Help. I think I've lost my mind.
May 27, 2014 11:01 AM Subscribe
I'm losing/lost my mind to depression and PTSD, I'm being failed by the social safety net and I'm having extreme trouble engaging services and finding an advocate. I've lashed out at or driven away friends, I'm terrified to the point I've had a lot of trouble leaving my apartment and I'm due to be evicted any moment now. I'm really ashamed and disgusted with myself but I'm reaching out for help one last time.
I'm depressingly sober and I still can't think clearly. My apartment is a hovel of trash. I've tried getting help but the nearest appointment I could get for an NGO case manager was June 3rd.
I tried going back to work a few months ago and for a brief moment I was working really hard, and it all went to shit again. I lost a job I was really in love with and it's still hurting me.
I think I may have also really screwed up by not answering the door after 10 PM last night and the night before for what was probably my eviction summons being served.
I'm having constant ideations and anxiety so bad that I cracked a tooth clenching my jaw. I would have checked myself in by now even though I don't think that public/free hold and inpatient treatment is going to help stabilize things, if anything it seems like it will make it worse. I've been recommended *not* to do this if at all possible because the system is overwhelmed and overloaded.
Ironically I would probably get better help if I was addicted to meth or crack.
I'm falling through the cracks and I don't know what to do. I've been in slow crisis for two months now. My DSHS case is messed up, I've been to a number of different agencies and told very conflicting things. I'm absolutely terrified of going back to the DSHS because I've been verbally abuse by a particular worker at the front desk, and I'm being passed around by various advocacy agencies.
I really need someone to take over, but that's a lot to ask even of professional social workers.
I don't know what else to do. I've resisted asking for help because every time I do it seems to make things worse or I lose more friends. I'm having trouble fighting for myself. I wish I could vanish without a trace without hurting others, but that's not realistic. Simply writing this question and more or less abusing askmetafilter is such a huge effort it hurts. I don't have Facebook, and I don't know how else to reach out for help. I'm so fucked, and so tired, and nothing seems fixable from here.
I'm depressingly sober and I still can't think clearly. My apartment is a hovel of trash. I've tried getting help but the nearest appointment I could get for an NGO case manager was June 3rd.
I tried going back to work a few months ago and for a brief moment I was working really hard, and it all went to shit again. I lost a job I was really in love with and it's still hurting me.
I think I may have also really screwed up by not answering the door after 10 PM last night and the night before for what was probably my eviction summons being served.
I'm having constant ideations and anxiety so bad that I cracked a tooth clenching my jaw. I would have checked myself in by now even though I don't think that public/free hold and inpatient treatment is going to help stabilize things, if anything it seems like it will make it worse. I've been recommended *not* to do this if at all possible because the system is overwhelmed and overloaded.
Ironically I would probably get better help if I was addicted to meth or crack.
I'm falling through the cracks and I don't know what to do. I've been in slow crisis for two months now. My DSHS case is messed up, I've been to a number of different agencies and told very conflicting things. I'm absolutely terrified of going back to the DSHS because I've been verbally abuse by a particular worker at the front desk, and I'm being passed around by various advocacy agencies.
I really need someone to take over, but that's a lot to ask even of professional social workers.
I don't know what else to do. I've resisted asking for help because every time I do it seems to make things worse or I lose more friends. I'm having trouble fighting for myself. I wish I could vanish without a trace without hurting others, but that's not realistic. Simply writing this question and more or less abusing askmetafilter is such a huge effort it hurts. I don't have Facebook, and I don't know how else to reach out for help. I'm so fucked, and so tired, and nothing seems fixable from here.
This post was deleted for the following reason: You can't ask this question here. Contact us via the Contact form if you want to talk through it with someone. -- jessamyn
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