My daughter appears to have zero athletic ability. What now?
September 17, 2014 8:20 PM
She's six, and is kind of timid. The other kids like her, but she daydreams when the coach is talking, and is noticeably less athletic than her teammates.
I was always terrible at team sports, but feel like I missed out on some personal development by not playing.
Should I keep her in soccer, or are there better things she could be doing?
My older daughter was just not good at soccer, and she didn't enjoy it. She did enjoy volleyball and basketball (even though she wasn't great at them). I think it's just her style. This year, she's doing dance at a local studio, which is completely thrilling her. (She's almost 11.)
Sometimes, you have to just keep trying new things until something clicks.
posted by heathrowga at 8:31 PM on September 17, 2014
Sometimes, you have to just keep trying new things until something clicks.
posted by heathrowga at 8:31 PM on September 17, 2014
I would keep looking for something that draws her in. My kiddo was like that in soccer, but is now taking 4 dance classes per week which she loves.
posted by H. Roark at 8:31 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by H. Roark at 8:31 PM on September 17, 2014
Keep her there for the rest of the season. I coached my daughter's and son's kindergarten soccer teams. There were a lot of kids picking daisies so to speak. Some of them turned out to be great athletes in high school, some were not, some turned out to be stoners and some turned out to be academically at the top of their class. I still marvel about it with my assistant coach from that team. While some six year olds can demonstrate athletic ability, not demonstrating it at that age is not indicative of not being athletic going forward.
Before signing her up again, ask her if she wants to play soccer or if she wants to do something else. She may surprise you. Certainly at that age, athletic ability should not be the determining factor on what is mostly an active social event. You have a couple of more years before it becomes more competitive.
I happen to think you are correct that team sports provide a lot of life lessons, growth opportunities and having to work with others. There will be other opportunities for that if soccer is not her thing.
One of my sons, although he plays on the lacrosse and football teams, is more of an outdoor adventure athlete. He rode his bike across country with a small group at the age of 16. He rafts, climbs rocks and camps. He is a great athlete in ways that traditional sports players are not. He gets a lot of the same life lessons on teamwork from working with smaller groups solving problems such as drafting order, climbing route, etc.
posted by 724A at 8:33 PM on September 17, 2014
Before signing her up again, ask her if she wants to play soccer or if she wants to do something else. She may surprise you. Certainly at that age, athletic ability should not be the determining factor on what is mostly an active social event. You have a couple of more years before it becomes more competitive.
I happen to think you are correct that team sports provide a lot of life lessons, growth opportunities and having to work with others. There will be other opportunities for that if soccer is not her thing.
One of my sons, although he plays on the lacrosse and football teams, is more of an outdoor adventure athlete. He rode his bike across country with a small group at the age of 16. He rafts, climbs rocks and camps. He is a great athlete in ways that traditional sports players are not. He gets a lot of the same life lessons on teamwork from working with smaller groups solving problems such as drafting order, climbing route, etc.
posted by 724A at 8:33 PM on September 17, 2014
There are a myriad of other things she could be doing to personally develop. When I was that age, I remember having a hard time grasping the point of team sports while also trying to develop sport-specific skills. Maybe she could start with an individual sport, then try a team sport again with that under her belt?
posted by ignignokt at 8:34 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by ignignokt at 8:34 PM on September 17, 2014
Not good in team sports != no athletic ability.
What about individual sports? Running, swimming, biking, hiking, rowing, skiing, gymnastics, archery, diving, climbing, skating, just to name a few!
I always hated team sports and was terrible at them. Once I discovered my body's ability to out-perform others at aerobic activities I was hooked and it's been a lifelong love for me. I wish my parents would have loved it along with me.
Take your daughter for a bike ride, a canoe trip or a winter skate. Enjoy the air, the scenery, the sounds. She'll love being with you and getting fit at the same time.
posted by talkingmuffin at 8:39 PM on September 17, 2014
What about individual sports? Running, swimming, biking, hiking, rowing, skiing, gymnastics, archery, diving, climbing, skating, just to name a few!
I always hated team sports and was terrible at them. Once I discovered my body's ability to out-perform others at aerobic activities I was hooked and it's been a lifelong love for me. I wish my parents would have loved it along with me.
Take your daughter for a bike ride, a canoe trip or a winter skate. Enjoy the air, the scenery, the sounds. She'll love being with you and getting fit at the same time.
posted by talkingmuffin at 8:39 PM on September 17, 2014
Find her something else to do. Individual sports, or dance, or just some other hobby.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:42 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:42 PM on September 17, 2014
She's six! If she's having fun, let her keep doing it. If she's not enjoying it, let her pick up something else next year.
posted by J. Wilson at 8:44 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by J. Wilson at 8:44 PM on September 17, 2014
Ask her.
My Dad always assumed that I didn't like sports because I wasn't good at them. In reality, I wasn't good at sports because I didn't like them.
However, you can like things you're not good at, and you can be good at things you don't like.
posted by xingcat at 8:46 PM on September 17, 2014
My Dad always assumed that I didn't like sports because I wasn't good at them. In reality, I wasn't good at sports because I didn't like them.
However, you can like things you're not good at, and you can be good at things you don't like.
posted by xingcat at 8:46 PM on September 17, 2014
Martial arts might appeal to a kid who doesn't "get" team sports.
posted by matildaben at 8:47 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by matildaben at 8:47 PM on September 17, 2014
Ask her.
And honestly, you don't have to do team sports to learn team activities. School plays and performances are another way to learn to work as a team. Scouting, church activities (if that's your thing), volunteering in the community (to paint or build things) -- all good ways, too.
My parents were wonderful athletes, but I missed that gene. I was never pressured to do team sports, and I think that if I had, it would have backfired in a big way. I liked camping and wandering through the woods and anything with boats!
Don't make your kid do something you feel you missed out on if it's not her thing.
posted by mochapickle at 8:54 PM on September 17, 2014
And honestly, you don't have to do team sports to learn team activities. School plays and performances are another way to learn to work as a team. Scouting, church activities (if that's your thing), volunteering in the community (to paint or build things) -- all good ways, too.
My parents were wonderful athletes, but I missed that gene. I was never pressured to do team sports, and I think that if I had, it would have backfired in a big way. I liked camping and wandering through the woods and anything with boats!
Don't make your kid do something you feel you missed out on if it's not her thing.
posted by mochapickle at 8:54 PM on September 17, 2014
daydreams when the coach is talking
If she's having fun, no problem. If you want to wait a year for growing up to help with focus, also no problem. Also, practice time is often indistinguishable from innate ability.
posted by sninctown at 8:56 PM on September 17, 2014
If she's having fun, no problem. If you want to wait a year for growing up to help with focus, also no problem. Also, practice time is often indistinguishable from innate ability.
posted by sninctown at 8:56 PM on September 17, 2014
I was so incredibly bored by team sports that I took a mighty blow to the face from a so-called softball. Not just once. I think your daughter is thinking about something else because she is bored. Find something else. Put her on a horse. Nobody spaces out on a horse.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 8:59 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by Mr. Yuck at 8:59 PM on September 17, 2014
I don't see any reason to make her participate in team sports if she doesn't like them. I was like your daughter. I just didn't care to compete with others or care about winning. Team sports were a drudgery for me. I enjoyed individual sports because I could challenge myself. I especially liked horse back riding and swimming. Perhaps teams sports aren't her thing and that's OK. I turned out fine. To this day, I don't understand why anyone wants to play team sports or cares which team wins. I feel like I am successful in life anyway.
posted by parakeetdog at 8:59 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by parakeetdog at 8:59 PM on September 17, 2014
I absolutely HATED team sports at that age and instead did dance and gymnastics until I was old enough to realize that team sports means you get to hit people with sticks and not get in trouble.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:02 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by poffin boffin at 9:02 PM on September 17, 2014
she daydreams when the coach is talking, and is noticeably less athletic than her teammates
There's nothing actually wrong with either of those. If she enjoys soccer let her keep on with soccer, if she hates it after giving it a try a few times let her try something else.
Make sure she has properly fitting shoes, shoes that are too loose, tight, wide, or narrow will make her seem less athletic. Another reason she might seem less athletic than her teammates could be that the other parents have done team sports and have practiced sports skills with their kids since they were three.
Don't label her as "less athletic" just because she's not good with team sports, or with ball sports. She might be great at rockclimbing, or hiking, or something else that she could be discoraged from trying because she thinks "Oh, I'm not athletic".
Having some sort of movement activity where she can learn different movement based skills is very helpful in the long run. It doesn't even have to be a "sport".
posted by yohko at 9:06 PM on September 17, 2014
There's nothing actually wrong with either of those. If she enjoys soccer let her keep on with soccer, if she hates it after giving it a try a few times let her try something else.
Make sure she has properly fitting shoes, shoes that are too loose, tight, wide, or narrow will make her seem less athletic. Another reason she might seem less athletic than her teammates could be that the other parents have done team sports and have practiced sports skills with their kids since they were three.
Don't label her as "less athletic" just because she's not good with team sports, or with ball sports. She might be great at rockclimbing, or hiking, or something else that she could be discoraged from trying because she thinks "Oh, I'm not athletic".
Having some sort of movement activity where she can learn different movement based skills is very helpful in the long run. It doesn't even have to be a "sport".
posted by yohko at 9:06 PM on September 17, 2014
My kid never got into team sports (hates rules, teams, being told what to do, vigorous aerobic exercise, etc). There were a few points when I tried to push stuff like that on her and it never worked or helped.
Now, after a really awesome circus camp, she's super into riding unicycle. It's great - improving her balance and coordination and her aerobic capacity (none of which she has much "natural" affinity for but all of which can be developed with motivation and practice), can be done solo or in groups, super fun for her and much more attuned to her personality than softball is.
Who cares if your kid is into team sports right now? It's a long life and a big world with plenty of time to try a million things and no need to rule out anything or decide that she has zero ability.
posted by latkes at 9:20 PM on September 17, 2014
Now, after a really awesome circus camp, she's super into riding unicycle. It's great - improving her balance and coordination and her aerobic capacity (none of which she has much "natural" affinity for but all of which can be developed with motivation and practice), can be done solo or in groups, super fun for her and much more attuned to her personality than softball is.
Who cares if your kid is into team sports right now? It's a long life and a big world with plenty of time to try a million things and no need to rule out anything or decide that she has zero ability.
posted by latkes at 9:20 PM on September 17, 2014
Six is a little young to be worrying too much about it. The most important thing is to foster physical activity and physical play. This could mean taking her to the park and kicking a soccer ball with her, or going on the monkey bars.
posted by Nevin at 9:20 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by Nevin at 9:20 PM on September 17, 2014
Should I keep her in soccer, or are there better things she could be doing
This is a thorny question that is so full of unknowable unknowns.
My parents made me tough it out in hockey after I had been to a few practices and I decided I hated it. They dragged me to more than a few practices crying and screaming. Not my best moments.
And... they were right. Once I got over the skating and stick handling curve, I love, love loved it and it really was a positive influence on me growing up. I'm really glad (now) that they did that.
That being said, I can totally see how that approach on a different kid would lead to trauma and therapy.
I'm not trying to offer a non-answer. You know your kid and your life best. In your shoes, I think if you keep at it for a season or two and see how it develops, you won't do any serious damage. If after a good solid try it seems to be not for her, then try something new.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:22 PM on September 17, 2014
This is a thorny question that is so full of unknowable unknowns.
My parents made me tough it out in hockey after I had been to a few practices and I decided I hated it. They dragged me to more than a few practices crying and screaming. Not my best moments.
And... they were right. Once I got over the skating and stick handling curve, I love, love loved it and it really was a positive influence on me growing up. I'm really glad (now) that they did that.
That being said, I can totally see how that approach on a different kid would lead to trauma and therapy.
I'm not trying to offer a non-answer. You know your kid and your life best. In your shoes, I think if you keep at it for a season or two and see how it develops, you won't do any serious damage. If after a good solid try it seems to be not for her, then try something new.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:22 PM on September 17, 2014
I would ask her and see if she's having fun. If she's not, maybe look into more individual sports.
My two cents: I was someone with no athletic ability, no proprioception, no coordination or reflexes whatsoever. I was on all sorts of team sports as well as swimming and triathlons later on. I was pretty terrible at everything and none of them really improved my coordination, body awareness, or whatever because I needed more remedial and one-on-one work than coaches could give me.
I dearly wish my parents had put me in dance, gymnastics, or a more complicated, free-form martial art like capoeria* that would've taught me awareness of my own body and how to move. I didn't start enjoying sports until I got into lifting at an older age, and there is an obvious difference between people who received that kind of instruction and those who didn't. Those classes can be really fun and great for teaching confidence, and even if she doesn't stick with it she'll benefit from it in whatever she pursues later.
*the rigidity of karate and tae kwon do did diddly-squat for my older brother's also non-existent athletic abilities
posted by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on September 17, 2014
My two cents: I was someone with no athletic ability, no proprioception, no coordination or reflexes whatsoever. I was on all sorts of team sports as well as swimming and triathlons later on. I was pretty terrible at everything and none of them really improved my coordination, body awareness, or whatever because I needed more remedial and one-on-one work than coaches could give me.
I dearly wish my parents had put me in dance, gymnastics, or a more complicated, free-form martial art like capoeria* that would've taught me awareness of my own body and how to move. I didn't start enjoying sports until I got into lifting at an older age, and there is an obvious difference between people who received that kind of instruction and those who didn't. Those classes can be really fun and great for teaching confidence, and even if she doesn't stick with it she'll benefit from it in whatever she pursues later.
*the rigidity of karate and tae kwon do did diddly-squat for my older brother's also non-existent athletic abilities
posted by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on September 17, 2014
Girls on the Run might be something to try (running for girls, but I think it starts at age 8).
4-H? Girl Scouts? Pony Club? My mom put me in 4-H (I had a pony) when I was little because I put my tiny foot down about No Uniforms. 4-H is more than farming and horses. There are almost limitless things to do in 4-H now, and if she likes animals, that's the place to go.
Gymnastics? Dance? Rock climbing? Music? Chess? Yoga? Swimming? Ask her what sounds like fun.
When I was 6, I was already avoiding other people because they exhausted me, especially after being in school for hours already. A sport or club every single day was just too much. 4-H, once a week, was fine. If she appears to be an introvert, get yourself a copy of the book Quiet by Susan Cain.
posted by AllieTessKipp at 9:27 PM on September 17, 2014
4-H? Girl Scouts? Pony Club? My mom put me in 4-H (I had a pony) when I was little because I put my tiny foot down about No Uniforms. 4-H is more than farming and horses. There are almost limitless things to do in 4-H now, and if she likes animals, that's the place to go.
Gymnastics? Dance? Rock climbing? Music? Chess? Yoga? Swimming? Ask her what sounds like fun.
When I was 6, I was already avoiding other people because they exhausted me, especially after being in school for hours already. A sport or club every single day was just too much. 4-H, once a week, was fine. If she appears to be an introvert, get yourself a copy of the book Quiet by Susan Cain.
posted by AllieTessKipp at 9:27 PM on September 17, 2014
Hi there, I'm your daughter!
A lot to unpack here.
1. Daydreaming instead of listening to the coach is par for the course at six. At the age your daughter is at, organized team sports are really just starting to be cognitively possible. Let her get out of this stuff what she wants to/is able to, and don't worry so much about the rest.
2. If she is having fun doing soccer, yes, of course keep her in soccer. Six is way too young to decide that a kid is "bad at" a given activity and permanently pull them away from it. Especially mid-season, if she is expressing interest in sticking with it. If it's a battle to get her to go to practice and she's obviously miserable, that's a different situation, but nobody is actually good at much of anything at age six.
3. Along those lines, I would be wary of pigeonholing her too much so young. My parents had a bad habit of deciding what my siblings and I were and weren't good at when we were basically toddlers, and I notice that all of us have similar problems with challenging ourselves to practice new skills, branching out of our comfort zones, and giving ourselves permission to just do something because we enjoy it.
4. It's OK if she's not athletic. It's also OK if she is athletic. Since it's unlikely that any of the kids on this soccer team are going to grow up to be professional footballers, it's hard to really attach any meaning to notions of which kids are "more athletic" and whether that's a good thing.
5. I was on a soccer team at age six, and honestly I couldn't tell you who was even scoring goals or if we even kept score or what happened to those goal-scoring kids later in life. It was really all about the orange slices at half time.
posted by Sara C. at 9:35 PM on September 17, 2014
A lot to unpack here.
1. Daydreaming instead of listening to the coach is par for the course at six. At the age your daughter is at, organized team sports are really just starting to be cognitively possible. Let her get out of this stuff what she wants to/is able to, and don't worry so much about the rest.
2. If she is having fun doing soccer, yes, of course keep her in soccer. Six is way too young to decide that a kid is "bad at" a given activity and permanently pull them away from it. Especially mid-season, if she is expressing interest in sticking with it. If it's a battle to get her to go to practice and she's obviously miserable, that's a different situation, but nobody is actually good at much of anything at age six.
3. Along those lines, I would be wary of pigeonholing her too much so young. My parents had a bad habit of deciding what my siblings and I were and weren't good at when we were basically toddlers, and I notice that all of us have similar problems with challenging ourselves to practice new skills, branching out of our comfort zones, and giving ourselves permission to just do something because we enjoy it.
4. It's OK if she's not athletic. It's also OK if she is athletic. Since it's unlikely that any of the kids on this soccer team are going to grow up to be professional footballers, it's hard to really attach any meaning to notions of which kids are "more athletic" and whether that's a good thing.
5. I was on a soccer team at age six, and honestly I couldn't tell you who was even scoring goals or if we even kept score or what happened to those goal-scoring kids later in life. It was really all about the orange slices at half time.
posted by Sara C. at 9:35 PM on September 17, 2014
Sorry for the double post, but it turns out I'm not done.
Even though I wasn't very athletic, never paid attention to the coach when I was on a soccer team at age six, etc. it was really important that I have the experience of being on a team and in general just participating in an organized physical activity. A year or two later I joined the swim team, and I took to it right away (a little bit like what heathrowga describes). I think I needed the previous experience of team sports to sort of teach me what was expected of participants in a physical pastime, even if in quantifiable terms my experience as a six year old soccer player was a failure.
posted by Sara C. at 9:39 PM on September 17, 2014
Even though I wasn't very athletic, never paid attention to the coach when I was on a soccer team at age six, etc. it was really important that I have the experience of being on a team and in general just participating in an organized physical activity. A year or two later I joined the swim team, and I took to it right away (a little bit like what heathrowga describes). I think I needed the previous experience of team sports to sort of teach me what was expected of participants in a physical pastime, even if in quantifiable terms my experience as a six year old soccer player was a failure.
posted by Sara C. at 9:39 PM on September 17, 2014
Nthing to ask your daughter if she likes it and enjoys it. If she does, great. Try not to worry so much about whether she's good at it. If she doesn't, don't force her. Ask if there are other things she'd like to try.
I feel like I must offer a counterpoint to the many people talking about how much they got out of team sports. Some of us just aren't good at them, and even though could get better with patience and practice, you may have noticed that other children are not necessarily the best at being patient with and supportive of their less-skilled teammates. As a counter-point to all the useful things that can be developed with team sports, there are some pretty crappy things that you can experience when you are not good at them. Being ostracised, teased or bullied by classmates, for example. Even just the shame of being picked last because everyone knows how badly you suck - yeah, those are humiliating lessons to learn and don't provide a lot of incentive to continue with team sports.
My parents didn't force me to play anything but of course PE was mandatory all throughout my school years. It was hell. I have no idea what the school system is like where you are, but if it's similar, she will encounter team sports anyway. Give her the choice as to what she'd like to do in her free time. If it's a team sport, fantastic. If it's some other kind of physical activity, also great. If it's reading a book (my preferred activity growing up), this too is just fine.
posted by Athanassiel at 9:48 PM on September 17, 2014
I feel like I must offer a counterpoint to the many people talking about how much they got out of team sports. Some of us just aren't good at them, and even though could get better with patience and practice, you may have noticed that other children are not necessarily the best at being patient with and supportive of their less-skilled teammates. As a counter-point to all the useful things that can be developed with team sports, there are some pretty crappy things that you can experience when you are not good at them. Being ostracised, teased or bullied by classmates, for example. Even just the shame of being picked last because everyone knows how badly you suck - yeah, those are humiliating lessons to learn and don't provide a lot of incentive to continue with team sports.
My parents didn't force me to play anything but of course PE was mandatory all throughout my school years. It was hell. I have no idea what the school system is like where you are, but if it's similar, she will encounter team sports anyway. Give her the choice as to what she'd like to do in her free time. If it's a team sport, fantastic. If it's some other kind of physical activity, also great. If it's reading a book (my preferred activity growing up), this too is just fine.
posted by Athanassiel at 9:48 PM on September 17, 2014
Exercise used to be something you did for fun. How about you two play? Frisbee maybe?
posted by vapidave at 9:51 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by vapidave at 9:51 PM on September 17, 2014
Oh, incidentally I did really like volleyball and was on the volleyball team for a while. I'm not sure I was much good at it, but I had fun. And still sucked mightily at pretty much everything else, and still loathed PE with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. Forced activity = misery. Freely-chosen activity = fun.
posted by Athanassiel at 9:51 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by Athanassiel at 9:51 PM on September 17, 2014
My sister started playing soccer at 6 or 7, and she was .... not good. She daydreamed and skipped instead of sprinting all over the field. But she liked it, and kept playing, and in the next year or so got lots better. And kept getting better, until she played Varsity soccer as a high school freshman and considered playing soccer in college. I don't know that your daughter will get much better, but I agree with others that it should depend more on if she likes it, or if she'd rather do something else, because 6 is very young to decide if someone is good at something.
posted by Caz721 at 9:56 PM on September 17, 2014
posted by Caz721 at 9:56 PM on September 17, 2014
You can get the same emotional and mental benefits from team sports as you can with other structured group activities like Girl Guides, or children's theatre and choir. Sports are great, but not the only way to get competitive and co-operative benefits.
It is good for her to be physically active separately, but you can do that through dance or solitary athletics (swimming and running can be team training later on, even though they're individual events) and so on.
Be careful about projecting adult wishes onto her. I did not much enjoy dance class as a child, and in hindsight, I should have pushed one kid further and not let her give up so easily, while we let another kid's obvious ability that his coach liked keep him in a sport he wasn't enjoying for too long. You have to find something they enjoy overall, not just for a few weeks. I'd give six months trial minimum as long as they aren't crying about going to practice, and I would not give a toss about actual ability at all until they're closer to teenage years.
posted by viggorlijah at 10:27 PM on September 17, 2014
It is good for her to be physically active separately, but you can do that through dance or solitary athletics (swimming and running can be team training later on, even though they're individual events) and so on.
Be careful about projecting adult wishes onto her. I did not much enjoy dance class as a child, and in hindsight, I should have pushed one kid further and not let her give up so easily, while we let another kid's obvious ability that his coach liked keep him in a sport he wasn't enjoying for too long. You have to find something they enjoy overall, not just for a few weeks. I'd give six months trial minimum as long as they aren't crying about going to practice, and I would not give a toss about actual ability at all until they're closer to teenage years.
posted by viggorlijah at 10:27 PM on September 17, 2014
I have a poor memory of my childhood, but when I was maybe a couple years older than your daughter, my parents made me play on a soccer team. I was unathletic, a sissy, and it made me miserable. On the field I did as little soccer-playing as possible, avoiding any contact with the ball. A few years ago I asked my mom why she made me do it, and she said something along the lines of she and my father thought I had to do something. Well, all it made me do is resent sports, and feel like there was something wrong with me because I didn't like them. It was until I was in high school and took weight training on a whim and loved it that I realized that I didn't dislike athletics, just soccer (and team sports in general). I'm not saying that's what your daughter is going through, but there's only one way to find out.
posted by catwash at 12:10 AM on September 18, 2014
posted by catwash at 12:10 AM on September 18, 2014
Slightly different tack, but I was empathic enough as a child that I would throw games because I couldn't hack beating people. Then feel bad because my team lost. Then hate myself because I was so bad at everything. A non-competitive sport would have been great for me (as above, lifting has been fantastic, above and beyond everything). It's hard because almost all sport for kids is in some way competitive - there are teams and levels and winners and scores. And I just couldn't deal. Hell, I can't deal with it now.
So I really wish there had been a way for me to do something like swimming, or yoga, or anything athletic as a child that was anti-competitive. As it was I hit puberty early and hard so sports quickly went from bad to worse, and swimming was off the cards entirely, but something would have been good.
posted by geek anachronism at 12:59 AM on September 18, 2014
So I really wish there had been a way for me to do something like swimming, or yoga, or anything athletic as a child that was anti-competitive. As it was I hit puberty early and hard so sports quickly went from bad to worse, and swimming was off the cards entirely, but something would have been good.
posted by geek anachronism at 12:59 AM on September 18, 2014
Soccer coach here...at six years old, she shouldn't have time for daydreaming in soccer. With the little kids at our club, they have a ball at their feet all the time, running around, playing games, trying things out. She's not going to be a Christine Sinclair right out of the box, but good coaches of young kids will not be explaining a whole lot to the kids...touches are what matter. The most fun we have in our U7 practices is when they are all scrimmaging and there are three balls out there and tiny little nets. Keeps them from clumping up, and there's always something happening.
Just giving that perspective, as her interest in soccer may be compromised by the fact that her coach just might not be very good. Finding good parents to coach little kids well is hard for most clubs.
And FWIW, my son was a slow, moaning, uncoordinated dough ball at that age, but he loved playing. Eight years later he's a strapping fit 14 year-old play-making centre midfielder with exquisite vision and a deep passion for the game. If she's into it, keep going, and see if you can't kick a ball around with her too. The more she plays, the better she'll get, and the more fun she'll have. If she really doesn't like it, stop and do something she does like.
(Emphasis on PLAY. PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY. There is no "practice" at age six.)
posted by salishsea at 1:22 AM on September 18, 2014
Just giving that perspective, as her interest in soccer may be compromised by the fact that her coach just might not be very good. Finding good parents to coach little kids well is hard for most clubs.
And FWIW, my son was a slow, moaning, uncoordinated dough ball at that age, but he loved playing. Eight years later he's a strapping fit 14 year-old play-making centre midfielder with exquisite vision and a deep passion for the game. If she's into it, keep going, and see if you can't kick a ball around with her too. The more she plays, the better she'll get, and the more fun she'll have. If she really doesn't like it, stop and do something she does like.
(Emphasis on PLAY. PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY. There is no "practice" at age six.)
posted by salishsea at 1:22 AM on September 18, 2014
Talk to your kid about it and ask her what she wants to do. If she likes it enough to keep on doing it, great. Let her keep doing it. BUT, if she does not like it and would rather be doing something else, let her quit and try something else. Let her drive the decision, while helping her walk through the steps to make the right decision for her.
I tried basketball on a whim when I was around 10. I was spectacularly bad at it, but more importantly, I ended up quickly hate, hate, hating it with the proverbial passion of a thousand suns. I wanted to bail as quickly as possible and give figure skating a try, but nope, my parents forced me to stick out the season to "build character" and "not be a quitter". My teammates resented me for holding them back (I was that bad at it) and didn't understand why I would not quit. Add a couple of bad coaches into the mix, and it was just awful from all sides.
That was not only awful and unproductive, it made me risk averse, which is a lesson you don't want to teach your kid in this way. I refused to try another team sport while I was growing up because I didn't want to get stuck like that again.
And figure skating? LOVED IT! There are all sorts of ways to stay fit that do not involve team sports. For example, aerobics, running, walking, jogging, weight training, yoga, martial arts, cycling, golf, dance, etc. I wouldn't restrict kids to thinking that being fit or athletic is just about team sports, if that's not their thing.
posted by jazzbaby at 4:56 AM on September 18, 2014
I tried basketball on a whim when I was around 10. I was spectacularly bad at it, but more importantly, I ended up quickly hate, hate, hating it with the proverbial passion of a thousand suns. I wanted to bail as quickly as possible and give figure skating a try, but nope, my parents forced me to stick out the season to "build character" and "not be a quitter". My teammates resented me for holding them back (I was that bad at it) and didn't understand why I would not quit. Add a couple of bad coaches into the mix, and it was just awful from all sides.
That was not only awful and unproductive, it made me risk averse, which is a lesson you don't want to teach your kid in this way. I refused to try another team sport while I was growing up because I didn't want to get stuck like that again.
And figure skating? LOVED IT! There are all sorts of ways to stay fit that do not involve team sports. For example, aerobics, running, walking, jogging, weight training, yoga, martial arts, cycling, golf, dance, etc. I wouldn't restrict kids to thinking that being fit or athletic is just about team sports, if that's not their thing.
posted by jazzbaby at 4:56 AM on September 18, 2014
As someone who coached six year olds in baseball - daydreaming while the coach is talking, along with picking dandelions in the outfield while the ball rolls by you, or playing in the dirt instead of fielding the ball in the infield are are all pretty much normal behavior. I don't think there is any correlation between them and actual enjoyment of a sport. They simply don't have the attention span at that age to concentrate for more than 10 minutes without getting bored.
posted by COD at 5:37 AM on September 18, 2014
posted by COD at 5:37 AM on September 18, 2014
How is she musically? I was not allowed to play sports growing up but I did have my team- both concert and marching band, as well as Explorer scouts. Playing sports isn't the only way to be on a team.
posted by myselfasme at 5:43 AM on September 18, 2014
posted by myselfasme at 5:43 AM on September 18, 2014
I was always terrible at team sports, but feel like I missed out on some personal development by not playing.
Me too! Also, it would be nice to be able to play sports casually as an adult without horribly embarrassing myself.
But I don't think this is one of those things where if you force them to stick with it, they'll thank you later. I think you only achieve the personal development if you're personally committed to the team or the sport. I played soccer for about five years as a kid and didn't get any of those great team-player skills out of it because I hated it.
So, you and I, and possibly your daughter if she decides she's not into team sports, will have to build our character some other way. (But keep in mind that there is plenty of time for her to get into team sports, and as she gets older peer pressure will play a greater role in encouraging her to try things she may not be otherwise interested in.)
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:55 AM on September 18, 2014
Me too! Also, it would be nice to be able to play sports casually as an adult without horribly embarrassing myself.
But I don't think this is one of those things where if you force them to stick with it, they'll thank you later. I think you only achieve the personal development if you're personally committed to the team or the sport. I played soccer for about five years as a kid and didn't get any of those great team-player skills out of it because I hated it.
So, you and I, and possibly your daughter if she decides she's not into team sports, will have to build our character some other way. (But keep in mind that there is plenty of time for her to get into team sports, and as she gets older peer pressure will play a greater role in encouraging her to try things she may not be otherwise interested in.)
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:55 AM on September 18, 2014
I thought I was not athletic as a kid because I did not like team sports- I just wasn't interested in team competition and speed.
But I loved dance class and found I was quite coordinated. I wasn't able to continue them for long as a kid, but As an adult I became quite passionate about yoga and dance and discovered I actually have quite a bit of skill in those areas. I wish I had done more with it as a kid but I am grateful to be involved with these pursuits now. I also like swimming- was on a team as a kid and didn't like it, but I love swimming laps alone and do it frequently.
So just echoing others that athletic ability is often separate from team spirit, especially for us daydreaming types :). So you might want to try to find out where her interests lie.
posted by bearette at 6:01 AM on September 18, 2014
But I loved dance class and found I was quite coordinated. I wasn't able to continue them for long as a kid, but As an adult I became quite passionate about yoga and dance and discovered I actually have quite a bit of skill in those areas. I wish I had done more with it as a kid but I am grateful to be involved with these pursuits now. I also like swimming- was on a team as a kid and didn't like it, but I love swimming laps alone and do it frequently.
So just echoing others that athletic ability is often separate from team spirit, especially for us daydreaming types :). So you might want to try to find out where her interests lie.
posted by bearette at 6:01 AM on September 18, 2014
Just to chip in that I daydreamed the whole time at swimming (loved it), was incredibly naughty at Brownies (loved it), and was just rubbish at gymnastics, ballet and piano (loved them). I also really loved Sunday school, despite being a strident atheist even at the time, because we did colouring and art and I was with all my friends. My parents thought that was super-weird but let me go anyway. I did hate netball and choir with a passion though, and would have dropped them on the spot if I'd been allowed. I wasn't allowed, and it didn't do me any major harm.
I would only pull her from soccer if she says she hates it, and there's something else she wants to do instead that she can't do as well. It's good for her to have structured social activities outside of going to school.
posted by tinkletown at 6:02 AM on September 18, 2014
I would only pull her from soccer if she says she hates it, and there's something else she wants to do instead that she can't do as well. It's good for her to have structured social activities outside of going to school.
posted by tinkletown at 6:02 AM on September 18, 2014
Seriously? A six year old is not a star at one sport that she probably just started. I know your headline is a joke, but family tropes ("Susy is the one with zero athletic ability, haha.") can be really limiting. Give her a break. :) [Also, soccer is boring.]
The way to cultivate athletic ability is to make physical activity a normal thing throughout her life. Go for a hike and take her with you. Go for a bike ride and take her with you. Play catch with her, and throw it just hard enough and far enough that she only catches it only 50% of the time. Play tennis with your spouse on the weekend and bring her along, and then throw balls at her while she swings the racket (and get her lessons in a year or two). Play frisbee and volleyball and basketball as a family.
My favorite kid sports were: dance (tap and jazz), gymnastics (it's kind of silly when you're so little but SO fun), softball, and tennis. I didn't pursue anything except track after age 12, partially because my parents had this idea that I wasn't very athletic and therefore not worth cultivating (all my extra-currics were more academic/leadership/artsy). But now as an adult I surf and bike and run and rock climb and ski and do yoga. Let her try other things before ruling out her athletic ability!
posted by amaire at 6:57 AM on September 18, 2014
The way to cultivate athletic ability is to make physical activity a normal thing throughout her life. Go for a hike and take her with you. Go for a bike ride and take her with you. Play catch with her, and throw it just hard enough and far enough that she only catches it only 50% of the time. Play tennis with your spouse on the weekend and bring her along, and then throw balls at her while she swings the racket (and get her lessons in a year or two). Play frisbee and volleyball and basketball as a family.
My favorite kid sports were: dance (tap and jazz), gymnastics (it's kind of silly when you're so little but SO fun), softball, and tennis. I didn't pursue anything except track after age 12, partially because my parents had this idea that I wasn't very athletic and therefore not worth cultivating (all my extra-currics were more academic/leadership/artsy). But now as an adult I surf and bike and run and rock climb and ski and do yoga. Let her try other things before ruling out her athletic ability!
posted by amaire at 6:57 AM on September 18, 2014
"Nobody spaces out on a horse."
Ha! Better phrased as "it's a miracle that so many patient schoolmaster horses are forgiving" or possibly "following off a rotten little pony isn't bad because you're already close to the ground."
But my point is that you give no evidence for your daughter being "timid." Are you equating daydreaming or something less than both-barrels aggression as timidity?
Agree with everyone who says she's six. Finish the season and then think about what to do next.
If it matters - I was a gifted athlete in elementary school. Soccer, softball, tennis, etc. Hated it hated it hated it because team sports, and track for that matter, we're at odds with my only dream which was to be left alone.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:11 AM on September 18, 2014
Ha! Better phrased as "it's a miracle that so many patient schoolmaster horses are forgiving" or possibly "following off a rotten little pony isn't bad because you're already close to the ground."
But my point is that you give no evidence for your daughter being "timid." Are you equating daydreaming or something less than both-barrels aggression as timidity?
Agree with everyone who says she's six. Finish the season and then think about what to do next.
If it matters - I was a gifted athlete in elementary school. Soccer, softball, tennis, etc. Hated it hated it hated it because team sports, and track for that matter, we're at odds with my only dream which was to be left alone.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:11 AM on September 18, 2014
Other things that kids can do as part of a team and compete...
Build robots
Make music in a band
Act in plays
Dance in groups
Geocaching
There are lots of different avenues for her to get personal development and learn how to collaborate, show good sportsmanship, perform under pressure, fail then fail better, and develop physical and emotional confidence.
And six is a great age to explore lots of different things to find out what she both really likes and is really good at. Finish this season out and then try some new activities.
posted by brookeb at 7:49 AM on September 18, 2014
Build robots
Make music in a band
Act in plays
Dance in groups
Geocaching
There are lots of different avenues for her to get personal development and learn how to collaborate, show good sportsmanship, perform under pressure, fail then fail better, and develop physical and emotional confidence.
And six is a great age to explore lots of different things to find out what she both really likes and is really good at. Finish this season out and then try some new activities.
posted by brookeb at 7:49 AM on September 18, 2014
My kids played soccer from ages 7-ish to ... one seems definitely done at age 16 and the other might come back at least one more year (age 15 as of now). My kids have definitely excelled more at music than sports.
I think soccer is a good team sport for kids who are NOT stand-outs because there are fewer moments where everyone else stands there doing nothing while you succeed or fail. I found this aspect of teeball mortifying...
When they started, they were DEFINITELY picking daisies, but I'd say they were no worse than 50th percentile in that respect.
Keep in mind that at all levels of youth "take all comers" kinds of sports leagues there will never be more than 10% of the kids who are showing huge interest and talent. The rest are just kind of there, and if they're having fun and getting exercise and socializing that's perfectly fine.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:56 AM on September 18, 2014
I think soccer is a good team sport for kids who are NOT stand-outs because there are fewer moments where everyone else stands there doing nothing while you succeed or fail. I found this aspect of teeball mortifying...
When they started, they were DEFINITELY picking daisies, but I'd say they were no worse than 50th percentile in that respect.
Keep in mind that at all levels of youth "take all comers" kinds of sports leagues there will never be more than 10% of the kids who are showing huge interest and talent. The rest are just kind of there, and if they're having fun and getting exercise and socializing that's perfectly fine.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:56 AM on September 18, 2014
OH ALSO is this pee-wee soccer where no one really keeps score and everyone kind of wins and loses simultaneously? Or is this the sort of thing where the other parents and coaches are displaying aggro levels more worthy of world cup qualifying rounds? It is so important to find the right mix of teaching sportsmanship and teamwork plus understanding that pushing 6 year olds like pro ball players is a bad thing.
Anyway if she's enjoying it (and when you ask her this, try not to ask her in a leading sort of way where she'll give you the answer she thinks you want to hear, of course) then it won't be particularly harmful to let her continue. But if the coach or other parents are making her feel bad about her less than stellar ability then yeah, I would try to find her something else.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:44 AM on September 18, 2014
Anyway if she's enjoying it (and when you ask her this, try not to ask her in a leading sort of way where she'll give you the answer she thinks you want to hear, of course) then it won't be particularly harmful to let her continue. But if the coach or other parents are making her feel bad about her less than stellar ability then yeah, I would try to find her something else.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:44 AM on September 18, 2014
Athletic ability = physical competence. People are born with more or less of it, everybody gets better with practice. Unless she's not enjoying it, stay in soccer. It involves running and kicking a ball - good exercise and coordination practice. She'll make friends, get better at listening to the coach, and it helps build the habit of being physically active. Play soccer with her. You can use a softer ball if you like, but go outside and kick a ball with her. Play T-ball with her, and catch. If you tie a clothesline to a support, you can turn a rope and teach her to jump rope. I was the youngest of 5 and my parents didn't do any of this with me, and my siblings were busy with friends, so when I got to school I was bad at it, and hated it. If her parents do sports and activities with her, for fun, she'll enjoy it, gain skills, you'll all get exercise, family together time, everybody wins. Exercise promotes mental and physical health, and the habit of exercise is a gift that lasts a (longer) lifetime. There are so many ways to get exercise - one or more of them will be her cup of tea.
For any sport she's in, for any activity, it's like school. Is the teacher/ coach/ leader encouraging, fair, competent, etc.? I was in Girl Scouts up to Cadettes, where the leader was obsessed with etiquette and hygiene (what? No Camping?) and I really loved it and had great experiences and built skills. A+++, would participate again.
posted by theora55 at 9:01 AM on September 18, 2014
For any sport she's in, for any activity, it's like school. Is the teacher/ coach/ leader encouraging, fair, competent, etc.? I was in Girl Scouts up to Cadettes, where the leader was obsessed with etiquette and hygiene (what? No Camping?) and I really loved it and had great experiences and built skills. A+++, would participate again.
posted by theora55 at 9:01 AM on September 18, 2014
Nthing that you should keep her in it if she enjoys it, and take her out if she doesn't.
Also, athletic ability comes in all sorts of different types - I am a slow runner. Always have been, always will be - there have been times in my life when I've run 5x a week, and while I do improve, I'm still much, much slower than most. This leads me to HATE sports like soccor, which consist of a lot of running. However, I have good balance and coordination and I'm very strong - I really enjoy dance, pilates, and weightlifting.
posted by insectosaurus at 9:20 AM on September 18, 2014
Also, athletic ability comes in all sorts of different types - I am a slow runner. Always have been, always will be - there have been times in my life when I've run 5x a week, and while I do improve, I'm still much, much slower than most. This leads me to HATE sports like soccor, which consist of a lot of running. However, I have good balance and coordination and I'm very strong - I really enjoy dance, pilates, and weightlifting.
posted by insectosaurus at 9:20 AM on September 18, 2014
I played soccer at age 6. I was terrible to the point of absurdity. I sat down, picked grass, did skipping instead of running, and one time, punched a kid in the face. I neither liked it nor disliked it. I grew up to not like team sports or team anything (except trivia) but, like others above, got really into dance and did that until college. My parents took me out of soccer when I said "I don't want soccer anymore." Maybe let your daughter tell you what she wants to do, and then help her do it.
posted by millipede at 9:23 AM on September 18, 2014
posted by millipede at 9:23 AM on September 18, 2014
I played soccer as a 6-year-old (probably from ages 6 to 10?) and I was pretty terrible at it and I basically had zero feelings about it. Like, I didn't hate it. I didn't particularly enjoy it. It was a thing I did. It got me outside. It was fine. I played soccer in high school, too, and I LOATHED it.
I was also labelled the "unathletic" child, which was... maybe an exaggeration? I'm less athletic than my sister and I've never been a team sports kind of person and my hand-eye coordination is perhaps a bit lacking but as an adult I ride my bike everywhere, run the occasional 5K, undertake multi-day hiking adventures...
So, I wouldn't pull her unless it's a drain on your family's time or money, or if she really dislikes it. It gets her out, hanging out with other kids in a non-school environment. And doing something you're not naturally good at is not the end of the world. It's probably a good thing, especially at age six.
posted by mskyle at 9:57 AM on September 18, 2014
I was also labelled the "unathletic" child, which was... maybe an exaggeration? I'm less athletic than my sister and I've never been a team sports kind of person and my hand-eye coordination is perhaps a bit lacking but as an adult I ride my bike everywhere, run the occasional 5K, undertake multi-day hiking adventures...
So, I wouldn't pull her unless it's a drain on your family's time or money, or if she really dislikes it. It gets her out, hanging out with other kids in a non-school environment. And doing something you're not naturally good at is not the end of the world. It's probably a good thing, especially at age six.
posted by mskyle at 9:57 AM on September 18, 2014
My inability to see three-dimentionally made me pretty terrible at most team sports. My inability to properly sweat made being out in the sun dangerous for me. (being translucently white was also a good reason to stay out of the sun.)
What I loved as a kid was ice skating. I was good at it, I enjoyed it and I didn't get over-heated.
When I became an adult I learned ice hockey and joined a league. You see, a puck on ice is two dimentional, so...YAY!
Your kid can get physical activity in a number of ways. So don't fret too much over which ones she prefers.
So ask her now if she likes soccer. That ditzing thing they do...age normal. The coach is used to it. If she likes it, keep her in. If she doesn't find out WHY and target the next thing appropriately.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:30 AM on September 18, 2014
What I loved as a kid was ice skating. I was good at it, I enjoyed it and I didn't get over-heated.
When I became an adult I learned ice hockey and joined a league. You see, a puck on ice is two dimentional, so...YAY!
Your kid can get physical activity in a number of ways. So don't fret too much over which ones she prefers.
So ask her now if she likes soccer. That ditzing thing they do...age normal. The coach is used to it. If she likes it, keep her in. If she doesn't find out WHY and target the next thing appropriately.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:30 AM on September 18, 2014
I don't remember whose idea it was for me to play soccer, but I decided early on that I kind of hated it. I wound up playing for a few years because it Builds Character and I guess I failed to adequately communicate how much I really didn't like it. Meanwhile I quite enjoyed playing Frisbee with my best friend, riding my bike and hiking in Scouts, so it wasn't a "not athletic" thing. I just really couldn't get into the rah-rah team spirit mindset.
But to echo everyone else: your daughter is six! If she's having fun then she's getting something out of it even if she's not a star player. If she doesn't like team sports right now, look around for a good Girl Scout troop. Heck, look for a good Girl Scout troop either way!
posted by usonian at 12:08 PM on September 18, 2014
But to echo everyone else: your daughter is six! If she's having fun then she's getting something out of it even if she's not a star player. If she doesn't like team sports right now, look around for a good Girl Scout troop. Heck, look for a good Girl Scout troop either way!
posted by usonian at 12:08 PM on September 18, 2014
Don't push her to be in sports if she doesn't want to. I too have zero athletic ability, and some of my most miserable experiences were being forced to participate in sports I wasn't good at and didn't enjoy. I did enjoy things like swimming, dance, gymnastics, and martial arts, even when I wasn't particularly good. So I guess I'm not much for team sports. Why don't you offer her a wide variety of activities and let her choose? If she doesn't want to play soccer, don't make her. Of course, if she does and she's just not very good, let her continue. Just don't forget to stress in anything that the point is having fun and getting exercise, not winning, or even necessarily being good at it.
Some people are just not athletic, and are never going to be. Trying to force it just leads to misery and humiliation. Let her lead the way.
posted by catatethebird at 1:22 PM on September 18, 2014
Some people are just not athletic, and are never going to be. Trying to force it just leads to misery and humiliation. Let her lead the way.
posted by catatethebird at 1:22 PM on September 18, 2014
Keep in mind that there are different types of athletic ability. A kid who finds team sports uninteresting might really love solo sports. I was an undersized kid with bad eyesight and terrible hand-eye coordination, and I hated running, so most team sports were exercises in futility and misery for me. But I'm very thankful that my parents put me in dance and gymnastics, where I discovered that I had a different set of athletic talents: balance, flexibility, proprioception, and power.
For small kids, forming a habit of being active, being in tune with their bodies, and learning to use their bodies in different ways are the important parts of sports participation. I really cherish the knowledge that my body is capable of some pretty incredible things, and the knowledge of how to train my body to achieve those things. I understand there is a social aspect to team sports as well, but kids can develop social skills in other settings (scouts, choir, band, etc.) and even in sports like gymnastics and swimming, there is a lot of team camaraderie and friendship to be found.
As long as she's having fun, I wouldn't worry that she's wasting her time or potential. It's just play afterall.
posted by keep it under cover at 4:10 PM on September 18, 2014
For small kids, forming a habit of being active, being in tune with their bodies, and learning to use their bodies in different ways are the important parts of sports participation. I really cherish the knowledge that my body is capable of some pretty incredible things, and the knowledge of how to train my body to achieve those things. I understand there is a social aspect to team sports as well, but kids can develop social skills in other settings (scouts, choir, band, etc.) and even in sports like gymnastics and swimming, there is a lot of team camaraderie and friendship to be found.
As long as she's having fun, I wouldn't worry that she's wasting her time or potential. It's just play afterall.
posted by keep it under cover at 4:10 PM on September 18, 2014
We had lots of success putting our daughter in The Little Gym classes.
http://www.thelittlegym.com
They have a very positive attitude and gently push a child further than (s)he believes possible.
posted by hz37 at 2:19 PM on September 19, 2014
http://www.thelittlegym.com
They have a very positive attitude and gently push a child further than (s)he believes possible.
posted by hz37 at 2:19 PM on September 19, 2014
My totally up athletic daughter is a great ballroom dancer,,,,go figure. If nothing else take the child hiking and walking. It's a sport that can be enjoyed with you.
posted by OhSusannah at 4:08 AM on September 20, 2014
posted by OhSusannah at 4:08 AM on September 20, 2014
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posted by phoenixy at 8:24 PM on September 17, 2014