Suggestions on giving 11.5 yo girl the "sex talk"? snowflake details inside
posted by needlegrrl to Education (45 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
My niece is 11 and a half. I'm not sure anyone has ever explained sex to her - my sister used to tell her babies came from kissing. I want to think it's too early to talk to her about it, but I don't want to make assumptions, and then it be too late. So, since she's headed into middle school, and I know there's a boy there that likes her, I thought now would be a good time.
1. She's the result of a teen pregnancy herself - her mom got pregnant with her when she was 15. So while she wants to go to college, and I want to explain to her that getting pregnant young is bad, I don't want her to feel bad about her existence. How do I balance this? *Note: her mom did drop out of school, get her GED and has been in and out of colleges since, but not graduated, and she has other children. I would not call her a failure by any means - but I feel like she doesn't have as many options as she would have had if she waited to have kids.
2. My mom (her grandmother) raised her from birth to 8, and my niece is living with her grandmother again right now, as her mother left her there (crazy family drama).
My niece has become super quiet in the past couple of years, and is not likely to give me much feedback. However, she is pretty good with computers, I think - I plan on suggesting the scarlet teen website, maybe, and giving her a book, as she likes to read?
I have never done this before - my mom gave me a book, and maybe had some sort of talk? I think my dad tried to talk to me, but it was super awkward, and I do not remember what it consisted of. I had sex starting at 16, and feel like it was a combination of luck and good sense that kept me from getting pregnant.
I plan on sitting down with her alone, acknowledging that this conversation will be a little awkward, and explaining the basics. How sex works, what gets you pregnant, what keeps you from getting pregnant. How you should never feel pressured to have sex, you're not responsible for someone else feeling a certain way, and you should never do more than you're comfortable with. That if they aren't willing to wait, they're not worth it. Also would like to go over how to put on a condom with her, and tell her that if she ever needs anything - has questions, needs birth control, condoms, etc, I will be happy to provide without judging or sharing that information.
I expect for her to not make direct eye contact, and for her to say she already knows this stuff, or it doesn't matter because she's not doing it, and I plan on finishing the talk anyway.
What do you think? What am I forgetting? Advice, links, suggested books - all welcome. I want to do this in the next month or two, and plan on preparing until then.
Oh - and as a side note - she has severe cold sore breakouts on her mouth. Should I sit her down and explain that she shouldn't have sexual contact if she thinks that's about to happen? She is pretty good about them, and knows not to kiss other people, etc, when they happen.