My husband is driving me nuts (is it just me?)
September 2, 2013 12:14 PM Subscribe
I've been married to my husband for almost 22 years. We are in our mid-forties. We have 3 kids, a 15 1/2 yo son and 10 yo b-g twins. I am being driven crazy by a certain aspect of my husband's behavior/personality. For example, earlier today I noticed a scratch on the lower part of our refrigerator door. The fridge is black and about a year and half old. I mentioned it to my husband. He inspected it and immediately called our children in to the kitchen to ask who did the damage. (More...)
posted by getyourlife to society & culture (29 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My twins both said, "Not me!" My oldest said, "I don't know." My husband got angry and said that until they could figure it out they were banned from watching t.v. They all started to leave when my husband specifically stopped my oldest son. He angrily told him that saying, "I don't know won't cut it in the real world." He continued saying, "Try saying that to a police officer if you're questioned about something."
After some investigation my husband and I figured out the source of the sctratch. It turned out that the twins had been playing "cars" in the kitchen. The metal pole that was used to make a steering wheel holder for the plastic plate had struck the door. My husband brought the two of them back after we'd figured out the source of the scratch. The two of them filled in the details. It was a complete accident. They weren't even aware it had happened.
I talked to my husband about his reponse to our older son. This wasn't the first time he, in my opinion, overreacted to our oldest. When I say that to him I usually get one of a couple of responses: he says I am polarizing against him or he storms off saying,"I'm not talking to you anymore."
Some pertinent info: We are an African American family, living in the South. We are both professionals, we live in the suburbs, we are articulate, law abiding citizens. Our children are all well behaved and smart kids. My husband works as upper management for a large company. He has two offices: one is in an affluent, mostly white area of town, the other (his primary office), is, well, the opposite. He has noticed the disparity of police treatment, in regards to minorities, in the two areas his offices are located in.
In terms of his coveying his experiences of what it means to be an African American male in our society, I defer to him, when it comes to our sons. I do, however, wonder if he is being a little bit crazy at times. Like today, when discussing this incidence of our son saying, "I don't know." I explained that I feel like our son's response was normal, especially for a teenager, who we later found out, REALLY didn't know what had happened to cause the scratch! My husband turned the coversation to my son being questioned by the police or a boss in the future and how the, "I don't know" response could possibly get him thrown in jail or fired! WTF?! I understand his concern about our sons and possible police harrassment in the future, although, truthfully, I do think it is such a remote possibility that I don't think I'll lose any sleep over it.
I cannot really tell if my husband is feeling anxious about something unspoken or if he is just physically unable to see that he is overracting and (gasp) could possibly admit he is wrong! I am getting tired of trying to figure this out. I need outside perspective of what is going on here. Thanks in advance.