Talking about texts
May 28, 2014 5:29 AM Subscribe
So, been dating this woman for a little over 3 months. Things are going relatively well. She came on pretty strong in the beginning (breaking out the pet names early, using a lot of emoticons, and exclamation marks, being open with how much she liked me). All well and good enough.
However, in the last two weeks I sense I shift in our communication. She went out of town for a week, which turned into two weeks, to see her family. The first part of the week was normal enough - texts with smiley faces, "I miss you," "Kisses!", etc. The whole treacly shebang. Then in the second week of her absence things dropped off - no more excited goodnight texts (except for one night), no more I miss you, no more excitement in the texts. So she gets back and we spend the weekend together. It seems normal enough -- and then she goes back to her place Sunday night. Since then, I've texted Night, babe! or something similar and she'll answer, I'm not going to bed yet or k night. This shift in how she texts has confused me. Is it worth bringing up? More snowflake details inside.
As part of this last weekend, one night before we drift off to sleep she suddenly blurts out "So what's like your plan for marriage and kids? Do you even want that?" I was caught off guard by that but just answered that yeah, one day that would nice. She was like, one day? And I clarified that that just meant, sometime in the relatively near future - you know about a year or two of dating, an engagement, then marriage, then about two years and then kids. She didn't say anything after that so I rolled over and kissed her on the check and asked if there was anything else? She shrugged.
Anyway, she generally doesn't like to be asked questions about the relationship/dating (like I asked about being exclusive about a month in and she never gave a yes/no, just said she didn't have casual sex and was very loyal) and she's told me before that texting/communication is not as big of a deal with her as how she chooses to spend her time.
But I know that on Sunday night she texted about going to a bar on Tuesday but I was outside and only saw the text thirty minutes later and she had texted again "or not. nvmd." I answered and said I was outside but Tuesday was fine if she still wanted. She answered nah, don't worry about it, you're probably sick of seeing of me. I answered that she was telling lies. She made a little joke and said she was sleepy. I said good night and that I sort of missed her even though I'd seen her this weekend (a cheesy thing to say but whatevs). I got to bed an hour later.
I wake up the next day and she'd answered around 11, saying she hadn't gone to bed but now she was going to bed and that I must have been vomiting when I texted about missing her (she's joked in the past that I can't handle feelings well). I'm try not to think about the texting part of it, but this last two weeks have gotten me a little unsure. I would hate to ask her about it - I've just got a bad feeling about asking about texting. It just sounds like a bad question and that no good can come of it. But would anyone recommend it or just be able to give insight if they've been in a similar experience? Or maybe should it just be a general so how you think things are going?
oh, one other thing -- before she left town we hung out and she whispered that "I heart you." It once again caught me off guard - sneak attack phrase before falling asleep. I said it back and kissed her and cuddled. That same feeling carried over into the first week she was out of town but seems to have receded since then.
As part of this last weekend, one night before we drift off to sleep she suddenly blurts out "So what's like your plan for marriage and kids? Do you even want that?" I was caught off guard by that but just answered that yeah, one day that would nice. She was like, one day? And I clarified that that just meant, sometime in the relatively near future - you know about a year or two of dating, an engagement, then marriage, then about two years and then kids. She didn't say anything after that so I rolled over and kissed her on the check and asked if there was anything else? She shrugged.
Anyway, she generally doesn't like to be asked questions about the relationship/dating (like I asked about being exclusive about a month in and she never gave a yes/no, just said she didn't have casual sex and was very loyal) and she's told me before that texting/communication is not as big of a deal with her as how she chooses to spend her time.
But I know that on Sunday night she texted about going to a bar on Tuesday but I was outside and only saw the text thirty minutes later and she had texted again "or not. nvmd." I answered and said I was outside but Tuesday was fine if she still wanted. She answered nah, don't worry about it, you're probably sick of seeing of me. I answered that she was telling lies. She made a little joke and said she was sleepy. I said good night and that I sort of missed her even though I'd seen her this weekend (a cheesy thing to say but whatevs). I got to bed an hour later.
I wake up the next day and she'd answered around 11, saying she hadn't gone to bed but now she was going to bed and that I must have been vomiting when I texted about missing her (she's joked in the past that I can't handle feelings well). I'm try not to think about the texting part of it, but this last two weeks have gotten me a little unsure. I would hate to ask her about it - I've just got a bad feeling about asking about texting. It just sounds like a bad question and that no good can come of it. But would anyone recommend it or just be able to give insight if they've been in a similar experience? Or maybe should it just be a general so how you think things are going?
oh, one other thing -- before she left town we hung out and she whispered that "I heart you." It once again caught me off guard - sneak attack phrase before falling asleep. I said it back and kissed her and cuddled. That same feeling carried over into the first week she was out of town but seems to have receded since then.
This post was deleted for the following reason: As posted this is a little too close to "chatfilter" to work well here I'm afraid. I think it'd be fine if reposted with less of a blow-by-blow rundown of the texts and more on why you're asking / what you specifically need help with here. Contact us if you have any questions. -- goodnewsfortheinsane
It sounds like she was initially sending out a lot of positivity and wasn't getting any back so she stopped. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I think you guys have vastly different expectations, which means that texting instead of talking isn't going to work.
I said good night and that I sort of missed her even though I'd seen her this weekend (a cheesy thing to say but whatevs).
This isn't nearly cheesy enough.
posted by bleep at 5:38 AM on May 28, 2014
I said good night and that I sort of missed her even though I'd seen her this weekend (a cheesy thing to say but whatevs).
This isn't nearly cheesy enough.
posted by bleep at 5:38 AM on May 28, 2014
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posted by Mr. Justice at 5:36 AM on May 28, 2014 [1 favorite]