Unreliable friend, at my wit's end. What to do?
March 17, 2012 1:49 AM Subscribe
Unreliable friend - last straw. Suggestions, insights?
I have a friend who I care a lot about me. Over the years, he has shown unreliable behavior consistently, putting off get-togethers and being very sporadic with keeping in touch. One summer, he never got back to me, despite being in town and knowing we were long overdue for a get-together, and later that same year, he disappeared for days and worried all my friends and I with his disappearance. He reappeared without explanation, and was annoyed with us for making sure he was okay (he was blacked out, put in the hospital, to keep a long story short). I've put up with it and tolerated with it because when we DO get together, our connection as friends is amazing. He knows how to make me laugh, feel good about myself, and he has this incredibly wonderful personality. He's also exactly the same with everyone else, including his girlfriend(s), and I believe he even lost some of his relationships because of his unreliability.
Well, I'm at my wits end, and I'm seriously ready to write him off and cut him off, but I'm not sure if I'm being overly unreasonable. I had an important video to make, and needed his help. Long story short, I was in a bad situation, so decided to create a petition and get my friends' support by doing a video to help my friends understand the situation I was in. He was incredibly comforting when we talked on iChat, and made me feel so much better about the whole situation. He's a guru with video editing, and he also knows how to do a persuasive presentation to pull the audience in (important for my situation; I don't have that skill). This iChat session happened the week before this week. He said he would help me over the weekend, and that he knew how hard it was for me and that he would be my "director" (in jest). I felt incredibly better, and like I finally had an ally.
Fast forward to now. I never heard back from him last weekend. He never got back to my texts. I let him have his time, until Monday, then sent him a text making sure he was allright. No response. On Wednesday, I texted him again asking to please confirm if he could help me, and to let me know if he couldn't help, so I could find someone else to help me. I emphasized how important and time-sensitive the video was. No response. In the meantime, I saw some updates from him on his Facebook - liking others' status/pictures (thanks, Ticker), posting an update. If he had the time to do Facebook, why didn't he have the time to contact me? He knew how important my situation was. It's a possibility his text wasn't working, but I knew another friend of his near me who did get responses from him on text this past week, so that's pretty much a ruled out issue.
I left him a message on Facebook earlier tonight, and - surprise - he texted me and asked me to iChat tomorrow. Okay. In normal circumstances, this wouldn't bother me, but... my situation was really important and time-sensitive, which was clear to him in the first place, and I'm just plain sick and tired of putting up with his unreliability. I know that's who he is, I knew that was who he was before this, but I still made the foolish move to trust that he would pull through for me. However, cutting him off... I don't know. He did mean a lot to me. I guess the truth is, I'm confused.
An important fact to consider - we are currently 3,000 miles apart. We're both Deaf (irrelevant to this situation, but wanted to mention it so no suggestions would be made to try calling him, etc.). We're both males.
Bottom line - I'm not sure what to do. I'm really ready to cut him off. However, I'm not. Any insights would be greatly appreciated!
Anonymized because my username is quite identifiable.
I have a friend who I care a lot about me. Over the years, he has shown unreliable behavior consistently, putting off get-togethers and being very sporadic with keeping in touch. One summer, he never got back to me, despite being in town and knowing we were long overdue for a get-together, and later that same year, he disappeared for days and worried all my friends and I with his disappearance. He reappeared without explanation, and was annoyed with us for making sure he was okay (he was blacked out, put in the hospital, to keep a long story short). I've put up with it and tolerated with it because when we DO get together, our connection as friends is amazing. He knows how to make me laugh, feel good about myself, and he has this incredibly wonderful personality. He's also exactly the same with everyone else, including his girlfriend(s), and I believe he even lost some of his relationships because of his unreliability.
Well, I'm at my wits end, and I'm seriously ready to write him off and cut him off, but I'm not sure if I'm being overly unreasonable. I had an important video to make, and needed his help. Long story short, I was in a bad situation, so decided to create a petition and get my friends' support by doing a video to help my friends understand the situation I was in. He was incredibly comforting when we talked on iChat, and made me feel so much better about the whole situation. He's a guru with video editing, and he also knows how to do a persuasive presentation to pull the audience in (important for my situation; I don't have that skill). This iChat session happened the week before this week. He said he would help me over the weekend, and that he knew how hard it was for me and that he would be my "director" (in jest). I felt incredibly better, and like I finally had an ally.
Fast forward to now. I never heard back from him last weekend. He never got back to my texts. I let him have his time, until Monday, then sent him a text making sure he was allright. No response. On Wednesday, I texted him again asking to please confirm if he could help me, and to let me know if he couldn't help, so I could find someone else to help me. I emphasized how important and time-sensitive the video was. No response. In the meantime, I saw some updates from him on his Facebook - liking others' status/pictures (thanks, Ticker), posting an update. If he had the time to do Facebook, why didn't he have the time to contact me? He knew how important my situation was. It's a possibility his text wasn't working, but I knew another friend of his near me who did get responses from him on text this past week, so that's pretty much a ruled out issue.
I left him a message on Facebook earlier tonight, and - surprise - he texted me and asked me to iChat tomorrow. Okay. In normal circumstances, this wouldn't bother me, but... my situation was really important and time-sensitive, which was clear to him in the first place, and I'm just plain sick and tired of putting up with his unreliability. I know that's who he is, I knew that was who he was before this, but I still made the foolish move to trust that he would pull through for me. However, cutting him off... I don't know. He did mean a lot to me. I guess the truth is, I'm confused.
An important fact to consider - we are currently 3,000 miles apart. We're both Deaf (irrelevant to this situation, but wanted to mention it so no suggestions would be made to try calling him, etc.). We're both males.
Bottom line - I'm not sure what to do. I'm really ready to cut him off. However, I'm not. Any insights would be greatly appreciated!
Anonymized because my username is quite identifiable.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, but this is basically just complaining about your friend. This would not be okayed as an anon question, and deciding if you've had enough is something you need to figure out for yourself. -- taz
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