We finally went on our date
June 25, 2012 11:04 PM Subscribe
We finally went on our date Sat after 6 months of talking online, despite living 20 minutes from each other. You can read my old questions for the backstory. I am trying not to be neurotic but a couple of things stuck out at me during our date and I want to know what others think and if I should read into these things...
our date lasted 9 hours - it was a lot of fun and he's definitely cute in real life but there were about 3 or 4 times that we had long (5 mins or so) awkward silences - and I had to break them. I felt like I was prompting him a little bit and was wondering if that is a bad sign. I had a date on Sunday (w/ another guy) and we didn't have one moment of awkward silence even though I wasn't really into this guy as much - the conversation flowed non stop.
Also, towards the end of the night as we were walking to the car he folded his arms. It wasn't particularly cold but I am a bit of a student of body language and I am wondering what to make of this... It was the second time during the night that I caught him folding his arms. It was brief, for like a couple of minutes, but I can't help but think it could mean something. That coupled with the silences makes me thinks he didn't feel entirely comfortable around me... any suggestions as to what I could do so that he does feel more comfortable would help.
Finally, I have learned that he logged onto the dating site what appears to be minutes after he got home (this was in the early am). The only reason I know is because I wanted another peek at his cute face via his pictures online. Of course, he could've been doing the same to me? He hasn't logged in since.
Besides those things it seems like he liked me, we shared light touching throughout the evening, he set up a date for next week at the end of our date, respectfully kissed me goodnight, and he texted me to make sure I got home safe and included a sweet message thanking me for our time together.
I don't want to focus on the negatives, but I was always told to believe the negatives.... thoughts/comments appreciated
our date lasted 9 hours - it was a lot of fun and he's definitely cute in real life but there were about 3 or 4 times that we had long (5 mins or so) awkward silences - and I had to break them. I felt like I was prompting him a little bit and was wondering if that is a bad sign. I had a date on Sunday (w/ another guy) and we didn't have one moment of awkward silence even though I wasn't really into this guy as much - the conversation flowed non stop.
Also, towards the end of the night as we were walking to the car he folded his arms. It wasn't particularly cold but I am a bit of a student of body language and I am wondering what to make of this... It was the second time during the night that I caught him folding his arms. It was brief, for like a couple of minutes, but I can't help but think it could mean something. That coupled with the silences makes me thinks he didn't feel entirely comfortable around me... any suggestions as to what I could do so that he does feel more comfortable would help.
Finally, I have learned that he logged onto the dating site what appears to be minutes after he got home (this was in the early am). The only reason I know is because I wanted another peek at his cute face via his pictures online. Of course, he could've been doing the same to me? He hasn't logged in since.
Besides those things it seems like he liked me, we shared light touching throughout the evening, he set up a date for next week at the end of our date, respectfully kissed me goodnight, and he texted me to make sure I got home safe and included a sweet message thanking me for our time together.
I don't want to focus on the negatives, but I was always told to believe the negatives.... thoughts/comments appreciated
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is really more of a chatty discussion of your date sort of thing rather than a problem to be solved. -- taz
This all seems ok. I can't imagine a nine-hour first date that didn't have some awkward silence. (Nine hours is a long time for a first date, it seems to me). Body language is not universal. You can hardly judge him for being on the dating site when you were on the dating site. Even if you weren't, I can't see why it would be cause for concern. Enjoy your second date.
posted by Kwine at 11:10 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Kwine at 11:10 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
You are, and I say this with kindness as a fellow member of this tribe, a terrible overthinker. STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. A 9 hour date is obviously going well because it lasted nine hours! 4 instances of 5 minutes of silence is only 20 minutes. 20 minutes of silence over a nine hour period is not at all problematic or abnormal. Two instances of someone folding his arms is also meaningless. I fold my arms all the time. It's usually because I am cold.
This date went well. And it actually happened, after six months! He already set up another date. He texted you. All these things = the date was a success! Enjoy this moment instead of looking for something to go wrong or for the other shoe to drop.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 11:14 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
This date went well. And it actually happened, after six months! He already set up another date. He texted you. All these things = the date was a success! Enjoy this moment instead of looking for something to go wrong or for the other shoe to drop.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 11:14 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you can enjoy nine hours in each other's company, a few even longish silences don't seem that significant to me. Don't have a strong read of the other signals you mention.
posted by Abiezer at 11:16 PM on June 25, 2012
posted by Abiezer at 11:16 PM on June 25, 2012
If, after a nine hour date, you have issues with a few short conversational lapses and a couple of seconds of suboptimal body language, perhaps you should think about what it would take to make you happy?
posted by pompomtom at 11:16 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by pompomtom at 11:16 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
You went on a NINE HOUR DATE and you're worried maybe he isn't in to you?
Honey, we do NOT spend nine hours with girls we don't like. We spend an hour with those girls, and we politely go dutch, and we do text them to see if they get home but we do not set up the next date because there will be no next date. Here are a few things we do do when we're with girls we do like:
Sometimes we uncomfortably cross our arms. Even if it isn't cold! It isn't because we aren't having fun. It's because we're nervous, because we've been talking to this girl for six months and now we're out with her and ugh my hands have been in my pockets for so long maybe I should take them out? but then where do I put them oh OK I'll just fold them across my chest.
Sometimes we stammer, or can't get words out, because we're trying to think of the right thing to say, and then we don't really say anything. Oh God I remember when I was young I'd do that thing where I'd stare at a girl for a really long time because I was wondering what a cool guy would say at this moment and then she'd say "What are you thinking right now?" as if it's supposed to be some sort of truth serum and I'd have to adlib something like "I was thinking about your eyes and how pretty they are." Early relationship stuff is filled with this junk.
Sometimes we go home and log on to the dating website we're members of because hey, you went out with another guy a couple days ago, right? Maybe he got a notification that he had a message or he wanted to change his picture or he was looking at your profile again because, "Did she mention she did like Italian or didn't like Italian maybe it's in her profile?" or maybe his roommate was all "Dude, lemme see some pics you were gone for NINE HOURS this chick must be SMOKIN'" and he showed his roommate and how many more of these fantasies do you want me to come up with because I could seriously do this for awhile.
I do not miss those days, nosiree nope. And tl;dr you're fine go with the flow stop worrying about the date he likes you.
posted by incessant at 11:19 PM on June 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
Honey, we do NOT spend nine hours with girls we don't like. We spend an hour with those girls, and we politely go dutch, and we do text them to see if they get home but we do not set up the next date because there will be no next date. Here are a few things we do do when we're with girls we do like:
Sometimes we uncomfortably cross our arms. Even if it isn't cold! It isn't because we aren't having fun. It's because we're nervous, because we've been talking to this girl for six months and now we're out with her and ugh my hands have been in my pockets for so long maybe I should take them out? but then where do I put them oh OK I'll just fold them across my chest.
Sometimes we stammer, or can't get words out, because we're trying to think of the right thing to say, and then we don't really say anything. Oh God I remember when I was young I'd do that thing where I'd stare at a girl for a really long time because I was wondering what a cool guy would say at this moment and then she'd say "What are you thinking right now?" as if it's supposed to be some sort of truth serum and I'd have to adlib something like "I was thinking about your eyes and how pretty they are." Early relationship stuff is filled with this junk.
Sometimes we go home and log on to the dating website we're members of because hey, you went out with another guy a couple days ago, right? Maybe he got a notification that he had a message or he wanted to change his picture or he was looking at your profile again because, "Did she mention she did like Italian or didn't like Italian maybe it's in her profile?" or maybe his roommate was all "Dude, lemme see some pics you were gone for NINE HOURS this chick must be SMOKIN'" and he showed his roommate and how many more of these fantasies do you want me to come up with because I could seriously do this for awhile.
I do not miss those days, nosiree nope. And tl;dr you're fine go with the flow stop worrying about the date he likes you.
posted by incessant at 11:19 PM on June 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
Those things aren't signals or clues. They're not negatives or positives to be ignored or heeded. It was a first date, and you probably feel like you know him quite a bit because you've been communicating for monthsm but meeting in person is a whole new thing. Everything you've said is normal for a "getting to know you date". There isn't even anything you you bring up with him so he can explain.
If you ask him to get together with you again and he says no, that is how you'll know he doesn't want to see you again. Silences on a first in-person date are extremely normal.
By the way, try to avoid "studying" body language. Every time you try to read someone's thoughts and feelings, you have a very high chance of being wrong. I say all this as someone who took a long time to train myself out of mindreading and interpreting "clues".
posted by wryly at 11:20 PM on June 25, 2012
If you ask him to get together with you again and he says no, that is how you'll know he doesn't want to see you again. Silences on a first in-person date are extremely normal.
By the way, try to avoid "studying" body language. Every time you try to read someone's thoughts and feelings, you have a very high chance of being wrong. I say all this as someone who took a long time to train myself out of mindreading and interpreting "clues".
posted by wryly at 11:20 PM on June 25, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
Give it another chance, at the very minimum.
posted by namesarehard at 11:08 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]