would like some advice on approaching these kids and explaining my role to them.
There are some hangups. I usually don't see them in the hallway or have an opportunity to speak to them at lunch or anything. Virtually all of them are active in sports or other after school commitments. Also, we have been advised that it should be completely confidential. What they say stays between us. We can't even tell their parents or another teacher/administrator unless obviously they're in danger.
What are some do's and dont's about initially approaching them and establishing a productive relationship as an effective mentor? Obviously I'm going to try and connect with their interests and support them in and after school, but I'd appreciate some advice from people in similar roles of responsibility.
The kids on my list include both exceptionally well performing students, students who struggle with home life/behavioral issues, and kids with special needs.
All of the kids are between 11 and 15 in age. The problem is, a couple of them are in my classes but most are not. All that I know about them are some vague details about interests that sometimes turn out to be not so accurate (ex. I was told one student loves history but he explicitly told me that he hates it and I could tell he was serious).
Now, I've worked in education, after school clubs, and summer camps for several years. So this is not completely new to me and I seem to be good with kids (I'm young and a lot of look up to me for some reason).
Anyway, I want to really do this well but I would like some advice on approaching these kids and explaining my role to them.
There are some hangups. I usually don't see them in the hallway or have an opportunity to speak to them at lunch or anything. Virtually all of them are active in sports or other after school commitments. Also, we have been advised that it should be completely confidential. What they say stays between us. We can't even tell their parents or another teacher/administrator unless obviously they're in danger.
What are some do's and dont's about initially approaching them and establishing a productive relationship as an effective mentor? Obviously I'm going to try and connect with their interests and support them in and after school, but I'd appreciate some advice from people in similar roles of responsibility.
I find that my Girl Scouts open up to me more if I engage them in a task where they have to help me do something. (Sorting papers, unloading boxes, etc.) That kind of activity feels natural and not like some forced interaction. It also means I trust them enough to not mess it up, which makes them feel respected and gives us more equal footing.
I've learned more about my individual girls in a few minutes of working on something together than from hours of just asking them questions.
posted by phunniemee at 6:04 AM on August 9, 2015
I've learned more about my individual girls in a few minutes of working on something together than from hours of just asking them questions.
posted by phunniemee at 6:04 AM on August 9, 2015
Talk to your union rep. Is this new program in compliance with your contract? Does this take away from your prep time and/or create more work for you at home?
Congratulations and thank you for caring. (The above is what I think the teachers in my home district would say if given this new task.) The very fact that you are trying to make this succeed will be recognized by your students and will help you help them. That to me is what a mentor does. She cares. She shows her mentee (?) that she cares. She listens. She provides advice and help.
I think if you schedule regular meetings and have informal (lunch?) sessions, over time, these students will appreciate and get a lot out of the meetings even if you don't see it overtly. Build up trust. Take genuine interest in their lives. The above suggestion to go to their public events like sports is a great one.
posted by AugustWest at 6:16 AM on August 9, 2015
Congratulations and thank you for caring. (The above is what I think the teachers in my home district would say if given this new task.) The very fact that you are trying to make this succeed will be recognized by your students and will help you help them. That to me is what a mentor does. She cares. She shows her mentee (?) that she cares. She listens. She provides advice and help.
I think if you schedule regular meetings and have informal (lunch?) sessions, over time, these students will appreciate and get a lot out of the meetings even if you don't see it overtly. Build up trust. Take genuine interest in their lives. The above suggestion to go to their public events like sports is a great one.
posted by AugustWest at 6:16 AM on August 9, 2015
If they all have access to email, that might be the most confidential way to advise them in the limited time that you have been given. If not, consider putting a mailbox near your desk or in the main office that they can use to leave you letters. You can respond to the letters and ask one of their teachers to slip it in their backpacks. Choose a style of stationary and envelope that you can use the entire year. Do not ever give out your personal phone number. Don't ever be alone with a student or offer to meet a student off campus. Keep a copy of all letters and emails. Ideally, you and your other teachers should have an adviser for being an adviser. There will be some situations that you are not equipped to deal with. Don't take on more than you are trained to do. Teachers are not therapists. If your school doesn't have a referral program in place, then pitch a fit until they do. You should not have to be doing this without proper backup.
posted by myselfasme at 6:33 AM on August 9, 2015
posted by myselfasme at 6:33 AM on August 9, 2015
What are the objectives of the mentoring?
What they say stays between us. We can't even tell their parents or another teacher/administrator unless obviously they're in danger.
This is completely appropriate, and I wish more kids had this kind of confidentiality (trust, really) with more adults, and had fewer "people in systems" talking about them out of earshot under the auspices of "knowing what's best for them."
So, yay!
It doesn't take much more than listening and expressing interest in a person (child or adult) to build a good relationship.
Look at some narrative therapy techniques for writing notes between one-on-ones. (Not that you're counseling them!) It can mean the world to a person to hear that you were thinking of them between visits. For example: kid tells you they like NASCAR and you don't know much about it. You see some NASCAR news and send the kid a note that says "hey! I saw on the news that they're changing the qualifying rules for the next race and thought of you. I can see that the sport is much more interesting than I thought!"
It's evenore meaningful when the kid has a skill you can admire. "Hey! My heard that my niece who lives in California is having some problems with kids at school. It reminded me what you said about how kids should be nice to each other. I wish there were more kids like you in California." Or even better "I told her what you said the other day about how kids should get along and not be mean. I didn't tell her your name. She felt better. Even though she doesn't know it was you who said that, I think you really made a difference."
Very powerful.
It's less about what kind of effect you have on the kids, and more about allowing yourself to be affected by them - to be changed by them - and to let them know that.
posted by vitabellosi at 7:33 AM on August 9, 2015
What they say stays between us. We can't even tell their parents or another teacher/administrator unless obviously they're in danger.
This is completely appropriate, and I wish more kids had this kind of confidentiality (trust, really) with more adults, and had fewer "people in systems" talking about them out of earshot under the auspices of "knowing what's best for them."
So, yay!
It doesn't take much more than listening and expressing interest in a person (child or adult) to build a good relationship.
Look at some narrative therapy techniques for writing notes between one-on-ones. (Not that you're counseling them!) It can mean the world to a person to hear that you were thinking of them between visits. For example: kid tells you they like NASCAR and you don't know much about it. You see some NASCAR news and send the kid a note that says "hey! I saw on the news that they're changing the qualifying rules for the next race and thought of you. I can see that the sport is much more interesting than I thought!"
It's evenore meaningful when the kid has a skill you can admire. "Hey! My heard that my niece who lives in California is having some problems with kids at school. It reminded me what you said about how kids should be nice to each other. I wish there were more kids like you in California." Or even better "I told her what you said the other day about how kids should get along and not be mean. I didn't tell her your name. She felt better. Even though she doesn't know it was you who said that, I think you really made a difference."
Very powerful.
It's less about what kind of effect you have on the kids, and more about allowing yourself to be affected by them - to be changed by them - and to let them know that.
posted by vitabellosi at 7:33 AM on August 9, 2015
We do something somewhat similar at my school, and I'd say it's a current trend in education. The only thing that sounds off to me about the program is its level of confidentiality: I agree that many things should often stay private (and certainly from other students), but parents, teachers, administrators, etc. should be a team working together to support each individual student. It's also good to be able to check in with other teachers to discuss the student's progress: again, the goal is helping students succeed, and often that takes a village. Of course, you could also ask students, "I see you've got a C in math right now. How's the class going?" After they share, you could say: "Would you like for me to talk to Ms./Mr. MathTeacher about missing assignments?" When I mentor students, I generally do a mix of push and pull; I both encourage students to advocate for themselves and reach out to help support them.
Unless it's a rare situation of abuse, it's important to show solidarity with your colleagues. However, that doesn't mean you have to show 100% agreement either. "I know that Mr./Ms. OtherTeacher really wants you to do well in his/her social studies class. Different teachers show they care different ways" and what not. Or, after an altercation, "I can see how you were frustrated when OtherTeacher disciplined you for looking at your phone when your grandma was in the hospital. I can see why you yelled "FU" out of frustration: while being upset was valid and worried about your grandma a positive trait, we just can't use that vocabulary in school." Next time, I'd consider telling your teacher about the situation before class and asking permission in advance, etc. etc. So much of mentoring students is about being there, really listening, validating feelings and showing you care, and suggesting strategies. I'm sure you can do this and will do this well!
As for reaching out to students, I'd invite them to your classroom to have a quick chat before or after school or during lunch. You could give them invites through their first block teachers or speak to them before class one day; make sure you know it's for something good so they don't worry, of course. When you have the students one-on-one, I'd explain to them what mentoring is: it's an honor as well, really, because it means someone noticed them and wants to give them extra support to succeed. (Of course, we want all students to succeed, it's just that some need even more support at school for academic or personal reasons.) I'd do a little interview, maybe five minutes, asking about interests in and outside of school, and talk about checking in. Would they come by once a week? Once a month? Do they prefer email? Are you allowed to text students? (Frankly, this is probably the best way for students with phones but you'd want to make sure it was OK with the school and their parents as well as let the students know the guidelines.) Are you allowed to give out snacks and treats? Obviously, you don't want to overdo it but for some kids, it's a big treat and/or a good excuse to come see you. It doesn't need to be fancy stuff, it could just be snack crackers or fruit. If they have phones, asking to see photos of their siblings/children/pets/art/etc. is a great way to show you connect and care, too.
The bottom line is that mentoring students is about building relationships: being there and showing you care. It's so important for all students, and especially important for "at-risk" ones who may not be getting so much of that at home if families are in turmoil, overworked, etc. Some students may come by every day to say hello while you may have to track others down once a month. It's all OK! Even a little bit can help make a different in a student's life. I'll spare you my personal anecdotes for now but I've found mentoring, both officially and unofficially, to be one of my favorite parts of teaching. Good luck -- I'm sure you'll do great!!
posted by smorgasbord at 8:23 AM on August 9, 2015
Unless it's a rare situation of abuse, it's important to show solidarity with your colleagues. However, that doesn't mean you have to show 100% agreement either. "I know that Mr./Ms. OtherTeacher really wants you to do well in his/her social studies class. Different teachers show they care different ways" and what not. Or, after an altercation, "I can see how you were frustrated when OtherTeacher disciplined you for looking at your phone when your grandma was in the hospital. I can see why you yelled "FU" out of frustration: while being upset was valid and worried about your grandma a positive trait, we just can't use that vocabulary in school." Next time, I'd consider telling your teacher about the situation before class and asking permission in advance, etc. etc. So much of mentoring students is about being there, really listening, validating feelings and showing you care, and suggesting strategies. I'm sure you can do this and will do this well!
As for reaching out to students, I'd invite them to your classroom to have a quick chat before or after school or during lunch. You could give them invites through their first block teachers or speak to them before class one day; make sure you know it's for something good so they don't worry, of course. When you have the students one-on-one, I'd explain to them what mentoring is: it's an honor as well, really, because it means someone noticed them and wants to give them extra support to succeed. (Of course, we want all students to succeed, it's just that some need even more support at school for academic or personal reasons.) I'd do a little interview, maybe five minutes, asking about interests in and outside of school, and talk about checking in. Would they come by once a week? Once a month? Do they prefer email? Are you allowed to text students? (Frankly, this is probably the best way for students with phones but you'd want to make sure it was OK with the school and their parents as well as let the students know the guidelines.) Are you allowed to give out snacks and treats? Obviously, you don't want to overdo it but for some kids, it's a big treat and/or a good excuse to come see you. It doesn't need to be fancy stuff, it could just be snack crackers or fruit. If they have phones, asking to see photos of their siblings/children/pets/art/etc. is a great way to show you connect and care, too.
The bottom line is that mentoring students is about building relationships: being there and showing you care. It's so important for all students, and especially important for "at-risk" ones who may not be getting so much of that at home if families are in turmoil, overworked, etc. Some students may come by every day to say hello while you may have to track others down once a month. It's all OK! Even a little bit can help make a different in a student's life. I'll spare you my personal anecdotes for now but I've found mentoring, both officially and unofficially, to be one of my favorite parts of teaching. Good luck -- I'm sure you'll do great!!
posted by smorgasbord at 8:23 AM on August 9, 2015
You weren't given any guidance on this? I'm an assistant principal at the high school level, and I wouldn't even consider rolling something like this out without training and guidelines. Is this part of a homeroom/advisory? When are you supposed to do this? The teachers' union would hand me my ass on a plate if I expected teachers to do this on their lunch or planning time.
I am also concerned about the confidentiality piece. You should pretty much never be alone with a student. This could set you up for allegations of inappropriate behavior, and could also put vulnerable kids in a situation where they could be harmed.
Mentoring students can be a great experience for both the student and adult. But, unless you've left a lot of information out, this seems pretty weak. You really need to ask your administrators and your union reps for guidance on this.
posted by shrabster at 9:13 AM on August 9, 2015
I am also concerned about the confidentiality piece. You should pretty much never be alone with a student. This could set you up for allegations of inappropriate behavior, and could also put vulnerable kids in a situation where they could be harmed.
Mentoring students can be a great experience for both the student and adult. But, unless you've left a lot of information out, this seems pretty weak. You really need to ask your administrators and your union reps for guidance on this.
posted by shrabster at 9:13 AM on August 9, 2015
Everything shrabster said. I hope all that stuff has been planned out carefully already, and that you've been allocated release time, because mentoring 15 kids (!!!) is not something you can just do off the side of your desk.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:16 AM on August 9, 2015
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:16 AM on August 9, 2015
To follow on my previous comment: mentoring means having to build a relationship of trust. This takes quite an investment of time. If all these kids were ones you taught and thus you already spent time with them during the week, that would make it easier. But they aren't, so you're going to have to invest in building a strong relationship of trust with each student outside of class hours--I just don't know how you'll be able to do that effectively with 15 students unless it's included as part of your workload. 15 is a LOT.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:36 AM on August 9, 2015
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:36 AM on August 9, 2015
I also forgot to say that since there are kids with high needs in that group of 15 (behavioural issues, special needs), you will require even more time to mentor effectively.
In no way am I trying to be negative or a naysayer. I think the idea of a mentoring program is wonderful, and I think it's fantastic you are doing it. I'm just really concerned about whether your school is supporting you adequately. This mentoring program, while worthwhile in principle, is a big extracurricular ask on the part of your administration.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 2:50 PM on August 9, 2015
In no way am I trying to be negative or a naysayer. I think the idea of a mentoring program is wonderful, and I think it's fantastic you are doing it. I'm just really concerned about whether your school is supporting you adequately. This mentoring program, while worthwhile in principle, is a big extracurricular ask on the part of your administration.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 2:50 PM on August 9, 2015
Shrabster, we were not really given guidance on this. We are possibly having a meeting on it sometime this week. We were indeed advised by the principal to seek out students during lunch (which coincides with our 30 min lunch) or ask to call them out of class to talk (seems counterproductive and an annoyance to other teachers). As you can see, the union in this state is pretty much non-existent. I love my job but have a huge course load already for any teacher, especially a new one in grad school concurrently. My schedule is probably comparable to a medical resident right now...
Although I personally have no problem with the idea of a mentoring program, I do wish we would have had training or at least an opportunity aside to personally meet our students to begin with without trying to track them down.
We will probably have a staff meeting on the issue this week and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. As a new employee, I don't want to piss off the admins but this was thrown to us literally the day before school began.
As far as the confidentiality goes, I think every kid should have a trusted adult to talk to (especially during the adolescent years) without fear that they will be embarrassed or talked about.
As far as being with a student alone, I know that is unfortunately a big risk nowadays. It is tricky to find a spot where we are not alone but they can talk without being overheard. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions on this? The only thing I can think about is my school email, but it seems a little too impersonal.
My grad school adviser is very supportive of me and has made it clear she will reach out to anyone at anytime to help me. I just realized I have not told her of the mentoring program. If I feel that the meeting we have this week is not sufficiently productive, I think I will reach out to her.
I care about all of my students very much. I have turned down job offers that pay close to 6 figures in order to teach because that's how strongly I feel about this profession. I also know that I have leverage, because my grad program will guarantee placement at another school, and almost every school in this state is in desperate need of science teachers. Especially my current school!
I really do feel that this type of program is important and I would do anything possible to help the kids on my list. I would like to mentor these kids (some REALLY need it), I just want to make this work.
Thank you so far for some fantastic advice and I'd welcome any additional input.
posted by WhitenoisE at 5:41 PM on August 9, 2015
Although I personally have no problem with the idea of a mentoring program, I do wish we would have had training or at least an opportunity aside to personally meet our students to begin with without trying to track them down.
We will probably have a staff meeting on the issue this week and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. As a new employee, I don't want to piss off the admins but this was thrown to us literally the day before school began.
As far as the confidentiality goes, I think every kid should have a trusted adult to talk to (especially during the adolescent years) without fear that they will be embarrassed or talked about.
As far as being with a student alone, I know that is unfortunately a big risk nowadays. It is tricky to find a spot where we are not alone but they can talk without being overheard. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions on this? The only thing I can think about is my school email, but it seems a little too impersonal.
My grad school adviser is very supportive of me and has made it clear she will reach out to anyone at anytime to help me. I just realized I have not told her of the mentoring program. If I feel that the meeting we have this week is not sufficiently productive, I think I will reach out to her.
I care about all of my students very much. I have turned down job offers that pay close to 6 figures in order to teach because that's how strongly I feel about this profession. I also know that I have leverage, because my grad program will guarantee placement at another school, and almost every school in this state is in desperate need of science teachers. Especially my current school!
I really do feel that this type of program is important and I would do anything possible to help the kids on my list. I would like to mentor these kids (some REALLY need it), I just want to make this work.
Thank you so far for some fantastic advice and I'd welcome any additional input.
posted by WhitenoisE at 5:41 PM on August 9, 2015
I'm a high school teacher in one of the few places that still has a fairly strong union. And man, this story made me want to go hug my union president.
To answer the question you asked - the only way to do this on an ongoing basis will likely be electronic. You'll want to find out at your staff meeting what types of electronic communication are recommended. It will be difficult to get kids this age to give up their lunches to meet with a mentor (not to mention the fact that you deserve a lunch break), pulling them out of class is counter-productive, and it sounds like meeting after school is a no-go because of sports/activities. After a couple of face-to-face meetings, electronic communication is really the only thing you can do. (And it's evidence you can show your administrators to illustrate that you're doing what you can.) I have my students write me letters at the start of every year (the prompt is: in the first paragraph tell me about you and school, in the second paragraph tell me about you as a person) and they're always really impressed when I write back in detail, referencing something they've written, making a connection to myself, and asking them follow-up questions.
Speaking more broadly...this looks like an initiative (new admin involved?) that's destined to fail, because it's not being rolled out in a way that would be effective. Mentorship is great, I'm a huge proponent of the AVID program that does this in a systemic way, we all want what's best for the kids, and so on. But it's critical to recognize when we're implementing a good idea badly. For this to work, there needs to be time set aside in the day for it. Most schools do that through an advisory, some do it through core courses that include a mentoring function, others do it in paid time outside of school. But the reality is that if you don't have a plan in place for how to get your mentor and your mentee in the same room on a regular basis - you don't have a real plan for a mentorship program. What I find so frustrating about this is that, until the program is fixed to make it workable, it's just going to take up the time and energy of already over-burdened, passionate new teachers like yourself while yielding very little in the way of meaningful results. I'm sorry. :(
So here's what you can do to try to address the broader problem - reach out to other teachers. Try to suss out who is well-respected in your school, talk to as many people as you can, and come up with a plan to approach admin with some possible changes to the program that would make it workable. Off the top of my head, ideas might include having a 15-minute advisory period in each school day, or partnering with mentors in the community, or targeting the mentorship program to the at-risk students to lighten the workload (if you go with this option, it still needs to be built into the day - maybe they could be assigned a mentor who has a prep period during the student's elective). Try to do it in a constructive, problem-solving, let's-find-time-to-help-make-this-plan-work! positive way and you have a good chance of being successful.
posted by leitmotif at 9:18 PM on August 9, 2015
To answer the question you asked - the only way to do this on an ongoing basis will likely be electronic. You'll want to find out at your staff meeting what types of electronic communication are recommended. It will be difficult to get kids this age to give up their lunches to meet with a mentor (not to mention the fact that you deserve a lunch break), pulling them out of class is counter-productive, and it sounds like meeting after school is a no-go because of sports/activities. After a couple of face-to-face meetings, electronic communication is really the only thing you can do. (And it's evidence you can show your administrators to illustrate that you're doing what you can.) I have my students write me letters at the start of every year (the prompt is: in the first paragraph tell me about you and school, in the second paragraph tell me about you as a person) and they're always really impressed when I write back in detail, referencing something they've written, making a connection to myself, and asking them follow-up questions.
Speaking more broadly...this looks like an initiative (new admin involved?) that's destined to fail, because it's not being rolled out in a way that would be effective. Mentorship is great, I'm a huge proponent of the AVID program that does this in a systemic way, we all want what's best for the kids, and so on. But it's critical to recognize when we're implementing a good idea badly. For this to work, there needs to be time set aside in the day for it. Most schools do that through an advisory, some do it through core courses that include a mentoring function, others do it in paid time outside of school. But the reality is that if you don't have a plan in place for how to get your mentor and your mentee in the same room on a regular basis - you don't have a real plan for a mentorship program. What I find so frustrating about this is that, until the program is fixed to make it workable, it's just going to take up the time and energy of already over-burdened, passionate new teachers like yourself while yielding very little in the way of meaningful results. I'm sorry. :(
So here's what you can do to try to address the broader problem - reach out to other teachers. Try to suss out who is well-respected in your school, talk to as many people as you can, and come up with a plan to approach admin with some possible changes to the program that would make it workable. Off the top of my head, ideas might include having a 15-minute advisory period in each school day, or partnering with mentors in the community, or targeting the mentorship program to the at-risk students to lighten the workload (if you go with this option, it still needs to be built into the day - maybe they could be assigned a mentor who has a prep period during the student's elective). Try to do it in a constructive, problem-solving, let's-find-time-to-help-make-this-plan-work! positive way and you have a good chance of being successful.
posted by leitmotif at 9:18 PM on August 9, 2015
I mentor kids online, through icouldbe.org. Totally different situation than yours - I've never met these kids, we aren't local to each other, etc. But you might check out their site for ideas of how to get talking with mentees through electronic means.
Their site is clumsy but does contain a ton of conversation prompts and such. Going in, I found a lot of it hokey, but was surprised by how many of these prompts actually worked to help me learn what common ground I had with the kids, and identify areas where they could use some support from a grownup in their corner.
One common thing I've encountered with just about every kid is that when they're not sure who to ask about their problems (whether that's academic stuff, home stuff, personal issues, whatever), they don't ask anybody at all. My #1 tip for mentoring is to make it clear that they can ask you ANYTHING, even if they don't think you will know the answer. Your job is not always to have the answer, but to be an advocate in general, and a possible conduit to the person who does know. A kid might get a rash and keep it secret because it freaks her out, and certainly wouldn't mention it to you, since you're not a doctor. If you can make your kids understand that, yeah, you're not a doctor, but you're a source of info on "here's the procedure you go through when you have a medical issue, and I will help you figure out the steps" you will be a truly valuable ally.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you like!
posted by jessicapierce at 2:54 PM on August 10, 2015
Their site is clumsy but does contain a ton of conversation prompts and such. Going in, I found a lot of it hokey, but was surprised by how many of these prompts actually worked to help me learn what common ground I had with the kids, and identify areas where they could use some support from a grownup in their corner.
One common thing I've encountered with just about every kid is that when they're not sure who to ask about their problems (whether that's academic stuff, home stuff, personal issues, whatever), they don't ask anybody at all. My #1 tip for mentoring is to make it clear that they can ask you ANYTHING, even if they don't think you will know the answer. Your job is not always to have the answer, but to be an advocate in general, and a possible conduit to the person who does know. A kid might get a rash and keep it secret because it freaks her out, and certainly wouldn't mention it to you, since you're not a doctor. If you can make your kids understand that, yeah, you're not a doctor, but you're a source of info on "here's the procedure you go through when you have a medical issue, and I will help you figure out the steps" you will be a truly valuable ally.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you like!
posted by jessicapierce at 2:54 PM on August 10, 2015
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A good friend is a high school teacher with responsibilities similar to yours. She has found attending their sporting events, debates, band performances, etc. is a good way to be supportive and available in their busy lives. Many of her students don't have family members who can necessarily be there, so it's cool for them to have a "fan".
posted by hydropsyche at 5:50 AM on August 9, 2015