What is "close to perfect" in a SO/relationship?

November 4, 2014 7:26 AM

I saw this quote today: "If he...makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says he's sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, works hard, attempts to understand you...then believe it or not, he's pretty close to perfect." Uhm...what? I'm not sure I like or believe this quote, but I think I am dealing with bitterness and am biased at the moment...what are your thoughts on this quote? I know nobody is "perfect", we are all imperfectly perfect, so maybe the question is better stated- what are the "Must have" traits you search for in a SO/relationship to really feel they are perfectly imperfect for you?

I don't know why but when I read that quote... I felt a sense of uneasiness, sadness, a pit in my stomach, a re-opened wound. Is it that maybe every girl wants a love like this? Someone to hold her, kiss her forhead, believe her, make an effort and say he's sorry? Is it because maybe on the surface I had all of that in my last significant relationship, everything I yearned for, I had it right there dangled in front of me for some time. But, it didn't last, I was made to believe it would last but deep down, past this surface of endearment and caring, there was inner turmoil, pain, hurt and resentment that his "I'm sorrys", his kisses, his efforts/attempts to recitfy the past and make me believe he is a better/changed man were nothing more than meaningless words and broken promises. I love reading inspirational quotes or lyrics, but this one struck a nerve with me. My last post kind of lays the foundation to where I am in my life after a seemlingly unhealthy/volitle relationship that I am still picking the pieces up from, and still working through what I hope are normal doubts, fears, regrets, desires, etc.

Does all of that really show that a man is "close to perfect"? Is that all it takes? Because I had all of that, and if I opened the door to him again today, I would have all of that- all of the I'm sorrys and I love yous, kisses...attempts to "understand" me. I am still moving forward, but all of his attempted contacts and the things he has said to me start this little voice in my head that says, what if...what if it is the struggles you go through in a relationship that make it so much stronger, and what if two people just met at the wrong times in their lives, but are right for each other.

posted by DMVgirl to Human Relations (3 answers total)

Those qualities seem like basically the bare minimum requirement of any relationship - friendship, family, or romantic (except maybe the forehead kisses). There are a lot of abusive partners out there that can do all these things one day when they are in the reconciliation part of the abuse cycle, and mean it 100%. Does that mean they're perfect? Obviously not. To me this quote is saying, "Settle on the bare minimum - you won't find anything better." Which can be actively dangerous for some relationships.

I think looking at "traits" as a means of deciding if someone is right for you is a bit superficial. For example, one "trait" I look for in a relationship is that the relationship is low in drama- but this isn't a trait inherent in me or my husband, but rather a combination of our personalities.
posted by muddgirl at 7:32 AM on November 4, 2014

Best answer: My dad always said, "Don't look for somebody that you have no problems with. Look for somebody you can solve problems with."

Perfection isn't something that one person exhibits. It's something that two people work toward, together.
posted by entropone at 7:32 AM on November 4, 2014 [5 favorites]

Where did you see that quote, on Pinterest? Your aunt's Facebook feed? I've got another quote for you: "If a dude makes you feel like garbage, who cares if he kisses your forehead?" - some chick on the internet, 2014

Don't build your life around unattributed quotations. It's junk food.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:32 AM on November 4, 2014 [8 favorites]