Love when the first passed
July 3, 2012 9:25 AM Subscribe
Is it possible for a widower to love their deceased partner more than the current?
This has been bothering me a lot lately. I believe it is possible to love many romantically but I have always felt there is probably that one person that fits you far better than anyone else...or that one person that's just considered the love of your life. Call me a romantic, but that's just what I think.
I believe in an after-life where you are with your loved ones. I'm not a Christian where I believe that you forget your memories once entering heaven and spend eternity serving God. But, it has always bothered me when I think what if my husband dies and he goes to heaven and then when my new husband dies...who would I choose? What if my husband never did die and came back years later and I remarried, now what? (Think Castaway)
It really truly bothers me. I find it more comforting that widowers that remarry can be able to love someone and find companionship but find that the first one will never be replaced in their heart and that they're the love of their life. For example: My step grandpa and my grandma were married for over 20 years and she passed because of cancer. He remarried later in life but when he died he wanted to be buried next to my grandma. I don't know how his late wife felt about that but I know some people are okay with that.
I hope to never ever find myself in this position to lose someone early in life when there's so more to experience life together. But if it were to happen I hope it's when I'm really old and find someone new and we both are widowers. It's kind of mean to say but if I were to die, I don't mind if my husband would remarry but I hope I'm the "best" for him in his life. I just can't wrap my head around the thought of what our souls would do. It's very weird to imagine to have some kind of poly-amorous relationship.
A friend's wife had a boyfriend of many years and died in a car accident. She still loves him but she said her husband is the one for her.
It's all confusing to me. Like I said, I believe we're capable of loving again but for me I want there to be only one person that had been the highlight of my life to cherish. I don't believe in SOULMATES but I do believe you can decide who is your soul mate or not if you know what I mean.
So what about you? I mean, if your partner were to die would you think you'd feel deeper for them than anyone? Of course, I believe it's all circumstance such as spending your relationship 20 years together building it than being together 1 year and it be short.
I am depressed at this thought.
This has been bothering me a lot lately. I believe it is possible to love many romantically but I have always felt there is probably that one person that fits you far better than anyone else...or that one person that's just considered the love of your life. Call me a romantic, but that's just what I think.
I believe in an after-life where you are with your loved ones. I'm not a Christian where I believe that you forget your memories once entering heaven and spend eternity serving God. But, it has always bothered me when I think what if my husband dies and he goes to heaven and then when my new husband dies...who would I choose? What if my husband never did die and came back years later and I remarried, now what? (Think Castaway)
It really truly bothers me. I find it more comforting that widowers that remarry can be able to love someone and find companionship but find that the first one will never be replaced in their heart and that they're the love of their life. For example: My step grandpa and my grandma were married for over 20 years and she passed because of cancer. He remarried later in life but when he died he wanted to be buried next to my grandma. I don't know how his late wife felt about that but I know some people are okay with that.
I hope to never ever find myself in this position to lose someone early in life when there's so more to experience life together. But if it were to happen I hope it's when I'm really old and find someone new and we both are widowers. It's kind of mean to say but if I were to die, I don't mind if my husband would remarry but I hope I'm the "best" for him in his life. I just can't wrap my head around the thought of what our souls would do. It's very weird to imagine to have some kind of poly-amorous relationship.
A friend's wife had a boyfriend of many years and died in a car accident. She still loves him but she said her husband is the one for her.
It's all confusing to me. Like I said, I believe we're capable of loving again but for me I want there to be only one person that had been the highlight of my life to cherish. I don't believe in SOULMATES but I do believe you can decide who is your soul mate or not if you know what I mean.
So what about you? I mean, if your partner were to die would you think you'd feel deeper for them than anyone? Of course, I believe it's all circumstance such as spending your relationship 20 years together building it than being together 1 year and it be short.
I am depressed at this thought.
This post was deleted for the following reason: It's really unclear what your concrete question here is, if any; this is pretty much chatfilter. -- cortex
This thread is closed to new comments.
I am very sorry, but the experience of other people doesn't change just because it doesn't fit your personal idealised fairy tale.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:30 AM on July 3, 2012 [1 favorite]