Will a middle-aged noncorporate female regret getting a semi-visible tattoo?
May 8, 2012 6:39 AM
I've got a question about tattoo locations, and finding the right artist.
The backstory: my 16-yo son committed suicide 6 weeks ago. I have been contemplating getting a tattoo in his honor ever since. I've had idle thoughts of getting a tattoo ever since I was in my early 20s, so this is not completely out of the blue.
Question 1 about location: I am considering getting this tattoo in a semi-visible location, either inner or outer forearm, and probably 3"x5" at least due to the complexity of the image, so not insubstantial either. My thought process is that one of the main motivators for wanting a tattoo is to have a symbol of this loss that is visible to others--one of the hardest things for me of this whole process or state is that there is no external sign of just how utterly my inner world has tilted on its axis. This is not really a tattoo for my own personal reflection and contemplation--as if, for fuck's sake, I will ever somehow need a reminder for myself of all that I'm going through.
I am a mid-40s female, currently living in a quite liberal part of the East Coast, I am happy and successful-beyond-my-wildest-dreams freelancer who has a face-to-face client maybe once a year. Prior to the freelance gig I worked in academia, and I have never in the past and never in the future can envision myself working for a soulless megacorporation where having a semi-visible tattoo might be an issue in terms of good fit with company culture. In fact, I've got another 15 years or so until retirement and the circumstances under which I would return to ANY sort of outside desk job would have to be pretty extreme.
I expect my family-of-origin will not have an issue, and the only concern that I am weighing is how it might go down with my 14-yo daughter. I am pretty secure in my sense of self and I am pretty sure I can muster up a hearty "fuck 'em if they can't take a ..." attitude in the face of that percentage of the population that might think less of me for sporting a tattoo.
Given all that, am I right or wrong in thinking that an attention-grabbing tattoo in this location will not cause me any significant friction in life?
Question 2 involves finding the right artist: I am not finding most of the "traditional" tattoo art styles I see in the portfolios of many tattoo artists all that appealing--not Old School or New School or Japanese or tribal or Celtic. Yet I'm not sure I can describe what I really want in their stead--I would vaguely describe it as the fairly simple and bold aesthetic you see in 1930s/40s linocuts or block printing, no shading, no color or minimal accent color. I'm wondering if it would make more sense to commission the art from a non-tattoo artist whose style I like. I just don't know how feasible it is for any artist to "nail" an artistic style or aesthetic that they don't usually work in. The imagery I want to use is highly specific and the best I could probably do to support the artist (tattoo or otherwise) would be to provide approximate examples of the individual elements in roughly the style I'm striving for, but they'd still need to be heavily adapted to work together as a whole.
(The specific imagery I want to use is a box that evokes a simple cremation urn box, with a rose on top [representing my daughter, fwiw] and a bee [representing my son] alighted on the rose, and the text "the box is only temporary" on the front face of the box, evoking Sylvia Plath's bee poems and specifically "Arrival of the bee box", whom and which, respectively, he deeply loved.)
The backstory: my 16-yo son committed suicide 6 weeks ago. I have been contemplating getting a tattoo in his honor ever since. I've had idle thoughts of getting a tattoo ever since I was in my early 20s, so this is not completely out of the blue.
Question 1 about location: I am considering getting this tattoo in a semi-visible location, either inner or outer forearm, and probably 3"x5" at least due to the complexity of the image, so not insubstantial either. My thought process is that one of the main motivators for wanting a tattoo is to have a symbol of this loss that is visible to others--one of the hardest things for me of this whole process or state is that there is no external sign of just how utterly my inner world has tilted on its axis. This is not really a tattoo for my own personal reflection and contemplation--as if, for fuck's sake, I will ever somehow need a reminder for myself of all that I'm going through.
I am a mid-40s female, currently living in a quite liberal part of the East Coast, I am happy and successful-beyond-my-wildest-dreams freelancer who has a face-to-face client maybe once a year. Prior to the freelance gig I worked in academia, and I have never in the past and never in the future can envision myself working for a soulless megacorporation where having a semi-visible tattoo might be an issue in terms of good fit with company culture. In fact, I've got another 15 years or so until retirement and the circumstances under which I would return to ANY sort of outside desk job would have to be pretty extreme.
I expect my family-of-origin will not have an issue, and the only concern that I am weighing is how it might go down with my 14-yo daughter. I am pretty secure in my sense of self and I am pretty sure I can muster up a hearty "fuck 'em if they can't take a ..." attitude in the face of that percentage of the population that might think less of me for sporting a tattoo.
Given all that, am I right or wrong in thinking that an attention-grabbing tattoo in this location will not cause me any significant friction in life?
Question 2 involves finding the right artist: I am not finding most of the "traditional" tattoo art styles I see in the portfolios of many tattoo artists all that appealing--not Old School or New School or Japanese or tribal or Celtic. Yet I'm not sure I can describe what I really want in their stead--I would vaguely describe it as the fairly simple and bold aesthetic you see in 1930s/40s linocuts or block printing, no shading, no color or minimal accent color. I'm wondering if it would make more sense to commission the art from a non-tattoo artist whose style I like. I just don't know how feasible it is for any artist to "nail" an artistic style or aesthetic that they don't usually work in. The imagery I want to use is highly specific and the best I could probably do to support the artist (tattoo or otherwise) would be to provide approximate examples of the individual elements in roughly the style I'm striving for, but they'd still need to be heavily adapted to work together as a whole.
(The specific imagery I want to use is a box that evokes a simple cremation urn box, with a rose on top [representing my daughter, fwiw] and a bee [representing my son] alighted on the rose, and the text "the box is only temporary" on the front face of the box, evoking Sylvia Plath's bee poems and specifically "Arrival of the bee box", whom and which, respectively, he deeply loved.)
I've seen tattoos like that before. Your best bet might be to figure out who the well-respected tattoo artists in your area are, contact them, and ask if they can direct you towards any tattoo artists who have done work in that style. Then you can check out those artists' portfolios and see if their work looks like what you want. I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:51 AM on May 8, 2012
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:51 AM on May 8, 2012
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure whether you've sought any grief counseling or read any books on survivor trauma, but one of the things they almost universally recommend is that you don't make any big, life-altering decisions within the first year after something this big and traumatic. The idea is that you need to give yourself time to settle into what your new reality looks like before making permanent changes to it that may be steeped in the rawness of your emotions right now. I'd also say that you might want to give your daughter the same time to grieve and settle before getting her permission (and I do think you should get her permission, especially since you're considering tattooing a symbol of her onto a visible part of your body where she may have to deal with questions about it). So, much as I know it feels urgent to you right now, I would wait at least a year, and then see how you feel.
(I considered getting a tattoo when I lost my mother very suddenly and traumatically. I knew exactly what to get and where, and I felt sure. That was almost 10 years ago now. I'm glad I didn't do it, because I feel so differently now than I did then, and what felt right to me then feels very different now. On the 10 year anniversary, I'm considering a different sort of memorial, and I'm glad I waited.)
posted by decathecting at 6:55 AM on May 8, 2012
(I considered getting a tattoo when I lost my mother very suddenly and traumatically. I knew exactly what to get and where, and I felt sure. That was almost 10 years ago now. I'm glad I didn't do it, because I feel so differently now than I did then, and what felt right to me then feels very different now. On the 10 year anniversary, I'm considering a different sort of memorial, and I'm glad I waited.)
posted by decathecting at 6:55 AM on May 8, 2012
...in the face of that percentage of the population that might think less of me for sporting a tattoo.
If you don't expect to become financially dependent on this portion of the population -- who are more and more in the minority in liberal East Coast cities -- who gives a flying fuck? I remember when the Village Voice ad guy came to my old job because my boss needed to advertise in the paper. He looked like any other sales guy: neat suit, portfolio, firm handshake, except for the fact that the had card suits tattooed across his knuckles. Now, keep in mind that despite its reputation, the Village Voice is a Big Corporation. His bosses didn't care. My boss certainly didn't care. And, as time goes on, less and less people really have any beef with tattoos. Your 14-year-old daughter's friends will be covering themselves in ink within three or four years.
The only issue with going with a non-tattoo artist first is that skin is very different from paper or canvas. Over time, ink distributes itself inside your skin and gets blurry, so crisp little lines will always fade. That doesn't really happen on paper. However, if you take a drawing to a good tattoo artist, they'll be able to adapt it to something that will look good on your skin. Just make sure to listen to them if they tell you something won't work, and make sure to ask what it will look like 10, 20 years down the line.
posted by griphus at 6:56 AM on May 8, 2012
If you don't expect to become financially dependent on this portion of the population -- who are more and more in the minority in liberal East Coast cities -- who gives a flying fuck? I remember when the Village Voice ad guy came to my old job because my boss needed to advertise in the paper. He looked like any other sales guy: neat suit, portfolio, firm handshake, except for the fact that the had card suits tattooed across his knuckles. Now, keep in mind that despite its reputation, the Village Voice is a Big Corporation. His bosses didn't care. My boss certainly didn't care. And, as time goes on, less and less people really have any beef with tattoos. Your 14-year-old daughter's friends will be covering themselves in ink within three or four years.
The only issue with going with a non-tattoo artist first is that skin is very different from paper or canvas. Over time, ink distributes itself inside your skin and gets blurry, so crisp little lines will always fade. That doesn't really happen on paper. However, if you take a drawing to a good tattoo artist, they'll be able to adapt it to something that will look good on your skin. Just make sure to listen to them if they tell you something won't work, and make sure to ask what it will look like 10, 20 years down the line.
posted by griphus at 6:56 AM on May 8, 2012
(And, yeah, give it a few months until you really, genuinely have yourself together.)
posted by griphus at 6:57 AM on May 8, 2012
posted by griphus at 6:57 AM on May 8, 2012
I just wanted to second decathecting on the "wait a year" thing. That is a very good point, especially since you can't get rid of it easily if you end up regretting it. My mother insisted on remodeling her kitchen a few months after my dad died and I'm still hearing how uh...no, she didn't like that she did it after all. And hell, that's not even on her body.
One thing a friend of mine suggested with regards to getting a tattoo was to (approximately) draw it on yourself repeatedly to see if you like it. I don't know how complicated your design is, but perhaps if you go around with a henna tattoo in that location for awhile, you could see how you feel about it in a practical sense?
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:27 AM on May 8, 2012
One thing a friend of mine suggested with regards to getting a tattoo was to (approximately) draw it on yourself repeatedly to see if you like it. I don't know how complicated your design is, but perhaps if you go around with a henna tattoo in that location for awhile, you could see how you feel about it in a practical sense?
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:27 AM on May 8, 2012
Might it cause friction? Of course. There will inevitably be someone who stares, or asks an impertinent question, or makes assumptions about you based on it.
There are two more important questions, though:
Considering the significance behind the tattoo, are you willing to explain it on a semi-regular basis? For that matter, are you willing to be reminded of it every time you look at your arm for the rest of your life? If you want to think about your son's death less, this is not the way to go about it.
Will the friction that this will likely cause spill over into your life in a meaningful way? It doesn't matter what some busybody thinks. It might matter what a client thinks, or a family member thinks. And despite working in a not-corporate field and feeling like people in your life will probably be OK with it, you can't entirely control this sort of thing. So you need to be comfortable with the idea that this is something outside your control. There are situations where there could be consequences. And you have to be OK with that. (This is something I'm contemplating under similar circumstances for my next tattoo, which will be in a similar place on my body to what you're contemplating.)
Re artists: depending where in the Northeast you are, it might be worthwhile to search further afield for an artist who is a bit more of an aesthete. I think you should have this hypothetical tattoo artist work with you to design the piece, rather than having some other artist do that. Because tattoo artists know what will look good on your skin. I'm gestating my next tattoo, and when I stopped into my shop to talk to the person who is soon to become my artist, she IMMEDIATELY had ideas about size, placement, typeface, etc. which would never have occurred to, say, a graphic designer (my new tat will be typographical).
As for finding this hypothetical artist: do some research into what the best shops are in cities like New York, Boston, Philly, etc. especially shops that have a reputation for artistry as opposed to being really punk rock or whatever (for example in New York you might look into New York Adorned). Look online at tattoos you like, and see who the artist is and where they work. Start there.
Also, you tattoo idea (while beautiful) is WAY too complicated to fit into a 3x5 space on your forearm. You should work with a tattoo artist FOR SURE, and expect to either alter some elements of the design or make it a lot larger. Also, expect to spend A LOT of your time explaining said tattoo to random nosy bystanders.
posted by Sara C. at 7:29 AM on May 8, 2012
There are two more important questions, though:
Considering the significance behind the tattoo, are you willing to explain it on a semi-regular basis? For that matter, are you willing to be reminded of it every time you look at your arm for the rest of your life? If you want to think about your son's death less, this is not the way to go about it.
Will the friction that this will likely cause spill over into your life in a meaningful way? It doesn't matter what some busybody thinks. It might matter what a client thinks, or a family member thinks. And despite working in a not-corporate field and feeling like people in your life will probably be OK with it, you can't entirely control this sort of thing. So you need to be comfortable with the idea that this is something outside your control. There are situations where there could be consequences. And you have to be OK with that. (This is something I'm contemplating under similar circumstances for my next tattoo, which will be in a similar place on my body to what you're contemplating.)
Re artists: depending where in the Northeast you are, it might be worthwhile to search further afield for an artist who is a bit more of an aesthete. I think you should have this hypothetical tattoo artist work with you to design the piece, rather than having some other artist do that. Because tattoo artists know what will look good on your skin. I'm gestating my next tattoo, and when I stopped into my shop to talk to the person who is soon to become my artist, she IMMEDIATELY had ideas about size, placement, typeface, etc. which would never have occurred to, say, a graphic designer (my new tat will be typographical).
As for finding this hypothetical artist: do some research into what the best shops are in cities like New York, Boston, Philly, etc. especially shops that have a reputation for artistry as opposed to being really punk rock or whatever (for example in New York you might look into New York Adorned). Look online at tattoos you like, and see who the artist is and where they work. Start there.
Also, you tattoo idea (while beautiful) is WAY too complicated to fit into a 3x5 space on your forearm. You should work with a tattoo artist FOR SURE, and expect to either alter some elements of the design or make it a lot larger. Also, expect to spend A LOT of your time explaining said tattoo to random nosy bystanders.
posted by Sara C. at 7:29 AM on May 8, 2012
I just got both my inner wrists tattooed a few weeks ago. The tattoos are 2x2 or so. Highly visible. Nobody has given me any crap.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:37 AM on May 8, 2012
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:37 AM on May 8, 2012
Meant to add that I'm 39 and freelance as well. I deal with clients in person quite often and nobody has said anything and most of my clients are elderly.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:39 AM on May 8, 2012
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:39 AM on May 8, 2012
I think a tattoo is a great idea. I disagree that you should wait a year. You should wait as long as you want to wait, then if you decide you want to do it, then you should do it. Given that you've thought of getting a tattoo before, it doesn't seem that radical an idea.
It doesn't sound like the location will have an impact on your work, which I understand to be your question. Tattoos are not the cultural taboo they once were. My only concern would be your daughter; it might interfere with her process, so it's worth talking about with her.
I agree it's worth considering having to respond to people asking you about it, but do people really ask that often? I've seen a lot of wild tattoos and I've never asked anyone what one means. (I may be totally naive on this point).
I've also been around a lot of people who have lost children and one of the things that sometimes scares parents is that everyone is going to forget about their child. Maybe having a reminder for people in your life isn't such a bad thing? Or for strangers? It might make people uncomfortable when you tell them what it represents, but you also may find yourself connecting with strangers in a way you never would otherwise.
I just came from the home of a friend whose son committed suicide years ago. She has a portrait of him in her entrance hallway. I think it's beautiful. I'm glad she has a daily reminder of him. I'm glad people are able to see him when they come to see her.
It's not like your son's loss is ever going to go away, it's not like you're not going to think about him every day for the rest of your life. The loss will shift and change, but it, like a tattoo is now a permanent part of your life. I say go for it. And post pictures.
posted by orsonet at 9:15 AM on May 8, 2012
It doesn't sound like the location will have an impact on your work, which I understand to be your question. Tattoos are not the cultural taboo they once were. My only concern would be your daughter; it might interfere with her process, so it's worth talking about with her.
I agree it's worth considering having to respond to people asking you about it, but do people really ask that often? I've seen a lot of wild tattoos and I've never asked anyone what one means. (I may be totally naive on this point).
I've also been around a lot of people who have lost children and one of the things that sometimes scares parents is that everyone is going to forget about their child. Maybe having a reminder for people in your life isn't such a bad thing? Or for strangers? It might make people uncomfortable when you tell them what it represents, but you also may find yourself connecting with strangers in a way you never would otherwise.
I just came from the home of a friend whose son committed suicide years ago. She has a portrait of him in her entrance hallway. I think it's beautiful. I'm glad she has a daily reminder of him. I'm glad people are able to see him when they come to see her.
It's not like your son's loss is ever going to go away, it's not like you're not going to think about him every day for the rest of your life. The loss will shift and change, but it, like a tattoo is now a permanent part of your life. I say go for it. And post pictures.
posted by orsonet at 9:15 AM on May 8, 2012
I agree it's worth considering having to respond to people asking you about it, but do people really ask that often?
Guys tend to use visible tattoos on women as an in to hit on them. It's frequent enough that my girlfriend, my best friend and many of my other visibly-tattooed female friends have it pretty high on their "annoying shit men on the street do" lists.
posted by griphus at 9:26 AM on May 8, 2012
Guys tend to use visible tattoos on women as an in to hit on them. It's frequent enough that my girlfriend, my best friend and many of my other visibly-tattooed female friends have it pretty high on their "annoying shit men on the street do" lists.
posted by griphus at 9:26 AM on May 8, 2012
Random people not only ask me about tattoos, they will walk up and touch them without permission. It's something to think about, but you can always just wear long sleeves.
posted by runningwithscissors at 11:02 AM on May 8, 2012
posted by runningwithscissors at 11:02 AM on May 8, 2012
I second liketitanic about not including a symbol for your daughter--at least not yet.
Were I in your position, I'd work with a tattoo artist to create a design that would work, with the idea that you won't put it on your body until at least a year after the death. If you do this, you should let the tattoo artist know, and maybe work out a deal with them where you pay them a certain amount for the design regardless of whether or not you actually get the tattoo (so you won't feel compelled to go through with it if you decide not to). At the very least, at the end of the process you'd have a piece of art you could frame, even if you don't make it permanently a part of your body.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:03 AM on May 8, 2012
Were I in your position, I'd work with a tattoo artist to create a design that would work, with the idea that you won't put it on your body until at least a year after the death. If you do this, you should let the tattoo artist know, and maybe work out a deal with them where you pay them a certain amount for the design regardless of whether or not you actually get the tattoo (so you won't feel compelled to go through with it if you decide not to). At the very least, at the end of the process you'd have a piece of art you could frame, even if you don't make it permanently a part of your body.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:03 AM on May 8, 2012
Maybe find an artist to commission the drawing from, but get it first as a physical print? Something you can put on your wall or look at privately, and then see if 6 months or a year down the line you still want this as a tattoo.
posted by jabes at 12:59 PM on May 8, 2012
posted by jabes at 12:59 PM on May 8, 2012
I have a tattoo on my inner forearm, it's small and subtly coloured (light brown), and I get asked about it often. Blood tests. Getting my blood pressure taken. Wearing my sleeves pushed up on a warm day. Reaching out to get change.
So yes, having to explain it to people when you may not feel up to it would be my concern. Most people with boundaries will accept "It's in memory of my son", but there's always one who has to push.
posted by sarahw at 1:36 PM on May 8, 2012
So yes, having to explain it to people when you may not feel up to it would be my concern. Most people with boundaries will accept "It's in memory of my son", but there's always one who has to push.
posted by sarahw at 1:36 PM on May 8, 2012
I'm very sorry for your loss... my sincerest condolences.
I have a number of tattoos (one from New York Adorned, a shop I highly recommend) and there are some "rules" I've followed so I don't regret anything. Rule number one? "Never get a tattoo where the judge can see it."
It's an old cliche, and the envelope has been pushed so far in recent years that 18 year olds from the suburbs are getting large neck tattoos these days, who knows maybe they'll be judges in 2050; but I still think it holds some truth. You should be proud of your tattoos, but there may be situations where they put you at a disadvantage. People who judge others based on body art are dicks, yes, but you may not be in a position to argue with them or their dickishness. Not everyone is going to connect your imagery with a terrible personal tragedy either, or take the time to ask you what it means - something to consider.
This could also be an issue with friends and family (will you be comfortable wearing a sleeveless dress to a future summer wedding?) but you are mostly concerned about your daughter here, and if it's somewhere more easily covered then maybe it will make it more special for her. She will definitely want to look at it, touch the inked skin, ask about how it felt, and it will probably prompt her to talk about her brother. Talk to her about getting it done, perhaps her input will help put things in perspective during this difficult time. Maybe she would love being symbolized by a rose, or maybe she has other suggestions?
All that said, I have a tattoo that I got while on a road trip with my best friend, who died two years later of a terminal illness. So it has become a de facto memorial, and guess where it is? On my forearm. People ask about it when they see it (and they usually say "I didn't know you had tattoos!") but it's easy to deflect a discussion of its personal meaning if I'm not comfortable sharing with that person. I can cover it up for job interviews, formal occasions or (g-d forbid) court appearances, and no one is the wiser. It doesn't break the judge rule, so if you're okay with occasional fashion restrictions, I say go for it.
As for finding the right artist, the internet is your friend. Scour portfolios on shop websites, check out forums and magazines, and don't hesitate to ask someone where they got their ink done if you see something on the street you like. I don't recommend having it done beforehand: tattoo artists are artists, and they all have their own styles and strengths and preferences. They also known their medium, and will adjust your image to something that will work on skin: if I hadn't had a good artist do my first tattoo, I would have ended up with a smudged mess by now. A lot of crap work gets done these days that is too small, too dense, and with too many lines close together. Those lines will spread due to capillary action over time, and what once looked crisp will fuzz and mellow. If you find a good artist they will work with you to make the image you want look great on your body for the rest of your life.
Feel free to MeMail me if you have any questions, and my sympathies to you and your family.
posted by Chichibio at 3:35 PM on May 8, 2012
I have a number of tattoos (one from New York Adorned, a shop I highly recommend) and there are some "rules" I've followed so I don't regret anything. Rule number one? "Never get a tattoo where the judge can see it."
It's an old cliche, and the envelope has been pushed so far in recent years that 18 year olds from the suburbs are getting large neck tattoos these days, who knows maybe they'll be judges in 2050; but I still think it holds some truth. You should be proud of your tattoos, but there may be situations where they put you at a disadvantage. People who judge others based on body art are dicks, yes, but you may not be in a position to argue with them or their dickishness. Not everyone is going to connect your imagery with a terrible personal tragedy either, or take the time to ask you what it means - something to consider.
This could also be an issue with friends and family (will you be comfortable wearing a sleeveless dress to a future summer wedding?) but you are mostly concerned about your daughter here, and if it's somewhere more easily covered then maybe it will make it more special for her. She will definitely want to look at it, touch the inked skin, ask about how it felt, and it will probably prompt her to talk about her brother. Talk to her about getting it done, perhaps her input will help put things in perspective during this difficult time. Maybe she would love being symbolized by a rose, or maybe she has other suggestions?
All that said, I have a tattoo that I got while on a road trip with my best friend, who died two years later of a terminal illness. So it has become a de facto memorial, and guess where it is? On my forearm. People ask about it when they see it (and they usually say "I didn't know you had tattoos!") but it's easy to deflect a discussion of its personal meaning if I'm not comfortable sharing with that person. I can cover it up for job interviews, formal occasions or (g-d forbid) court appearances, and no one is the wiser. It doesn't break the judge rule, so if you're okay with occasional fashion restrictions, I say go for it.
As for finding the right artist, the internet is your friend. Scour portfolios on shop websites, check out forums and magazines, and don't hesitate to ask someone where they got their ink done if you see something on the street you like. I don't recommend having it done beforehand: tattoo artists are artists, and they all have their own styles and strengths and preferences. They also known their medium, and will adjust your image to something that will work on skin: if I hadn't had a good artist do my first tattoo, I would have ended up with a smudged mess by now. A lot of crap work gets done these days that is too small, too dense, and with too many lines close together. Those lines will spread due to capillary action over time, and what once looked crisp will fuzz and mellow. If you find a good artist they will work with you to make the image you want look great on your body for the rest of your life.
Feel free to MeMail me if you have any questions, and my sympathies to you and your family.
posted by Chichibio at 3:35 PM on May 8, 2012
Get henna tattoo first of the exact design you like just to get a feel if it's something you'd like to permanently keep or not. It is also a good way to gauge your tattoo artist's skills.
posted by AquaDEEsiac at 7:45 AM on May 9, 2012
posted by AquaDEEsiac at 7:45 AM on May 9, 2012
I'm sorry for your loss.
I have two tattoos, one on my shoulder that I got as a memorial for a friend who died when I was in high school. I like the tattoo, but it does lead to me having to explain that I got it for someone who died to people fairly often, which can be kind of awkward. People just don't know what to say when I tell them that.
My other tattoo is a small one on my wrist, really plainly visible. No one has commented on it unless I point it out to them. The pain level of getting it there vs. my shoulder was a little sharper, but not too bad.
I am, though, going to add my voice to those saying 'wait a while.' Maybe not a full on year, but give it a good 3-6 months.
posted by whitneyarner at 8:35 AM on May 9, 2012
I have two tattoos, one on my shoulder that I got as a memorial for a friend who died when I was in high school. I like the tattoo, but it does lead to me having to explain that I got it for someone who died to people fairly often, which can be kind of awkward. People just don't know what to say when I tell them that.
My other tattoo is a small one on my wrist, really plainly visible. No one has commented on it unless I point it out to them. The pain level of getting it there vs. my shoulder was a little sharper, but not too bad.
I am, though, going to add my voice to those saying 'wait a while.' Maybe not a full on year, but give it a good 3-6 months.
posted by whitneyarner at 8:35 AM on May 9, 2012
I'm late to the game here, but I figured I'd offer some advice anyway. My deepest sympathies for your loss.
I have two highly visible tattoos on my arms (if I'm wearing short sleeves that is) one on the insides of my wrists and one inside my upper arm. I generally find that more often than not people don't even notice them, or if they do don't say anything about it. I even technically work in a corporate environment (although be it more casual then some), and have never been given any grief regarding my tattoos, or my nose ring for that matter. I think especially if you live in a liberal area you wouldn't have any problem. I think tattoos have become so common place that people barely even notice them anymore.
I do, like everyone else has said, get a lot of questions about mine, at least the less obvious of the two, when people do notice them. So you would end up being asked to explain it when people do notice, but unless I misunderstood it seems like that is the kind of what you want the whole point of it to be in the first place.
I think that it is a lovely idea, and it sounds like it will be a beautiful way to memorialize your son. I had some friends that all got tattoos in memory of their older brother that had committed suicide, and I thought it was such a nice idea and a way to make someone a part of you forever (outwardly). I have not for a minute ever regretted either of my tattoos because they represent something that I am passionate about (my home town and my state), and I generally think that if you get a tattoo about something that close to your heart you will never regret having done it, but I am a tattoo kind of person so that just my opinion.
Regarding the artist - I actually did a lot of approaching people who had tattoos that looked crisp and fresh and asked them where they got it, I would say that would be a good place to get an idea. Asking people that are "tattoo people" rather than someone who has a random tattoo of Hello Kitty, should give you a good directions. A lot of artist can do anything well if you give them a specific idea. You could always go and schedule a consultation, explain what you want (and as you have something very specific most artists can work with that) and they will most likely ask you the specific look you are going for, and they can draw something up for you. My ex-roommate is a tattoo artist at a reputable shop in town and she does this quite a bit. From what I've seen from the well reviewed shops, most of the artists can do any style you prefer (although they may have a specific thing they are best known for)
posted by Quincy at 4:45 PM on May 10, 2012
I have two highly visible tattoos on my arms (if I'm wearing short sleeves that is) one on the insides of my wrists and one inside my upper arm. I generally find that more often than not people don't even notice them, or if they do don't say anything about it. I even technically work in a corporate environment (although be it more casual then some), and have never been given any grief regarding my tattoos, or my nose ring for that matter. I think especially if you live in a liberal area you wouldn't have any problem. I think tattoos have become so common place that people barely even notice them anymore.
I do, like everyone else has said, get a lot of questions about mine, at least the less obvious of the two, when people do notice them. So you would end up being asked to explain it when people do notice, but unless I misunderstood it seems like that is the kind of what you want the whole point of it to be in the first place.
I think that it is a lovely idea, and it sounds like it will be a beautiful way to memorialize your son. I had some friends that all got tattoos in memory of their older brother that had committed suicide, and I thought it was such a nice idea and a way to make someone a part of you forever (outwardly). I have not for a minute ever regretted either of my tattoos because they represent something that I am passionate about (my home town and my state), and I generally think that if you get a tattoo about something that close to your heart you will never regret having done it, but I am a tattoo kind of person so that just my opinion.
Regarding the artist - I actually did a lot of approaching people who had tattoos that looked crisp and fresh and asked them where they got it, I would say that would be a good place to get an idea. Asking people that are "tattoo people" rather than someone who has a random tattoo of Hello Kitty, should give you a good directions. A lot of artist can do anything well if you give them a specific idea. You could always go and schedule a consultation, explain what you want (and as you have something very specific most artists can work with that) and they will most likely ask you the specific look you are going for, and they can draw something up for you. My ex-roommate is a tattoo artist at a reputable shop in town and she does this quite a bit. From what I've seen from the well reviewed shops, most of the artists can do any style you prefer (although they may have a specific thing they are best known for)
posted by Quincy at 4:45 PM on May 10, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
One thing to consider is that if you have a very visible tattoo, people will ask about it - they may ask about its meaning. Will you feel comfortable telling casual acquaintances (or even strangers) the real meaning/ making something up?
posted by insectosaurus at 6:46 AM on May 8, 2012