How do I get my engaged ex to leave me alone?
July 1, 2011 9:56 PM Subscribe
My engaged, passive-aggressive ex continues to contact me, and I continue to let him. Help me cut him off for good.
posted by anotheraccount to Human Relations (38 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Long-time reader, first-time caller here. I'm almost 25 and have had one serious relationship, with my first and only love. We dated for a year late in my college career; there was instant and overwhelming chemistry, but I was inexperienced and he was dealing with a lot of unresolved childhood traumas that led to a lot of passive-aggressive behavior. We formally split in 2007, but were on and off for three years after that. Last fall, he started seeing someone new; last weekend (during my sister's wedding, ugh), he told me that they are engaged to be married next year.
Here's the thing: in all of this time, there have been periods (the longest have been about three months) where we have gone without contact. But for the most part, he contacts me at least a few times a week if not everyday. It's always in the form of text messages or e-mails. Most of the time, they're in the same "language" that we used when we were dating, and they're in regards to some common interest we have. We didn't speak from February until May, when he started e-mailing me at least once a day about my favorite baseball team. When I asked him if he was going to keep doing this, his response was "Probably."
I try to ignore them. I send all of his texts and e-mails to trash... and then I check the trash to see if he's written. Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't, but the messages keep on coming. It used to be kind of cute and would often be a way for us to rekindle whatever was between us. Now it's just skeezy. He's engaged and he's e-mailing me four times a day? It makes me uncomfortable.
1) What the heck does this guy get out of sending me these things?
2) More importantly, how do I make them stop for good and/or how do I get myself to ignore them for good? In the past, I've gotten angry and told him to stop; they resume months later. I've ignored them; they resume months later. For awhile I resigned myself to the fact that he and I will stay in touch forever. Now with this engagement that doesn't sit well with me at all. I just keep thinking of his poor fiancee who has no idea that her betrothed is e-mailing his ex several times a day, for whatever reason.
Bonus skeeze factor: she went to the same small college that I did, and we were all at an alumni event last fall. The ex talked to me before his new girlfriend arrived and then he didn't even introduce me to her!