Possible Single Mom.
July 15, 2011 8:06 AM Subscribe
20 years old, pregnant, no longer with the father and he doesn't know yet. I need advice.
posted by anonymous to human relations (49 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Until recently, I was in a relationship with my ex for almost two years. We were engaged to be married. We had a number of problems, and over time I realized that it was a very unhealthy relationship (he was emotionally abusive, called me hurtful names and racial slurs, and cheated on me). I ended the relationship two months ago. He has since apologized and tried to reconcile. It's hard for me to say no to him, and part of me is afraid I'll go back to him. I know I need to stay away.
However, I have a major complication in cutting all ties with this man: I found out a few days ago that I am pregnant.
I don't know what to do, and I hope the metafilter community can help point me in the right direction. I have a medical condition that makes me practically infertile. My doctor was astonished that I was able to get pregnant, and has encouraged me to consider this a real opportunity to have a biological child. For this reason, the idea of an abortion or an adoption makes me cringe, and I want to keep the child.
My ex has a child from a previous relationship and is not interested in having more children. I am afraid that if I go to him he will push me to not keep the child. Even if he were interested in being a father, the thought of raising a child with this man who treated me so poorly is horrifying.
I am currently staying with my family who has assured me their support, but I am scared to raise this child on my own, and unsure of raising this child without a father. My mother has agreed to be with me when I tell my ex about the pregnancy, but I'm not ready to confront him yet. I know he'll act polite and loving when my mom is there, but when it's just the two of us I am afraid it will turn ugly. He is very manipulative and has hurt me in the past, and I can only imagine he will use this as an opportunity to hurt and manipulate me again.
I am in the Atlanta area for the summer and will be returning to Manhattan in a few months. What resources are available to me in my situation? What are the legal issues of raising the child on my own if don't want my ex involved at all? I have health insurance, and have been to see my family physician and a family therapist. I am looking into counseling services at Planned Parenthood. Any advice you can give me would help tremendously. Even with my family's support I feel very scared and alone right now.