So my 18-year-old daughter called me crying and asked me to pick her up from work. She is a hostess, at a semi-upscale chain restaurant, and this is her first real job. When I got there, she was just absolutely in pieces -- which I never
see, from her.
She tells me about a confrontation she had with some other hostess, who sent her and a party of six to the wrong table, then blamed my daughter for it, then publicly derided her in front of a gaggle of waitstaff. My daughter asks Heather to just talk to her, so they can work this out, and (of course) Heather mocks her to her face, and tells her there is nothing *to* work out. Later, a manager sees her, and asks if there is anything wrong and my daughter tries to say, no, no, I'm fine,
but the manager drags out of her what happened. Now my daughter is horrified at having been a tattle-tale, and convinced that if Heather didn't have cause to hate her before, she does now. And explodes in a crying frenzy. The manager suggests, not unkindly, that maybe she should take off the rest of the shift, which she does. It is not lost on her that this has now cost her money, money she needs, and that Heather can tell her own story for the rest of the day.
I'm hearing this, and feeling for her so much, because the bitches and their ways used to make me cry too, when I
was an 18-year-old hostess -- but I don't know what to say. The bitches still exist, damn them, even in the professional jobs I have now, but they don't make me cry anymore -- but I don't know how that happened, or how to help her get there. I don't even know how I do
handle them, other than to keep out of their way as much as I can, I guess. I'm sorry there are bitches, sweetie. They really should all be killed
was all I could find to say, but it is not very much to the purpose.
And sorry about the incendiary language -- Men have ways of being horrible, too, certainly, but the thing my daughter experienced is, I think, a strictly girl-on-girl kind of combat. And I know Heather is only a young woman, too, and still learning, and probably deserving of some kind of compassion if bullying my daughter is how she needs to get by. I just --
- How did you, as a young woman, learn to deal with "mean girls" at work?
- Do you still struggle with this kind of stuff at work? How do you deal?
- What should my daughter do? It may be a crap job, but she needs this job. How does she handle having cried and flipped out over what must seem -- what *was* -- a completely minor incident?
- What can I say, what could someone have said to you, to make you feel better?