Seeking Housemate Situation for The First Time - Help Me Present Myself Best

July 20, 2011 12:42 PM

Looking for an apartment share. There are limited options in my price range, so I need to maximize my appeal. What can I do to make myself sound like a good roommate in my intro emails and calls?

I have to move in August or early September at the latest, and due to budget reasons, I need to move into a shared situation. This is the first time I'll ever have a housemate (or more), so I'm completely new to this. I grew up an only child and aside from living with my parents and some time living alone, that has been it.

Also, there are not that many options in my ideal price range and choice of neighborhoods (important, because S.O. is near and I need to be close to public transit options), so what I'm looking for are ways to make me seem really appealing to those I do send emails or call about to maximize my chances of getting what I need.

I've sent emails on a couple of apartments very soon after the Craigslist listings went up and they're pretty great and in my budget, but I haven't heard back from anyone at all. I don't know what (or if anything) is turning people off in my emails.

Possibilities:

-I work from home. Maybe people are concerned over power, but I addressed that in my email. I've also stated that I'm out of the house regularly. I've also seen ads that specifically say no telecommuters.
- I work two jobs and do freelance work on the side. Maybe people think it's not steady enough (it is, and I have enough in the bank to pay rent for a year, so that's not an issue)
- Maybe not enough personality in the email. Like I said, this is my first time living with others, so I am just writing what it seems that according to past AskMe responses and other internet research has brought up. Maybe I'm missing something. Some people think I'm kind of serious, but I don't think my emails sounded heavy.
- I'm quiet, a bookworm type, and I've mentioned that I'm sometimes up late (until about 2am). I'm a geek and techy, but I'm also really social and laid back (also all in the emails).
-Note that I'm not mentioning this being my first share experience anywhere.

Do you think it's a numbers game why I'm not getting responses, or could it be something about my intros? I'm practically about to cry over this one place which was slightly outside my ideal budget but so perfect I want it badly. The location is amazing and the space is perfect. It's been 36 hours now and no reply. I just sent a polite three-line follow up in the hopes of catching the woman's attention and reiterating my interest.

So how do I get to the next phase where I can at least get a response and be invited to look at these places? How do I come off and sound like the housemate/renter everybody (or most people) would want?

posted by Fire to human relations (31 answers total)

Oh, and just to note that my price range isn't ultra cheap and nor am I looking in pricey areas or areas out of my range in general. IF that might affect responses. Basically, I'm not looking for the impossible bargain.
posted by Fire at 12:49 PM on July 20, 2011

This is only two places you've replied to. Likely the poster got overwhelmed with responses and had to do some triage.

But maybe you're putting too much information in your intros. Don't talk about how you do two jobs and freelance, work from home, and stay up late. Ask if the place is still available. Say you're a young professional (mention your field) moving from (wherever you're moving from). Talk about your interests in a general way. Don't talk about being a quiet techy bookworm. Basically, you want to mention your age range, that you have a job, and that you want to know if the place is available. Then you will meet the other housemates. It's when you talk to the housemates directly that you will get a feel for work and living habits and whether you guys are compatible. If they want more information they will ask you for it.
posted by deanc at 12:55 PM on July 20, 2011 [4 favorites]

You might be writing too much. It's good to be up-front, but you don't need to lay *all* that out in a first email.

Also, in some cities, people advertising great places are really inundated with replies and can take a while to go through all of them and get back to people. Don't give up hope after 36 hours.
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:55 PM on July 20, 2011

I think you're over-thinking this. Don't send a huge introductory HI THIS IS WHO I AM email right off the bat. Send something short and sweet. The last thing someone wants to deal with when their inbox is flooded with 400 responses to an ad is a huge wall of text. Address all the requirements/issues they post in the ad, write like you're smiling, and let it be.

When I did this a year ago, this was my standard intro, personal details redacted:

---------------
Dear [name],

I saw your craigslist post, and I might be interested in your roommate situation.

To answer your questions, I'm 24, female, very tidy, very responsible (I've never been late with a rent or utility payment in my life), laid back, and friendly. I love pets [poster had pets], but don't have any (unless you count my lone fish, Maurice, but he's more like furniture). I currently don't have a job, but am interviewing right now for non-profit development positions.

I spend a lot of time during the week with my boyfriend (at his place), but when I'm around I like to bake and work on assorted little craft projects. [Question about poster's craft interest that she put in the ad.]

Your place sounds awesome, and would be especially great given its proximity to [restaurant I really like]!

Feel free to ask me if you have any questions. I'd love to set up a time to meet you and see the place. (Thursday afternoon is great for me if you're available.)

Thanks!
phunniemee
[email, phone]
posted by phunniemee at 12:56 PM on July 20, 2011 [3 favorites]

I've been in your shoes a few times, and here's what I'm thinking based on what you're written here:

-I work from home. Maybe people are concerned over power, but I addressed that in my email. I've also stated that I'm out of the house regularly. I've also seen ads that specifically say no telecommuters.

State that you're a working freelancer and how many hours you expect to be working out of the house. Note that you'll be happy to receive packages, etc. if needed. Make sure you note that you won't be bringing clients to your "office."

- I work two jobs and do freelance work on the side. Maybe people think it's not steady enough (it is, and I have enough in the bank to pay rent for a year, so that's not an issue)

Note that you can provide excellent references from your current freelance clients and your current employers, and that you'll pass a credit check.

- Maybe not enough personality in the email. Like I said, this is my first time living with others, so I am just writing what it seems that according to past AskMe responses and other internet research has brought up. Maybe I'm missing something. Some people think I'm kind of serious, but I don't think my emails sounded heavy.

When I was looking for roommates in the past, I always responded better to people who expressed a bit of personality in their email to me, why they were looking, how solid they were financially.

- I'm quiet, a bookworm type, and I've mentioned that I'm sometimes up late (until about 2am). I'm a geek and techy, but I'm also really social and laid back (also all in the emails).

A phrase I found works is: "I’m nice and friendly if you want conversation, can keep to
myself if you need quiet time." Feel free to steal this one if you like. Also, if you're up late playing video games in your room or reading, make sure that you note that you're up late doing quiet and considerable things.

-Note that I'm not mentioning this being my first share experience anywhere.

Good instinct. Other things to note:

*You will keep common areas neat and clean.
*You will share utilities and pay all bills on time.

In the long run, what most people want for a roommate is someone who will be nice to them, pay on time, not steal their stuff, not cause drama, and take care of the place as if it were their own. Also, noting how long of a lease you want is great because as noted above, people are doing triage and if you don't meet their needs, they won't answer you.
posted by TrishaLynn at 1:00 PM on July 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

While it may feel longer in a pressure situation, 36 hours isn't so long. When I have done roommate searches, sometimes I didn't hear anything for a few days. In the situation you mention, you sent one intro email and then a follow-up. That's good. Wait a little while before you follow up again, and try to relax. Look at other options and contact those options, too. Give yourself lots of choices and it will be easier.

I can't say anything definitive about the emails really without reading them, but it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. In my opinion, it is extremely important to represent yourself as honestly as possible to a potential roommate to create a harmonious living situation. Do you feel you're being honest? If so, roll with it and don't think too much. The right person will come along.

You might also consider, though, that you're giving too much info too soon. It might be easier to explain things in person because an essay on your own tastes might be a bit much for some. If that ring true, though, then don't worry. It isn't wrong to want to intro yourself right away.

I found my current roommate by on Craigslist. This was when I referred to myself as the "roommate refugee," due to a string of weird roommate relationships involving jealousy, control issues, romantic entanglements, lying, etc. So I laid everything out on the table when we initially emailed, saying what I could and could not deal with right out. This helped me talk honestly after we moved in together about things that bother me, because I felt that I had truthfully represented myself from the start. I'd still rather live alone, but so far, it's the best situation I've had in a few years.
posted by amodelcitizen at 1:07 PM on July 20, 2011

if that doesn't ring true, I meant.
posted by amodelcitizen at 1:10 PM on July 20, 2011

I think people (esp in nyc?) are very touchy about others working from home. Since you would be moving into their place (since they are already there...), current tenants can be a little bit territorial. It would sound much better if you could give specific hours that you would work/or be out....basically new yorkers (the cynical ones I know, and I don't even know where you are looking- prob not in nyc) do not want someone who will be home all the time, or even most of the time. People want a roommate who will be in and out (ideal is one who stays at SO's frequently/works away from home a lot) and who pays the rent on time. But that is the cynical version.

The nicer version is that you are giving too much info, haven't applied to enough places, and don't realize how long apartment searching sometimes takes. So just keep trying and applying.

Good luck!
posted by bquarters at 2:08 PM on July 20, 2011

... I like to bake and work on assorted little craft projects. ...
posted by phunniemee

phunniemee's letter is good, except maybe the baking part. So many people gush about their love for cooking like it's a good thing. Unless it's a commune with a shared cooking plan, "I eat all my meal at McDonalds" might get you higher up the list.

Similarly, not having too much personality can be better sometimes.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:32 PM on July 20, 2011

Looks like perhaps I should be briefer than my nearly 700-word standard intro emails that I've been sending. I'll see what I can cut and save for later.

- In terms of the telecommute situation, it is what it is. I am home a lot. I've been upfront about all of this. I'm out for a couple of hours each evening to the gym and errands, one weekend day, and maybe one Saturday a month. I work six days a week, days and some evenings. I stay in and play video games and read a lot. I am looking for a home, not a transient space to be coming and going from. Working outside the home would be rare, because of the need to pay for that in most situations. But if I get a place close to my S.O., I could work over there on the rare occasion, but not spend nights there. So given the above, any more advice to this part specifically?

- And I do love to cook and bake. I'm super passionate about it, it saves money, and is healthier. I mentioned in my email that I come with a bunch of kitchen stuff and several appliances, which I'm open to sharing, I do my dishes, and store groceries neatly. Initially, I wasn't open to sharing my appliances, but I figured that might make things easier.
posted by Fire at 2:45 PM on July 20, 2011

So given the above, any more advice to this part specifically?

I agree with bquarters' cynical version.

It isn't just that many people like roommates who aren't always home, but also that many people like roommates with predictable schedules. Also, six days a week includes at least one weekend day, which may be problematic for people who don't want to feel like they're tiptoeing around the house on their day off. (You may say they don't have to, but they will probably feel like they have to.)

Can you maybe provide more structure and away-from-home time by, say, committing to work at a coffee shop/library/SO's house on certain days of the week?
posted by lalex at 2:54 PM on July 20, 2011

So given the above, any more advice to this part specifically?

Get out more. Hang out with your SO. Do some work from a coffee shop sometimes. Don't become known as "that creepy roommate who never leaves."

And if this isn't possible don't describe yourself in terms of, "I work six days a week, days and some evenings. I stay in and play video games and read a lot." I'm not saying you shouldn't be who you are, and I'm not saying you're being a bad roommate. But don't raise any red flags. People will be fine if you're a quiet roommate who likes to read, play video games, and has to work a lot. But the way you're articulating this set of (very normal!) habits probably makes you come across in your 700 word introductory essays as "verbose anti-social shut-in."
posted by deanc at 3:06 PM on July 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Looks like perhaps I should be briefer than my nearly 700-word standard intro emails...

Oh yes. If you lead with a bunch of particulars, you can come across as someone who is very particular--and possibly demanding or coming with a lot of baggage even if you're not talking about stuff that is really indicative of baggage/drama.

Working at home, especially in a smaller place, will turn a lot of people off. That's just a fact you'll have to accept. But you have to get that first meeting/viewing in order to get lucky and find the person who thinks "this is someone I wouldn't mind having underfoot."

A lot of advice given to people for job-hunting and online-dating applies here as well. Your first contact should be brief, friendly, hit the positive notes nearly everyone is looking for (tidy, considerate, financially sound, friendly but not up in someone's business all the time), let a little personality come through, and say something about the advertisement that makes you think it would be a good fit for you (and, thus, you a good fit for it). Phunimee's dog-remark is a good example. It gets you noticed out of a stack of generic replies.

Let the particulars that might turn a person off come out in the face-to-face meeting when you can spin them with a smile. "I have 2 jobs and do some freelancing too, so I'm never behind on the rent." Or "I work from home several days in the week, so your dog will get lots of walks and attention courtesy of me."
posted by K.P. at 3:12 PM on July 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

700 words - are you joking?

If you're not, that is way, way, waaay too much. I'm guessing that the people you emailed opened your email, couldn't be bothered to read it all, and moved on. No one wants to read more than a handful of paragraphs at this stage. I'm looking for a flatmate at the moment so I've just been to look at the initial emails I've had from interested people. They range from 19 words to 215 words. Somewhere either side of 200 seems about standard.

For example, discussing how you store your groceries and mentioning your kitchen appliances is too much detail (FWIW mentioning that you have lots of kitchen appliances probably also puts people off - storage is an issue in most shared flats, so if you announce up front you're going to arrive with heaps of stuff, that's not going to help get you a foot in the door. Once you've met in person and decided you like each other they might be more forgiving about it.)

For a first email, stick to your name, age, profession, when you're hoping to move, a couple of sentences about your wider situation ("I'm moving because..." or "I'd love to live in your neighbourhood because..." or "I work from home but am happy to pay extra to cover the heating"). Ask one or two questions if you have them, no more at this stage.

Once you're sitting on the sofa chatting and trying to work out if you'll get on is the time to go into everything else. Good luck.
posted by penguin pie at 3:16 PM on July 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Most roommate arguments are about cleaning and money. State that you pay bills and rent on time & in full, and what cleaning tasks you always do, or won't do.
posted by theora55 at 3:19 PM on July 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Similarly, not having too much personality can be better sometimes.

Absolutely. There's a huge gulf between being friendly/interesting, and being annoyingly overbearing/annoyingly eccentric. Remember that most people who advertise for roommates aren't looking for a friend. They're looking for a courteous, considerate person who knows how to keep out of the way as much as possible.

I think it's best to almost come off as a boring, very "conventional" personality during the interview process. If you and your roommate happen to have compatible personalities and get along well, then you can start to show more personality once settled in.

Just don't be one of those painfully sunshiney people who feel the need to get involved with their roommates lives and chat them up every waking hour.
posted by WhitenoisE at 3:24 PM on July 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, and state upfront "I will NEVER leave dishes around the house, or let them pile up in the sink. I will keep my personal belongings out of common areas". That alone would make you a standout candidate in my book.
posted by WhitenoisE at 3:26 PM on July 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also...I don't know how things work with Craigslist or your location, but the last time I was looking for a room in a shared house I posted a "person seeking a room" advertisement here. (And when I was offering a room, I look at those types of ads.) I got many more replies to that with invitations to come see someone's spare room that I got responses to my "Hey, I saw your ad, can I come see the house" emails and phone calls. Granted, most of them were too expensive, small, far flung, or something else. I didn't actually go with any of them, but I easily could have. And the fact that people were seeking me out kept my spirits up even though flats/rooms I was actively chasing disappeared before I could even arrange a viewing. Perhaps this is a done thing in your area with Craigslist or another website similar to the one I used?
posted by K.P. at 5:00 PM on July 20, 2011

I'll be honest with you: 700 word inquiry, cooks and bakes, works from home 6 days a week? Any one of those puts you way down my list, all three and I'd just delete the email right there.

Of course, I cook and bake, I work from home. I'm the primary tenant, it's my place. Maybe you should look towards a future where you get a larger place, and you're the one subletting and choosing the roommates.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:04 PM on July 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

One of the necessary benefits of working from home is I can cook my own meals and it's cheaper. I'm not out there spending money on stuff at a coffee shop. My primary work computer is also not really portable. I work in my bedroom and hardly come out during work hours. My schedule is also stable and predictable.

I see a lot of AskMe posts where people say "Well, you both live there. It's not "your place", you share it. Most recently with the "Green" person wanting his/her roommate to be more environmentally friendly. So a few responses here are surprising in that I thought share means, you know, share. I don't understand why anyone would have an issue with something so basic and necessary as me cooking for myself.

Believe me, my original intention was to get myself a studio, but I can't currently afford that. There's absolutely no way I can be the one taking out a lease (partly due to a relative royally screwing me over last year - details in my previous questions). This situation is entirely due to budget reasons and necessity.
posted by Fire at 8:07 PM on July 20, 2011

I don't understand why anyone would have an issue with something so basic and necessary as me cooking for myself.

I can't speak for StickyCarpet but from my perspective, while housemates cooking for themselves isn't a problem in itself, people that cook as a hobby can sometimes cause problems for others in house-sharing situations.

A while back, I lived in a share house with a housemate who was very into cooking and making pretty much all her food from scratch. The thing is, she liked to make very involved, time-consuming recipes - it was to the point where she would basically cook her lunch, eat her lunch, and then it was time for her to start making her dinner. And her cooking tended to involve a lot of ingredients, taking up a lot of space both in the storage space sense and in the cooking space sense - because nobody else could use the kitchen while she was cooking, because there was just no room. Everybody else ended up basically living on takeaways because she was camped out in the kitchen constantly.

She was an extreme example, but I hope you can see how some people might be apprehensive at the prospect of a housemate who would make a lot of use of the cooking facilities. The necessity of sharing goes both ways. I am sure you are much more considerate than my former housemate, but people are generally wary when working out share living situations.
posted by lwb at 6:57 AM on July 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't understand why anyone would have an issue with something so basic and necessary as me cooking for myself.

People don't generally have an issue with that. It's assumed that most everyone is going to cook. It's just that you might be coming across more along the lines of "I am going to take over your kitchen when I move in" in your emails.

People are worried about "red flags," and the more details you provide in your emails, the more people will see reasons to raise a red flag (even unfairly). The key here is to write an intro email stating your age range and professional background and that you're interested in the place. THEN when you meet the potential roommates, you'll get to know them better, and if they have a particular hangup about something, they'll mention it to you then, and you can determine whether the situation is a good fit for you two or not. Most people, in my experience, are pretty laid back about things, and they're looking for a roommate who's also laid back about things. Those who aren't are going to mention that they have certain particularities about the apartment, but they'll generally be up front about that with you.

Nothing about your habits or preferences is wrong, at all... in fact, everything you describe falls well within the range of normal. But if you put it all together in a long list with lots of details, it may sound to someone else like, "this is a person who may be a burden to live with."

Don't overthink it. If I'm looking for a roommate, if I meet someone who also a young professional in my general age range that seems like someone I can get along with, then I'll likely take him or her as a roommate.
posted by deanc at 8:31 AM on July 21, 2011

So a few responses here are surprising in that I thought share means, you know, share. I don't understand why anyone would have an issue with something so basic and necessary as me cooking for myself.

Back when I was the primary tenant in a 3-person household, there was one roommate we had who cooked about as much as I did. My problem with her was that she was never very good at cleaning up after herself and she left dirty dishes in the sink all the time. Now, in my ad that she replied to, I noted that I didn't mind doing a majority of the dishes but every now and then a person wants a break. Other things some people could have a problem with is that if they're not used to it, they may not like the odors associated with baking and/or cooking getting into their furniture and upholstery.

It's an unfair fact, but even though you're sharing a place with someone, the person who lived there first is the one who has the relationship with the landlord and is responsible for many more things than you are. And if they own it and you're coming in as a roommate, they definitely have more of an interest in protecting their property from a stranger.
posted by TrishaLynn at 8:38 AM on July 21, 2011

I just got done with the process of finding a roommate and I've been in several situations where I've sorted through craiglisters to fill rooms, four times for a cooperative house and twice for my own apartment here which I'm on the lease of. I've done a decent job of selecting people from craigslist applicants, only one I can think of was a total dud. I'll speak from the experience of being someone will a room to let:

Your bullet points (and only your bullet points) here would cause me to follow up your email with an invitation for a visit, but if you sent me a 700 word email I wouldn't even bother to read it.

Well, you both live there. It's not "your place", you share it.

Disagree. Getting a roommate from craigslist is strictly a business matter; friendship and even basic human dignity have nothing to do with it. The most important thing to me is paying the rent - a friendly, sharing roommate situation is a bonus, not a feature.

But I want do roommates that I will enjoy living with but that's the second concern. Remember that.

1. Don't you DARE misrepresent yourself in your email or visit because you want the room. Give a good first impression but BE HONEST about yourself and everything. If it came out that you were dishonest or stretched the truth I would go fucking nuclear. There are all kinds of people out there that want all different kinds of roommates so BE HONEST.

2. The love of cooking is definitely a problem, combined with working from home makes me think you are going to change my kitchen, perhaps even dominate it. You should let people know this very clearly in your email. It may disqualify you from spaces but so be it. See point 1. Don't say more than a sentence but make your kitchen use clear and also your kitchen appliances. At one point, my living situation needed people with kitchen appliances and that would have worked in your favor. Right now, we prefer someone who doesn't have a bunch of kitchen junk.

3.Reiterating point 1. I know you want some of these places so much you can cry but don't stretch the truth when talking to potential roommates. When I/we meet you in person, we're going to put the screws to you in subtle ways, any indication you're misrepresenting yourself will make me write you off as a liar. Even if you move in I can and will ask you to leave anytime for any reason.

4. Send out many more emails. When I was looking for a place to live I sent out dozens of emails everyday and had a lot of flexibility in where I was willing to live. If you limit your options, your option will be limited and you might have to compromise or be in a bad situation.
posted by fuq at 10:42 AM on July 21, 2011

"I work from home six days a week" = "you will never have the house to yourself for a few hours so you can have some privacy with your significant other."
posted by slow graffiti at 12:09 PM on July 21, 2011

The working from home part isn't gonna be easy I won't lie. Most people are looking for roommates that aren't around a lot. I would play up that since you're home all day you are out most evenings. Even if you are in your room a lot, people will generally want to have some time to themselves and from the sound of it that sounds quite unlikely.

Also you might want to try looking for someone you could team up with to find a place. You aren't quite so much at someone else's mercy because the other person needs a place too. You could also find a 2 bedroom and rent out the other room and then you call the shots.

Unfortunately I've found looking for a roommate to often be like a platonic form of dating, with more emphasis on money and cleaning, but still dating.

Also don't bring up the mountains of kitchen stuff. People often already have a minimum of kitchen space and aren't looking to toss their stuff to make room for yours. Unless of course you have something really awesome they could use too, like say a cappuccino machine

Oh and if you have expensive electronic you would allow to be communal property that would probably also help your cause. Think big flat screen tv or xbox.
posted by whoaali at 4:02 PM on July 21, 2011

Looks like I will just have to keep up my efforts.

I have cut my intro down to less than half of what it was, mentioning that I work from home, and only that I like to cook for myself daily. Mentioned that I'm out at the gym and running errands for at least two hours in the evening and away all day on Sundays. Pointed out that I do my dishes, get paid promptly and aren't late with it, and used some of the advice from phunniemee and TrishaLynn.

Like I said, this is the first time I've ever had to do this, so I really had no idea what it's like. The advice and opinions here have been helpful in some ways, but also quite disheartening. I"m looking to share space, not looking to make friends. But the territorial attitudes are really discouraging. I need a home.

It does still seem strange to me that people want roommates that are out a lot when it's a home the person is trying to find. Also, still not quite sure why working from home is such an issue. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm paying the rent, so it should be my decision what to do in my room, as long as it isn't destructive or illegal.

Anyhow, I do appreciate the advice. I have learned a few things that are hopefully going to help. Thnks everyone.
posted by Fire at 8:10 PM on July 21, 2011

but also quite disheartening

What people want in a roommate and what people are willing to live with are two entirely different things. The ideal roommate (for most people) is one who's never home but happy to pay half the rent, so you can get the benefits of living alone (all the space you want, not worrying that you're bothering others/being bothered by someone else, walking around in your underpants) without having to pay for it. Realistically, people know this isn't the case, and most are totally fine sharing a space 50/50. But that doesn't mean they won't hold out hope.

So when you're looking for a spot, you kind of want to game the system. You can't show your cards too early. Don't lie, but do present yourself as close to the ideal roommate as possible. Let all the other stuff (I'm home all the time, I will use the kitchen every night) come out organically in further getting-to-know-you conversations. Most women wouldn't not sleep with a dude solely because he has a small penis, but "hey my dick is small" isn't exactly what you want to lead with on a first date. You know what I mean?
posted by phunniemee at 8:23 PM on July 21, 2011 [3 favorites]

Don't you DARE misrepresent yourself in your email or visit because you want the room. Give a good first impression but BE HONEST about yourself and everything. If it came out that you were dishonest or stretched the truth I would go fucking nuclear

Easy does it now...
posted by WhitenoisE at 8:52 PM on July 21, 2011

Some of what you write does make you sound like... a person who's never shared living space before. Which you are. I think it's probable that you'll be surprised about what turns out to be important and not to you about sharing space.

Also, you mention your SO and then later that you won't be spending the night at his place. Were you planning for him to spend the night at yours? How often? That'll be something to let potential roommates know also.

If you think about why it is that you would have preferred a studio to a shared situation, it's generally those same things that often make people not want to share a house with somebody who is home *all* the time.

If you were willing to help out with pet care/dog walks, that might make you more attractive though, to someone who themselves is not home much.
posted by Salamandrous at 11:34 AM on July 22, 2011

Just wanting to report that I have gotten two responses with the new, more casual email. So at least this is a bit more encouraging. I've gone into this as a complete newbie, so I do feel more on track now and having learned something. Now the slightly scary next step of looking at places. And I have to gather financial and other documents.

Once again, thank you.
posted by Fire at 7:28 PM on July 22, 2011