My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are happy and are sexually active, but we just don't have sex. I know that everybody does it at any age now, and that everywhere you turn, you are somehow reminded of it, but is that so bad? Basically, when we first got together, everything was (of course) perfect. He was a virgin but I wasn't, and he knew that. I liked the fact that we had a lot of sexual tension but that he didn't ever pressure me to do anything I didn't want to. Basically, he wanted me to make the shots. And I feel almost like it's still that way now.
posted by xopaigexo to Human Relations (29 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We stayed pretty innocent for the first year and a half, and during that time, if I ever brought up sex, he seemed like he was a bit uneasy. We almost did many, many times but never quite went through with it. October of 2010, however, we ended up just going nuts and we did everything that we hadn't already (including sex twice), and looking back now it's like we just wanted to get everything out of our system. Thing is, we haven't had sex since. And I see a lot of people posting things about how them and their significant others don't have sex anymore, but the thing is, my boyfriend and I didn't routinely have sex, we simply just tried it out a couple of times. And afterwards, he was a bit nervous like "Oh man, how did I do?". A few months afterwards, I bluntly asked him if he wanted to have sex when we were in the heat of the moment, and he said that he didn't feel like it right now, but later definetely. Later, however, he confessed and told me that he wanted to lay off sex for now because he was worried of all of the risks involved with pregnancy, and that even though I was on the pill, it may not cut it. (We were both in high school at the time and coincidentally taking health) And both of us aren't really interested in condoms. I was fine with us not having sex, but just the fact that we did that October really threw me off, and I was wondering if that was the only reason why. And fast forward to now, were affectionate but I'm still the one calling the shots. He'll cuddle with me and touch me, but I feel like I have to push for anything sexual, even if it's for him. And everything will be great after that, but I just wish he would call the shots too. I know for a fact that we don't have low libidos, there is sexual tension between us a lot of the time, and I know that he's not cheating on me for sure, and I know that he enjoys everything, it just boggles my mind that he's a guy and not constantly thinking about sex like everyone else his age. Let me just say that I'm fine with us not having sex for now, its why that gets to me. And we talk about stuff that's bothering us with each other, but I feel like this would be such an awkward conversation. It sometimes takes somebody looking in from the outside to see what's going on.