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Which Bite Wins?
May 19, 2011 7:47 AM   Subscribe

If a vampire, a werewolf, and a zombie all bite the same guy at the same time, what happens to the guy?

Need to know ASAP
posted by notmydesk to Science & Nature (24 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Chatfilter. -- cortex

 
I think it depends on whether this is occurring in the Whedonverse, the World of Darkness, or a Bruce Campbell movie.
posted by Gator at 7:50 AM on May 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


He wins.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 7:51 AM on May 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


Well in essence vampires and zombies are the same thing so they null each other out (undead). One is more conscious, pre meditated, the other is more on instinct. So I would conclude the vampire/zombie thing is that an undead person is premeditating their victim but they go beyond just sucking blood--they eat their victims.

For werewolf--they do it being very hairy?
posted by stormpooper at 7:51 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


He becomes a punchline to a joke.
posted by tommasz at 7:53 AM on May 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


Does the guy bite back? If not, he'd just become a zombie-werewolf hybrid who eats brains during the full moon. There are plenty of those running around Long Island, particularly in the Five Towns.
posted by brina at 7:53 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Vampire bites aren't necessarily lethal, and for them to be lethal or to turn you into a vampire takes time, so the vampire bite does nothing.

Assuming that a single zombie bite turns you into a zombie, and a single werewolf bite turns you into a werewolf, I assume you become a zombie, and a zombie werewolf during full moons.
posted by jeather at 7:55 AM on May 19, 2011 [4 favorites]


There was an episode of the Real Ghostbusters that tackled 2/3 of this very question.
posted by absalom at 7:55 AM on May 19, 2011


Zombieism takes precedence, as it is the fastest acting supernatural curse. Further, zombiefication prevents either a vampiric or lycanthropic transformation. However, a vampire may turn a werewolf, and rarely, vice versa.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 7:55 AM on May 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


First, you need to answer this question: Why would a vampire, werewolf and zombie all bite the same person? And if they did, how did it happen? The logistics of getting those three beings to converge on one body would be interesting, to say the least.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:00 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


The single bite of the vampire puts you somewhat under the vampire's control, but does nothing else

The werewolf bite means you'll start turning into a werewolf at the next full moon.

The zombie bite will kill you in a couple of days and turn you into a zombie. Dying cancels the vampire's hold over you. If you die in human form you're a human zombie. If you die in werewolf form, you turn back to human form at the instant of death, then rise again as a human zombie
posted by tyllwin at 8:01 AM on May 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


Furthermore, is this a thought-experiment in which they all bite at exactly the same time? Because unless you can make that happen, I think there are some interesting cross-infection issues to explore here.
posted by tel3path at 8:02 AM on May 19, 2011


The territory was staked out (forgive me) early by R. Chetwynd-Hayes, of The Monster Club "fame." He was quite interested in the results of various hybridizations, with "The Werewolf and the Vampire" being in the mid-seventies.

Shadmocks only whistle.
posted by adipocere at 8:03 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Blatcher: Well, it could be a science experiment. Maybe scientists wanted to know which bite would win, so they captured a werewolf, a zombie, and a vampire, and then took some poor test subject and had him stick his arms and neck through three different holes into three different chambers so he could be bitten at the same time.
posted by notmydesk at 8:03 AM on May 19, 2011


In the Sookie Stackhouse books (SPOILERS KIND OF!!), if a (born) Were becomes a vampire, s/he can no longer change. But becoming a vampire involves being entirely drained and/or receiving a lot of vampire blood, not just a quick bite.

Wereanimals are either born that way, or become Were by being bitten. Bitten-not-born Weres don't change completely, but turn into half-animal humanoid beasts. And usually a person needs to be bitten several times before s/he becomes Were.

I've only read up to Dead and Gone. This may or may not be canon.
posted by giraffe at 8:05 AM on May 19, 2011


Are you assuming that each bites happens instantly and the creature immediately releases the victim, or do they remain chomped on for a while? A vampire would typically not just bite, but bite and hold, to drain the victim of blood. Thus the vampire would drain the circulating blood from the victim, which has now been contaminated with zombie and werewolf infectious agents. Whether a vampire can be zombified is unclear. As nicolas léonard sadi carnot notes, a vampire can become a werewolf. So:

- The victim dies and becomes a zombie, due to the lingering zombie infection in his tissues even after his blood is drained. Although werewolf infection would also likely be present, the victim would die before it would transform him.

- The vampire becomes a werewolf/vampire, or possibly a werewolf/zombie/vampire.
posted by amber_dale at 8:05 AM on May 19, 2011


To further complicate things, what if the guy being bitten was a Frankenstein Monster who had been built from cursed Mummy parts. And the Mummies, before they were Mummies, were ninja. If some of the bites worked, we could be in supermonster territory, but I don't know if the bites would work on a Frankenstein Mummy Ninja.
posted by notmydesk at 8:06 AM on May 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


In conclusion, my money would be on Zombie as the winning bite.
posted by giraffe at 8:06 AM on May 19, 2011


Are we talking virus-zombie, or voodoo-zombie? The difference being that in virus-zombie world, the virus kills people AND turns them into a zombie. In voodoo-zombie world, all dead people turn into zombies, and sometimes a bit happens to kill them. In other words, in voodoo-zombie world, the zombie bite is irrelevant. Every dead person turns undead.

Are we talking classic vampire (bit by a vampire, die, come back as the walking undead), or are we talking Anne Rice vampire (vampire bite just kills you, unless you drink vampire blood), or are we talking gothic vampire (I think that's something along the lines of the vampire has to completely drain your blood - the kind of vampire that tyllwin is talking about).

For classic vampire, it is much like voodoo zombie, except that it automatically kills you. I would say that in voodoo zombie vs. classic vampire, then you would be a zombie vampire - double undead. For other kinds of vampire, the vampire bite itself is irrelevant.

Werewolf is pretty straight-forward, mythologically. Bitten by a were-wolf == werewolf. But once your die, your body doesn't keep changing into a werewolf, so undead do not keep changing into werewolves.

I would say, based on gothic vampire, voodoo zombie, and regular old werewolf, that the werewolf bite would win and the person would be a werewolf mesmerized by a vampire, until the person died, at which point they would be a regular old zombie.

Based on Anne Rice vampire, virus zombie, and regular old werewolf, then zombie would win.

Based classic vampire, any zombie, any werewolf, the person would be a werewolf until they died, at which point they would be a zombie vampire.
posted by muddgirl at 8:09 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure the only "universe" wildcard is the vampirism, and even then, I can't think of a single vampire universe in which a bite from a vampire renders you INSTANTLY a vampire. Contact with a werewolf in which you are not killed WILL begin the infection that renders you a werewolf, I'd say universally, but you wouldn't actually know this until the NEXT full moon. However, any contact with zombies instantly begins the process of you becoming a zombie.

It may take a little time, but you are going to be the undead, and you'll be an undead form of whatever you were when you died and became undead. In this scenario, I think it will always have to just be human zombie, though, because vampires are already undead, so in the off chance that single bite made you a vampire and not just dead (not a chance, I'm sorry, don't get your hopes up), you were already undead, and you can't get any undeader, so the zombie bite would do nothing.

I suppose it's plausible that the werewolfing/zombifying happen on around the same timer. Say, the phase of the moon doesn't need to be completely full, as it is in a lot of werewolf stories, so you are bitten by a werewolf and a zombie on the same night (and yeah, a vampire, but really, that is immaterial), the first night of a multi-evening full moon phase, and the zombie infection that you just got hit with also takes about a day to process, so while you are still alive but slowly dying of zombie sickness, you turn into a werewolf the next night, and then die as a werewolf, but you come back to life as a zombie. Probably a human zombie, now that I think about it, although maybe always a zombie wolf. But usually when werewolves die they are found as naked dead dudes or ladies.

MAYBE the vampire kills you with one bite but the zombie brings you back to life, but then the werewolf eats you. I'm pretty sure that's the most likely scenario. If somehow the werewolf doesn't think you are tasty enough, no matter what, you will pretty much always just end up a person zombie. Maybe if you get lucky, a wolf zombie. But that seems really far-fetched.
posted by pazazygeek at 8:10 AM on May 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Blatcher: Well, it could be a science experiment.

True, but I think you need to set the scene better because it time is a factor. If the biting occurs after a full moon, i.e. it'll be 30 days before the werewolf effect happens, does that impact the biology? What happens in the meantime, is the zombie aching for brains, then blood because of the vampire effect kicking in?

Also, there's no set canon with the various beings (I think), so you need to set up what your beings can do. For instance, are the zombies the slow shuffling type or the fast moving monsters of modern movies?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:13 AM on May 19, 2011


I'm pretty sure in the Blade universe, the vampirism infection begins immediately after the bite. (That doctor chick did come up with a cure, but presumably this question precludes any kind of intervention of that sort.)
posted by Gator at 8:14 AM on May 19, 2011


Is it technically possible that they bite at exactly the same time? There should always be some misalignment because one has the sharper teeth and so on, even if they'd go on countdown. I mean, let's keep it realistic. Otherwise, I guess you'd get a fanged, furry undead.

Oh. On preview. Do Frankenstein parts qualify for a unified reaction to the bites? Otherwise you'll end up with conflicting bits of were-pire-mby-kenstein, like, a were arm, a vamp foot and a zombie jaw, depending on where it gets bitten. In this case, I suppose that self-destruction of your target will be the second and final chapter of your tale.
posted by Namlit at 8:14 AM on May 19, 2011


Many previous comments assume the zombie will win because zombiefication occurs in a few days, whereas it takes until the next full moon for the werewolf transformation to take place. But what if the bites were on the day before a full moon?
posted by estlin at 8:15 AM on May 19, 2011


Or rather, the night before a night with a full moon?
posted by estlin at 8:16 AM on May 19, 2011


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