Being more confident and less nervous when speaking

September 18, 2014 11:47 AM

How can I be more confident when speaking in nervous situations? When I'm speaking to a friend, I'm fine and speak really well, deep voice, etc. But when I talk to a superior, like to a professor or mentor or an intense discussion group, my voice gets high-pitched and cracks and I don't speak well. How can I speak more confidently in these nervous situations?
posted by suburbs to Society & Culture (6 answers total)

Have you considered a local Toastmasters club? It's awkward and overly formal, and sometimes cheesy, yes, but having some regular practice scheduled really does make these situations less nervewracking over time. The program is as structured as you want it to be, and if it's pitch you are worried about, they have speech assignments specifically targeting things like vocal variety, tone, word choice, etc.

I have found it very helpful because signing up and paying dues held me accountable for attending meetings and actually practicing. You don't have to give speeches immediately, either, you can attend and perform functions like timekeeper or um/ah-counter, which only requires you to give a very short report at the end of the meeting. For me, even doing these brief "speaking in front of a group" exercises helped a lot with nerves and controlling my presentation and was a good warm-up for giving actual prepared talks.
posted by perryfugue at 12:14 PM on September 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

I find that if I proactively start a conversation or discussion, or initiate an interaction with a superior at work, I'm a lot less nervous. Doesn't hurt if they're sitting and I'm standing.

Also, just fake the confidence thing when discussing specific tasks, and definitely steer clear of emotional aspects, concerns/doubt, etc. In other words, don't say more than you need to say. This applies more to the workplace than to an educational setting.

Don't feel bad about consciously talking a bit more slowly. My boss also does this thing where he talks to us in a really low volume, to the point that we need to lean forward and completely focus just to hear what he's saying. It's annoying, but effective.

While I still do a lot of the things you mention, I've gotten a lot better as I've moved into middle age. Some of it is just the normal increase in confidence and competence, and awareness of other peoples' imperfection. A lot of it is realizing that I don't need to please other people all of the time, or prove myself in every interaction (not saying that's what you're doing, but it's been an issue for me).
posted by bennett being thrown at 12:20 PM on September 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

In group situations, can you find one or two friendly faces and focus on them, so it's like you're making the point to this person who is your friend? I find that can help me when speaking to a group.
posted by ldthomps at 12:40 PM on September 18, 2014

A regular public speaker I know recommends ldthomps tactic when speaking to massive groups especially. Guess you'd have to make it look like you weren't eyeballing them though!
posted by tanktop at 1:12 PM on September 18, 2014

Response by poster: Thank you guys - these are great ideas. I'm going to try the speaking to one/two people idea and seeing if there is a Toastmasters place around here. I definitely need to speak a bit slower too. Doubt is a big issue but hopefully that will work itself out as I speak more! Thanks!
posted by suburbs at 2:16 PM on September 18, 2014

I came here also to say Toastmasters. It's all about getting lots of practice. It's like de-sensitization training. The more you do it, the easier it gets, the more you can get a handle on your anxiety, and the better you get to know the little tricks and techniques that work for you in communicating more formally with others. Toastmasters is an easy way to get an audience of supportive strangers so you can practice in a safe environment. I joined for about a year earlier in my career, and it helped me immensely.
posted by amusebuche at 1:11 PM on September 19, 2014