Gender Presentation in Africa
May 3, 2015 2:45 PM Subscribe
I am a 31yo queer woman who is considered fairly masculine presenting in my daily life (I am frequently addressed as "sir" by waiters, customer service people, etc, and many never realize their mistake). I'm headed to Cameroon for the first time for a business/research trip and I want to be received well, which I unfortunately suspect means changing my gender presentation. I would love tips and tricks, and support, particularly for people who have been to West Africa before.
Being gay is illegal in Cameroon, punishable by 5 years in prison. Mostly these laws target men and trans women, but there have been recent instances of gay women being arrested, mostly based on a non-feminine gender presentation. I don't particularly fear getting arrested - I will be working closely with a local NGO with some political pull and not hitting the gay bars, but I do fear that presenting as less than feminine will not bode well for my ability to be received well by the people I'll be working with.
I've already bought suitably feminine business clothes ("frilly" tops, women-cut business pants and conservative skirts) and I have a hair appointment to cut my very short hair into the best feminine cut I can pull off. I've shaved my body hair. What else should I be doing to make sure I'm perceived as female? For those of you who have been to Africa before, particularly queer or gender variant folks, how concerned should I be about this stuff?
Being gay is illegal in Cameroon, punishable by 5 years in prison. Mostly these laws target men and trans women, but there have been recent instances of gay women being arrested, mostly based on a non-feminine gender presentation. I don't particularly fear getting arrested - I will be working closely with a local NGO with some political pull and not hitting the gay bars, but I do fear that presenting as less than feminine will not bode well for my ability to be received well by the people I'll be working with.
I've already bought suitably feminine business clothes ("frilly" tops, women-cut business pants and conservative skirts) and I have a hair appointment to cut my very short hair into the best feminine cut I can pull off. I've shaved my body hair. What else should I be doing to make sure I'm perceived as female? For those of you who have been to Africa before, particularly queer or gender variant folks, how concerned should I be about this stuff?
Sorry, this sounds like a sucky situation, for you and for everyone LGBTIQ in Cameroon.
If you usually wear a sports bra or similar, consider getting fitted for a less flattening style with underwires etc - this might help you present more of a feminine silhouette.
The masculine-presenting women I know tend to express a lot of their masculinity by their body language. Do you have a femme friend who could give you some tips and help you get in the habit of moving in a feminine way? Some of this may be culturally specific, so you'll need to check with someone who knows the area - for example, sitting with crossed legs is ladylike in some cultures but rude in others.
I know it's not this way for everyone, but find that my gender expression can be kind of fluid depending on who I'm interacting with. If I'm hanging out with masculine-presenting people, my body language and behaviour adjusts to that and I find myself sitting "like a dude", adopting more masculine patterns of speech, etc. Similarly when I'm around feminine people, there's a kind of subtle social pressure that causes me to sit "like a lady" and generally behave in a more stereotypically feminine way. If you can arrange to be in the company of more feminine-presenting people in the time leading up to your departure, you might find it easier to temporarily adopt those behaviours.
I'm so sorry that this is even a thing. Strength to you and the LGBTIQ folk of Cameroon.
posted by embrangled at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
If you usually wear a sports bra or similar, consider getting fitted for a less flattening style with underwires etc - this might help you present more of a feminine silhouette.
The masculine-presenting women I know tend to express a lot of their masculinity by their body language. Do you have a femme friend who could give you some tips and help you get in the habit of moving in a feminine way? Some of this may be culturally specific, so you'll need to check with someone who knows the area - for example, sitting with crossed legs is ladylike in some cultures but rude in others.
I know it's not this way for everyone, but find that my gender expression can be kind of fluid depending on who I'm interacting with. If I'm hanging out with masculine-presenting people, my body language and behaviour adjusts to that and I find myself sitting "like a dude", adopting more masculine patterns of speech, etc. Similarly when I'm around feminine people, there's a kind of subtle social pressure that causes me to sit "like a lady" and generally behave in a more stereotypically feminine way. If you can arrange to be in the company of more feminine-presenting people in the time leading up to your departure, you might find it easier to temporarily adopt those behaviours.
I'm so sorry that this is even a thing. Strength to you and the LGBTIQ folk of Cameroon.
posted by embrangled at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also...be prepared for random people who never previously commented on your gender presentation to suddenly start complementing you on how much "nicer" you look when presenting in a feminine way. Quietly remind yourself that they have no fucking idea what they are talking about.
posted by embrangled at 3:41 PM on May 3, 2015 [54 favorites]
posted by embrangled at 3:41 PM on May 3, 2015 [54 favorites]
This is from a friend of mine who has travelled to Uganda for business along with her fairly masculine presenting wife:
"Lipstick or tinted Chapstick (think Burts Bees) will help. Potentially a necklace or earrings (M bought a fake strand of pearls). She doesn't say what race she is, but if white, I suspect that clothes, jewelry, and a hint of makeup will be enough. I'm sure there are plenty of women with very short hair but who have other 'feminine' attributes. Think of it as going in drag."
posted by MsMolly at 3:42 PM on May 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
"Lipstick or tinted Chapstick (think Burts Bees) will help. Potentially a necklace or earrings (M bought a fake strand of pearls). She doesn't say what race she is, but if white, I suspect that clothes, jewelry, and a hint of makeup will be enough. I'm sure there are plenty of women with very short hair but who have other 'feminine' attributes. Think of it as going in drag."
posted by MsMolly at 3:42 PM on May 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
I read an article years ago by a woman who took a modeling class in order to enhance how she presented in daily life. She learned to walk like a runaway model (fwiw, it is exactly the same way female gymnasts are taught to walk, which might help explain part of why people tend to interpret me as extremely feminine).
So, if you want to walk like a runway model, you should practice walking with one foot directly in front of the other (as if you are walking on a balance beam -- you can practice this on curbs) and when your left hip goes forward, your right shoulder should go forward and when your right hip goes forward, your left shoulder should go forward. If done right, it looks very elegant and it also helps you keep your balance (which is part of why I continue to walk that way -- so I don't fall down, even though I have neurological issues and eyesight issues and blah blah blah).
I will Nth "makeup and jewelry." I will also Nth that lipstick is a good go to because a lot of other makeup is intended to subtly enhance your skin tone etc, but lipstick is more intended to be seen. I have never been a big user of makeup but did do lipstick, eyelash curler and mascara when I was younger. It is not a lot of makeup, but it is obvious you have put on makeup, so it reads as femme. I just can't be bothered to spend an hour in front of a mirror every morning. That has never worked for me. So I am suggesting this as the most visible impact for the least time and effort. (If you go with this, curl your lashes before putting mascara on them. Otherwise, they can kind of stick to the eyelash curler and that can become uncomfortable and tricky to get out of.)
posted by Michele in California at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
So, if you want to walk like a runway model, you should practice walking with one foot directly in front of the other (as if you are walking on a balance beam -- you can practice this on curbs) and when your left hip goes forward, your right shoulder should go forward and when your right hip goes forward, your left shoulder should go forward. If done right, it looks very elegant and it also helps you keep your balance (which is part of why I continue to walk that way -- so I don't fall down, even though I have neurological issues and eyesight issues and blah blah blah).
I will Nth "makeup and jewelry." I will also Nth that lipstick is a good go to because a lot of other makeup is intended to subtly enhance your skin tone etc, but lipstick is more intended to be seen. I have never been a big user of makeup but did do lipstick, eyelash curler and mascara when I was younger. It is not a lot of makeup, but it is obvious you have put on makeup, so it reads as femme. I just can't be bothered to spend an hour in front of a mirror every morning. That has never worked for me. So I am suggesting this as the most visible impact for the least time and effort. (If you go with this, curl your lashes before putting mascara on them. Otherwise, they can kind of stick to the eyelash curler and that can become uncomfortable and tricky to get out of.)
posted by Michele in California at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
My partner is currently in Cameroon right now doing fieldwork (originally Yaounde, but out by Bertoua mainly). Perhaps counter-intuitively, body hair on women is currently seen as attractive by men for local women.
Mefimail me contact info and I'll reach out to my partner and see if she can provide you any tips.
posted by miasma at 4:04 PM on May 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Mefimail me contact info and I'll reach out to my partner and see if she can provide you any tips.
posted by miasma at 4:04 PM on May 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Some sort of obvious makeup, eyeshadow or lipstick and blush and jewelry will almost certainly be enough.
Also, carry a purse.
posted by whoaali at 4:17 PM on May 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
Also, carry a purse.
posted by whoaali at 4:17 PM on May 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
Blush, mascara, and tinted lip balm (if you don't regularly apply lipstick, I find it too much of a hassle and distraction when wearing.)
Nail polish?
Simple earrings.
posted by dahliachewswell at 4:22 PM on May 3, 2015
Nail polish?
Simple earrings.
posted by dahliachewswell at 4:22 PM on May 3, 2015
Lip tint/lip stain can be a good option if you don't like the feel of lipstick. It stains your lips without leaving any residue on the surface, and usually lasts all day. Other than that I would not recommend wearing a lot of heavy make-up, particularly when visiting a hot climate.
Also...since presenting femininely, especially if you are visibly not a local, can cause unwanted attention of a different kind...consider a fake gold "wedding" ring. And possibly a picture of you and a male friend to carry in your wallet, for situations where referring to your "husband" may save you unnecessary bother.
posted by embrangled at 4:36 PM on May 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Also...since presenting femininely, especially if you are visibly not a local, can cause unwanted attention of a different kind...consider a fake gold "wedding" ring. And possibly a picture of you and a male friend to carry in your wallet, for situations where referring to your "husband" may save you unnecessary bother.
posted by embrangled at 4:36 PM on May 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you don't normally wear jewelry, earrings may be a bad idea. I have tried clip-ons and they can be painful and I have had pierced ears and eventually let them close. Earrings were surprisingly burdensome for me to deal with. Similarly, if you don't normally wear jewelry, rings can be surprisingly a big nuisance to deal with as they can interfere with typing, etc (though I think wearing a fake wedding band may be useful, I am just saying earrings and rings may be problematic for you to cope with, so other than possibly a fake wedding band, you might want to avoid these accessories).
If you don't normally wear jewelry, a necklace or bracelet might be a lot more physically and psychologically comfortable. If you normally wear a watch but not jewelry, some bracelets, like cuff style bracelets, may feel pretty natural to you and if you are comfortable it will look a lot more normal and natural. You don't want to look like someone who doesn't normally dress this way -- I mean, you don't want to be constantly fiddling with your clothes and jewelry in a way that signals that this is not your normal attire, or taking earrings off after a few hours because you can't stand them and that sort of the thing. You want a costume that is physically and psychologically comfortable enough for you to look normal/natural in.
A short necklace that doesn't hang and get in your way and a cuff style bracelet may be the least hassle to pull off. If you don't normally wear jewelry, a long necklace or dangly bracelet can get caught on things, can get in your way in ways you aren't expecting when you bend over or reach for something or whatever and that can out you as basically being in drag and not someone who really dresses this way.
If you normally wear belts, consider switching to a very feminine belt that is jewelry-like in appearance. That might be psychologically and physically comfortable while still giving you a bit more glitz and reading as more femme. A feminine belt can also be a way to emphasize your curves. I like soft leather belts with a nice buckle when I wear them.
posted by Michele in California at 4:48 PM on May 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you don't normally wear jewelry, a necklace or bracelet might be a lot more physically and psychologically comfortable. If you normally wear a watch but not jewelry, some bracelets, like cuff style bracelets, may feel pretty natural to you and if you are comfortable it will look a lot more normal and natural. You don't want to look like someone who doesn't normally dress this way -- I mean, you don't want to be constantly fiddling with your clothes and jewelry in a way that signals that this is not your normal attire, or taking earrings off after a few hours because you can't stand them and that sort of the thing. You want a costume that is physically and psychologically comfortable enough for you to look normal/natural in.
A short necklace that doesn't hang and get in your way and a cuff style bracelet may be the least hassle to pull off. If you don't normally wear jewelry, a long necklace or dangly bracelet can get caught on things, can get in your way in ways you aren't expecting when you bend over or reach for something or whatever and that can out you as basically being in drag and not someone who really dresses this way.
If you normally wear belts, consider switching to a very feminine belt that is jewelry-like in appearance. That might be psychologically and physically comfortable while still giving you a bit more glitz and reading as more femme. A feminine belt can also be a way to emphasize your curves. I like soft leather belts with a nice buckle when I wear them.
posted by Michele in California at 4:48 PM on May 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are you white? In my experience as a white women (although a fairly conventionally female presenting white woman) working in Cote d'Ivoire, I was enough of an outsider that people definitely saw my whiteness first and my femaleness second, and outsider status was enough to give me some flexibility in that Ivorians would read my oddities as "well, you know those crazy white people!" and not necessarily relate them to other characteristics.
I would say your instincts to accentuate characteristics which read feminine - hair, also breasts - are great and you'll be fine. My guess is that your Cameroonian colleagues will be professional and as long as you don't out yourself they probably won't notice or comment about your sexuality. Remember, too, that a lot of Cameroon women have very short hair. My experience in Cote d'Ivoire and Kenya is that middle class office worker types dress very Business Casual, and politicians even more so. If you can wear a (LIGHT FABRIC!) pair of dress pants with one of your frilly blouses (short sleeved, I hope?) with women's flats, I think you are going to be fine. A necklace, too. I really wouldn't bother with makeup other than maybe lipstick and mascara (but only if you feel more comfortable with it on) - you will not be judged by Cameroonian beauty standards because you are white, and you will probably be very, very warm and sweat it all off.
This is likely obvious, but just in case: don't engage in conversation about LGBT rights - if society is that stringent, people will almost certainly have upsetting beliefs about gay people that you do not want to hear, and you do not want to get drawn into a conversation about it where you are asked to explain your feelings on the subject. I heard all sorts of terrible things about attitudes towards women, religion, LGBT issues, and so forth from colleagues in Ivory Coast that I wish I didn't know their thoughts on, and I'll never be able to change their minds.
Will you be working in rural or urban areas?
posted by ChuraChura at 4:54 PM on May 3, 2015 [24 favorites]
I would say your instincts to accentuate characteristics which read feminine - hair, also breasts - are great and you'll be fine. My guess is that your Cameroonian colleagues will be professional and as long as you don't out yourself they probably won't notice or comment about your sexuality. Remember, too, that a lot of Cameroon women have very short hair. My experience in Cote d'Ivoire and Kenya is that middle class office worker types dress very Business Casual, and politicians even more so. If you can wear a (LIGHT FABRIC!) pair of dress pants with one of your frilly blouses (short sleeved, I hope?) with women's flats, I think you are going to be fine. A necklace, too. I really wouldn't bother with makeup other than maybe lipstick and mascara (but only if you feel more comfortable with it on) - you will not be judged by Cameroonian beauty standards because you are white, and you will probably be very, very warm and sweat it all off.
This is likely obvious, but just in case: don't engage in conversation about LGBT rights - if society is that stringent, people will almost certainly have upsetting beliefs about gay people that you do not want to hear, and you do not want to get drawn into a conversation about it where you are asked to explain your feelings on the subject. I heard all sorts of terrible things about attitudes towards women, religion, LGBT issues, and so forth from colleagues in Ivory Coast that I wish I didn't know their thoughts on, and I'll never be able to change their minds.
Will you be working in rural or urban areas?
posted by ChuraChura at 4:54 PM on May 3, 2015 [24 favorites]
I don't know about Africa, but I get read less ambiguously gender-wise when I wear more purple, pink, and lighter pastels generally. Also, nail polish. I have trouble getting lipstick to stay on, but I find it easier to remind myself to reapply lip gloss since it seems less fussy than regular lipstick, when I'm trying to go that way. (Usually also for reasons related to meeting more conservative people for work.) If you don't ordinarily carry a small mirror with you, you'll want one. If you're not used to makeup, my dressing-as-a-girl routine is generally wash, moisturize, then one of those mineral powders, then a very small amount of blush, then lip gloss. YMMV, but eye shadow makes my eyes itch and I don't think it's as noticeable to people. Shoot for "just enough makeup to be perceived as wearing makeup".
My hair is short-ish and I think even a pretty boyish haircut will read feminine if you're wearing makeup and feminine clothes, so you shouldn't have to do too much unless you normally style it pretty spiky. Lots of very feminine actresses have done pixie cuts at some time or another, and I think at least in the US, even very conservative people get that short hair is low-maintenance and is useful for women who are working or have young children.
Remember that you don't need to be perceived as attractive, only as straight. When I get pulled into personal conversations, I don't do fake boyfriend or anything, but I will say stuff like "I don't have kids yet" and that kind of thing. Talking like I still anticipate future husband and offspring but my life isn't presently settled enough for it. If I was going to fake anything, I'd sooner fake "just got out of a long term relationship and it's painful"--suspect even between cultures people are less likely to press about that.
posted by Sequence at 7:02 PM on May 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
My hair is short-ish and I think even a pretty boyish haircut will read feminine if you're wearing makeup and feminine clothes, so you shouldn't have to do too much unless you normally style it pretty spiky. Lots of very feminine actresses have done pixie cuts at some time or another, and I think at least in the US, even very conservative people get that short hair is low-maintenance and is useful for women who are working or have young children.
Remember that you don't need to be perceived as attractive, only as straight. When I get pulled into personal conversations, I don't do fake boyfriend or anything, but I will say stuff like "I don't have kids yet" and that kind of thing. Talking like I still anticipate future husband and offspring but my life isn't presently settled enough for it. If I was going to fake anything, I'd sooner fake "just got out of a long term relationship and it's painful"--suspect even between cultures people are less likely to press about that.
posted by Sequence at 7:02 PM on May 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Would it be easier if you thought about this as performing in drag? Sorry, that's all I've got.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:10 PM on May 3, 2015
posted by oceanjesse at 7:10 PM on May 3, 2015
You could also consider wearing a simple gold band on your ring finger. A lot of people will parse that as a wedding ring even though it doesn't have to be. If you are okay with directly lying, maybe just as an emergency backup option, you could have a photo of a random dude in your wallet and talk about them as your boyfriend/fiancé/husband. These are obviously things to present as straight, not female, I know - but sexuality and gender do blur and if you also display some markers of straightness it enhances your woman-ness. It might also help you stave off some, um, unwanted attention to be seen as "taken". Yuck, I know.
posted by Athanassiel at 7:30 PM on May 3, 2015
posted by Athanassiel at 7:30 PM on May 3, 2015
Response by poster: To answer some questions: I'm white, and I'll be exclusively in urban settings (think business meetings with government officials in hotel conference rooms).
My wonderful fiancee just surprised me with my engagement band that she was saving as a surprise (we're already engaged but I hadn't gotten jewelry yet) so I'm good on the ring and her name is a primarily male name so it will be easy to discuss my "fiance".
Thanks all for the thoughts - lots of good stuff here.
posted by zug at 8:19 PM on May 3, 2015 [6 favorites]
My wonderful fiancee just surprised me with my engagement band that she was saving as a surprise (we're already engaged but I hadn't gotten jewelry yet) so I'm good on the ring and her name is a primarily male name so it will be easy to discuss my "fiance".
Thanks all for the thoughts - lots of good stuff here.
posted by zug at 8:19 PM on May 3, 2015 [6 favorites]
This was already mentioned above, but I really love this particular tinted lip balm by Burt's Bees. (You can probably find it at any local drugstore/Target/etc.) It gives some color, but it doesn't feel like you're wearing lipstick, and it gives a more natural (but still noticeable) color. I really, really like it, and I hate wearing lipstick.
A simple necklace would be a good additional touch, as well. It could be a more delicate chain with a small pendant if you don't want to fuss with a "statement" necklace that might be more cumbersome.
If you want to go for nail polish, I would recommend getting a gel manicure at a salon since it should last a lot longer, but I think nail polish isn't necessary.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:39 PM on May 3, 2015
A simple necklace would be a good additional touch, as well. It could be a more delicate chain with a small pendant if you don't want to fuss with a "statement" necklace that might be more cumbersome.
If you want to go for nail polish, I would recommend getting a gel manicure at a salon since it should last a lot longer, but I think nail polish isn't necessary.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:39 PM on May 3, 2015
I know nothing about West Africa, but looking at the images from a "women Cameroon" google search, earrings seem to be pretty consistently worn (except by the soccer players). Necklaces are also pretty common, but bold and/or dangly earrings are what caught my eye. I think some non-subtle earrings would be an easy accessory.
Consider getting your lashes tinted instead of wearing mascara. Way less effort, and less likely to result in panda eyes when it's hot.
posted by kjs4 at 1:45 AM on May 4, 2015
Consider getting your lashes tinted instead of wearing mascara. Way less effort, and less likely to result in panda eyes when it's hot.
posted by kjs4 at 1:45 AM on May 4, 2015
West African here. It's not going to occur to anybody that the way you look is because you are masculine presenting, unless you tell them. As Chura Chura said above, anything people find odd about you will be put down to your being white. You don't have to change your bra, wear makeup or jewellry or any of that stuff. Gender norms are very strict but they're much wider for women in West Africa - a forceful-looking tough-talking woman with body hair doesn't read as butch AT ALL, she reads as someone's big sister that brought up ten kids and runs a successful cement trading business. What you may like to pay attention to is your clothes, as you are doing already. An additional thing you might do is buy fabric in a local market and have it made up by a tailor while you are there - you don't have to get it made into African costume (though you can) you can have dresses or skirts and jackets made.* And maybe the one pair of trousers. It will be a fun excursion and people will be flattered.
Long skirts are great for the climate and also because of mosquitoes, so an approximation of woman's African dress could be very comfortable for you. Women do wear trousers but they tend to be young fashionable girls, and there are places where it's better not to, and anyway mature respectable women don't wear them. There is a lot of gender expression in clothes and you should be careful not to wear things specifically coded masculine, certain hats, say. You could get away with it if you were some kind of arty groovy person and could put up with the hassle. The finishing feature of any woman's dress is a headtie, you are not formally dressed without one but as you are white it won't matter.
Having a spouse and children is the defining marker for adulthood in West Africa, for both men and women, so you should expect questions about this - people will feel it is polite to ask you. So you should work out what you're going to say, and please don't bother telling anyone you are gay.
To sum up: don't mention you're gay, no one will guess. Wear skirts instead of trousers on formal occasions not just to not look masculine but to be taken seriously. Although if you're doing field work in the bush nobody cares if you're wearing trousers or not.
*this could happen in advance if you're on those sort of terms with someone there and can send your measurements and some cash.
posted by glasseyes at 3:31 AM on May 4, 2015 [19 favorites]
Long skirts are great for the climate and also because of mosquitoes, so an approximation of woman's African dress could be very comfortable for you. Women do wear trousers but they tend to be young fashionable girls, and there are places where it's better not to, and anyway mature respectable women don't wear them. There is a lot of gender expression in clothes and you should be careful not to wear things specifically coded masculine, certain hats, say. You could get away with it if you were some kind of arty groovy person and could put up with the hassle. The finishing feature of any woman's dress is a headtie, you are not formally dressed without one but as you are white it won't matter.
Having a spouse and children is the defining marker for adulthood in West Africa, for both men and women, so you should expect questions about this - people will feel it is polite to ask you. So you should work out what you're going to say, and please don't bother telling anyone you are gay.
To sum up: don't mention you're gay, no one will guess. Wear skirts instead of trousers on formal occasions not just to not look masculine but to be taken seriously. Although if you're doing field work in the bush nobody cares if you're wearing trousers or not.
*this could happen in advance if you're on those sort of terms with someone there and can send your measurements and some cash.
posted by glasseyes at 3:31 AM on May 4, 2015 [19 favorites]
Yes, I've had a long comment half-written on my computer since yesterday but glasseyes said it much better than I ever could.
I've spent a lot of time traveling and working in Africa as a white lady and I strongly agree that the best thing you can do both in terms of cultural immersion and your own well being is to dress in traditional Cameroonian women's clothes (I'd try out a traditional style if I were you - it's good for the heat!) and avoid adopting any markers of traditional Western femininity like makeup & jewelry that you wouldn't wear at home. Not only will be effective, it will keep you from feeling like you're 'in drag' and being forced to present a painfully false self to the culture you're trying to integrate into. The Cameroonian clothes will feel very different than what you're used to wearing, but maybe not in a bad way - it might be a relief to feel like you're changing your look as a sign of respect to the culture you're visiting, rather because you have no choice but to conform to repressive cultural norms.
FWIW I've known lots of butch gay women in the development world, and as far as I know, they adopted a don't-ask-don't-tell approach and it worked fine for them, even in places with very strict laws against homosexuality. I can understand why you're worried but I think you'll be ok.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 12:06 PM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've spent a lot of time traveling and working in Africa as a white lady and I strongly agree that the best thing you can do both in terms of cultural immersion and your own well being is to dress in traditional Cameroonian women's clothes (I'd try out a traditional style if I were you - it's good for the heat!) and avoid adopting any markers of traditional Western femininity like makeup & jewelry that you wouldn't wear at home. Not only will be effective, it will keep you from feeling like you're 'in drag' and being forced to present a painfully false self to the culture you're trying to integrate into. The Cameroonian clothes will feel very different than what you're used to wearing, but maybe not in a bad way - it might be a relief to feel like you're changing your look as a sign of respect to the culture you're visiting, rather because you have no choice but to conform to repressive cultural norms.
FWIW I've known lots of butch gay women in the development world, and as far as I know, they adopted a don't-ask-don't-tell approach and it worked fine for them, even in places with very strict laws against homosexuality. I can understand why you're worried but I think you'll be ok.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 12:06 PM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh! And I definitely don't think you need to shave if that's uncomfortable for you - I stopped shaving for two years in the Peace Corps in Kenya and found it a huge relief.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 12:10 PM on May 4, 2015
posted by pretentious illiterate at 12:10 PM on May 4, 2015
You didn't say how long you will be there, but, in addition to the white/foreigner angle, if it is relatively short term, you could chalk up the fact that you aren't wearing much make up or jewelry to "inability to fit everything in my suitcase." Lots of women who are big into make up and jewelry have to make judicious choices of what to take with them when they travel.
posted by Michele in California at 1:19 PM on May 4, 2015
posted by Michele in California at 1:19 PM on May 4, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Good luck. I'm so sorry you feel you have to change your presentation. Hope you have a wonderful trip anyway. And that you never have to do this again.
posted by taff at 3:17 PM on May 3, 2015 [2 favorites]