Am I being overly sensitive about an ex visiting my blog?
May 21, 2012 12:02 PM Subscribe
Someone I dated years ago obsessively visits my blogs and leaves messages. The messages aren't threatening, but they're starting to annoy me. Can I do anything about it? Should I?
posted by anonymous to human relations (23 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I'll call this person Ali. Ali and I dated casually for less than a year. This was many years ago. I broke up with Ali because I wasn't into them as much as they were into me. Since then, for years, Ali has consistently visited my blog and found ways of popping back into my life, including leaving comments on blog posts/emailing multiple times/following me on twitter under an alias. (Ali also moved into my large urban neighborhood for a few years, but that might have been coincidental, and though it annoyed me it didn't set off alarms.)
Lately Ali's visits to my blog are growing more frequent, and now they're leaving "messages" to me via the search function. (I have stopped allowing comments on my blog, but if you type something into the search box, I see it in my site analytics.) Like I said above, the messages are not threatening, but they're creepy and annoying and insulting. (For anonymity's sake, I'm not going to get into the content of the "messages")
I'm trying to figure out what to do. Here's the options I've come up with:
1) I could just ignore what Ali's doing, but it's hard to do when I want to look at my site traffic.
2) I could block Ali's IP address on my site stats, so that when they visit/leave messages, I can't tell. But the paranoid part of me is worried that if Ali gets even more obsessed or threatening, don't I want to know it? This has been going on for a long time without me doing anything to encourage it. I have doubts Ali will just "go away". It's been many, many years already.
3) There is something in my state law about cyber harassment. I'm not sure whether what they're doing falls under that, but TBH I'm starting to feel harassed. I know where Ali works, and have their email address (as well as the contact info for the higher ups in their company). I could email Ali with a link to the state law and tell them to knock it off with the messages or I'll let HR and IT know what they're doing all day long on their work computer.
Other notes: I have taken screen captures of Ali's activity to document visits, "messages" etc. Because of the content of the messages and the IP address, I have no question that it's Ali doing this. I can't do an htaccess redirect for Ali's IP because this is a site on a blog hosting service, not my own domain.
Pragmatic me knows that I choose to have an online presence and I have no control over who visits my blog. But every time I check my stats and see Ali's repeat visits or one of their weird search "messages", I get anxious and depressed. And having those feelings is giving me a warped view on the whole thing. Also every time I think about it, it's distracting me from work and making me not want to write anymore, which is the worst part of all.
I need the AskMe hivemind to give me some perspective. Thanks in advance.