How much did I mess up in this situation?
February 16, 2013 1:54 PM Subscribe
Basically got very drunk at a party and became a sleazeball. Trying to gauge the appropriate course of action.
posted by lethologues to human relations (31 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I haven't been able to stop cringing when I think back on it, and I feel too embarrassed/guilty to say, mention it to a friend. I was at a party with people I'd been doing a language course with at my university (people between the ages of 21 to 25 generally, with a couple of older people). I think it's fair to say the people in the lesson generally like me and seem eager to chat etc. Generally it was a fairly boozed up crowd. I got unprecedentedly drunk and have very patchy memories of the last part of the night.
There was a girl I'd talked to for a lot of the night, who seemed to like me, in a friendly way. There was a point at about 4 or 5AM when there were only about 5 or 6 of us dancing in the living room. I remember at some point kissing her on the cheek and she smiled and seemed gently surprised. She generally puts herself across as someone who is frank about telling people she doesn't like them, and her general manner is one of being comically standoffish. So when we were dancing, I seem to remember us getting a bit huggy, and then we did some twirls and had fun and all that. Then I have a distinct memory of kissing her neck and maybe it seems trivial, but I feel really uncomfortable that it happened and that I can't remember her reaction.
Trying to write this and work through me remembering the details has made me physically recoil and cringe several times. ugh ugh ugh. Either way, afterwards we left the party with this other guy who she's closer to than me, and they even have a thing going on, I don't really know. They didn't seem to treat me any differently but then my memory of this point of the night is basically non-existent. From past experiences of being drunk, if I sense an iota of negativity towards me I amplify it massively in my head and become fixated on it and feel massively guilty. Or (on one bad occasion a year ago) in the words of a friend 'erupted' with 'a profound and disturbing diatribe' full of warped ideas about my friends essentially mocking me. and yeah, I get that the recurring suggestions is that i need to maybe scratch the surface of why I get drunk like this, but anyway, in this situation I couldn't sense any 'bad vibes' directed at me. Also, and I'm not sure how much this contributes - but the girl is Italian and I am from England, two European countries who have vastly different records when it comes to seeming friendly or awkward or whatever.
So, what shall I do? I don't have her number or facebook - I texted the host this morning thanking her for having me and she seemed chipper in her reply. I think as a group we generally decided we should try and hang out more often. I don't know. what do you think?
Possibly useful info: I haven't so much as kissed anyone since the end of my last relationship, in November of '11. uh. yeah.