He shoved a dog?
January 6, 2015 6:59 PM Subscribe
A guy I've been seeing is super-great in every way, but I'm a bit concerned by a couple of instances I've witnessed where he's shoved a dog away--in, in my opinion, a slightly harsher way than necessary. More details inside.
With friends and family and pet sitting, etc., we've interacted a lot with dogs as a couple(ish), and for the most part everything is reasonable and fun and cozy. But recently, his dog was licking in an annoying way and he pushed him away brusquely. I told him I thought it was harsh, and he apologized. Thinking back to another time, there was a crisis where his toddler nephew had fallen into a swimming pool and he shoved a dog away to reach him--I don't know, but I might not have shoved the dog? Is this unreasonable? The only other hints at maltreatment are that he doesn't always clean up poo, etc, from the floor as soon as it happens.
Is this within the realm of normal behavior, or could it hint at some pathology I should beware of? I didn't grow up with dogs, have little experience with pets at all, and I don't know the guy very well--but there's nothing else about him that is violent, harsh, controlling, weird, etc. So should I let it go?
With friends and family and pet sitting, etc., we've interacted a lot with dogs as a couple(ish), and for the most part everything is reasonable and fun and cozy. But recently, his dog was licking in an annoying way and he pushed him away brusquely. I told him I thought it was harsh, and he apologized. Thinking back to another time, there was a crisis where his toddler nephew had fallen into a swimming pool and he shoved a dog away to reach him--I don't know, but I might not have shoved the dog? Is this unreasonable? The only other hints at maltreatment are that he doesn't always clean up poo, etc, from the floor as soon as it happens.
Is this within the realm of normal behavior, or could it hint at some pathology I should beware of? I didn't grow up with dogs, have little experience with pets at all, and I don't know the guy very well--but there's nothing else about him that is violent, harsh, controlling, weird, etc. So should I let it go?
Shoving aside, why is the dog pooping on the floor? If it's not being taken outside enough and then winds up pooping on the floor in desperation, that's definitely mistreatment. Also not cleaning up the poop is just GROSS. Usually people are on their best behavior at the beginning of relationships. If that is his best behavior, I shudder to know what his regular behavior will be.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:16 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:16 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
Yeah, it sounds like he's triggering something in you. Shoving anyone or thing out of the way to reach a child is completely reasonable. I'd be worried if he didn't.
Being brusque with any being that's doing something annoying isn't terrible. It sounds like you're grasping at straws here, what's up with that?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [23 favorites]
Being brusque with any being that's doing something annoying isn't terrible. It sounds like you're grasping at straws here, what's up with that?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [23 favorites]
I do think it's unreasonable to judge someone for shoving a dog out of the way to save a human toddler in what you described as a "crisis."
As for the other stuff, it sounds within the realm of normal. Dogs are pretty tough. Did the dog seem in pain, traumatized, or afraid? I'd focus on that question. What looks "brusque" might not actually be hurting or scaring the dog. It's a dog, not a child. (Non painfully) pushing a misbehaving animal doesn't necessarily indicate he'll be shoving you someday.
posted by horizons at 7:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [13 favorites]
As for the other stuff, it sounds within the realm of normal. Dogs are pretty tough. Did the dog seem in pain, traumatized, or afraid? I'd focus on that question. What looks "brusque" might not actually be hurting or scaring the dog. It's a dog, not a child. (Non painfully) pushing a misbehaving animal doesn't necessarily indicate he'll be shoving you someday.
posted by horizons at 7:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [13 favorites]
I have to agree with Brandon but I hate it when pets lick me, hate it when people made weird priorities for pets (shoving a dog to get to a toddler in a pool is A++ behaviour IMO because seriously? That's a kid who may bloody well drown). So I immediately thought your complaints were grasping. The poo thing is gross but most pet owners I know are similarly blasé.
posted by geek anachronism at 7:22 PM on January 6, 2015 [20 favorites]
posted by geek anachronism at 7:22 PM on January 6, 2015 [20 favorites]
Just how long does he delay cleaning the dog poop from the floor? I think that anything more than five minutes is kind've 'off'. And that's only if there's critical stuff happening where I can't make a bee-line for the paper towels.
Not to be too terribly harsh, but - most people with dogs have them trained so they don't do their business indoors. How often does this issue arise? Are there extenuating circumstances? (Young dog, old dog, sick dog?)
I'm finding it impossible to make a call on the 'shoving' behavior. I guess it's something I'd keep an eye on? I've lived with dogs for most of my life and I've sometimes had to be firm with a dog (to prevent him from jumping up on someone, for instance) but even then I've never used excessive force. I'm sad to say that I've known a couple of people - who were otherwise normal members of the UMC - who would focus their aggression on their dog, yelling and sometimes even kicking and hitting it. I've never understood it and I've generally avoided spending time with people like that.
posted by doctor tough love at 7:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Not to be too terribly harsh, but - most people with dogs have them trained so they don't do their business indoors. How often does this issue arise? Are there extenuating circumstances? (Young dog, old dog, sick dog?)
I'm finding it impossible to make a call on the 'shoving' behavior. I guess it's something I'd keep an eye on? I've lived with dogs for most of my life and I've sometimes had to be firm with a dog (to prevent him from jumping up on someone, for instance) but even then I've never used excessive force. I'm sad to say that I've known a couple of people - who were otherwise normal members of the UMC - who would focus their aggression on their dog, yelling and sometimes even kicking and hitting it. I've never understood it and I've generally avoided spending time with people like that.
posted by doctor tough love at 7:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
The only thing here that would bother me is not cleaning up poop (& etc.) from floors quickly, and that's a housekeeping thing, not an animal cruelty thing. The shoving sounds to me like a non-issue.
As to why there was poop on the floor in the first place, even reasonably well housetrained dogs commonly have such accidents when they're not in their own houses. O.P. mentioned petsitting, so that might've been the context.
posted by jon1270 at 7:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
As to why there was poop on the floor in the first place, even reasonably well housetrained dogs commonly have such accidents when they're not in their own houses. O.P. mentioned petsitting, so that might've been the context.
posted by jon1270 at 7:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't think he's cruel to animals or anything. You haven't described a level of shoving that I find troubling, and I love love love my dog.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:38 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by J. Wilson at 7:38 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend and I have a joke where he'll describe me shoving my dog away in over the top wrestling terms: "damn, did you just suplex him?" or "don't elbow drop him, jeez!" But I also, like, playfully flip my dog in gentle little bodyrolls while we're playing and stuff. He's fine. Believe me, little dude yells and screams bloody murder if he gets picked up too roughly or if I clip his nails or if some snow gets stuck between the pads of his paws; he wouldn't be happily begging for more if my "wrestling moves" were actually hurting him.
posted by Juliet Banana at 7:51 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Juliet Banana at 7:51 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
The thing I'd be concerned about is that he apparently has a dog that regularly poops in the house. Unless the dog is ill, that speaks to a lack of proper training or a lack of appropriate walking.
The shoving seems really non-problematic. Especially the second case, where it basically seems mandatory. If a toddler fell in a swimming pool, I'd excuse him shoving *you* out of the way, too.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
The shoving seems really non-problematic. Especially the second case, where it basically seems mandatory. If a toddler fell in a swimming pool, I'd excuse him shoving *you* out of the way, too.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
No, shoving a dog aside to rescue a toddler who had fallen in a pool is in no way unreasonable, ever, anywhere. Shoving a dog aside to rescue a potentially drowning toddler is totally normal behaviour, and if the dog is not trying to rescue the toddler themselves then the dog needs better training.
The poo thing, though, is gross but not necessarily abusive. Are you talking about inside the house? Any person who thought it was ok to not clean poo up immediately inside the house I would seriously have second thoughts about due to their acceptance of basic hygiene levels - who the fuck thinks it's okay to leave poo on the floor? If they address it as soon as it comes to their attention then they're a-ok in my book (and I've lived with some seriously disgusting people) - better is if they care enough about their animals to train them not to poo on the floor, of course.
How old are you and the bloke in question?
posted by goo at 8:12 PM on January 6, 2015
The poo thing, though, is gross but not necessarily abusive. Are you talking about inside the house? Any person who thought it was ok to not clean poo up immediately inside the house I would seriously have second thoughts about due to their acceptance of basic hygiene levels - who the fuck thinks it's okay to leave poo on the floor? If they address it as soon as it comes to their attention then they're a-ok in my book (and I've lived with some seriously disgusting people) - better is if they care enough about their animals to train them not to poo on the floor, of course.
How old are you and the bloke in question?
posted by goo at 8:12 PM on January 6, 2015
I have seen some people shove dogs aside more forcefully than I am personally used to seeing, but these same people are otherwise loving towards dogs. As mentioned above, dogs are pretty tough, particularly dogs who were raised with that kind of interaction with their human caretakers. That being said, if the shoving raises to the level of abuse — if the dog appears harmed by it — then that is another story.
posted by ageispolis at 8:17 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ageispolis at 8:17 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Another vote for "the poop thing is gross, but the dog-shoving thing is within normal boundaries." And I am exceptionally sensitive to animal abuse issues.
posted by desjardins at 8:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 8:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
The line where pushing the dog away for licking, becomes shoving the dog away is a little hazy, the dogs reaction would be the best indicator. Did it scare the dog would be the main concern? Pushing the dog away to save a toddler is perfectly fine, as is pushing any and all other living beings including old people, other children etc out of the way to save someone in a crisis, you know assuming it doesn't add to the crisis.
The poo thing is just laziness or avoidance of a gross job more than mistreatment. Unless you catch the dog doing the poop (I am assuming in the house) & ignore it pooping making its housetraining is the only way I can think that's harmful to a dog. Well that & germs if the poop builds up for days on end a bit of poop laying around doesn't really bother a dog. If it's out walking the dog & he's not scooping, then he's just lazy or avoiding the gross job and all people that don't pick up their dogs poop while out and about have a special circle in hell waiting for them.
posted by wwax at 8:29 PM on January 6, 2015
The poo thing is just laziness or avoidance of a gross job more than mistreatment. Unless you catch the dog doing the poop (I am assuming in the house) & ignore it pooping making its housetraining is the only way I can think that's harmful to a dog. Well that & germs if the poop builds up for days on end a bit of poop laying around doesn't really bother a dog. If it's out walking the dog & he's not scooping, then he's just lazy or avoiding the gross job and all people that don't pick up their dogs poop while out and about have a special circle in hell waiting for them.
posted by wwax at 8:29 PM on January 6, 2015
The poo thing is gross but most pet owners I know are similarly blasé.
No, no we are not! That is gross, I would be totally grossed out.
I actually kneed my own dog in the face, hard, earlier today because she jumped on me. She's 6 and knows God damn well not to jump on me when I come home, plus I was wearing a work skirt she could have easily torn with her claws (done it before) and holding two bags. She's cut my legs up in her excitement in the past and jumped on guests so I have no qualms at all about it, even though I never physically discipline her for anything else. She was like " oh, right, don't maul you when you come home. Oops!" Then she totally forgot about it. It really depends on the dog.
posted by fshgrl at 8:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
No, no we are not! That is gross, I would be totally grossed out.
I actually kneed my own dog in the face, hard, earlier today because she jumped on me. She's 6 and knows God damn well not to jump on me when I come home, plus I was wearing a work skirt she could have easily torn with her claws (done it before) and holding two bags. She's cut my legs up in her excitement in the past and jumped on guests so I have no qualms at all about it, even though I never physically discipline her for anything else. She was like " oh, right, don't maul you when you come home. Oops!" Then she totally forgot about it. It really depends on the dog.
posted by fshgrl at 8:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
Take your open hand and hit your ribs hard enough to make a "thump" noise. Kind of hurts, right? Definitely not the way you'd want anyone to greet you. But for a decent-sized adult dog, a couple of those thumps to the side is a completely reasonable way of expressing affection. Dogs aren't just tough, they're different than us, and moderately rough shoving is often, "Seriously, I meant it." If you can, watch dogs at play sometime; they're constantly biting at one another's necks and wrestling each other to the ground, and it's no big deal.
Now, that your boyfriend apologized makes me think that he might indeed have gone a bit too far, but honestly I'd be inclined to give him a pass on one overly-grumpy shove that seemed to momentarily unsettle the dog but was essentially "safe" (on a reasonable surface, not off an edge), because I think everyone's been there. I'd agree that it's important to establish for your own information that this is not in fact a habit, either with regard to the dog or in general, but the two incidents you describe don't seem particularly damning.
posted by teremala at 9:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Now, that your boyfriend apologized makes me think that he might indeed have gone a bit too far, but honestly I'd be inclined to give him a pass on one overly-grumpy shove that seemed to momentarily unsettle the dog but was essentially "safe" (on a reasonable surface, not off an edge), because I think everyone's been there. I'd agree that it's important to establish for your own information that this is not in fact a habit, either with regard to the dog or in general, but the two incidents you describe don't seem particularly damning.
posted by teremala at 9:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
I'll fall back on intuition. If something rang a bell with you and caused you to step back and consider whether his behavior was over-the-line or not, that was your intuition talking. Just hold onto it and carry on - if there's more, it will verify your fears; if not, so much the better.
Your intuition is an important part of your native intelligence - don't push it aside.
The behavior you describe does not, in itself, seem out of line, but when the intuition bells ring, you should at least pay attention and watch for more.
A curiosity: How do dogs, in general, feel about this guy? Do they usually approach him in a happy way or do they just avoid him, act afraid of him or hostile to him? I trust my dog's intuition even more than I trust my own.
posted by aryma at 10:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Your intuition is an important part of your native intelligence - don't push it aside.
The behavior you describe does not, in itself, seem out of line, but when the intuition bells ring, you should at least pay attention and watch for more.
A curiosity: How do dogs, in general, feel about this guy? Do they usually approach him in a happy way or do they just avoid him, act afraid of him or hostile to him? I trust my dog's intuition even more than I trust my own.
posted by aryma at 10:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Now, that your boyfriend apologized makes me think that he might indeed have gone a bit too far
Eh, i see it as more of a "oh wow, she's upset, i'd probably just be digging a deeper hole by trying to justify/defend myself. accept that people have different standards and apologize for being upsetting".
Any sort of "jeeze, it's not a big deal" response in these situations accelerates at warp speed to being a "so when did you stop beating your wife?" type of catch-22 situation in which defending, and not just accepting at apologizing instantly makes it a bigger thing than it was.
Basically, i think he was behaving pretty normally here both with the dogs and in response to you being upset.
So yea, this seems more of a like "i can't put my finger on it but something is unsettling me" sort of question. And i don't really know what to say to that. Does he seem to be overly physical or quick to anger or something? Especially the toddler-dog thing seemed totally reasonable/justified, and i definitely shoved my dog i absolutely loved for licking incessantly more than once*.
I think it's within the realm of normal behavior, but i have to wonder if your gut is picking up on something else here that this is just a weak example of. You specifically state at the end that this is the only thing... but is it? Because it seems like pretty normal/ok/minor stuff to me.
*and one time, he came back over, picked up my laptop, and threw it in to the coffee table! turnabout is fair play i guess, lmao.
posted by emptythought at 10:44 PM on January 6, 2015
Eh, i see it as more of a "oh wow, she's upset, i'd probably just be digging a deeper hole by trying to justify/defend myself. accept that people have different standards and apologize for being upsetting".
Any sort of "jeeze, it's not a big deal" response in these situations accelerates at warp speed to being a "so when did you stop beating your wife?" type of catch-22 situation in which defending, and not just accepting at apologizing instantly makes it a bigger thing than it was.
Basically, i think he was behaving pretty normally here both with the dogs and in response to you being upset.
So yea, this seems more of a like "i can't put my finger on it but something is unsettling me" sort of question. And i don't really know what to say to that. Does he seem to be overly physical or quick to anger or something? Especially the toddler-dog thing seemed totally reasonable/justified, and i definitely shoved my dog i absolutely loved for licking incessantly more than once*.
I think it's within the realm of normal behavior, but i have to wonder if your gut is picking up on something else here that this is just a weak example of. You specifically state at the end that this is the only thing... but is it? Because it seems like pretty normal/ok/minor stuff to me.
*and one time, he came back over, picked up my laptop, and threw it in to the coffee table! turnabout is fair play i guess, lmao.
posted by emptythought at 10:44 PM on January 6, 2015
Could be something, could be nothing.
I grew up around animals, and spending some time with my in-laws over the holidays really reinforced how many people who are totally decent in other respects are total morons with animals, dogs in specific. It could have been cruelty, coulda been not knowing how to handle dogs, coulda been nothing. From what you gave us, no way to know.
posted by klangklangston at 11:41 PM on January 6, 2015
I grew up around animals, and spending some time with my in-laws over the holidays really reinforced how many people who are totally decent in other respects are total morons with animals, dogs in specific. It could have been cruelty, coulda been not knowing how to handle dogs, coulda been nothing. From what you gave us, no way to know.
posted by klangklangston at 11:41 PM on January 6, 2015
Re the toddler in the pool: seriously, I'd shove the dog, your boyfriend, you, my GRANDMOTHER aside to help a kid in what you yourself describe as "a crisis situation". Did you just expect your boyfriend to simply stand and patiently wait to rescue the child until the dog felt like moving out of the way?
I'm sorry, but unless there's something else you're not mentioning, his actions sound totally reasonable.
posted by easily confused at 2:51 AM on January 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
I'm sorry, but unless there's something else you're not mentioning, his actions sound totally reasonable.
posted by easily confused at 2:51 AM on January 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
I'd be way more concerned about the dog shitting in the house and it not getting cleaned up immediately than anything else you described above.
posted by futureisunwritten at 5:04 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by futureisunwritten at 5:04 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I guess I'd only worry if he was ANGRY when he shoved the dog. Mildly irritated? We've all been there. But angry? That would make me think he had poor impulse control around weaker beings, or perhaps a scary inability to stop, you know? You never want to strike at a smaller being in anger.
The toddler pool save is a non-issue. Nothing about that situation was wrong, and as a matter of fact, kudos on him for quickly recognizing the danger and jumping into action.
The only other hints at maltreatment are that he doesn't always clean up poo, etc, from the floor as soon as it happens.
Ew!
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:06 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
The toddler pool save is a non-issue. Nothing about that situation was wrong, and as a matter of fact, kudos on him for quickly recognizing the danger and jumping into action.
The only other hints at maltreatment are that he doesn't always clean up poo, etc, from the floor as soon as it happens.
Ew!
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:06 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
It seems to me that you are reaching for a reason to dump this guy.
posted by Flood at 6:34 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Flood at 6:34 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks for all the responses! I'm clueless about pet stuff 'cos I didn't grow up with any pets at all, so dogs are kinda mysterious to me. And my last relationship was abusive, so my guard is just up in general around men I don't know well. Not knowing animals, I wasn't sure how to interpret these things.
Aryma, animals do seem to like him and approach happily. The waste on the floor is from an older dog, and it will stay there (in a large house) until whenever he gets around to it. I don't think this ever lasts more than a few hours, or a day. It's gross but not like the animal is confined in a small space with it.
posted by elken at 7:35 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Aryma, animals do seem to like him and approach happily. The waste on the floor is from an older dog, and it will stay there (in a large house) until whenever he gets around to it. I don't think this ever lasts more than a few hours, or a day. It's gross but not like the animal is confined in a small space with it.
posted by elken at 7:35 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah, the shoving is a non-issue.
But on the other hand, is the older dog his? Because regardless of whether the dog minds or not, you are not required to spend time in a house where dog shit sits around on the floor for "a day." That sounds more like disregard of you than disregard of the dog.
posted by ostro at 8:21 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
But on the other hand, is the older dog his? Because regardless of whether the dog minds or not, you are not required to spend time in a house where dog shit sits around on the floor for "a day." That sounds more like disregard of you than disregard of the dog.
posted by ostro at 8:21 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would run a dog over with my car if it were unavoidable to me reaching a threatened child, or adult. But if you are uncomfortable with this and his other behaviors mentioned here, go with your gut feeling and walk away
posted by waving at 9:43 AM on January 7, 2015
posted by waving at 9:43 AM on January 7, 2015
I'm with ostro here--leaving dog poop around the house after finding it (instead of cleaning it up immediately) is super gross and to me pretty disrespectful of any other humans visiting or living in a house. And I've had dogs all my life, and so have a lot of my family and friends--I can't think of anyone who would discover an animal mess and not immediately work to clean it up, preferably with an enzyme cleaner and/or a carpet shampoo if necessary. For one thing, that's the best way to prevent future animal messes. Dogs (and cats) tend to view places where there's pee or poop as a great place to leave future pee and poop, and leaving the mess in place longer than absolutely necessary is generally a great way to get the local pets going "...oh, okay, THIS is my toilet!" And that doesn't just mean visible urine and poop, either--both dogs and cats can generally smell the remains of both long after humans think the area is clean, which is why enzyme-based cleaners are so important.
For another thing, living in a house that is routinely full of animal feces is incredibly unsanitary and bad for human health. It's also terrible for maintaining the property, and the longer messes get left, the more damage to the flooring results. Leaving messes for a few hours, or worse, a *whole day* is really not acceptable practice!
posted by sciatrix at 11:15 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
For another thing, living in a house that is routinely full of animal feces is incredibly unsanitary and bad for human health. It's also terrible for maintaining the property, and the longer messes get left, the more damage to the flooring results. Leaving messes for a few hours, or worse, a *whole day* is really not acceptable practice!
posted by sciatrix at 11:15 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Dogs shove other dogs as a matter of interaction. Puppies think absolutely nothing of another puppy walking over its head, or butting it out of the way - that is, they might try to shove back to get at something (a nipple), but they don't show aggression to each other.
But not just puppies. Open a gate a little bit on a group of dogs, and unless they've been very well trained, they'll all try to shove themselves to the front to get out first.
Saying "Excuse me" to a dog is the silliest thing ever. Dogs don't get it (unless specifically trained to a command or tone, of course). Dogs literally don't mind being shoved out of the way by anyone they consider their superior. Without exception, no dog I have ever shoved has shown me aggression because of it. Compare this with attempting to touch their heads, or enter their private yards, or withhold a treat teasingly - any of these can result in aggression!
Dogs don't care if you shove them, so long as they aren't hurt. It's dog for "Excuse me, but I go first."
posted by IAmBroom at 1:26 PM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
But not just puppies. Open a gate a little bit on a group of dogs, and unless they've been very well trained, they'll all try to shove themselves to the front to get out first.
Saying "Excuse me" to a dog is the silliest thing ever. Dogs don't get it (unless specifically trained to a command or tone, of course). Dogs literally don't mind being shoved out of the way by anyone they consider their superior. Without exception, no dog I have ever shoved has shown me aggression because of it. Compare this with attempting to touch their heads, or enter their private yards, or withhold a treat teasingly - any of these can result in aggression!
Dogs don't care if you shove them, so long as they aren't hurt. It's dog for "Excuse me, but I go first."
posted by IAmBroom at 1:26 PM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
You should refuse to be in anyone's house that has animal feces chillin on the floor, that is extremely disrespectful to you. And for up to a day? Seriously, WTF?
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:00 PM on January 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:00 PM on January 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
My dogs body check one another on the regular. Not to mention they are all about shoving my toddler any chance they get. It definitely doesn't hurt their feelings to be pushed around a little bit. If this bothers you, it bothers you, but it probably wouldn't bother me.
posted by town of cats at 3:37 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by town of cats at 3:37 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
With some animals, being rather brusque with them (including shoving) is sometimes the only way they "get" that you seriously need them to back off, get out of the way, etc. I've mostly owned cats more than dogs, but I've had a few pets who are so insistent about getting up in your face that even repeated gentle pushing away just doesn't really cut it. I'm sure to an outside observer it would probably look bad!
The not cleaning up thing is a little odd to me. Unless there's something seriously pressing, even poop in a litter box is not a "I'll clean it up whenever I get around to it" thing, it's a priority. And on the actual floor it's a minor household emergency! I'm not going to advise you to break up with the guy over it, but if moving in with him ever comes up I'd seriously question wanting to live in that environment without some changes.
posted by Kimmalah at 8:48 AM on January 8, 2015
The not cleaning up thing is a little odd to me. Unless there's something seriously pressing, even poop in a litter box is not a "I'll clean it up whenever I get around to it" thing, it's a priority. And on the actual floor it's a minor household emergency! I'm not going to advise you to break up with the guy over it, but if moving in with him ever comes up I'd seriously question wanting to live in that environment without some changes.
posted by Kimmalah at 8:48 AM on January 8, 2015
Kimmalah: The not cleaning up thing is a little odd to me. Unless there's something seriously pressing, even poop in a litter box is not a "I'll clean it up whenever I get around to it" thing, it's a priority. And on the actual floor it's a minor household emergency!I missed that part of the OP. Yeah, for anyone: feces allowed to stay on the floor seems indicative of serious issues. Sane, healthy people simply do not allow feces to accumulate on their own floors.
Manure in the barn, on your (still being worn) workclothes, caked and dried on your boots? Fact of life for farmers and horse owners. Poop inside the house is different.
posted by IAmBroom at 2:25 PM on January 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I guess I'm in the minority here but I don't think shoving a dog is great or normal, and I don't really get the need to illustrate exactly HOW violent one would be in order to save a child. I guess it's different for parents, but I only have dogs and I would never RUN OVER A DOG to save a baby, sorry. I have gently pushed my dogs out of the way before, but not in a manner that I'd call "shoving" and not in a way that would make you, a non-dog-owner, take notice. I think treating ALL living things, or at the very least mammals, with respect is a bare minimum to expect from a mate. If it made you uncomfortable, you're not wrong!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 4:18 PM on January 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by masquesoporfavor at 4:18 PM on January 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
« Older Struggling with myself, my feelings, and how to do... | Does this video actually exist? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
I've also been known to give my (much-loved, stupidly pampered) dog a gentle shove when she's licking too hard. The key word being 'gentle'.
The cleaning up poop thing - you mean inside the house? Cos that's just gross, more than anything.
Overall, none of these incidents sounds major to me. But it depends if he is generally rough with dogs/other animals animals. That would be a deal breaker for me.
posted by Salamander at 7:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]