How do I prepare for pregnancy?
July 2, 2011 12:28 PM
My husband and I are anticipating starting to try for a baby in the next eight months to a year. What kinds of things should I be doing to prepare my body, my mind, and to get ready logistically?
I'm 31 (32 in November) and my husband is 36. I've spoken to my OB/GYN about what I should be doing to prepare for pregnancy. His biggest (and best) advice was that both of us should quit smoking, stat. That's pretty obvious, and is in the game plan. He also suggested that I up my intake of folic acid as we start to try to get pregnant. That's good, too.
But... Is there anything else I should be doing? I am trying to make a mental list, including investigating my insurance coverage, family leave status, and the like. This is such a momentous thing that it seems weird that the main thing I'm supposed to do physically is quit smoking and have a lot of sex.
I'm 31 (32 in November) and my husband is 36. I've spoken to my OB/GYN about what I should be doing to prepare for pregnancy. His biggest (and best) advice was that both of us should quit smoking, stat. That's pretty obvious, and is in the game plan. He also suggested that I up my intake of folic acid as we start to try to get pregnant. That's good, too.
But... Is there anything else I should be doing? I am trying to make a mental list, including investigating my insurance coverage, family leave status, and the like. This is such a momentous thing that it seems weird that the main thing I'm supposed to do physically is quit smoking and have a lot of sex.
Quit smoking, both of you. And then have a lot of sex.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2011
One I learned the hard way: get yourself all fixed up dentally. Get a full cleaning, checkup and set of x-rays, have any work done, and ask the dentist if there's anything he sees possibly causing a problem in the next two years.
Pregnancy and breastfeeding are really hard on your body (there's an old wives' tale that you gain a shoe size and lose a tooth with every baby), and there are so many prohibitions about drugs/anesthetics/treatments you can take while pregnant/bf'ing, that you will be well-served to get it all out of the way ahead of time.
posted by apparently at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2011
Pregnancy and breastfeeding are really hard on your body (there's an old wives' tale that you gain a shoe size and lose a tooth with every baby), and there are so many prohibitions about drugs/anesthetics/treatments you can take while pregnant/bf'ing, that you will be well-served to get it all out of the way ahead of time.
posted by apparently at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2011
TSH test if you have any symptoms of hypothyroidism. I learned after my diagnosis that underproducing thyroid can lead to birth defects. I'm definitely planning to see an endocrinologist so make sure I'm on the right dose of levothyroxine before I start trying.
posted by troublesome at 12:44 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by troublesome at 12:44 PM on July 2, 2011
Quit smoking.
Start working out. If you have a really easy pregnancy, you'll be able to work out through most of it. If it gets rough, you'll find your activity is continually restricted by your doctors and/or the baby inside of you. Working out - even slightly - through the entire pregnancy will make the recovery easier.
If you or your husband have any allergies, you may want to consider talking to an allergist before the pregnancy. You may want to / need to minimize some of the things you eat during pregnancy.
Seconding the dentist. Pregnancy is cruel to your body - asides from your hair, as the baby will take a lot of nutrients... The hair that didn't fall out during pregnancy will fall out as soon as pregnancy is over - so don't get used to it.
With that being the case, start improving your nutrition - what to eat while you are expecting is a decent start, but seriously - this is the time to start getting some new items in your repertoire.
Start saving and making plans for paying for things while you are living on one income. All pregnancies are different. My wife worked up to her due date with our first. With our second, she needed a break about a month before. A friend of mine's wife was committed to hospital bed-rest at week 20. YMMV.
If you intend to go back to work, get on a daycare list, or at least start researching the cost of daycare providers in your area. You also want to look to see if your workplaces do any pre-tax daycare flexible spending accounts.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:50 PM on July 2, 2011
Start working out. If you have a really easy pregnancy, you'll be able to work out through most of it. If it gets rough, you'll find your activity is continually restricted by your doctors and/or the baby inside of you. Working out - even slightly - through the entire pregnancy will make the recovery easier.
If you or your husband have any allergies, you may want to consider talking to an allergist before the pregnancy. You may want to / need to minimize some of the things you eat during pregnancy.
Seconding the dentist. Pregnancy is cruel to your body - asides from your hair, as the baby will take a lot of nutrients... The hair that didn't fall out during pregnancy will fall out as soon as pregnancy is over - so don't get used to it.
With that being the case, start improving your nutrition - what to eat while you are expecting is a decent start, but seriously - this is the time to start getting some new items in your repertoire.
Start saving and making plans for paying for things while you are living on one income. All pregnancies are different. My wife worked up to her due date with our first. With our second, she needed a break about a month before. A friend of mine's wife was committed to hospital bed-rest at week 20. YMMV.
If you intend to go back to work, get on a daycare list, or at least start researching the cost of daycare providers in your area. You also want to look to see if your workplaces do any pre-tax daycare flexible spending accounts.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:50 PM on July 2, 2011
* Stop eating fish - the FDA recommends taking no more than 12 oz of fish and to avoid entirely shark swordfish, king mackerel, tilefish. I would also limit very much the amount of white tuna that you eat (it has a higher level of mercury than other canned fish).
* If you are overweight, it helps to try to (in healthy ways) lose weight.
* Assess your immunization status, and try to get updated especially on those immunizations that require live attenuated vaccines - i.e. varicella zoster, measles, mumps, polio, rubella, chickenpox, and yellow fever (if relevant). It won't hurt to get updated on other vaccines as well, but you can safely receive toxoid and killed bacterial/viral immunizations during pregnancy.
* Assess your risk for common diseases like asthma, diabetes, hypertension, and as mentioned above, thyroid disease. Get your diabetes under control especially - high glucose levels are associated with neural and cardiac defects, and those develop very early in pregnancy.
* Do try to exercise, you can exercise safely during pregnancy. While pregnant, avoid supine positions, exercises that require good balance, extreme weather (stay well hydrated!)
Hope that helps.
posted by noonday at 1:04 PM on July 2, 2011
* If you are overweight, it helps to try to (in healthy ways) lose weight.
* Assess your immunization status, and try to get updated especially on those immunizations that require live attenuated vaccines - i.e. varicella zoster, measles, mumps, polio, rubella, chickenpox, and yellow fever (if relevant). It won't hurt to get updated on other vaccines as well, but you can safely receive toxoid and killed bacterial/viral immunizations during pregnancy.
* Assess your risk for common diseases like asthma, diabetes, hypertension, and as mentioned above, thyroid disease. Get your diabetes under control especially - high glucose levels are associated with neural and cardiac defects, and those develop very early in pregnancy.
* Do try to exercise, you can exercise safely during pregnancy. While pregnant, avoid supine positions, exercises that require good balance, extreme weather (stay well hydrated!)
Hope that helps.
posted by noonday at 1:04 PM on July 2, 2011
(Oh yes, and definitely seconding your OB's suggestion that you and your husband stop smoking, and start taking prenatal vitamins).
posted by noonday at 1:05 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by noonday at 1:05 PM on July 2, 2011
Get into a good workout routine that you can continue through the pregnancy, it will make your pregnancy&labor a lot easier!
posted by katypickle at 1:07 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by katypickle at 1:07 PM on July 2, 2011
Nthing a prenatal vitamin. New research suggests it may help prevent autism, even before conception. (NYT link.)
Exercising is really great, because a lot of ladies seem to get pregnant and then realize that they should start working out, which is less than ideal. You can maintain your previous level of activity once you're pregnant, but shouldn't ramp up. (Not that you'll necessarily feel like it anyway; those first few weeks can be unexpectedly exhausting and you may feel like crap.) Exercising now may also help you avoid quitting-smoking weight gain. (A bunch of people from my cohort on various birth boards quit as they became pregnant, and their doctors freaked out because they gained 10-15 pounds quickly. They may have gained that weight pregnant or not as a result of going cold turkey on cigarettes, but it was a source of frustration for them that it got mixed up in pregnancy weight gain, which is an emotional minefield for many women anyway.)
Before I got pregnant, my doctor tested to ensure that I was still immune to rubella (German measles).
posted by purpleclover at 1:07 PM on July 2, 2011
Exercising is really great, because a lot of ladies seem to get pregnant and then realize that they should start working out, which is less than ideal. You can maintain your previous level of activity once you're pregnant, but shouldn't ramp up. (Not that you'll necessarily feel like it anyway; those first few weeks can be unexpectedly exhausting and you may feel like crap.) Exercising now may also help you avoid quitting-smoking weight gain. (A bunch of people from my cohort on various birth boards quit as they became pregnant, and their doctors freaked out because they gained 10-15 pounds quickly. They may have gained that weight pregnant or not as a result of going cold turkey on cigarettes, but it was a source of frustration for them that it got mixed up in pregnancy weight gain, which is an emotional minefield for many women anyway.)
Before I got pregnant, my doctor tested to ensure that I was still immune to rubella (German measles).
posted by purpleclover at 1:07 PM on July 2, 2011
Seconding apparently - the increased bloodflow of pregnancy brought some dental issues I had to the surface (and I was a lifelong every-six-month-checkup person, but I had slipped a bit) and it was not pleasant to get those taken care of with a fetus kicking me in the dental chair.
posted by pinky at 1:12 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by pinky at 1:12 PM on July 2, 2011
At first I was going to say do nothing.( Except quit smoking and take your prenatals, duh.) The baby thing has to be taken like it comes. You figure it out as you go and if you do too much planning for it, you're only setting yourself up for expectations that don't meet with reality. Every pregnancy is different and everyone's experience of their pregnancy is different.
Then, I reflected and I am going to nth establishing an exercise routine. If exercise isn't a priority now, you simply won't do it at all when you're 20 pounds heavier, not sleeping, breast feeding and changing diapers all night. Think about what 18 years of no exercise, convenience foods, and lack of sleep will do to you and your partner. Before Baby Bartfast, my wife and I ran marathons, hiked, biked, skied and now the most we can muster with exceptional planning skills and super human effort is 3 trips to the gym a week. But it's those three trips to the gym that have kept us sane, given us the energy to chase a 2 year old 25 hours a day, and prevented us from gaining 30 pounds each.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:28 PM on July 2, 2011
Then, I reflected and I am going to nth establishing an exercise routine. If exercise isn't a priority now, you simply won't do it at all when you're 20 pounds heavier, not sleeping, breast feeding and changing diapers all night. Think about what 18 years of no exercise, convenience foods, and lack of sleep will do to you and your partner. Before Baby Bartfast, my wife and I ran marathons, hiked, biked, skied and now the most we can muster with exceptional planning skills and super human effort is 3 trips to the gym a week. But it's those three trips to the gym that have kept us sane, given us the energy to chase a 2 year old 25 hours a day, and prevented us from gaining 30 pounds each.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:28 PM on July 2, 2011
I went to my OB/GYN and requested a "pre-conception" appointment when I was in for my annual exam. That mostly consisted of talking about my cycle (regular or not?), my nutrition (are you eating healthily? lots of veggies and lean protein?), my fitness (are you working out?), and my family history (any genetic defects, history of infertility, recurrent miscarriage?). Based on my and my husband's ethnic origins, I also had a few genetic test done -- in my case, for cystic fibrosis and thalessemia. Once you get pregnant, your doctor is probably going to do those tests anyway, so I'd go and see if you can schedule a preconception appointment now. In particular, if you or your husband is Jewish, it's a really good idea to get tested for the genetic markers for a number of hereditary genetic disorders that are more common in people with Jewish and Eastern European backgrounds. If any of the results are positive, you can meet with a genetic counselor NOW to figure out your options, etc.
Otherwise, definitely stop smoking now, start taking a multivitamin with folic acid (or just folic acid), and get in shape, as everyone else has suggested. Saving money now is a good idea, too.
(Oddly, I was 32, and my husband was 37, when I went off the pill and we started getting ready to start trying in about eight months to a year, so I was in a place that was really similar to your situation. A year and a half later, here we are -- I'm 18 weeks pregnant with our first. So a piece of [mostly unsolicited] advice from someone who's been there: when you do start trying, it might not happen right away. I fully expected us to get pregnant on the first try, given that I'd been off the pill and had been charting my cycles to (a) make sure I was regular and (b) figure out when I was ovulating. I severely curtailed my caffeine intake, avoided Aleve or Advil when I didn't absolutely need it, ramped up my yoga practice, etc. It still took 6 months. So be prepared for that. I was really disappointed and upset that it was taking so long -- once we were ready to start, I wanted to Be Pregnant Already. Despite all the statistics that say it takes an average of, what, 9 months?, I just expected that we'd be different. Anyway, my point is, prepare yourself for that part of it, too.)
posted by devinemissk at 2:00 PM on July 2, 2011
Otherwise, definitely stop smoking now, start taking a multivitamin with folic acid (or just folic acid), and get in shape, as everyone else has suggested. Saving money now is a good idea, too.
(Oddly, I was 32, and my husband was 37, when I went off the pill and we started getting ready to start trying in about eight months to a year, so I was in a place that was really similar to your situation. A year and a half later, here we are -- I'm 18 weeks pregnant with our first. So a piece of [mostly unsolicited] advice from someone who's been there: when you do start trying, it might not happen right away. I fully expected us to get pregnant on the first try, given that I'd been off the pill and had been charting my cycles to (a) make sure I was regular and (b) figure out when I was ovulating. I severely curtailed my caffeine intake, avoided Aleve or Advil when I didn't absolutely need it, ramped up my yoga practice, etc. It still took 6 months. So be prepared for that. I was really disappointed and upset that it was taking so long -- once we were ready to start, I wanted to Be Pregnant Already. Despite all the statistics that say it takes an average of, what, 9 months?, I just expected that we'd be different. Anyway, my point is, prepare yourself for that part of it, too.)
posted by devinemissk at 2:00 PM on July 2, 2011
In addition to the tips above, I'd also decide now what you plan to do after the baby is born in terms of childcare. If one of you is planning to stay home, start living on one income as much as you can. If you are going to use daycare, start asking around about which ones people like and how much they cost.
posted by Mimzy at 2:04 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by Mimzy at 2:04 PM on July 2, 2011
One more thing -- and check with your doc about getting vaccinated for pertussis (whooping cough). They add it to the booster shot now, but a lot of adults let their boosters lapse and don't have immunity. Whooping cough is not really dangerous for adults, but it can be fatal to infants, and some doctors won't give a pregnant woman the pertussis immunization. So get that BEFORE you get pregnant (and have your husband get it too). This is really a big issue now because so many families delay or skip vaccination, so whooping cough is much more common now than it was even a few years ago.
posted by devinemissk at 2:05 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by devinemissk at 2:05 PM on July 2, 2011
I strongly agree about exercise and I'd specifically add yoga / rolfing / some sort of posture training. Especially if you're likely to be breastfeeding it's easy to hurt your back and arms from all the baby lifting and holding. Google "new mom's tendonitis" and you'll see what I mean. It seems trivial, but when you're trying to keep a fragile newborn in *just* the right position for 30 minutes, twelve times a day, it's good to not be hunched over with arm strain.
Also, if you're considering LASIK, do it now. When my son was six months old he started grabbing my glasses. Since I used to be quite blind without my glasses, that was a wake-up call. In case of an emergency, if my glasses broke, I'd be SOL. So I went for LASIK. *AWESOME* But it's something you need to do before you get pregnant or after you are done breastfeeding, since apparently both can tweak your vision.
posted by CruiseSavvy at 2:05 PM on July 2, 2011
Also, if you're considering LASIK, do it now. When my son was six months old he started grabbing my glasses. Since I used to be quite blind without my glasses, that was a wake-up call. In case of an emergency, if my glasses broke, I'd be SOL. So I went for LASIK. *AWESOME* But it's something you need to do before you get pregnant or after you are done breastfeeding, since apparently both can tweak your vision.
posted by CruiseSavvy at 2:05 PM on July 2, 2011
Be prepared for it to take however long it takes.
Before getting pregnant, I had heard that it took an average of nine months to get knocked up - the shortest any of my friends had managed on the first try was four cycles. The advice that I heard over. and over. and over. and over. again was "it might take a while." I also had all sorts of Worst Case Scenario plans for what we would do if we never got pregnant (which I advise you to make. Seriously. Start talking about IVF *now* and if you're willing to commit to that while you're still sane and before you're completely desperate).
This is to say that when we started trying and my period was ten days late, I didn't want to even buy a pregnancy test because there's no way I could be pregnant - it was our first try! We got lucky. Very lucky. But it also meant that the baby came a few months earlier than I was "planning" because I had figured it would take us a few months to actually conceive.
It'll take however long it takes. Absolutely do the math to figure out approximately when you'd be due when you first start trying to make sure you're ready and in a stable place by then. And not, say, when your husband is defending his PhD thesis. Ooops.
I didn't do much differently before getting pregnant other than to switch my medication to a fetus-friendlier version of my antidepressants. I'd taken folic acid for years "just in case" (doctor's orders since we used condoms and there was the off-chance I'd get pregnant by accident). I'd been charting for eons and absolutely knew precisely when I was ovulating (due to slippery cervical mucus and the combined desires to have sex and eat cheese. Or have sex with cheese.), so that was super helpful when we wanted to start trying that I was already so familiar with my cycle that charting wasn't anything new. Looking back, there's nothing I wish that we'd done differently, except perhaps be a little bit better at math and counting ahead forty weeks.
posted by sonika at 2:23 PM on July 2, 2011
Before getting pregnant, I had heard that it took an average of nine months to get knocked up - the shortest any of my friends had managed on the first try was four cycles. The advice that I heard over. and over. and over. and over. again was "it might take a while." I also had all sorts of Worst Case Scenario plans for what we would do if we never got pregnant (which I advise you to make. Seriously. Start talking about IVF *now* and if you're willing to commit to that while you're still sane and before you're completely desperate).
This is to say that when we started trying and my period was ten days late, I didn't want to even buy a pregnancy test because there's no way I could be pregnant - it was our first try! We got lucky. Very lucky. But it also meant that the baby came a few months earlier than I was "planning" because I had figured it would take us a few months to actually conceive.
It'll take however long it takes. Absolutely do the math to figure out approximately when you'd be due when you first start trying to make sure you're ready and in a stable place by then. And not, say, when your husband is defending his PhD thesis. Ooops.
I didn't do much differently before getting pregnant other than to switch my medication to a fetus-friendlier version of my antidepressants. I'd taken folic acid for years "just in case" (doctor's orders since we used condoms and there was the off-chance I'd get pregnant by accident). I'd been charting for eons and absolutely knew precisely when I was ovulating (due to slippery cervical mucus and the combined desires to have sex and eat cheese. Or have sex with cheese.), so that was super helpful when we wanted to start trying that I was already so familiar with my cycle that charting wasn't anything new. Looking back, there's nothing I wish that we'd done differently, except perhaps be a little bit better at math and counting ahead forty weeks.
posted by sonika at 2:23 PM on July 2, 2011
If you're going to start trying in the fall/winter, both of you get a flu shot when the next batch is available, because it's much nastier to get it while pregnant, and also nastier for a small infants to get it.
I enjoyed reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it useful, though I think it's less useful for people who imagine the title is "Having Control of Your Fertility" (I've seen a few people go nuts before). It definitely made me more aware of what was going on with my cycle--suddenly I could predict the timing of my always-oddball periods! Both times I got pregnant I knew before I took the test, the day after my period was due.
If you have some local friends with very small infants, make an offer that you and your husband take care of them some afternoon or evening while they go out. Not only will they worship you and possibly return the offer later, but having the teensiest amount of "parenting practice" may be educational. On a similar note, it's probably useful to have some conversations with your partner about what's really important to you as a theoretical parent. Also, not to put the cart before the horse too much, but maybe chat a bit about what extent you'd be prepared to go to have a biological or non-biological child. For me, this was important because I felt really strongly about not doing a lot of hormonal intervention to improve my fertility, and I wanted to run through a couple of scenarios with my much more baby-rabid husband.
Don't go too crazy.
posted by tchemgrrl at 2:30 PM on July 2, 2011
I enjoyed reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it useful, though I think it's less useful for people who imagine the title is "Having Control of Your Fertility" (I've seen a few people go nuts before). It definitely made me more aware of what was going on with my cycle--suddenly I could predict the timing of my always-oddball periods! Both times I got pregnant I knew before I took the test, the day after my period was due.
If you have some local friends with very small infants, make an offer that you and your husband take care of them some afternoon or evening while they go out. Not only will they worship you and possibly return the offer later, but having the teensiest amount of "parenting practice" may be educational. On a similar note, it's probably useful to have some conversations with your partner about what's really important to you as a theoretical parent. Also, not to put the cart before the horse too much, but maybe chat a bit about what extent you'd be prepared to go to have a biological or non-biological child. For me, this was important because I felt really strongly about not doing a lot of hormonal intervention to improve my fertility, and I wanted to run through a couple of scenarios with my much more baby-rabid husband.
Don't go too crazy.
posted by tchemgrrl at 2:30 PM on July 2, 2011
Vaccines: also have your obgyn test you for rubella antibodies and give you a booster if necessary. Rubella can cause birth defects.
posted by bq at 3:28 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by bq at 3:28 PM on July 2, 2011
I don't think any reasonably emotionally healthy grown-up should assume they need a 'parenting class' of any stripe. Not that I am quite down with 'Oh, it's ALL instinct!' as many people rationalise many dumb behaviours with that one, and sound research and collective wisdom are great aids to parenting, but, a good book on child development and a chat with a grandparent or two will suffice. I know a sizable number of very involved, caring parents; I do not know anybody who has ever taken a parenting class.
I did get my first-ever cavity, and permanently changed my shoe size. Advice: stop buying clothing and shoes that are "I'll have this forever" "investments," and, when asked what you would like present-wise, request a gift certificate to a clothing store you like or credit with a local tailor. Even if you are precisely the same weight you were pre-pregnancy after it, it may not be in the same place...! Also stop buying nice furniture, rugs, etc, for now. ("This is why we can't have nice things!")
Yes to exercise. I took long walks while pregnant, which was enjoyable and a nice habit to continue with the kid under my coat in a sling -- I bought the best boots and parka I'd ever bought, a wool baby balaclava, and went for a daily walk even in Canadian winter, and this was a terrific thing to do; getting yourself and the kid out of the house, even just down to the post office, is a great fuss-stopper for both of you. Find physical activities you will be able to do with a tot in tow. Swimming's good there, too.
posted by kmennie at 3:29 PM on July 2, 2011
I did get my first-ever cavity, and permanently changed my shoe size. Advice: stop buying clothing and shoes that are "I'll have this forever" "investments," and, when asked what you would like present-wise, request a gift certificate to a clothing store you like or credit with a local tailor. Even if you are precisely the same weight you were pre-pregnancy after it, it may not be in the same place...! Also stop buying nice furniture, rugs, etc, for now. ("This is why we can't have nice things!")
Yes to exercise. I took long walks while pregnant, which was enjoyable and a nice habit to continue with the kid under my coat in a sling -- I bought the best boots and parka I'd ever bought, a wool baby balaclava, and went for a daily walk even in Canadian winter, and this was a terrific thing to do; getting yourself and the kid out of the house, even just down to the post office, is a great fuss-stopper for both of you. Find physical activities you will be able to do with a tot in tow. Swimming's good there, too.
posted by kmennie at 3:29 PM on July 2, 2011
Health-wise it looks like everyone above has covered it.
Here are some things to think about in other areas of your life (not that these are required to have a baby, but...):
- If you have a junk drawer, basement, room, whatever - CLEAN IT OUT BEFORE THE BABY COMES. Otherwise it will never happen.
- What are the maternity and paternity leave policies at your places of work? Paid or unpaid? How many weeks? To the best of your knowledge, is this a satisfactory amount of leave for you?
- How flexible is your workplace about you going to the MANY doctor's appointments (and IME they often run late... doc is off delivering a baby, so you're in the waiting room for an hour and a 1/2)?
- What's the breastfeeding support like at your workplace?
- What is your healthcare coverage like for pregnancy and birth? What about "worst case scenario" of baby in NICU? If one of you has a better plan than the other, maybe it is time to switch.
- Financially are you guys in a comfortable space? Can you still save money while also providing for another human?
- And, the most financially taxing part of having a child is childcare. I've been surprised to find many pregnant couples that have no idea that childcare (depending on part of the country, etc.) can cost $1000-2000/month. And what's the childcare situation like in your town? Where we currently live, most people have to do nannies until kid is nearly 2 because there isn't enough baby childcare infrastructure. I had no idea that this was possible but apparently it isn't that uncommon.
These last 2 together mean -- do the math - do you make enough money that it is worthwhile for both of you to stay in the workforce versus having one of you stay home with the baby. But it isn't just a salary thing -- maybe this is or is not a good point in your career to leave the workforce or at the very least be a little busier than normal. Maybe in your field losing your network or skills for awhile is the kiss of death.
And as far as staying home, I am surprised at myself and my friends at how many people, with all the intentions in the world to go back to work, decided that they wanted to stay home with kid. I think that it'd be better to know ahead of time if you could swing it on 1 income, thus know if it is in the realm of possibilities or not.
posted by k8t at 5:07 PM on July 2, 2011
Here are some things to think about in other areas of your life (not that these are required to have a baby, but...):
- If you have a junk drawer, basement, room, whatever - CLEAN IT OUT BEFORE THE BABY COMES. Otherwise it will never happen.
- What are the maternity and paternity leave policies at your places of work? Paid or unpaid? How many weeks? To the best of your knowledge, is this a satisfactory amount of leave for you?
- How flexible is your workplace about you going to the MANY doctor's appointments (and IME they often run late... doc is off delivering a baby, so you're in the waiting room for an hour and a 1/2)?
- What's the breastfeeding support like at your workplace?
- What is your healthcare coverage like for pregnancy and birth? What about "worst case scenario" of baby in NICU? If one of you has a better plan than the other, maybe it is time to switch.
- Financially are you guys in a comfortable space? Can you still save money while also providing for another human?
- And, the most financially taxing part of having a child is childcare. I've been surprised to find many pregnant couples that have no idea that childcare (depending on part of the country, etc.) can cost $1000-2000/month. And what's the childcare situation like in your town? Where we currently live, most people have to do nannies until kid is nearly 2 because there isn't enough baby childcare infrastructure. I had no idea that this was possible but apparently it isn't that uncommon.
These last 2 together mean -- do the math - do you make enough money that it is worthwhile for both of you to stay in the workforce versus having one of you stay home with the baby. But it isn't just a salary thing -- maybe this is or is not a good point in your career to leave the workforce or at the very least be a little busier than normal. Maybe in your field losing your network or skills for awhile is the kiss of death.
And as far as staying home, I am surprised at myself and my friends at how many people, with all the intentions in the world to go back to work, decided that they wanted to stay home with kid. I think that it'd be better to know ahead of time if you could swing it on 1 income, thus know if it is in the realm of possibilities or not.
posted by k8t at 5:07 PM on July 2, 2011
Quit smoking.
Consider stopping or reducing your alcohol intake: Alcohol use during the first 3 months of pregnancy appears to be the most harmful for fetal alcohol syndrome.
Eat plenty of folate-rich foods like:
Beans and legumes;
Citrus fruits and juices;
Wheat bran and other whole grains;
Dark green leafy vegetables;
Poultry, pork, and shellfish;
Liver.
Talk to your GP about a folic acid supplement.
They're not expensive, and not hard to swallow.
Getting enough folic acid, before and during pregnancy prevents most neural tube defects.
Neural tube defects are birth defects of the brain and spinal cord. The two most common neural tube defects are spina bifida and anencephaly. In spina bifida, the fetal spinal column doesn't close completely during the first month of pregnancy. There is usually nerve damage that causes at least some paralysis of the legs. In anencephaly, much of the brain does not develop. Babies with anencephaly are either stillborn or die shortly after birth.
If you haven't already, get vaccinated against seasonal influenza. Influenza can be a lot more serious in pregnant women than in non-pregnant women, and can lead to miscarriages.
posted by Year of meteors at 5:19 PM on July 2, 2011
Consider stopping or reducing your alcohol intake: Alcohol use during the first 3 months of pregnancy appears to be the most harmful for fetal alcohol syndrome.
Eat plenty of folate-rich foods like:
Beans and legumes;
Citrus fruits and juices;
Wheat bran and other whole grains;
Dark green leafy vegetables;
Poultry, pork, and shellfish;
Liver.
Talk to your GP about a folic acid supplement.
They're not expensive, and not hard to swallow.
Getting enough folic acid, before and during pregnancy prevents most neural tube defects.
Neural tube defects are birth defects of the brain and spinal cord. The two most common neural tube defects are spina bifida and anencephaly. In spina bifida, the fetal spinal column doesn't close completely during the first month of pregnancy. There is usually nerve damage that causes at least some paralysis of the legs. In anencephaly, much of the brain does not develop. Babies with anencephaly are either stillborn or die shortly after birth.
If you haven't already, get vaccinated against seasonal influenza. Influenza can be a lot more serious in pregnant women than in non-pregnant women, and can lead to miscarriages.
posted by Year of meteors at 5:19 PM on July 2, 2011
Read up about postnatal depression, so that you/your partner will recognise it if it happens.
Maybe consider shopping around for a psychologist that you feel comfortable with now, and make an appointment with her/him for 3 weeks after your due date and then again at 2 months after your due date, just to get a well-mother checkup and catch any postnatal depression early?
Start asking your family, your partner's family, your friends if they would be willing to babysit for an hour, four hours, eight hours, and if so, how frequently? That way, you won't feel hesitant to ask for help if you need a break or if you get sick.
posted by Year of meteors at 5:32 PM on July 2, 2011
Maybe consider shopping around for a psychologist that you feel comfortable with now, and make an appointment with her/him for 3 weeks after your due date and then again at 2 months after your due date, just to get a well-mother checkup and catch any postnatal depression early?
Start asking your family, your partner's family, your friends if they would be willing to babysit for an hour, four hours, eight hours, and if so, how frequently? That way, you won't feel hesitant to ask for help if you need a break or if you get sick.
posted by Year of meteors at 5:32 PM on July 2, 2011
Here are some things I get nostalgic about (I have a toddler) and which I would recommend you enjoy now as much as possible: going to movies, sleeping in on weekends, exercising before work, exercising after work, eating at moderately nice to nice restaurants, reading books, watching DVDs, going shopping for fun. Not that you will never enjoy these things again, but... just do them as much as you can now, trust me. And buy the book "Baby Bargains."
posted by trillian at 6:23 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by trillian at 6:23 PM on July 2, 2011
Exercise. I had got out of the habit before I got pregnant, and really regret that. Its not generally considered wise to increase your exercise level during pregnancy (aside from walking more, or gentle swimming), so get fit now, because you can't do it later. Also, the less fit you are beforehand, the more your body may suffer during pregnancy. I really regret not staying in shape beforehand, because now I have the worst post-baby belly imaginable. Like, people think I am 6 month pregnant and I have difficult finding clothes that fit, that are not baggy sacks.
posted by Joh at 7:15 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by Joh at 7:15 PM on July 2, 2011
You might consider getting your FSH levels checked now. On the off-chance that you end up having problems conceiving, it might be better to know now -- so you can start doing something about it earlier rather than later. Many women have fertility issues in their 30s, some of them are simple and easily resolved, some are not. Either way, it's nice to have a head-start with some basic info before getting too far down the road trying.
Also, start charting your cycle (ie, Take Charge of Your Fertility) now. The more you know about how your body / cycle works, the better. And if you can swing it, practice eating / drinking / taking care of yourself as if you already were pregnant. It sucks to quit caffeine cold-turkey; ditto a nightly glass or two of red wine.
Start radically adjusting your budget now and saving aggressively.
posted by mmmcmmm at 7:25 PM on July 2, 2011
Also, start charting your cycle (ie, Take Charge of Your Fertility) now. The more you know about how your body / cycle works, the better. And if you can swing it, practice eating / drinking / taking care of yourself as if you already were pregnant. It sucks to quit caffeine cold-turkey; ditto a nightly glass or two of red wine.
Start radically adjusting your budget now and saving aggressively.
posted by mmmcmmm at 7:25 PM on July 2, 2011
If there are faraway places you've wanted to visit do it now as travel will not be as easy with a child.
If your home needs any remodeling, do it now.
posted by mareli at 7:57 PM on July 2, 2011
If your home needs any remodeling, do it now.
posted by mareli at 7:57 PM on July 2, 2011
Build a repoitoire of tasty, healthy, quick and easy to prepare meals. Make sure either partner can cook them.
posted by rebeccabeagle at 9:47 PM on July 2, 2011
posted by rebeccabeagle at 9:47 PM on July 2, 2011
Lots of good advice so far.
I guess I'd say: Be prepared for your body to change - permanently. Don't make it your goal to fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes again because it might not happen - even if you're back down to your pre-pregnancy weight things could likely be different all over (bustline changed, hips wider, shoe size larger...). Be in shape before you're pregnant, it makes the pregnancy/recovery easier.
Check your support network. Do you have a good one? Do you even have one? You need one. Pregnancy and having a baby/small child can be isolating. People to vent to, people to talk adult talk with, people to cry on, people who will give you advice when you need it, people who will give you a break when you need it. How understanding is your partner? How secure is your relationship? How reliable are they, how much do you trust them, how involved are they going to be with the wiping butts and the making sure you have time to eat and shower and the staying up half the night walking the baby when the baby is crying and won't sleep? Are you close to your parents? Will they help you out substantially or will they show up at Xmas, deliver presents, take pictures, and leave? Are you okay with that? If you had asked me ten years ago if I wanted to live in the same city as my immediate family I would have laughed. Now I'd love nothing more.
Speaking of family, I found having a child made processing my own childhood much more immediate. Parenting dredges up how you were parented: how you're like your parents, how you're different, how you want to be different, what ideas and responses you default to, understanding your parents better.
Also, you're a much better parent before you have kids than after; you have it all figured out until you have them! - one of my regular jokes. Be prepared with a plan of how you want to parent - discuss it in depth with your partner to make sure you're on the same page - and then be prepared to change it all up once you actually have the baby and things don't go quite how you were thinking.
posted by flex at 10:24 PM on July 2, 2011
I guess I'd say: Be prepared for your body to change - permanently. Don't make it your goal to fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes again because it might not happen - even if you're back down to your pre-pregnancy weight things could likely be different all over (bustline changed, hips wider, shoe size larger...). Be in shape before you're pregnant, it makes the pregnancy/recovery easier.
Check your support network. Do you have a good one? Do you even have one? You need one. Pregnancy and having a baby/small child can be isolating. People to vent to, people to talk adult talk with, people to cry on, people who will give you advice when you need it, people who will give you a break when you need it. How understanding is your partner? How secure is your relationship? How reliable are they, how much do you trust them, how involved are they going to be with the wiping butts and the making sure you have time to eat and shower and the staying up half the night walking the baby when the baby is crying and won't sleep? Are you close to your parents? Will they help you out substantially or will they show up at Xmas, deliver presents, take pictures, and leave? Are you okay with that? If you had asked me ten years ago if I wanted to live in the same city as my immediate family I would have laughed. Now I'd love nothing more.
Speaking of family, I found having a child made processing my own childhood much more immediate. Parenting dredges up how you were parented: how you're like your parents, how you're different, how you want to be different, what ideas and responses you default to, understanding your parents better.
Also, you're a much better parent before you have kids than after; you have it all figured out until you have them! - one of my regular jokes. Be prepared with a plan of how you want to parent - discuss it in depth with your partner to make sure you're on the same page - and then be prepared to change it all up once you actually have the baby and things don't go quite how you were thinking.
posted by flex at 10:24 PM on July 2, 2011
About childcare, nthing the suggestion to look into childcare if Baby Crowyhead will be cared for outside of the home. Depending on the baby's age, child care can be difficult to secure; the younger the baby, the harder to find a spot. I got Baby Ginesthoi on the waiting list at a well-reviewed child care center when I was one month along; exactly one year later (at the age of four months) they were able to take him.
So it's no exaggeration to say that it's a good idea to get on the waiting list of your preferred child care as soon as you know you are pregnant. You don't have to take the spot if, when the time comes, you have made other arrangements. But it's worth everything to have that option available to you when you need it.
posted by Ginesthoi at 5:46 AM on July 3, 2011
So it's no exaggeration to say that it's a good idea to get on the waiting list of your preferred child care as soon as you know you are pregnant. You don't have to take the spot if, when the time comes, you have made other arrangements. But it's worth everything to have that option available to you when you need it.
posted by Ginesthoi at 5:46 AM on July 3, 2011
Popping back in to say: I'd start trying for a cycle or two before bothering to acquire and read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." (Sometimes you take charge of your fertility, other times your fertility takes charge of you. I am your age. Sometimes you're lucky.)
My unread copy of TCOYF is going to the used bookstore; I'm clearing stuff out before the baby arrives.
posted by purpleclover at 7:14 PM on July 6, 2011
My unread copy of TCOYF is going to the used bookstore; I'm clearing stuff out before the baby arrives.
posted by purpleclover at 7:14 PM on July 6, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by agent99 at 12:37 PM on July 2, 2011