Piety, the filial kind
April 19, 2013 10:21 AM Subscribe
Chinese literature has plenty to say about filial piety/"repaying" parents for everything they've done for us, but I'm curious as to how people from different backgrounds might see it. To what extent do you think we "owe" our parents?
As an overseas Chinese who's grown up in a household that (more or less) upholds Chinese tradition, I've been ingrained with the Confucian way of thinking that children basically owe their lives to their parents (well, maybe that's pushing it a bit too far, but you get what I'm saying). It's only (slowly) dawned on me over these past few years that this kind of thinking is not standard across all cultures. So I'm curious, how do you think about filial piety?
I guess what I'm particularly curious about is where do you draw the line between being a dutiful child and living your own life? On the one hand, it's only right to extend gratitude to the people who've molded us into the person we've become. On the other hand, you have to live your own life at some point. Everything's fine and dandy when these two don't conflict. But in circumstances where the two aren't compatible, do you just say, "Sorry, folks, but it's my life, not yours, and I gotta live it the way I want/need to," or do you put your plans/desires aside and fulfill your duty lest all-consuming guilt consume you when (God forbid) these people who brought you up are no longer in this life?
a. If the former, what might be ways to deal with the guilt (if/assuming there is any -- presumably this largely depends on one's culture/beliefs and environment)?
b. If the latter, how do you deal with the... disappointment of setting aside your own desires for the sake of duty?
Or, you know, any other thoughts on the topic would be great too. I just feel like the Confucian ideology I've been brought up with isn't exactly what I want as a guiding force in my life—at least not the extreme form of it, anyway. Just any thoughts that you think might be helpful in processing this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Also, when answering, it'd be great if you can give a little backgrounder on the culture around which you were brought up, just because we all have our own biases that we may or may not be aware of :)
As an overseas Chinese who's grown up in a household that (more or less) upholds Chinese tradition, I've been ingrained with the Confucian way of thinking that children basically owe their lives to their parents (well, maybe that's pushing it a bit too far, but you get what I'm saying). It's only (slowly) dawned on me over these past few years that this kind of thinking is not standard across all cultures. So I'm curious, how do you think about filial piety?
I guess what I'm particularly curious about is where do you draw the line between being a dutiful child and living your own life? On the one hand, it's only right to extend gratitude to the people who've molded us into the person we've become. On the other hand, you have to live your own life at some point. Everything's fine and dandy when these two don't conflict. But in circumstances where the two aren't compatible, do you just say, "Sorry, folks, but it's my life, not yours, and I gotta live it the way I want/need to," or do you put your plans/desires aside and fulfill your duty lest all-consuming guilt consume you when (God forbid) these people who brought you up are no longer in this life?
a. If the former, what might be ways to deal with the guilt (if/assuming there is any -- presumably this largely depends on one's culture/beliefs and environment)?
b. If the latter, how do you deal with the... disappointment of setting aside your own desires for the sake of duty?
Or, you know, any other thoughts on the topic would be great too. I just feel like the Confucian ideology I've been brought up with isn't exactly what I want as a guiding force in my life—at least not the extreme form of it, anyway. Just any thoughts that you think might be helpful in processing this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Also, when answering, it'd be great if you can give a little backgrounder on the culture around which you were brought up, just because we all have our own biases that we may or may not be aware of :)
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, as presented this is really really wide open chatfilter. -- cortex
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