Make My Sex Life More Interesting!

August 6, 2005 9:33 PM

SexFilter: I'm wondeirng what I could be doing to make things more interesting for my boyfriend. (Inside may not be especially SFW.)

We've been dating for almost three years and while we don't see each other especially often (it's been long distance for about 6 months now), when we do see each other, we have amazing sex. It occurred to me during his last visit, however, that something is lacking. We're both rather adventurous...I just get the feeling that we've run out of adventures. We've done the usual PiV thing, the anal thing, the oral thing and some very mild bondage. What else is there? Are there parts of his body that I've left unexplored? Guys...what strange thing has a girl done for you that left you totally impressed?

We're going to be seeing each other again in a few weeks and I'd love to surprise him...help!

Also: I've created an anonymous email account for people to reply to this if they don't want their answers associated with their username. I can be reached at [e-mail]. Thanks!

posted by anonymous to human relations (25 comments total)

Best. Girlfriend. Ever.

And by that, of course, I mean that you two seem to have a great relationship; since you're "adventurous," and that involves at least a bit of communication, have you tried asking? There may be something he really wants to do, but may think that you won't go along...
posted by chota at 8:10 PM on August 6, 2005

male g-spot
posted by malp at 8:19 PM on August 6, 2005

When you say you've "done the anal", which anus were you talking about, yours or his? I recommend both.
posted by alms at 8:22 PM on August 6, 2005

Selfishness. On either party's part. "I'm gonna do whatever turns me on, and you're just a target for my animal lusts."

A hard attitude to get right with someone you care about, but a lot of fun.
posted by Leon at 8:49 PM on August 6, 2005

I'd like to quickly thank you for considering the anonymous e-mail address. This is the perfect thread for that kind of thing, and it's very helpful.
posted by odinsdream at 9:25 PM on August 6, 2005

This is a somewhat difficult question to answer, since everyone’s tastes are a little different. What some people love might turn off your boyfriend, and vice versa, so I suggest you ask him before trying anything too extreme rather than springing it on him as a surprise. That being said, here’s some stuff I’ve had success with. Many of them can be combined in one way or another:

1) Varying location
Outdoors on a nice day, private or unfrequented area.
Indoors, home, in a previously unused room and/or on a previously unused surface (rug in front of a fire, kitchen table, on a running laundry washer)
Indoors, not at home, new location (sleazy motel, nice hotel, etc.)
Indoors or outdoors, small to moderate risk of being caught (changing room at a clothing store without security camera, cemetary after hours, bathroom stall, sparsely frequented public place, abandoned building)

2) Ambiance/Mood setting
Low lights, candles, music, flowers, etc.
Catered dinner, fancy hotel, etc. (see location)
Watch a porno movie together (taped)
Watch a porno movie together (theater)
Read a dirty book aloud to each other

3) Vary number of people
Threesome (most men will prefer a third to be another woman, but not all)
Foursomes plus (finding another interested couple is often a good way to go with this)
Going to play party, orgy, etc.

4) Vary gender roles
Pegging (female-to-male anal penetration with a strap-on)
Reversing normal sexual initiator (playing hard to get or coming on strong)

5) Exhibitionism
Stripping performance (boyfriend-only, or public)
Dress-up (lingerie, costume, latex, vinyl, leather, fantasy, etc.)
Risk of being caught (see location section)
Having someone else watch

6) Games (group or couple)
Strip poker
Truth or dare
Spin the bottle
Other strip, light petting, or sex games, purchased or invented

7) Role playing
Endless possibilities – only limit is imagination and acting ability. Some examples:
Professor and student
American journalist and Russian border guard
Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf
Librarian and Psychopath
Etc., etc., etc.

8) Stronger BDSM
Dominatrix play
Knife play
Upgrade equipment (St. Andrew’s cross, chains, whips, floggers, etc.)
Unusual equipment (purple wands, medical play, etc.)

9) Other fetishes (definitely ask first!)
This entirely depends on the tastes of your boyfriend; anything can be a fetish, but one man’s fetish is just confusing to anyone who doesn’t share it. It can simply be something that someone finds particularly sexy, used in foreplay, or a major part of the whole sexual experience. Some common ones include:
Shoe/foot
Other particular articles of clothing
Diapers
Urine
Medical fantasy (see BDSM and role-playing)
Etc., etc., etc.

10) Unusual positions
Upright, woman against wall, legs wrapped around man
Woman lying prone on raised surface, man standing on floor
Woman on top, facing away
Any from Kama Sutra or other book
Etc.

That’s all that leaps to mind for now … I’ll see if I can think of anything else.
posted by kyrademon at 9:33 PM on August 6, 2005

11) Body play
Body calligraphy or art with henna or body paint
Glow-in-the-dark or UV-fluorescent body paint
Edible body paint
Edible clothing
Whipped cream, nutella, chocolate sauce, etc.

12) Body modication
Shaving or shaping pubic hair
Piercings: tongue, clitoris, nipples, or other sexual area
Going for piercings together
Tattoos in private places
Scarification (I don't highly recommend this, but I was charmed by the story of one woman who got "I Love You" burned in Braille on her inner thigh for her blind lover.)
posted by kyrademon at 9:49 PM on August 6, 2005

Last one should have read "Body Modification" of course. Stupid typos ...

13) Various other things I can think of
Frottage or clothed sex, public or private
Furry anthropomorphism (dressing as an animal or toy)
Drug use (since this is a public forum, you can assume I am of course only referring to legal drugs which enhance the sexual experience)
Homoerotic exploration while other watches (anything from making out to full-on sex)
Direct prostate stimulation (finger, beads, plug, etc.)
Use of vibrators, other toys
posted by kyrademon at 9:58 PM on August 6, 2005

14) A few more (this is fun!)
Hot wax (use LOW HEAT candles)
Filming yourselves, or taking pictures
Going to a strip club or legal brothel together
In a moving vehicle (boat, plane, car, truck, etc.)
Masturbating in front of each other
Suspended (sling, etc.)

... OK, I think I'd better stop now.
posted by kyrademon at 10:06 PM on August 6, 2005

Oh my god, kyra. I'm bookmarking this thread for the next time I'm in a relationship. I don't have anything to add that you haven't already covered 'cept ... Thank you kyra and anonymous!
posted by SpecialK at 10:22 PM on August 6, 2005

err: make that read: next time I'm in a relationship and things get boring.
posted by SpecialK at 10:23 PM on August 6, 2005

Well, I don't need to point out what an excellent contribution that is kyrademon! What I would add though is that for many of these practices it helps if you have a context. What I found really useful in a previous long distance relationship was to give my lover erotic books, manuals etc which we'd both read separately and then we'd be able to (a) compare notes in advance - "oh, I really liked that thing etc" - so that we could see where our desires crossed, and (b) essentially act out scenes that we both enjoyed when we got together.

Oh, and if you want to build on your "very mild bondage," I highly recommend Jay Wiseman's SM101 - very important in understanding the crucial role and rules of psychology in sex play.
posted by forallmankind at 10:28 PM on August 6, 2005

"PiV"?

I must admit, that is new to me, whatever it might be.
posted by mwhybark at 11:39 PM on August 6, 2005

Am I the only one that's getting naughty tingles?
posted by spilon at 11:44 PM on August 6, 2005

Oh, and I might be wrong, but I think "PiV" means 'purchased in Virginia.'
posted by spilon at 11:46 PM on August 6, 2005

PiV
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:31 AM on August 7, 2005

Ask Metafilter: Purchased in Virginia
posted by blasdelf at 12:37 AM on August 7, 2005

LATEX CATSUIT with HIGH HEELS.

done.
posted by stevejensen at 7:00 AM on August 7, 2005

Kyrademon pretty much covered it all, but I particularly reccommend:
Sex toys, for both of you. If you've never used a butt plug, you are missing out. Oh lord. Your boyfriend, having a prostate, is especially missing out. From there, you can graduate to pegging- I personally recommend this. All the fun of strap on sex without the harness.
It doesn't sound like you'd be too into S/M("light bondage"), which is fine, but I think experimentation with Domination/Submission never hurt anyone. The neat thing about D/S(for those of us who blanch a little at the thought of whips and knives and gags) is that you can have the same relatively vanilla sex as usual, but suddenly it's incredibly dirty. Roleplaying characters where one would have the power and the other wouldn't-boss/secretary, teacher/student, etc-is pretty easy to do without feeling too silly.
Rimming is excellent. A lot of people avoid it because of the ickiness-just don't do it after a hot day at work, sheesh. Take a shower. It's such a simple thing, but it feels awfully nice. If you're not doing it, you're missing out(however, if you two haven't been tested, anilingus is a pretty decent way to get STDs. Use a dental dam).
Dressing up is always fun. Does your boyfriend like comic books, video games, or sci-fi? Congratulations, you have about ten billion female characters you can completely blow his mind by dressing like.
posted by Juliet Banana at 12:34 PM on August 7, 2005

Alternatively, one could always try to become really really good at conventional stuff.

My wife and I are having the best sex of our lives now, and it doesn't involve any toys, kinks, or anything even remotely adventurous. And in retrospect, it seems to us those things were merely a distraction...
posted by five fresh fish at 2:37 PM on August 7, 2005

Lots of good ideas here, but one idea worth noting for when you are apart is phone sex. This usually involves a combination of describing what you are doing to yourself ("I'm rubbing my clit") and imagining that you are actually having sex ("oh yeah, keep fucking me"). Not nearly as fun as the real thing, but a big step up from masturbating by yourself.

[on preview: great advice as well fff. Try refining your techniques for the basics - slow things down, speed them up, move a little to the left, harder, softer, etc. - pay close attention to what works and what doesn't, repeat.]
posted by rorycberger at 4:21 PM on August 7, 2005

Something you can do together long-distance is go toy-shopping online together (ie have a browser and an ICQ chat window open so you can send URLs of what each of you is looking at, while chatting on the phone so you can talk about what's interesting or not, what might be fun.
Ignore price, just browse together for ideas.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:02 PM on August 7, 2005

i read this short story by ray bradbury about a man who married an actress. She would change her haircut/color, and demeanor from time to time, becomming a whole new woman. You could switch things up a bit that way.

also, i second this suggestion. esp coupled with rope.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 9:42 PM on August 7, 2005

i second those saying peg your boyfriend if you haven't already, or at least focus on his butt if that wasn't included in the anal experiences you've already had together. roleplaying and the fear (whether warranted or no) of getting caught/semi public sex are other good possibilities, especially since they don't involve spending a ton of money just to find out it's not you or your guy's thing. you mentioned light forays into bondage; have you done much with power roles aside from the simple restraint? maybe light flogging? etc. it's not everyone's cup of tea but for a lot of people ceding/taking power through verbal cues and actions is a huge turn on sometimes. and it sounds like you communicate well sexually, which i applaud. that makes it easier to try stuff like that.

there are good books on phone sex and talking dirty, as someone mentioned...carol queen's comes to mind.

make your own porn photo shoot together, or tape each other...

if you want to try something purely novelty ish and have the dough, you might want to try edible body paint or that paint-on latex suit stuff. or a finger vibrator or underwear vibrator (though they cost more, and it would be a shame to find out they're not that exciting really). or a soft corset. or a catsuit, ha.
posted by ifjuly at 3:33 PM on August 11, 2005

Practice your kegel excercises in advance; guys can really tell if you know how to work those muscles. Get a book on tantric sex or the like -- not a book of positions, but a book to teach you new breathing techniques and the types of stimulation that will prolong sex and create better orgasms.

Get educated about your G-spot and "blended" orgasms; challenge your guy (playfully! sexily!) to help you achieve greater satisfaction. Good lovers get as much pleasure out of pleasing their partners as pleasing themselves -- if you've got new stuff you wanna try, he'll be excited to help you out. Pleasuring yourself further might be the best way to pleasure him more.
posted by junkbox at 6:56 PM on August 15, 2005