How do I keep my long term personal goals which don't have obvious success criteria at the front of my mind?
December 17, 2011 3:43 AM Subscribe
[Not quite New Year's Resolution filter] How do I keep my long term personal goals which don't have obvious success criteria at the front of my mind?
I'm not normally one for New Year's Resolutions but this year my situation is a little different; I'm about to start a new job in a new (old) city and suddenly I'm filled with optimism for the future and I have this tremendous opportunity to form new routines and live my life in a better way. 2011 has been....frustrating and so I'm looking to 2012 to give me a bit of a fresh start.
I have made a long list of things which I want to do/achieve next year. Some of these are practical things such as: save up x amount of money, find a cool place to live, pass some professional exams etc. These are easy because all I need to do is write a to-do list, do the things, cross them off and luxuriate in the little endorphin hits as I do so. The problem comes with the things on my list which are less practical such as: be less socially passive, build more friendships based on common interests, be more mindful etc. These are difficult because they are not things which I will ever 'finish' and be able to cross off my list and also because there is no real pressure to do them other than from myself. I know that I should break them down into specific little steps which do have clearly defined success criteria and I will do this.
The problem is that while these things are at the front of my mind right now, I know that in month or so these deeply felt desires which are important to my future health and happiness will be replaced by the petty minutiae of everyday life like remembering to buy toilet paper, paying the phone bill and finishing the monthly widget report on time. How can I stop this from happening?
(I have considered printing out my list and sticking it somewhere I will see it every day but the problem with this is that some of the things on it are very private and I don't like the idea of the people I live with reading them)
I'm not normally one for New Year's Resolutions but this year my situation is a little different; I'm about to start a new job in a new (old) city and suddenly I'm filled with optimism for the future and I have this tremendous opportunity to form new routines and live my life in a better way. 2011 has been....frustrating and so I'm looking to 2012 to give me a bit of a fresh start.
I have made a long list of things which I want to do/achieve next year. Some of these are practical things such as: save up x amount of money, find a cool place to live, pass some professional exams etc. These are easy because all I need to do is write a to-do list, do the things, cross them off and luxuriate in the little endorphin hits as I do so. The problem comes with the things on my list which are less practical such as: be less socially passive, build more friendships based on common interests, be more mindful etc. These are difficult because they are not things which I will ever 'finish' and be able to cross off my list and also because there is no real pressure to do them other than from myself. I know that I should break them down into specific little steps which do have clearly defined success criteria and I will do this.
The problem is that while these things are at the front of my mind right now, I know that in month or so these deeply felt desires which are important to my future health and happiness will be replaced by the petty minutiae of everyday life like remembering to buy toilet paper, paying the phone bill and finishing the monthly widget report on time. How can I stop this from happening?
(I have considered printing out my list and sticking it somewhere I will see it every day but the problem with this is that some of the things on it are very private and I don't like the idea of the people I live with reading them)
Take the "specific little steps" and create a daily job list with them. Changing from a destination (be less socially passive) to a series of steps on a journey (smile at one stranger today) is key, I think, because it gives you a concrete thing to do. Overall, the end result is the same, but now you have little daily goals that can be tracked easily.
I have a few jobs that I try to do every day - take a multivitamin, drink X amount of water, brush teeth twice, etc - that are never going to be "done", because they're going to continue for the rest of my life. I use Joes Goals to keep track of all of the jobs and tick them off as I get them done. I have it set as my homepage, so every time I open my browser, it's right there to remind me. I get everything done, because I don't have to remember and something outside of me is nagging me to do them.
Or, you could consider working the goals in the same way you remember to buy the toilet paper and pay the bills. There must be something that reminds you to do those things, so perhaps you could attach your goals to those? Perhaps have a little visual reminder at the bottom of the box you keep your toilet paper in. It needn't be obvious, just something that you associate with X goal.
I find, too, that reminding myself why these goals are important is useful. When I brush my teeth for example, I remind myself that I'm keeping my teeth clean and healthy and avoiding expensive dentist bills. It helps cement in my head that I should be doing these things.
Another thing I find useful is to give myself a little oxytocin rush when I'm achieving a daily goal. When I take my multivitamin, I smile to myself to trigger a release of oxytocin, which seems to help me remember to take it in future. (I don't completely understand how this works, and as far as I know, there's no scientific evidence to back this up. It's just something that works for me.)
posted by Solomon at 4:36 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have a few jobs that I try to do every day - take a multivitamin, drink X amount of water, brush teeth twice, etc - that are never going to be "done", because they're going to continue for the rest of my life. I use Joes Goals to keep track of all of the jobs and tick them off as I get them done. I have it set as my homepage, so every time I open my browser, it's right there to remind me. I get everything done, because I don't have to remember and something outside of me is nagging me to do them.
Or, you could consider working the goals in the same way you remember to buy the toilet paper and pay the bills. There must be something that reminds you to do those things, so perhaps you could attach your goals to those? Perhaps have a little visual reminder at the bottom of the box you keep your toilet paper in. It needn't be obvious, just something that you associate with X goal.
I find, too, that reminding myself why these goals are important is useful. When I brush my teeth for example, I remind myself that I'm keeping my teeth clean and healthy and avoiding expensive dentist bills. It helps cement in my head that I should be doing these things.
Another thing I find useful is to give myself a little oxytocin rush when I'm achieving a daily goal. When I take my multivitamin, I smile to myself to trigger a release of oxytocin, which seems to help me remember to take it in future. (I don't completely understand how this works, and as far as I know, there's no scientific evidence to back this up. It's just something that works for me.)
posted by Solomon at 4:36 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
For any sort of goal, as you note, you need to break it down into trackable actions.
I've used the MeFi team at HealthMonth to track a number of goals that are not really "health" related, using the site's custom goal builder. I've found the social support and encouragement from my teammates to be invaluable, and the "gamification" aspect is also a boost for those days when you need a little extra push to just do that thing that you told yourself you were going to do. I think there are a fair number of team members who are doing similar things (and there are built-in goals you can adopt that may fit the goals you describe, such as "go on friend dates" or "do meaningful work" or "meditate").
The way Health Month is structured, each month you get a chance to reflect on the previous month and reassess your goals. You can make some harder, or easier, add new ones, let some go... I think this is a very helpful aspect, because it makes it easy to track just a few things at the beginning, with the understanding that perhaps the next month you'll add in one or two new goals. During the month, you can set it to send you a daily reminder email to go log the previous day's results.
You can also make goals private on HeMo, if that's a concern.
posted by drlith at 5:34 AM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've used the MeFi team at HealthMonth to track a number of goals that are not really "health" related, using the site's custom goal builder. I've found the social support and encouragement from my teammates to be invaluable, and the "gamification" aspect is also a boost for those days when you need a little extra push to just do that thing that you told yourself you were going to do. I think there are a fair number of team members who are doing similar things (and there are built-in goals you can adopt that may fit the goals you describe, such as "go on friend dates" or "do meaningful work" or "meditate").
The way Health Month is structured, each month you get a chance to reflect on the previous month and reassess your goals. You can make some harder, or easier, add new ones, let some go... I think this is a very helpful aspect, because it makes it easy to track just a few things at the beginning, with the understanding that perhaps the next month you'll add in one or two new goals. During the month, you can set it to send you a daily reminder email to go log the previous day's results.
You can also make goals private on HeMo, if that's a concern.
posted by drlith at 5:34 AM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you use Outlook, you can set up reminders for appointments to take steps toward each goal, say, every 2-3 weeks (or however long a time increment you like - every Friday at 7 a.m. I remind myself to go through my weekly chores and ensure everything's done so I can leave work productive and happy for the weekend).
These appointments and reminders can be marked "private" so nobody can see them but you; you can have them sent to a smartphone for access wherever, whenever. You can do something similar with Google Calendar.
Don't assume that esoteric life goals cannot be managed and conquered in the same way work tasks are; they are, in fact, WORK to accomplish. Why not treat them as such until it's second nature?
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:10 AM on December 17, 2011
These appointments and reminders can be marked "private" so nobody can see them but you; you can have them sent to a smartphone for access wherever, whenever. You can do something similar with Google Calendar.
Don't assume that esoteric life goals cannot be managed and conquered in the same way work tasks are; they are, in fact, WORK to accomplish. Why not treat them as such until it's second nature?
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:10 AM on December 17, 2011
Also, just by resolving to do these things in the coming year now makes you 10 times more likely to accomplish them, according to research, so you've already taken the first step by posting this question. Bravo!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:12 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:12 AM on December 17, 2011
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Or you could set up daily/weekly reminders on your phone/email through the end of the year. That would also be a frequent but still private reminder of your goals.
posted by heyheylanagirl at 3:55 AM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]