How do I pretend to be excited about an engagement I'm not excited about?
February 18, 2012 7:01 PM Subscribe
Sister in law just got engaged. I'm not super excited. How do I fake it 'till I make it?
posted by kat518 to human relations (43 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Short version: I feel like a jerk but my sister in law just got engaged and I am not enthusiastic about it. How do I feign enthusiasm for an entire engagement and wedding without showing my true colors to the wrong people, namely the future bride and groom?
Background: I love my sister in law, who I will call Z. While occasionally intense and princess-y, she’s sweet and generally awesome. The fiance, who I will call M, seems like a good guy. I haven’t gotten any red flags about him.
Maybe two years ago, Z was seeing another guy who she had been with for years. He was okay but generally an unstable ball of drama who broke her heart twice. Z met both her ex and M in college. She’s been friends with M since then. After the ex broke her heart the second time, she was alone for a little while, then started seeing M. Soon after, they moved in together. They’ve been seeing each other for <18 months.
M has a sister, J, who is about my age. Z really likes J who is married and just had a kid. Z and I have talked about how we don’t want to rush into having kids but while that’s what Z says, she’s acting super domestic. She bakes a ton and thinks she wants to start a business baking. She acts like she’s playing house. They just got a dog. I think it bothers me because I’m in no place to act domestic. It’s like she’s playing house. In some ways, I think it’s fake. Adults don’t play house. My husband (her brother) and I have been together for 8+ years and I don’t feel like being an adult is about playing house. Maybe I’m in a funk but that’s how I see it.
I also feel like things are always super easy for her. She’s kind of a princess. She’s working a job that her friend’s dad gave her. I don’t know how that fits in to anything but in some ways, I think the best relationships have been through several challenges. I don’t think her relationship has overcome anything. My mom died years before my husband and I got married. I think having had to deal with that made our relationship stronger. I know that’s not how things work for everyone but there’s that.
Anyway, they’ve been together for <18 months. My husband and I were together for 4+ years when we got engaged. My sister was with her husband for about 5 years before they got engaged. My brother and his girlfriend have been seeing each other for even longer and aren’t engaged. I know different strokes for different folks but yeah.
Part of me is definitely jealous of how it seems like everything comes easily to her but for all sorts of reasons, I am not super excited about them getting engaged. I know this isn’t a particularly unique problem and I know I need to just fake it ‘till I make it but do you have suggestions for dealing with that? My husband is a sweet chill guy and we can talk about stuff like this but how do I pretend to be excited about something that I’m just not that excited about?