November 27, 2011 9:12 AM Subscribe
Asking for a friend: her unhinged, stalker ex-boyfriend's behaviour has escalated into violence. We are all very concerned. Any help would be appreciated, particularly if you know any details about dealing with this kind of situation in London.
posted by anonymous to human relations (21 answers total)
I'm asking for a friend as she doesn't have a MeFi account, but I will refer her to this thread.
In a nutshell: she broke up with him a few months ago. In that time, his behaviour has consistently escalated from merely being an asshole to, most recently, outright violence.
It started initially with harassing texts and phone calls, eventually moving into e-mails claiming that he would destroy her reputation, which were then followed by vague, bizarre threats.
She told him never to contact her again, changed her phone number, and went to see a lawyer. About a week after all of this, he started leaving notes in her mailbox. Shortly after that, he started showing up at her house.
This is all alarming enough in its own right, but what has really tipped thing over the edge are the events of the past week (less than a week after the notes in the mailbox): at one point during the day, my friend thought she had seen this ex-boyfriend watching her from somewhere across the street near her house (this is in a non-central part of London.) She has recently started seeing a new guy, and they were hanging out at her flat one night when suddenly there was a loud shouting and pounding on the door. It was the ex-boyfriend.
Somehow, somebody opened the door and the ex-boyfriend forced his way inside; there was a confrontation, and in the midst of it, the ex-boyfriend punched the new guy. Of course the police were called, but they were...less than helpful. The ex-boyfriend was told to never contact her again and let off with a warning. My friend was told that in order for an injunction to be filed, he would have to try something again.
Already, he has e-mailed her several times, most recently threatening suicide. My friend has said that he hasn't physically hurt her 'yet', but of course, that 'yet' hangs in the air like a pregnant pause. Both her and her flatmate are staying at different houses for the moment, and the ex-boyfriend doesn't know where they are, though he does know where she works.
I've tried to relate the facts as dryly as possible, but of course we are all very troubled by this situation. The police have been no help whatsoever. WITHOUT EVERYBODY FREAKING OUT, what are some good, concrete steps that can be taken to alleviate the danger and deal with this situation?
1) This is in London, so any specifics of UK law, or London-based resources would be particularly appreciated.
2) The ex-boyfriend is here on a visa that specifically forbids him from engaging in any kind of criminal behaviour. Is deportation a realistic option? (For the record, this would be deportation back to another first world country.)
Thank you in advance for your help.