My wife died. Is it OK if I *don't* want to talk about it all the time?
February 17, 2013 7:52 AM Subscribe
My wife died. Everyone keeps telling me I should have someone to talk to - a counselor or someone from hospice or whoever. I don't really feel like I need or want that, though. Am I harming myself by handling this on my own?
posted by tylerkaraszewski to health & fitness (67 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Two weeks ago, I lost my wife to cancer, leaving me as a 31-year-old single father to an 18-month-old daughter. Yes, this is sad, and yes, it's a huge adjustment, and yes, being a single parent is a lot of work. And everyone asks me, "how are you doing?" as if I want to answer that question again and again for 10 minutes each time, because no one believes me when I say, "all things considered, I feel like I'm doing OK," so I have to explain what I mean. And still, everyone recommends I get therapy or talk to hospice's grief counselors or something similar. But I don't want to, not because I'm too devastated to talk to them or too shy to reach out, but because I don't feel like I need to justify my feelings to people, nor do I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff ready to fall off without professional help. And it's not that I don't ever want to talk about it at all, but I don't want to be obligated to spend an hour once a week discussing it when I feel like I'd be better off taking the time to go for a bike ride or go to the beach or something I enjoy.
I feel like I can do this myself. Am I being foolish? Do I not realize what I'm missing? Am I going to come out of this situation in a worse position if I don't pay someone $100/hr to talk to me about it (although my insurance likely covers this)? Also, as a single parent, I have precious little personal time and I feel like there are other ways I'd rather spend it.