Am I right to feel angry at being judged a flake here?

July 25, 2015 12:07 AM

I'm currently stranded abroad due to a travel agent snafu. I was due to be seeing my long distance partner this weekend, and it's and important weekend. Her response has been less than supportive and I feel quite hurt and angry, almost to the point of thinking about walking away from the relationship. Am I justified in this? Snowflakes inside...

Apologies in advance for the typos; I'm writing this on my phone...

You can read more about my partner and I in my posting history. We're long distance but she's bought a place near me as she's going to grad school in my city come September.

Today is the day she's picking up her keys. She doesn't move in for another two weeks. I'm going to be staying with her for the week before moving to help her pack and get everything organised.

I'm on a business trip and was supposed to be flying home last night. Due to a travel agent screwup I'm stranded in a foreign airport trying to get a flight home (the original airline lost or never received my reservation and the flight was full so I couldn't just purchase a new ticket). I've got limited funds to sort this out - I pay for the ticket and expense it to my company so it has to come out of my money first.

I'm stuck with very poor wifi - just enough to post this and send emails and browse a bit, not much more - and atrocious cell service. I can send and receive SMSes but calls don't connect.

When I texted my GF last night to tell her I was stranded her first response was not “OMG how can I help” or “are you okay?” (I'm an anxious traveller) but"I think we should read the signs."

When I pressed for an explanation of whath at meant - in between trying to sort out a flight last night - she said “I feel like I'm going to be doing all this on my own” and proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't have got a late flight and that it just feels like “last year” (referring to a time when I had a minor breakdown and flaked on coming to see her; we nearly broke up as a result).

I'm hurt and angry, on top of all the anger I was already feeling about my flight screwup. I may not be able to get a flight home until tomorrow now; there are no direct flights today and although I'm on standby for one flight that will eventually get me home it's standby all the way; I could end up stranded somewhere else.

I don't want to argue with her by text, and she's driving to her new home today anyway so I don't want to spoil that more than it already has been. But a bit of me feels like saying “if this is the level of trust that you have in me, if you think that when something goes wrong outside of my control that it's a ’sign’ of some sort, then I'm not sure I can be in this relationship.”

I feel like she's just assumed I'm a flake and whilst I understand where that comes from I'm not sure that I deserve it. And I certainly don't want to go through a relationship feeling that I have to put up with that kind of mistrust.

Am I justified in my feelings or am I being totally selfish? I understand that today is important to my GF - it's important to me too and I'm gutted to not be there with her - but I feel pretty much like I'm being made the bad guy for no reason other than fear here.

posted by six sided sock to Human Relations